OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[HollyTyler]

I've had it happen way too often

Oh no!!! That's a true nightmare!

 

[HollyTyler]

It's been a whole day....I need some more gas! Come on, somebody fill 'er up!

 

[remyandhollandsmommy]

LOL, this thread is too funny! Mine aren't as good as ya'lls but I'll share a little piece of how my life goes..

I almost didn't marry my DH, let alone date him. Before we were dating in high school DH and two of his friends stuffed me and my best friend in a hall closet at a party and while holding the door, made it a contest to see who could let out the foulest, most stinky farts right outside the door! It smelled so horrid I thought we were going to pass out and die! Worse was when they opened the door and we fell out gagging on the floor in front of all our friends! It took him months to get me to date him after that! Boys have weird mating rituals!

Now DH knows how I always feel..
DH just left for a month long TDY in NJ. He decided to take our car and travel with one of his friends. While he was on the road there he calls me on his cell and with no greeting whatever says, "You know how you hate it when I fart and always inform me that we don't have that kind of marriage? Well, Mondo, who BTW apparently forgot to inform me that he's lactose intolorent, just surpassed all my farts and needs to be made aware that we don't have that kind of friendship! Here he is." Then he put this guy on the phone! I had to explain to him that while DH values his friendship and has no problem going to war with him, he would prefer all milk induced bodily functions to remain seperate in the relationship. Then DH got back on the line, said thank you and hung up! I about died laughing..karmas a witch!

And to show its all in the genes..
We have these wooden chairs at the dining room table. At dinner tonight Remy let one loose and it made a LOUD SCARY sound (I heard it in the other room where I was on the computer). Holly started screaming and crying, ran into the office and started telling me there was a monster under the table. The kid was totally freaked out and I was laughing so hard I couldn't explain it to her.

 

[HollyTyler]

LOL, this thread is too funny! Mine aren't as good as ya'lls but I'll share a little piece of how my life goes..

I almost didn't marry my DH, let alone date him. Before we were dating in high school DH and two of his friends stuffed me and my best friend in a hall closet at a party and while holding the door, made it a contest to see who could let out the foulest, most stinky farts right outside the door! It smelled so horrid I thought we were going to pass out and die! Worse was when they opened the door and we fell out gagging on the floor in front of all our friends! It took him months to get me to date him after that! Boys have weird mating rituals!

Now DH knows how I always feel..
DH just left for a month long TDY in NJ. He decided to take our car and travel with one of his friends. While he was on the road there he calls me on his cell and with no greeting whatever says, "You know how you hate it when I fart and always inform me that we don't have that kind of marriage? Well, Mondo, who BTW apparently forgot to inform me that he's lactose intolorent, just surpassed all my farts and needs to be made aware that we don't have that kind of friendship! Here he is." Then he put this guy on the phone! I had to explain to him that while DH values his friendship and has no problem going to war with him, he would prefer all milk induced bodily functions to remain seperate in the relationship. Then DH got back on the line, said thank you and hung up! I about died laughing..karmas a witch!

And to show its all in the genes..
We have these wooden chairs at the dining room table. At dinner tonight Remy let one loose and it made a LOUD SCARY sound (I heard it in the other room where I was on the computer). Holly started screaming and crying, ran into the office and started telling me there was a monster under the table. The kid was totally freaked out and I was laughing so hard I couldn't explain it to her.

 

[remyandhollandsmommy]

I was just on the phone with one of my cousins (STILL not sure why he called and woke me up!) and was telling him about this thread (sad that my life has become so boring a fart thread is interesting LOL). He reminded me of another story though.

When we still lived in FL we had a tradition of all my cousins and me going to Hal'ween Horror Nights at Universal. Well, one year as we were walking in one of the foggy areas a guy with a big fake knife ran up to us. My cousin Easy pulled my other cousin Sara in front of him as a shield. Since she and I had been talking while walking it startled her and she let loose a LOUD fart. The guy with the knife slid to a stop, acted out a death scene and took off! The rest of the night every time we saw another actor coming at us, Easy would grab Sara and threaten them with her "death farts". Poor Sara was mortified LOL!

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

My 12 year old and were in the Magic Kingdom Saturday. We went on Stitch's Great Escape. About 2 minutes into the part where you're strapped down, my son let one rip. While I was in the process of shooting him an evil death glare, I heard the lady behind us say, "Ewwww is that the chili dog burp that Glenda was talking about?" I burst out laughing, but try to pass it off as the burp, until my son LOUDLY says, "Nope, that's the turkey leg fart." I could have killed him. I wish I could be there when that lady tells her friend Glenda about how much worse the turkey leg fart is than the chili dog burp.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

We have these wooden chairs at the dining room table. At dinner tonight Remy let one loose and it made a LOUD SCARY sound (I heard it in the other room where I was on the computer). Holly started screaming and crying, ran into the office and started telling me there was a monster under the table. The kid was totally freaked out and I was laughing so hard I couldn't explain it to her.

Reminds me of my ex and his story about how he farted in church. On an uncushioned wooden pew (no pun intended). During a lull in the sermon. He said it echoed and everyone silently moved away from him. Even his mother acted like she didn't know him.

To this day, one of his favourite sayings is "That will go over as well as a fart in church."

