OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[Fishbone†]

This thread is too funny. I'm at my desk giggling.

Growing up my older brother had a particularly noisy and odoriferous backside. He found it very entertaining to "bless" his car-captive family with his "fragrant" touch on numerous road trips. My little brother (only about two or three at the time) had developed a routine of gagging each time this would happen. So...... we're at church one Sunday morning, and an older lady in front of us sneaks one of those SBD (Silent But Deadly) types out. Let me tell you, this was that highly-dense, remarkable hang-time, sulpheric (eggs and beer) doozies. My older brothers are junior high aged, and trying their best to keep in control. You can see them wiggling, looking down, reading the hymnal.... anything to redirect their attention. Noses are crinkling..... eyes are watering..... grown adults are turning green. My little brother's timing is impeccable...... just in that moment of silence, as everyone bows to pray, he breaks into his gagging routine. The entire pew lost it..... as did two pews behind, and three pews ahead. There was no control.... for adult, teen or pre-teen.

 

[luvflorida]

I must go and pick up daughter from school and run some errands. I will be checking back on this thread and I will be disappointed if I don't see more stories!!

Don't let me down!!

 

[Honeibee]

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying! OMG!

 

[RadioFanatic]

I'll tell on myself here - but don't tell anyone! Back in the "honeymoon" period of dating my bf (dh now) we went out to eat at Red Lobster. When we returned to my house, my bf went to the bathroom. At that moment I realized I needed to relieve myself and did so - it smelled SOOOO bad I could smell it and realize how horrible it was. I was mortified b/c I had only dated him a few times and really liked him. So what did I do? I sprayed the air with my perfume to mask the smell. So dh2b comes back, crinkles his nose and said "what is that god awful smell? did your perfume go bad?" so at that point, I died laughing of embarrassment and told the truth.

To this day, 10 years later, he still talks of what he likes to call my "Red Lobster f*$#". And we haven't been back to RL since.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Ok, another otherwise dignified woman who finds farts hysterical. Dh often says he married a 12 year old boy and he finds that far too disturbing on so many levels. Dh is kind enough that when I just can't control myself in public he actually takes the blame!! God I love that man! There is a legend in my family. As my mother and I were shopping one day we came upon an aisle in which there were 2 little old ladies. One went around the corner, farted a horribly stinky fart (and by the way loud but I guess it's kinda like a tree in the woods). She then called over to her friend in the next aisle "Don't come over here Mary!!" Mary didn't and neither did we. Now whenever I have to let loose in public I go around the corner, come back and tell DSis not to go over there.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

A couple of weeks ago, exbf and I were just lounging around on my bed. He was on his stomach, I was on my back. He told me that he had to fart really badly, but it just wasn't happening (who says that?!?!?!?!). Anyway, after awhile I forgot about it. I playfully slapped his butt and that's when he let it rip. With a completely straight face and normal tone of voice, he said, "You must have shook it loose." I almost died.

 

[HayGan]

My little one (3) the other day "tooted" and right after he did he says "ooops, my bum burped" DH and I just looked at each other then

 

[mamaprincess]

I'll hereby refer to this odeous thread as "The Fart Thread".

 

[mamaprincess]

Appropriate, dontcha think?

 

[cra-z-4-dizney]

After almost peeing myself literally, i am posting so I can subscribe to this thread.

My DD5 was downstairs on the potty and she came running up asking me if I was OK. She said, "Mommy why are you crying??" then I laughed even hardeer...

 

[cra-z-4-dizney]

I'll hereby refer to this odeous thread as "The Fart Thread".

PLease do, that would be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny!!!!

 

[RickinNYC]

Oh my God! That was hysterical!

You are now my hero! I can only imagine the Onstar operator!

 

[laurie31]

Fessing up as another person who finds this all hilarious. I'm literally laughing out loud!

DH and I do try to teach some manners to the girls, however, and they know not to pass gas in public, and what to say if it happens accidentally - or I thought they did.

The other night, DD2 passed gas at the dinner table (a no-no) and DH and I both looked at her disapprovingly and waited for an "excuse me" and when none was forthcoming I prompted her with the dreaded, "What do you say?" and she replied, "AHHH! That felt good!"

We tried really hard not to, but we both busted out laughing. The trouble was, that's usually what DH really says!


Now if you want another funny story about a different bodily noise...back when DH and I were dating, I took him home to meet my parents. We were spending the night there and my Dad and future DH went out to the car to get the bags. When I thought they were out the door I burped the loudest burp ever. I had been holding back awhile and could do so no longer. I didn't know it would be THAT loud! Well, it turns out the door was still open and they heard! I was mortified! DH still teases me about the "Burp of '91"

Laurie, fearing the tag fairy will find this thread

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Oh my God! That was hysterical!

You are now my hero! I can only imagine the Onstar operator!

See Rick, that's the thing. I would understand if a real-live person hung up on me...BUT IT WAS A COMPUTER!

 

[Rowena]

Okay, I'll my own story of embarrassment.

I had a touch of food poisoning, and had retired to the bathroom to "clear the pipes".

Just as I had a very loud emission, that was oderiferous enough to peel paint off the walls, the cat had nosed in to see what all the commotion was...the poor kitty gave me look something like and RAN.

Couple of minutes later, my DS was asking me through the bathroom door why the poor cat was hiding in the basement, and gagging...

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Okay, I'll my own story of embarrassment.

I had a touch of food poisoning, and had retired to the bathroom to "clear the pipes".

Just as I had a very loud emission, that was oderiferous enough to peel paint off the walls, the cat had nosed in to see what all the commotion was...the poor kitty gave me look something like and RAN.

Couple of minutes later, my DS was asking me through the bathroom door why the poor cat was hiding in the basement, and gagging...

OK, I have been gasping for air all afternoon, but I think we have a clear winner here!

 

[Breezy_Carol]

The other night, DD2 passed gas at the dinner table (a no-no) and DH and I both looked at her disapprovingly and waited for an "excuse me" and when none was forthcoming I prompted her with the dreaded, "What do you say?" and she replied, "AHHH! That felt good!"

I just about got myself under control when I read this. NOw I am laughing with tears running down my face again. Good thing I am home alone.

This is hilarious.

 

[HayGan]

Laurie, fearing the tag fairy will find this thread

That would be a very bad thing

 

[LynnTH]

This thread is so funny. I can't stop laughing. My husband is also known for letting it fly and of course the kids just think it is so funny. A few weeks ago I was with my DD4 and a bunch of aunts and cousins. We were going through all the kids nicknames and mine and my one cousin asked my DD what her Dad's nickname was. Without missing a beat she said "toot a lot" cuz he toots all the time. We were all laughing so hard we were crying. Then had to go home and tell hubby what she told everyone. It was great.

 

[airhead]

TOO FREEKIN' FUNNY!!!

When I was in my 20's my friend and I were big into weight lifting. We actually considered body building but that's a whole different story. Anyway,we went to a party and Trish got really hammered. I look over at the group she was talkin' to and hear her say to some guy,"I could lift you,no problem", and she proceeds to lift him,and lets the biggest fart rip!!!! She was so embarrassed she went off and cried! I stilll laugh when I think of it.
She still hates when I remind her of it!!!!!