OK, let's all fight about what's wrong with kids today.

[MrsKreamer]

So true! Some people are shocked when I tell them that I started telling my kids, "No" when they were 6-7 months old. (you know when they start touching things that could be a danger to them). But, like you said, it lays the foundation. I think too many parents think that their kids will just eventually start to behave and listen all on their own, as they get older. Not true! Parents need to stop thinking of disciple as a bad thing. Kids need structure, kids need boundries. It's a parents job to provide these things. It's much easier to start early.

*snip*

Sometimes I hear this: "You're lucky to have good kids." Like it just "happens", no effort involved! My DD was born with what I call "huge brat potential". She started hitting me when she was just 5-6 months old whenever I told her "no" -- like when I wouldn't let her pull my hair, earrings, poke my eyes, etc. She'd haul off and smack me across the cheek. After a while I was ready for her. I'd catch her little arm before she could make contact and look her in the eyes and firmly say "No". Of course she would cry bc. she wasn't getting her way. My older boys said, "Awww mom, she doesn't know." And to that I replied, "Well it may be cute and funny now, but when she is 5 and up and still hitting me and everyone else, how cute will it be?" Nope, nipped it in the bud. It took about a week and she never hit me again. She realized it was not acceptable behavior.

The truth is, discipline may seem the more difficult choice initially, but in the long run it's easier. The payoff is so worth it.

I COMPLETELY AGREE!!! Dh said today, something along the lines of "We're lucky he is so good" HA you mean you are lucky to have married someone with enough sense to start teaching and correcting him at a young age so he behaves well....

 

[DVC Sadie]

It's not just at the CG anymore! We were also blessed with the same type of behavior at the Brown Derby and other restaurants. My husband and I did not comment until we went to V&A's and lo and behold there was 4 families with children there.

We, of course ,from my name belong to DVC and my husband said, "We need to find another place to vacation." This was not due to children but unfortunately to the parents who feel that not only they are "entitled" but so are their children.

 

[MrsKreamer]

It's not just at the CG anymore! We were also blessed with the same type of behavior at the Brown Derby and other restaurants. My husband and I did not comment until we went to V&A's and lo and behold there was 4 families with children there.

We, of course ,from my name belong to DVC and my husband said, "We need to find another place to vacation." This was not due to children but unfortunately to the parents who feel that not only they are "entitled" but so are their children.

Wow I am really surprised about V&A...when I did my CP in 2001 I had a family of 4 from NY who wanted me to make their ressies at V&A. Well I call them and start to set it up and when I mentioned they had two kids the receptionist said they usually don't allow kids. Well after a few minutes of talking to this guest she finally allowed it(FYI these kids were well behaved the entire time I saw them...very polite etc...). He had to talk her into it though...wow what 5 years can change huh...

 

[Mskanga]

Sometimes I hear this: "You're lucky to have good kids." Like it just "happens", no effort involved!

I heard that so many times , only those people don't know the countless hours I have spent being the mean mommy who disciplined from day one and stuck to my guns.
I have always told my kids that any bad behavior in school will carry on consequences at home and they know I mean it.
I haven't had a problem. Did I instill fear ? maybe , but I am glad that they are afraid of something , I know we can go everywhere with them. My 13 year old is still TERRIFIED of being called to the principal's office ,that's good.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

As someone who does not have kids (yet) and who loves kids, I want to say a big ol THANK YOU to all the parents who take the time to parent their kids.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

I was at the gym a few months ago and saw these two boys about 12 or 13, going from machine to machine working out. I kept waiting for them to jump infront of someone or start spewing obsceneties, or use the machines inappropriately. They were perfect, better behaved then some adults in there.

I went up to them and asked if their parents were there. They looked at me like "what did we do?" and with that look I knew that their parents had taken the time to parent them. I told them not to worry, I just wanted to tell their parents what awesome kids they were being. Anyways, their dad came up and had that look "what did you do" and I told the dad what awesome kids they were being and how nice it was to see how appropriate they were behaving.

