Oh no Nephew changed wedding to our cruise departure date UPDATE OP

[tlbwriter]

That's the problem I'm not that close to him. He does live out of state but my sister is planning the wedding here because our family is here.The niece to be has a very small family, maybe 10 people that will be coming. I'm closer to his brother and if it were his wedding we'd want to be there and would cancel. But this one, ya not so much. It's just that my sister and bil will be super ticked at us.

So you're considering giving up this opportunity because someone else will be mad?

You say you are not that close to this nephew. Honestly, it sounds like the reason you are upset about missing the wedding is more because you are worried about what the REST of the family is going to say.

You say family comes first... and you are right. YOUR family comes first. If you and your family want to go on the cruise, then go. Don't allow the rest of your family guilt you into going to the wedding. THEY changed the date, not you. If they want to have a hissy because you miss it, remind them that THEY changed the date.

My vote... go on the cruise. I'm sorry, but I think it is unrealistic that they would just expect everyone to drop whatever they already had planned for this date change. I get WHY it was changed, but they have to be realistic about it.

I agree. Family comes first, so stick to your family's planned vacation. It doesn't sound like you'll have an opportunity like this for a long time, if ever.

 

[dzorn]

I would take the vacation. Let you sister know ASAP that you have vacation plans for that time.

Denise in MI

 

[dzorn]

I know this is how I was raised. Heck I got scolded by an aunt for not coming to a labor day picnic. My kids had soccer tournaments. Very old fashioned family. And ya know what this works for MY family. My kids are getting older play sports can't miss practices or conditioning this was just the perfect storm. Heck we usually go to school around here till 2nd wk of june. Both kids will be in hs next year and play soccer so the only time we can go on vacation is June before all their conditioning and tryouts start. Season starts mid august so august cruising is out.

I'm afraid to call her. She's 12 years older and it's just hard.

Your an adult now don't take a scolding from anyone.

Denise in MI

 

[Eastern]

I would not change your cruise. Call your sister and tell her you are sorry but you have longstanding plans. You can send your nephew a nice gift.

 

[mlynn]

I come from a very large Italian family.Every person that has been married in my famiy has a big Rehersal dinner.(I don't know if it's just a south philly Italian thing) Does your family do this? IF so then go to that since it's usually 1 to 2 days before the wedding. You share in their wedding and you go on vacation and have a GREAT time.

 

[JoShan1719]

I didn't read past the first page, but I'm with those telling you to keep your vacation plans. Like PP said, YOUR family needs to come before your sister's family. I had a lot of people not able to come to my wedding. I was a little disappointed, but I understood. Things come up. You made these vacation plans ages ago, it's not fair to ask you to change them because your nephew changed the wedding date. I understand he had a good reason, but still. Good luck!

 

[kt_mom]

I would go on your cruise. But I do understand the family drama over stuff like this. Even down to the money part.

My cousin is getting married in January. She moved half way across the country last year. Before she moved she asked my DD to be her flower girl. At that time they were planning to come back here and have the wedding. Then they decided to have the wedding out there which was bad enough. But then they decided to get married in Jamaica at a small resort that I looked up and just doesn't seem very family friendly and definitely not the type of place we would ever vacation at as a family.

After pricing it out and talking about it, DH and I decided we were not going to go. Passports alone for all four us would costs close to $500. That's before we ever book flights or the room. It just wasn't in our budget. I told my mom that we weren't going and she made some comment about how my aunt was probably going to be upset with us if we didn't go to the wedding but still took our family vacations in 2012. I was so mad. If my cousin was really that interested in family attending her wedding then she wouldn't have planned it out of all of our budgets. And had I had any idea this was going to happen I never would have allowed her to ask DD to be in the wedding.

So we're not going to the wedding and my aunt hasn't ever said a word. We are planning on going to Aruba in May just the two of us with friends and our family Disney trip in December. And we will probably go to the beach over the summer at some point. But I don't feel bad about not going to the wedding.

I get crap from my family all the time about money. Whenever I say we don't have the money for something I'll get crap back about something we did or bought or somewhere we went. It drives me nuts. Its none of their business. We choose to spend our money differently then them and not blow it all on stupid stuff. We pick and choose what and how we want to spend it and we have no desire to live pay check to pay check. Part of our budget is saving for our trips. They are important to us and we have them in our budget. Right now my mom is fussing at me becuase I said I don't have money to waste for certain things for my cousins wedding shower on Saturday. She figures because she thinks I have the money, I should spend the money. Because that's what they do. But the reason I have the money, is because I don't spend it like that.