 

[Narnian_Princess]

My 12 year old and were in the Magic Kingdom Saturday. We went on Stitch's Great Escape. About 2 minutes into the part where you're strapped down, my son let one rip. While I was in the process of shooting him an evil death glare, I heard the lady behind us say, "Ewwww is that the chili dog burp that Glenda was talking about?" I burst out laughing, but try to pass it off as the burp, until my son LOUDLY says, "Nope, that's the turkey leg fart." I could have killed him. I wish I could be there when that lady tells her friend Glenda about how much worse the turkey leg fart is than the chili dog burp.

OMG! I have read some funny stories on this thread and others but this one really got to me! I have tears in my eyes...

 

[mommiepoppins]

I told all my friends about this thread

 

[arminnie]

I live in a fairly large house that is one long ranch. The kitchen/den is all the way at the other end of the house from where my computer is.

I was reading this thread when I noticed a horrible stench - did we just get smellovision on the DIS? My dog has been gone for six months, and I was alone in this room so what was this smell?

I thought "My gosh my dad must have died and is rotting at the other end of the house." No seriously, I could not imagine that smell traveling all of the way to my den.

He was cooking TURNIPS!

 

[TheDisneyBunch]

OMG THIS is a funny thread! Love it!!

I have a funny one to share too!

While in Target several months ago I was pushing my 4 year old in the cart and hubby went down and isle to look at something. Me being very pregnant and tired I just waited with the cart at the front of the isle. Well as I am leaning over the buggy talking to ds I hear this REALLY loud rumble! I slowly look up and around and then down the isle at dh who still has a leg up in the air. I look at ds who is laughing hysterically and then he screams loudly down the isle to dh "daddy, you poot?". Well smarty pants dh yells loudly back, "no, daddy did not, that was mommy!" and so then ds looks at me and even though I am standing there with him he yells to me.. "MOMMY YOU POOTED BIG"!!! I about fell out. You should have seen all the people around us laughing and giggling!




another one where ds was acting up..

Bad mommy that I am I let him see Click. You know the scene where he pauses time and farts in the guys face?? Well ds thought that was the funniest thing ever and has proceeded to do this to people randomly! While at the grocery store an older man says hi to him and he says hey back then turns his butt around, sticks it to the mans leg and lets one rip!!! I thought I would die! LUCKILY the man got a kick out of it and was not mad but lord I could not get over him doing that.

Just call my child fart obsessed!!

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

OMG, one is funnier then the next. I'm laughing so hard that it hurts. The dog just came to make sure I was okay. This is what I needed to start the day!!

 

[HollyTyler]

What's more embarrassing than some of these fart stories? Finding out a co-worker is reading this thread and will soon know some of my fart stories! Jan, look out! There might be a can of fart spray hidden in my desk!

 

[goofygirl]

Hehe, Ohmigosh, I laughed so hard!!

Well, here's my fart story. When I was younger, my best friend and I would have these fart contests to see who could fart the most. I farted like 30 something times and she farted like twenty something times. Well, we did a report together at school the week after, and she tells the class that I farted 30-something times in a farting contest..

I'm a really shy person to begin with, and I seriously almost bursted into tears.. Dang, yeah. That was embarassing.

Uh, how do you prep for that? Eat a lot of beans?

 

[HollyTyler]

Uh, how do you prep for that? Eat a lot of beans?

Gonna try it? Hey! Sounds like a challenge for us fart thread fans!

 

[JanDave]

You know something? We have our own fart machine in my office. An elderly gentleman at work quite often sneaks them out when he thinks nobody's in his office. It's hard to keep the giggles inside whenever I walk in on him in action! I know it's probably harder for him to control since he's older, so I'm truly NOT making fun of him...it just gives me the giggles! And when I'm that age and can't control it, I'll probably give myself the giggles!

Holly!!! I never knew that about him!!! I'll be checking (smelling) for this the next time I'm in his office!!!!

Too funny!!!

Jan

 

[JanDave]

What's more embarrassing than some of these fart stories? Finding out a co-worker is reading this thread and will soon know some of my fart stories! Jan, look out! There might be a can of fart spray hidden in my desk!

Holly!!! Get that can out and use it!!!!! You know how we start laughing at work and can't stop..... I'll need to run across the hall once I hear the fart spray in use!!!

Jan

 

[HollyTyler]

Holly!!! I never knew that about him!!! I'll be checking (smelling) for this the next time I'm in his office!!!!

Too funny!!!

Jan

Oops! I completely forgot about posting that one! Well, I hear him do it ALL the time! I always have to hold in my giggles!

 

[HollyTyler]

Holly!!! Get that can out and use it!!!!! You know how we start laughing at work and can't stop..... I'll need to run across the hall once I hear the fart spray in use!!!

Jan

Jan, I'm cracking up imagining what a fun day that would be! Tyler hears me laughing from his bed and yelled, "Mom, what's funny?!"

 

[HollyTyler]

Just saw a commercial for Gas-X that's fitting for this thread! A woman doing a presentation at a business meeting says, "Sales are flatulent. I've been silent but deadly about this...." Maybe I'm just really tired, but I found that hilarious! Of course, it doesn't take much to make me laugh at 1:30am!!!! OR I could just be slap-happy from conversations going on in the meet thread for the May '08 repo cruise where we got on the topic of Spanx, pretty panties, and limp bananas! But that's a whole other topic that you'd have to see for yourself to believe!