So THANK YOU to all of you who take the time to raise respectable, responsible kids

 

[mrsheppo]

I just came back from eating dinner out and I was never so glad to leave a restaurant. There was a couple at the table across from DH & me with 2 boys, one about 11 and the other about 4. The 4 year old was totally out of control. His father was having to feed him, he was standing on the table when he wasn't sitting on it and kept trying to steal his older brother's soda. At one point he got mad and picked up a coffee cup and threw it at the older boy, breaking the cup and sending glass flying everywhere.

When the father told the little boy to stop, he hit his father in the face. At no point did the parents try to remove the boy from the situation and continued to allow his bad behavior.

I told the manager about the breaking of the coffee cup which part of the remains ended up on our table and he wanted to comp part of our meal. I wouldn't let him do that but I suggested he speak to the parents.

We left before they did so I don't know if the manager did talk to them. I have raised several kids of my own and I know for a fact that they would have not been permitted to crawl, stand or sit on the table during dinner and if they had pulled the stunts the little boy did, they knew they would be punished severely and not allowed to continue.

 

[escape]

Reading this thread reminds me of the time a friend and I went to Disneyland Paris. I had been there before but this was my friend's first visit.

At the end of the day, my friend and I compared the differences between the Magic Kingdom and DLP. One of her responses surprised me. She said the kids at DLP seemed more behaved in general than those she's encountered during her visits to the Magic Kingdom. After thinking about it, I agreed.

We couldn't recall any pushing or shoving, any crying kids (granted it wasn't the heat of the summer when we were there)....most just seemed pretty well behaved. Just an observation. Not implying anything. However, it was nice.

 

[binny]

I will chime in in agreement as well.

DH and I went to dinner last week at a Chinese Buffet, not a hum drum kind of a place but a nice one.


Anyway there was a family there, I couldn't figure out the dynamics but there were 2 women, ( my guess is sisters) one man and 3 kids ranging in age from maybe 2 to 6.

At any given time during our meal they were jumping out of the highchair, running between tables, crawling all over the floor ( eeewwww!!!!) and the highlight was when all 3 of them sat under table and pounded on the metal legs of the table with their spoons and knives!


I was really angry. I know were all entitled to our evenings out but this was ridiculous! The parents ( or whomever they were) just laughed and carried on VERY loudly themselves, gee wonder where the kids get their behaviour?




My kids know the evil eye. The also know I start counting at 5 and go down, if I hit 1 theyre in HUGE trouble! I dont usually get past 3 though before theyre moving in the right direction.

My mom went to Disneyland with us last month we drove from Boise, 2 days each way, to Anaheim. My mom kept saying " I cannot believe how good your kids are, theyre even better than YOU were to travel with" Thats a huge compliment from my mom as she always bragged I was the easy one to travel with LOL.


Anyway, I agree, I think parents either just dont know HOW to parent or are too lazy to do it. It takes effort to raise kids and TIME. I think too many peple try to buy their kids off when all they really want is their time. Its much and oh so much more fun!

 

[Stacey2grls]

I have told this story before, but, considering the topic, I will retell it. I went out with my family to Applebees. While there I noticed a table with 2 women and 3 children. Well, these ladies thought it was their big night out or something, because they let the kids have full access to the whole place! The ladies were eating and drinking while the kids ages 4-7 I would guess, were all over the place. Running up and down the aisles, talking to people at other tables, rolling on the floor, dancing, playing games, all the while about a full 15-20 feet away from the "mom"s. At one point they came up to our booth, and asked our daughter why she was just sitting there! My 7 year old daughter said something to the effect of "why are you jumping around like a monkey in a restaurant"! I almost choked on my food! To me, it is basically an attitude alot of parents have. "I want to enjoy myself, whats the harm if the kids play". Well, guess what? I have absolutely no desire to have your kids talking to me while i'm eating, dancing next to me, and just plain being annoying. People pay good money to go out to eat, I really don't want to watch your child roll around on the floor, while trying to enjoy my meal.

