OK, let's all fight about what's wrong with kids today.

[Tigger&Belle]

I should be biting my tongue...knowing my luck this one due in a few weeks will turn out hyper, unruly, and will hate veggies!

Yes, be careful what you say until you're done having children.

BTW, my son who was so much trouble is the best eater of my 4 kids--loves most every type of cuisine...Chinese, Mexican, Indian, Moraccan, etc. Pretty much everything except for pizza.

 

[Marseeya]

In the other thread, what I had a real problem with is the generalization of "if the child misbehaves, the parent's sleeping on the job." I'm sorry, but that's just not always the case! In that thread, the whole situation was a recipe for disaster. #1, playing kickball inside where there are breakables. DUH. Didja ever consider that maybe something might get, uh, broken??? #2, problem child is left outside with no supervision to play kickball but has to rely on his own judgement not to, DUH, kick said ball. Oh, and let's not forget #3. Kickball game going on near parked cars!

Yeah, let's string up that kid and his mother.

Many of you know the struggles I have with my son. Nine times out of ten I side with the school, but there comes a point when the complaints are just completely ridiculous and should be handled within the classroom. When the majority of DS's teachers aren't having any problems with him, but there's one authoritarian control freak who is, do you think I'm going to jump every time that teacher comes whining to me that DS had his head on his desk, or DS won't bring a pencil to class, or DS this, or DS that? Benjamin Franklin said "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Try something different. Isn't that what the teacher should do FIRST, before calling the parent?

It's sad that I'm being judged so harshly as a parent because my son has mental issues. If I'm so bad, then how is it that I'm raising another child who is an absolute delight no matter where she is? Oh wait. Could it be that perhaps, maybe, there's a possibility that kids just have different temperaments and the parent may not be at "fault" afterall?

 

[crazymomof4]

I should be biting my tongue...knowing my luck this one due in a few weeks will turn out hyper, unruly, and will hate veggies!

Nah, don't worry. Once the first one is well-behaved the others tend to follow suit. The firstborn is like the locomotive of a train.

Sure they each have their own personalities and some are just born rascals (I have 2!). But when parents are commited to certain standards even the "rascals" can be guided and curbed to abide by these standards. It just takes a little more time and effort than it does with the more mild kids.

 

[irish21]

I have worked with many kids and sadly the majority feel that they are entitled to everything they desire. They do not earn anything. They do not appreciate the things that they get. I feel that it has a lot to do with both parents working. I think there are guilt issues about the kids being in daycare situations. Then, the parents try to make up for the time spent away by giving the children "things" instead of just spending time with them. If they were to take them to a restaurant and expect them to behave, it would happen. It seems that too many parents don't even expect, let alone demand, good behavior from their kids. It's very sad. So many of the kids who act out, just want an adult to give them some time and attention. Some of them would talk forever, if given the chance. They feel that their parents are "too busy" to talk to them. So, of course they are too busy to discipline them too. Some are too busy to get to know their kids. What is this saying to the kids?? Many of them feel that no one cares about them. Reading these posts, it looks like they're right. If their parents really cared, they wouldn't be letting them behave this way. They also would be providing them with a better example themselves.

I am not talking about the kids who really have issues that affect their behavior.

 

[MrsKreamer]

Yes, be careful what you say until you're done having children.

BTW, my son who was so much trouble is the best eater of my 4 kids--loves most every type of cuisine...Chinese, Mexican, Indian, Moraccan, etc. Pretty much everything except for pizza.

lol, Kurt jr didn't like chicken nuggets up until a few weeks ago! He still won't eat but one or two of them!

 

[Quinn222]

Adhd has been mentioned in this thread. My DD 6 has Adhd, and dining out with her before the age of 4 was basically impossible. So, we just didn't go out to eat.

And that is, of course, the perfect thing to do. It's the ones who inflict running, screaming, throwing kids on everyone else in a restaurant and then expect us to put up with it because he/she has ADHD who are a problem. If your child really does have ADHD why torture them by taking them to a place where they must behave? Or alternately, why take a child who cannot behave to a place where it should reasonably be expected of them?

 

[auntpolly]

I'm pleasantly surprised that I wasn't tarred and feathered after my first post -- I guess I'm not alone.

One thing is for sure, and this is not "an old person's memory" -- children did not behave that way in restaurants when I was a little kid -- no--sir --ee-- bob!