 

[Tinkerkell007]

You should go on your cruise. Don't be bullied into going because you don't want to tick someone off.

Also, FYI. For my wedding there are a few people that I will be checking dates with because they are the ones that I can't picture my wedding without.

 

[LovesTimone]

I come from a big family always wanting to tell me how I'm suppose to treat the family, and everything is about family. Which I agree that family is very important. Which for my family means that they come to my house for all holidays and any occasion, or any other reason that they think of, help serve adnd wait on them, I am suppose to plan, and orchestrate, and deal with all the drama. .. Finally my DH had enough.. I will never forget the 1st time we told everyone that we would not be home for Christmas, that we were taking our DD's to Disney.. you would have thought that we grew 2 heads and had 6 eyes. ... There response was to say well what are we suppose to do!!! They all called and complained and cried and threatened. But I did not give in... Not that I was not upset and thought it would be easier just to give in. But we went and had one of the best Christmas ever ,

At sometime you have to draw the line and put your family 1st

 

[HM]

I also fall in the "take the cruise" side of things.
I wonder if you are making a bigger deal about this than it will really be. Maybe your sister will be understanding about it when you tell her. I hope so.

I would never be mad if one of my siblings and their family couldn't make it to my child's wedding. This would especially be true if it was due to a change in date.

Good luck with telling her.

 

[bethy]

I am very close with my extended family and will do most anything for them. However I vote that you should go on your vacation. When push comes to shove your immediate family comes first unless there is a short term crisis.

It's JUST a wedding. No one's life is at stake. It's not your responsibility to make this day "perfect" in every single little way for your nephew. It's not like they are going to miserable that you are not there - they will still have a fantastic time with all the other people who attend. There will be so many other ways you can bless them throughout their marriage.

I know that for our immediate family, our twice yearly vacations are sacred. It's the only time during the year we get my husband's full attention. He has a very demanding job and vacation time is protected at all costs. The kids are growing up very quickly.

 

[Priorityonecb]

I am on the "go on the cruise" fence too. Your immediate family comes first. If I made a huge drastic change to a family event date, I would give it some thought first and any rational person would factor into the decision, "I know in changing the date means that some may not be able to attend, but it's worth it to us to do so!". I agree with the others, send a lovely gift and enjoy your time with your kids before they head off to college!

 

[Crystal824]

I say go on your vacation. When an event like a wedding is planned, it is impossible to coordinate with everyone's schedules. As a bride, I expected that some family and friends would not be able to attend our wedding. Send them a nice gift and go on your vacation. Try not to care what everyone else thinks.

 

[Minnesota!]

I would NOT change the cruise - because YOUR family comes first. Maybe its because we aren't super close with all of our extended family, but I was always raised that the most important relationship to worry about is your immediate family. If this cruise is important to you and your immediate family, then your extended family will just have to deal. Life is TOO short to change your life around for their convenience.

 

[sk!mom]

I get crap from my family all the time about money. Whenever I say we don't have the money for something I'll get crap back about something we did or bought or somewhere we went. It drives me nuts. Its none of their business. We choose to spend our money differently then them and not blow it all on stupid stuff. We pick and choose what and how we want to spend it and we have no desire to live pay check to pay check. Part of our budget is saving for our trips. They are important to us and we have them in our budget. Right now my mom is fussing at me becuase I said I don't have money to waste for certain things for my cousins wedding shower on Saturday. She figures because she thinks I have the money, I should spend the money. Because that's what they do. But the reason I have the money, is because I don't spend it like that.

I could have written this. I also come from a family that cannot comprehend that maybe the reason we can afford trips to Europe is because we pass up some things along the way. Maybe we'd be better off if we said, "I don't choose to spend my money that way." rather than, "I can't afford it."

To the OP, I wouldn't go to the wedding unless I wanted to change my plans. I wouldn't let anyone make me feel that I should. If your presence was essential then the date should have been cleared with you.