 

[Quinn222]

until we went to V&A's and lo and behold there was 4 families with children there.

OMG my worst nightmare. Seriously.

 

[Christine]

I don't know if I am defending myself or anyone else or just giving a different side. Re: restaurant dining.

As another poster said, I also grew up eating out a lot. I was an only child, my parents had excess cash, and we went out to a family dinner every Sunday. Now, of course, we didn't start this until I was about 8 years old. Way back in the 60s and 70s, most middle class people really didn't dine out a lot. And if they did, they certainly weren't dragging their kids along. But, as the 70s wore on and my parents made more money, and dining out was gaining popularity, we went. Of course, I was perfectly behaved. It would never occur to me to act out. But then again, I *never* acted out anywhere. If you ask my mom, she will tell you that she really doesn't take credit for that. I was a very mild-mannered kid (and still am as an adult). I was quiet. Period. Born that way. My mom was always able to set me on a blanket and never had to worry about me.

Then, my kids came along. I guess they take after my husband!! He is a very ACTIVE person. Had ADHD as a child, controls it now as he is in a very physical job. But I digress. My first child, a girl, was a ball of energy. Always on the go. When we went to the mall, all the other babies were snoozing in the stroller. Not her--she was up and begging to get out. We did take her out to dinner. Fortunately she was quiet, but we could never go anywhere that took a long time. She didn't mis-behave, just very restless.

When my son came along, we tried to dine out a few times but he was just impossible. I guess many of you would call it "bad behavior." It certainly would appear that way. But it was basically just that he could not sit still. Believe me, it used to mortify me because I am so quiet. I read all the discipline books, did everything I could. But restaurant dining was not for him. I'll never forget one of our dinners at The Outback. He grabbed the wrapped utensils, whipped the knife out and started to throw it. It was just awful. So, for many, many years, we stopped dining out. Just too painful for us and I am KEENLY worried about other diners.

Now that the kids are 14 and 11, they are perfect angels (most of the time) and behave fine (and have since they were about 8 years old).

I guess my point is that not every parent who has a kid who can't behave in a restaurant is a bad parent or is lacking discipline. Some kids just do not do well dining out. It is extremely boring to them and painful to sit through without touching anything, or moving. Other kids are very calm (like myself).

Of course, there probably *are* some parents who don't discipline and this is the cause for it, but don't judge them all as bad parents. Of course, I do agree that if your kid can't tolerate it, you really should just stay home.

 

[poohandwendy]

I guess my point is that not every parent who has a kid who can't behave in a restaurant is a bad parent or is lacking discipline. Some kids just do not do well dining out. It is extremely boring to them and painful to sit through without touching anything, or moving. Other kids are very calm (like myself).

IMO, the bad parenting part comes in to play when the parents allow their childrens behavior to be disruptive, no matter what the cause. If the kids do not do well dining out, the parents should take that into consideration and not take them places where they cannot behave themselves reasonably for the other patrons comfort. If you are already in a restaurant and your kids cannot control themselves, remove them until they settle down.

(btw, there were different stages in my kids toddlerhoods where I just knew their limits and avoided specific types of restaurants, or even restaurants all together)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think the "what is wrong with kids" is so chock full of everything.
In regards to going out to eat for example....

Going out to eat used to be a "privilege' to a family. Now look at it through the eyes of child....

I think these children would rather be at home, eating at their own dinner table. Something the family had prepared.
Did you stop and think, do these kids WANT to be there? NO....probably not.

They go out to eat and eat from the standard "children's menu".
Grilled cheese
Chicken nuggets
Pizza
Mac & Cheese

How yummy!!! NOT!
These kids are HUNGRY and usually are out too late for their age and then forced to eat the same slop no matter what restaurant they go too.

