OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[Linnie The Pooh]

Thought of a few more that never fail to make me laugh.

DH was coming home on a plane several months ago and cut one. He said the guy behind him was so mad, he yells out, "Somebody (bleeped)!!!!!" (the word starts with an s, you can imagine...) The lady with him accuses him and the man, for the rest of the flight, catches heck b/c she was sure that it was him that did it and he's defending himself the whole time when it was actually DH sitting in front of them who'd eaten too much garlic.

Dh and I were older when we went to college -in our mid 20's. One day on campus, DH had just boarded an empty elevator and since it was empty, let one go. He said it was the most horrible thing he'd ever smelled and of course the elevator stops at the next floor and this group of young college kids (about 5 of them) gets on. He's the only guy in the elevator so they all knew what happened and who did it. He said he was so embarrassed. Here's this older student who'd just farted surrounded by these "cool" college kids all shooting him dirty looks and whispering to each other.

Several years ago, DH was working out with a trainer at the gym and they were working on an ab crunching machine. I had made tacos the night before and DH said he was holding it through the whole workout, but when they did abs, he was a goner. He did one crunch and cleared the area with the horrible sound and smell that came from his body! His trainer took off running.

 

[Kay7979]

I have only read three pages so far and my face hurts from laughing. I'll have to finish the other nine hundred pages later.

Years ago I worked as a nurse's aide. I was accompanying a little old lady using a walker down the hall when she let a huge fart rip. It didn't bother her in the slightest, she just kept walking and said in a bright, cheerful voice,

"OOPS! I'm jet propelled!"

Ever since that day I use that term at appropriate moments!

 

[HollyTyler]

I have only read three pages so far and my face hurts from laughing. I'll have to finish the other nine hundred pages later.

Years ago I worked as a nurse's aide. I was accompanying a little old lady using a walker down the hall when she let a huge fart rip. It didn't bother her in the slightest, she just kept walking and said in a bright, cheerful voice,

"OOPS! I'm jet propelled!"

Ever since that day I use that term at appropriate moments!

Jet propelled! That's definitely one I've never heard before! TOO FUNNY!

 

[mommiepoppins]

a guy from my church is always passing gas and laughing about it. I told him about the farting santa. He had to rush out of church he said to his girl frien" we got to go get it noe.That is a popular item and people will all want it"

 

[mommiepoppins]

one more story about the farting church guy..He makes farts every where he told me that he was at podarosa with his girlfriend and his girlfriend mother and he had to fart. He farted and then her mom farted so loud he said" I can not top that' How can I even compete with that

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Why is it that fart humor can make me laugh until I cry and my stomach hurts from laughing. I am so glad I found this thread. My DD7 is looking at me like I'm crazy but is laughing at me laughing.

And of course I'll share some stories .......
My DH and I were just beginning to date. He picked me up from the train one day and I asked him to stop at the grocery store. I had to fart so bad but held it in. When he was putting the groceries in the car I decided I could do it quietly since I had on a nice long wool coat. Nope! I made a sound like a diesel truck when they are slowing down (I'm sure there's a term for it). He spins around thinking there's a truck in the parking lot. Then he turns back and said "I swear I just heard a diesel truck." I'm trying to act all innocent but I couldn't keep my laughing in. Since then he's called me diesel when he wants to annoy me!

And just so you don't all think the DH is an innocent bystander, I remember waking in the middle of the night to this awful smell. My first thought was that the dog had pooped in the bedroom. I was so tired I thought that if I just pulled the covers over my head I could clean it in the morning. I pulled the covers over my head and thought "how did the dog poop in the bed?" It took me a minute to realize that my DH's farts were so smelly they woke me up.

 

[HollyTyler]

Now that's one potent fart that can wake you up!

 

[mommiepoppins]

lol This is so rude yet so funny:confused

 

[mommiepoppins]

I tell this story all the time. I had just brought my new baby home from the hospitial. I placed her on the couch and then I heard this loud sound It sounded like a balloon letting all the air out of it . I looke down at my dear baby and she did a breast feeding baby poop/ fart . I thought she litterly was going to take off and fly around the room.