 

[DisneyCowgirl]

My oldest sisters son, my nephew,changed his wedding from 5/2013 to 6/2/2012 the same day we leave on our 7 day disney cruise. I just found out from another sister. Noone in my family knew we were going on this cruise cause well quite frankly I didn't want to answer any questions about how can we afford it. Honestly it's a stretch but we have no debt and our house will be paid off in 4 years when our oldest starts college. We were lucky to have gotten a deal on a disney cruise in 2009 when the economy went bad just in the right place at the right time. All 5 of us went for 3600 for a 7 day. I booked again onboard and got a discount and onboard credits and this 7 day cruise will come in at only $400 more!! I really feel this is the last opportunity we have to take a vacation like this. The kids get out of school early this year because of building new school buildings so we're able to go somewhat off season before the rates go up for summer.

I just don't know how I can tell my sister we won't be there. OMG I will be the black sheep of the family, we were raised family first and if we go on vacation instead of a wedding, it wouldn't go over well. I want to go on this cruise so bad we all do. I tried to change the date even to 2013 summer and it's coming in at 7k we can't do that. I know some will say take another line but this will be on the brand new Fantasy ship and we want to go on that ship specifically. So could you do it; go on vacation and not the first nephew/neice in your family to get married wedding? DH says just don't say anything but I feel I should call her up now and tell her. I'm not sure if they'd change the wedding or not? They changed dates cause nephew is in the service and was getting shipped out 2/12 so they couldn't get married till he came home in 2013. Now he's not getting deployed till 10/12 so they're going to get married before he goes. I'm conflicted what would you do?

I would go on the cruise.

 

[C.Ann]

I'm sorry, but when you set a date and then change it around without having a reason I think it's very inconsiderate. To me, it's saying "my time is more important than yours." Yes, family first, but manners always.

However; I would call your sister right away and let her know that you have an unchangeable scheduling conflict - tell her that the vacation was scheduled Years ago, which from the sounds of things it was.

I agree with this. You were planning to go to the wedding, but he changed the date. It's not your fault. I'd buy them an extra nice gift and apologize, but sometimes these things happen.

THEY changed the date, not you. If they want to have a hissy because you miss it, remind them that THEY changed the date.

My vote... go on the cruise. I'm sorry, but I think it is unrealistic that they would just expect everyone to drop whatever they already had planned for this date change. I get WHY it was changed, but they have to be realistic about it.

You made plans and took into consideration their date- your immediate family made a decision and you should be able to stick with it even through they changed their minds.

You can not please everyone, it is impossible.

That cruise has been booked for a long time, and pricing has pretty much doubled for those summer sailings, if you can find one. Plenty of people book summer vacations a year in advance, and this wedding date changed.

Send your regrets and do something nice for the couple, but take your family vacation.

I would take the vacation. Let you sister know ASAP that you have vacation plans for that time.

Denise in MI

I agree with all of the above - this was their change, not yours..

As for being afraid of your sister, what's she going to do? Come over and beat you up? LOL.. Yeah - they may get mad - but eventually they will get over it..

Meanwhile you might want to work on being so afraid of your own sister.. You're an adult now - not a kid she can smack down..

Have a great time on your cruise!

 

[tzolkin]

I really don't understand all this obligation stuff.

The only people whose weddings I feel a "need" to be at are my siblings. And I still would not have been offended if any of them had been unable to attend my wedding. Honestly, I didn't "expect" anyone to be there. It was nice to have people be a part of that special day, but I would be horrified if any of them came because they just felt obligated to, especially if they had to cancel another event or spend money they couldn't afford in order to attend.

I really don't know how people are willing to put out all these expenses for weddings especially when the person is not an important part of your life. I have 30 first cousins, plus all their nieces and nephews. How could anyone expect people to buy afford plane tickets for a family of 5, plus hotel, plus a gift so that my family could attend every one of their weddings?


Sorry, but I absolutely would not cancel something I had planned with my husband and children to attend a wedding. If I were in this situation I definitely feel that this vacation would be more important than attending the wedding. Is it really going to affect the wedding if you're not there? But you and your children will have memories of your vacation for a lifetime.

I'm to the point in my life where I do not care if someone is going to be mad at me for any decisions I feel are in the best interest of my family.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

If your presence was essential then the date should have been cleared with you.

This! Have a wonderful time on your cruise.

 

[delmar411]

I agree with everyone who says go on the cruise. When family wants other family to come to something, they clear those dates with them before putting down deposits.

I think it's very rude of your nephew to change the date without consulting all the extended family.

The sooner you tell her the better.