Of course this is not always the case, but I do think families eat out too much or don't cook at home with a proper meal to set a good example.
I am guilty of this as most people are, let's face it, we are on the run alot.
My kids don't go out to eat unless we make them. They hate it now.
They would rather we eat at home.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Of course sometimes the kids are following the lead of the parents. We were just out to eat tonight at a counter serve restaurant and a family was getting ready to leave. The mother wanted the attention of her daughter, who was across the restuarant and YELLED her name. Why she felt the need to yell across the restaurant I don't know--she could have walked over to where the girl was. Yeah, this was a counter serve place, but isn't still not proper behavior out in public at all. They weren't in their house where maybe they yell from room to room.

And I don't really care if someone has kids that behave in restaurants or not. All I care is what they do if the child isn't behaving. I had three kids and knew that I had this whole parenting thing down pat--my kids behaved in restaurants, stores, etc. Yep, I started them young, had high expectations and they lived up to them. Just when I was thinking that I deserved parent of the year I had Jake. He was a perfect baby and then he turned 13 months old. I suddenly wasn't that perfect parent--I had a monster on my hands, or so it seemed for awhile.

BUT, I didn't let him disturb others, I took him out of restaurants when he became restless, I sat in our van for some meals, and we didn't go out much for awhile. He's 6yo and generally fine now, but I'd finally experienced a child who didn't fit the perfect child mold.

Bottom line--if you have a child who can't sit still it's no excuse to ruin the meal of other dining patrons.

Christine--I know the child you are speaking of. I live with him, even though he is a much improved version of the Jake that we had for several years, he really put us through the wringer for awhile. Yep, it's not all good parenting, but sometimes luck of the draw.

 

[HomeSweetDisney]

IMO, the bad parenting part comes in to play when the parents allow their childrens behavior to be disruptive, no matter what the cause. If the kids do not do well dining out, the parents should take that into consideration and not take them places where they cannot behave themselves reasonably for the other patrons comfort. If you are already in a restaurant and your kids cannot control themselves, remove them until they settle down.

Good post. ITA

 

[MrsKreamer]

Christine, the two cousins I mentioned in a previous post are both ADHD as is their father. I completely understand...heck even Kurt jr has his moments. You did the responsible parenting thing though. When you realized your kids shouldn't be certain places, you stopped taking them. That is responsible parenting. If Kurt jr ever starts acting out...we will leave and stop going out for awhile.


As to what children eat out. I am a firm believer that as soon as he could chew he could try just about anything off of my plate. When we go to a steak place, he gets part of my steak, stemed veggies, and a sweet potato; when we went out today, it was chinese. He ate fried rice, beef and broccoli, and some lemon chicken...and a few spoonfuls of egg drop soup. It takes awhile for him to enjoy new things, but it makes it nicer when we go out, and less expensive since I can still feed him off of my plate.

I should be biting my tongue...knowing my luck this one due in a few weeks will turn out hyper, unruly, and will hate veggies!

 

[crazymomof4]

Aside from consideration of other diners, this should also be remembered when it comes to kids getting out of their seats at restaurants:

The wait staff is continually carrying around hot food. Sometimes VERY hot. When I was 16 I accidentally bumped into someone carrying coffee straight from the machine. It spilled onto the back of my upper arm and I got a very ugly second degree burn.

With this in my mind, whenever we are walking to or from our seats at restaurants I always hold my little kids' hands so that I can guide them away from potential danger if necessary. If hot soup or coffee were spilled on a child's face and it ended up looking the way my arm did right after my burn, it would be a tragedy!

 

[Stacey2grls]

Adhd has been mentioned in this thread. My DD 6 has Adhd, and dining out with her before the age of 4 was basically impossible. So, we just didn't go out to eat. I refused to put her through at least an hour of sitting in a booster chair, it just didn't seem fair. Also, I don't mind kids, after all kids will be kids, its the parents that make me mental! They are the ones that should know better.

 

[grinningghost]

Kids today have too much stuff. It warps their sense of being treated to eating at a restaurant. It's all just part of the daily thing now. Nothing to them is special.

 

[poohandwendy]

Kids today have too much stuff. It warps their sense of being treated to eating at a restaurant. It's all just part of the daily thing now. Nothing to them is special.

I agree and I think that is a large part of the problem.