 

[puggymom]

Gotta love a good fart story

A few years ago some co-workers gave me a remote controlled fart machine for my b-day. They hid it in the cushion of my chair. When another worker from the next department came by they hit the remote, I'm sitting there thinking it's him. After a few of these farts I am getting a bit annoyed thinking why doesn't he leave and go to the men's room. Finally I start squirming in my chair and feel the fart machine in the cushion. I laughed so hard I leaned back in my chair and nearly knocked myself unconcious when I hit my head on the filing cabinet.

Oh the fun I had with that machine

 

[JennyMominRI]

I just about got myself under control when I read this. NOw I am laughing with tears running down my face again. Good thing I am home alone.

This is hilarious.

Does anyone else find it funny that *Breezy Carol* is posting in the Fart Thread?

 

[MerryPoppins]

This thread is a riot! I'm sure I can add a story or two.

The other day I was in the grocery with DD 15. While we were in the fresh foods section, DD moved our cart and it shocked her (and it was the loud popping kind of shock). At the exact same moment an older fellow next to me cut loose with a loud one. DD didn't even hear it. She was too preoccupied with the shock she recieved. But she says in a loud voice, "Mom, did you hear that?" I quietly shook my head and motioned for her to move on, but she didn't get it. "Oh Mom, you couldn't have missed that, it was soooooo LOUD!" The man now turns around and glares at DD not realizing that she isn't even talking about him. "Mom, it was incredible! I really can't believe you didn't hear it!" I finally steered her around the corner and hissed that the old fellow had farted. DD almost died and said, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Here in Oklahoma they have a festival each year called the Watonga Cheese Festival. Our local tv station had a sort of clueless guy who did the weather a few years ago. One day on the live noon news, he announced that one of the anchors was going to be the Grand Marshal of the parade. Then he said, "I guess that means he's gonna be the first to cut the cheese at the Watonga Cheese Festival!" You then heard a shriek of laughter before they quickly cut to commercial. When they came back he was blushing and saying he'd NEVER heard it called that before. It wasy so funny!

When I was little we helped my aunt and my three children move after my uncle passed away. We were packed tightly into our car. I was riding up front between my parents and I needed to sneak one out. Finally, I eased it out and hoped no one would notice. As luck would have it, as everyone started to complain and gag, someone said they thought we were passing a feed lot. Sure enough there were tons of cows. Later, I told my mother it hadn't been the cows and she blabbed to everyone. So my cousins all gave me the nickname Elsie. I was horrified!

When DH and I had just been dating a short time, we ran by his dorm room for him to change his shoes. (I can't remember why.) Anyway, he bent over to pick up his tennis shoes and one slipped out. He froze and just stayed there with his rear in the air. I tried to keep from laughing, but after a few seconds the shock wore off and I started giggling. That really broke the ice. Our relationship was never the same.

 

[HollyTyler]

This thread is a riot! I'm sure I can add a story or two.

The other day I was in the grocery with DD 15. While we were in the fresh foods section, DD moved our cart and it shocked her (and it was the loud popping kind of shock). At the exact same moment an older fellow next to me cut loose with a loud one. DD didn't even hear it. She was too preoccupied with the shock she recieved. But she says in a loud voice, "Mom, did you hear that?" I quietly shook my head and motioned for her to move on, but she didn't get it. "Oh Mom, you couldn't have missed that, it was soooooo LOUD!" The man now turns around and glares at DD not realizing that she isn't even talking about him. "Mom, it was incredible! I really can't believe you didn't hear it!" I finally steered her around the corner and hissed that the old fellow had farted. DD almost died and said, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Here in Oklahoma they have a festival each year called the Watonga Cheese Festival. Our local tv station had a sort of clueless guy who did the weather a few years ago. One day on the live noon news, he announced that one of the anchors was going to be the Grand Marshal of the parade. Then he said, "I guess that means he's gonna be the first to cut the cheese at the Watonga Cheese Festival!" You then heard a shriek of laughter before they quickly cut to commercial. When they came back he was blushing and saying he'd NEVER heard it called that before. It wasy so funny!