I don't know why and I don't care why -- it was better that way.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

When I was growing up we rarely ate out, so we most certainly act that way. It was a treat to eat out, not just anther meal.

 

[Teejay32]

I always say I was blessed with easy kids. I believe that. I don't think there's anything you could have done to my oldest to make her run around in a restaurant. She's just quiet, and plus she's there for the food.

My younger one fidgets. We bring something for her to do and she's fine. (She's there for dessert.)

My nephew used to fidget, squirm, bounce, sing, kick his feet, play with the condiments, shred napkins, slide under the table, mix his drink with others into a fizzy mess, whine, complain, make inappropriate comments about other diners, and get up to go to the restroom about 5 times. (Out of habit we'd grab his silverware right away.) He'd have five french fries and get distracted. Two spoonfuls of a sundae and he'd get distracted. He'd play his game boy for 5 minutes and get distracted.

I'd be "parenting" all of them, and they'd all be sitting down at the table, but the fact is that two were calm, and the third was off the wall. Every time. And I'd be exhausted - not him. There are reasons for this. This particular kid didn't need medication for hyperactivity, he needed more outlets for all his energy than he was getting...yet he's spending most of his time in places where he's expected to sit down, be quiet and behave himself. We started going out to eat after going to the park or something, and you'd swear it was a different kid.

There was another obvious difference. My DDs are morning people. The morning is the busiest and best part of their day. Nephew and I are like slugs until noon, then we start waking up. By dinnertime we're festive. This is a good time to go out to eat, for me, but as a kid he's better off going out for breakfast instead.

So my heart is with the difficult kids who just can't sit still. (And with their parents.) I don't think parents should give up immediately and hide them from the rest of society. But I don't have any sympathy for the kind of parents in the OP, either.

 

[poohandwendy]

When I was growing up we rarely ate out, so we most certainly act that way. It was a treat to eat out, not just anther meal.

Me too, I was one of 5 kids...eating out was a BIG treat. We didn't DARE misbehave. All it took was 'the look' from mom or dad and we knew to settle down immediately. I inherited the 'look' and it worked with my kids too.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Me too, I was one of 5 kids...eating out was a BIG treat. We didn't DARE misbehave. All it took was 'the look' from mom or dad and we knew to settle down immediately. I inherited the 'look' and it worked with my kids too.

Took years for "the look" to work on Jake. It does now and has for about a year or so, but I swear, that kid gave me his own look back. Didn't go over real well with me... My older 3 kids understood the look at least.

I was also one of 5, BTW (I'm "the baby").

 

[rie'smom]

Children should behave in restaurants upscale or not. If kids are taken to restaurants,parents should remember that kids get tired @ the end of the day and will tend to cut up more when they are tired.
Parents do need to step up to the plate when it comes to discipline, however,not all children are easily disciplined. If each of your kids are perfectly behaved,get down on your knees and thank God. I have 3 children. Oldest son is 30-he was a cutup as a child and we avoided restaurants for a time. Now, he's a very responsible attorney-no unkind remarks about his profession or I will send a voodoo gris gris to you. Second son is 22 and was so good as a child that I knew there had to be something wrong with him. There wasn't he was just good. As a teenager,he nearly drove us out of our minds-oppostional defiant-go figure. He's fine again. Our daughter is 12 and so far so good. My point is kids can be raised in a home full of love and still each is a unique individual.
Parents can be wonderful and kids can still go bad. Be careful about judging the way others parent their children. It's a bit like the women who swear their husbands will never stray only to be made to eat their words. Some of you posting about this may end up with less than perfect kids who break your heart. I hope not.

 

[dixipixi]

I can't get over the parents that don't even have the good sense to at least ACT embarassed!!!

We have a couple of unruly children in our family. DH and I were at a buffet restaurant with them and the parents just let keep going back. They wasted a lot of food. Each one of them filled up about 6 plates and only ate about 1/2 plate total. DH said something to them about wasting and their mom (his sis) didn't speak to him for a few days after that.

Our kids have not always been perfect, but they don't waste food, crawl under the table, or bother other patrons in restaurants. Over the last few years, we've noticed that we get more and more compliments on them from other customers.