When I was little we helped my aunt and my three children move after my uncle passed away. We were packed tightly into our car. I was riding up front between my parents and I needed to sneak one out. Finally, I eased it out and hoped no one would notice. As luck would have it, as everyone started to complain and gag, someone said they thought we were passing a feed lot. Sure enough there were tons of cows. Later, I told my mother it hadn't been the cows and she blabbed to everyone. So my cousins all gave me the nickname Elsie. I was horrified!

When DH and I had just been dating a short time, we ran by his dorm room for him to change his shoes. (I can't remember why.) Anyway, he bent over to pick up his tennis shoes and one slipped out. He froze and just stayed there with his rear in the air. I tried to keep from laughing, but after a few seconds the shock wore off and I started giggling. That really broke the ice. Our relationship was never the same.

Great ones, "Elsie"!

 

[HollyTyler]

Does anyone else find it funny that *Breezy Carol* is posting in the Fart Thread?

Could be worse....could be "Windy Wendy"! Foul winds are coming! Don't take offense Breezy Carol. Just having fun in spirit of the wonderful fart thread!

 

[HollyTyler]

I tell this story all the time. I had just brought my new baby home from the hospitial. I placed her on the couch and then I heard this loud sound It sounded like a balloon letting all the air out of it . I looke down at my dear baby and she did a breast feeding baby poop/ fart . I thought she litterly was going to take off and fly around the room.

To borrow a term from a previous post, you had a "jet-propelled" baby!

 

[HollyTyler]

Gotta love a good fart story

A few years ago some co-workers gave me a remote controlled fart machine for my b-day. They hid it in the cushion of my chair. When another worker from the next department came by they hit the remote, I'm sitting there thinking it's him. After a few of these farts I am getting a bit annoyed thinking why doesn't he leave and go to the men's room. Finally I start squirming in my chair and feel the fart machine in the cushion. I laughed so hard I leaned back in my chair and nearly knocked myself unconcious when I hit my head on the filing cabinet.

Oh the fun I had with that machine

You know something? We have our own fart machine in my office. An elderly gentleman at work quite often sneaks them out when he thinks nobody's in his office. It's hard to keep the giggles inside whenever I walk in on him in action! I know it's probably harder for him to control since he's older, so I'm truly NOT making fun of him...it just gives me the giggles! And when I'm that age and can't control it, I'll probably give myself the giggles!

 

[sPaRkLeSpAz]

Hehe, Ohmigosh, I laughed so hard!!

Well, here's my fart story. When I was younger, my best friend and I would have these fart contests to see who could fart the most. I farted like 30 something times and she farted like twenty something times. Well, we did a report together at school the week after, and she tells the class that I farted 30-something times in a farting contest..

I'm a really shy person to begin with, and I seriously almost bursted into tears.. Dang, yeah. That was embarassing.

 

[HollyTyler]

Hehe, Ohmigosh, I laughed so hard!!

Well, here's my fart story. When I was younger, my best friend and I would have these fart contests to see who could fart the most. I farted like 30 something times and she farted like twenty something times. Well, we did a report together at school the week after, and she tells the class that I farted 30-something times in a farting contest..

I'm a really shy person to begin with, and I seriously almost bursted into tears.. Dang, yeah. That was embarassing.

I remember having many belching contests with my friends when I was younger, but was never talented enough for a farting contest! Too funny!

 

[babytrees]

Now that's one potent fart that can wake you up!

I've had it happen way too often

 

[babytrees]

Hehe, Ohmigosh, I laughed so hard!!

Well, here's my fart story. When I was younger, my best friend and I would have these fart contests to see who could fart the most. I farted like 30 something times and she farted like twenty something times. Well, we did a report together at school the week after, and she tells the class that I farted 30-something times in a farting contest..

I'm a really shy person to begin with, and I seriously almost bursted into tears.. Dang, yeah. That was embarassing.

Congrats on winning!!!