About 9 weeks ago, MIL and I were in a local Chilis. We were seated at a booth and the people behind us had a toddler (18-24 mos). They let her stand up, throw food over into our booth, pull MIL's hair, and finally smear some part of their dinner into MIL's hair. They just laughed and said, "She doesn't meet a stranger!" We were shocked. We used to eat there at least once every 2 weeks or so. We haven't been back since.

 

[poohandwendy]

I was also one of 5, BTW (I'm "the baby").

Oh, your one of 'them'...jk

I am the middle child, also known as the 'mediator/peacekeeper'...the bossy one. Big shocker there, eh?

My brother is not only the only boy, but also the baby...we call him the 'One with the Golden ***** who can do no wrong" (I am sure that word will be filtered, male body part)

 

[MrsKreamer]

So my heart is with the difficult kids who just can't sit still. (And with their parents.) I don't think parents should give up immediately and hide them from the rest of society. But I don't have any sympathy for the kind of parents in the OP, either.

I don't think we are asking for hyper kids to be shunned from society, just don't let them ruin my dinner....
If he does better at breakfast, then why drag him to dinner? If he does better after having been to the park, then why not make that a routine? I understand that not all kids can sit still through a dinner at a restaurant...why make those children suffer...why make the other patrons suffer...and why put yourself through that? One reason I am happy my son acts well in restarants is so I can eat a hot meal...something I rarely get to do at home.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Oh, your one of 'them'...jk

I am the middle child, also known as the 'mediator/peacekeeper'...the bossy one. Big shocker there, eh?

My brother is not only the only boy, but also the baby...we call him the 'One with the Golden ***** who can do no wrong" (I am sure that word will be filtered, male body part)

I'm 45yo and my oldest siblings are 11 and 17 years older than me and I still hear about how I got so much more growing up than they did. The funny thing is that compared to most of my friends, I didn't get much. But my parents could give me a little more than they gave the others. I was well behaved at least...until I became a teenager.

 

[auntpolly]

Be careful about judging the way others parent their children. It's a bit like the women who swear their husbands will never stray only to be made to eat their words. Some of you posting about this may end up with less than perfect kids who break your heart. I hope not.

I don't think anyone is talking about less than perfect kids. At least I'm not. But I will judge parents who let their kids run amuck in restaurants. Bad, bad parents.

Any kid can act up, even the best. It's what a parent does about it that really matters. If your kid is ruining other people's dinners, you need to go.

I can't believe the people haven't come out to say (as they inevitably do in these discussions) that my perfume bothers them, or the way I chew -- that adults can act just as bad. They are sooooooo missing the point. If an adult were standing on their chair or playing tag around my table, I'd think they should leave just the same.

 

[MrsKreamer]

About 9 weeks ago, MIL and I were in a local Chilis. We were seated at a booth and the people behind us had a toddler (18-24 mos). They let her stand up, throw food over into our booth, pull MIL's hair, and finally smear some part of their dinner into MIL's hair. They just laughed and said, "She doesn't meet a stranger!" We were shocked. We used to eat there at least once every 2 weeks or so. We haven't been back since.

I have a very friendly toddler. I call him Cassanova...well b/c he is the most gorgeous little man and he knows it. He also has the charm to match! I am a bit biased of course... Anyway I get embaressed when we go out and he starts flirting. We were at Chili's not too long ago and surrounded by women. He had to make eyes and tell each and every one of them "hi". I kept apologizing for him interupting them, and they all thought it was cute. I would have NEVER sat by and allowed what you described! That is just horrible!

 

[poohandwendy]

I'm 45yo and my oldest siblings are 11 and 17 years older than me and I still hear about how I got so much more growing up than they did. The funny thing is that compared to most of my friends, I didn't get much. But my parents could give me a little more than they gave the others. I was well behaved at least...until I became a teenager.

See, now that is the beauty of having siblings who wear down the parents before you get there, kwim? By the time my brother was a teen, my mother was just spent. Funny thing is, he was a really good kid. He had so many opportunites to take advantage...what a waste, LOL.

I think out of all of us, I was the worst. Actually, I am sure of it...it just sounds better to act as if it was a close contest. (blush)

 

[Tigger&Belle]

II can't believe the people haven't come out to say (as they inevitably do in these discussions) that my perfume bothers them, or the way I chew -- that adults can act just as bad. They are sooooooo missing the point. If an adult were standing on their chair or playing tag around my table, I'd think they should leave just the same.

Actually I did when I mentioned the lady yelling across the restaurant tonight for her daughter.