op, how old is your dd? because that might temper my opinion.
if your dd was VERY young then my issue with be with your mil. not that she wants to buy the shoes but that you've told her not to and she is moving forward with it.
if your dd is older (and i think kids 5 and up if not younger can get this concept) i would be determining what part your dd is playing in this "game".
are these items that she's asked for or KNOWS not to ask for of you because of previous experiences . my dd and ds know not to even bother asking for certain items-because for our own reasons we've told them they fall into one of a few categories (1) a total waste of money weather we can afford it or not, (2) something that as a MOM i know either the school is going to pitch a fit about or is totaly impractical for the intended use-as in some of the shoes my dd "ooooohs" over-they may technicaly be sports shoes but they don't provide the support and protection her p.e. class requires, (4) something that we just have personal absolute objections against (like the bratz dolls someone else pointed out).
if one of my kids is talking to their grandparent or another relative about them buying it for them then they are trying to "get around" me. i have a major issue with that. if it's something i've told them is'nt in the budget then i still have an issue with them hitting up other family members to pay for it.
these issue i'de be addressing with my kids.
ask your dd how all this came up? did she initiate the coversation? did grandma? how did the specific jacket and shoes come up?
set some ground rules with the kids and ideal with grandma. if the kids are talking about wanting something then grandma needs to ask "have you told your parents? what did they say? what do they think about you getting it?". then there's full disclosure.
is the whole "promise" thing an issue with your kids or JUST grandma? my kids know that mom and dad get final approval on anything a relative promises so they don't look upon that relative negativily if we say no.
i recall at one point when dd was younger she was complaining to her grandmother about me not buying her some kind of shoes. my mom asked me later 'what's the deal-they are not that expensive, if you don't want to put out the money i'll get them for her'. i explained that the shoes were'nt practical, i knew that if i bought them it was something that were going to cause problems at school because of what they wanted (and the school dd went to would flat out tell you not to send them in them) so i'de being having to argue with dd every morning over why dd could NOT wear them to school. how we were trying to teach dd to make sensible decisions and that if she picked one item over another she had to stick with it-and i knew that the tennies she liked this week would be "so out of style, it's embarrasing to wear them mom" and that would lead to more arguments in the morning over my forcing her to wear them/not being willing to go out and buy another pair of shoes (that would just embarrass her in a few weeks anyway
(. my mom was like "wow, i never thought of it that way". that was it-after that she always questioned the kids, and if they said "i don't know" she would say "well figure it out and get back to me on it"
if your dd was VERY young then my issue with be with your mil. not that she wants to buy the shoes but that you've told her not to and she is moving forward with it.
if your dd is older (and i think kids 5 and up if not younger can get this concept) i would be determining what part your dd is playing in this "game".
are these items that she's asked for or KNOWS not to ask for of you because of previous experiences . my dd and ds know not to even bother asking for certain items-because for our own reasons we've told them they fall into one of a few categories (1) a total waste of money weather we can afford it or not, (2) something that as a MOM i know either the school is going to pitch a fit about or is totaly impractical for the intended use-as in some of the shoes my dd "ooooohs" over-they may technicaly be sports shoes but they don't provide the support and protection her p.e. class requires, (4) something that we just have personal absolute objections against (like the bratz dolls someone else pointed out).
if one of my kids is talking to their grandparent or another relative about them buying it for them then they are trying to "get around" me. i have a major issue with that. if it's something i've told them is'nt in the budget then i still have an issue with them hitting up other family members to pay for it.
these issue i'de be addressing with my kids.
ask your dd how all this came up? did she initiate the coversation? did grandma? how did the specific jacket and shoes come up?
set some ground rules with the kids and ideal with grandma. if the kids are talking about wanting something then grandma needs to ask "have you told your parents? what did they say? what do they think about you getting it?". then there's full disclosure.
is the whole "promise" thing an issue with your kids or JUST grandma? my kids know that mom and dad get final approval on anything a relative promises so they don't look upon that relative negativily if we say no.
i recall at one point when dd was younger she was complaining to her grandmother about me not buying her some kind of shoes. my mom asked me later 'what's the deal-they are not that expensive, if you don't want to put out the money i'll get them for her'. i explained that the shoes were'nt practical, i knew that if i bought them it was something that were going to cause problems at school because of what they wanted (and the school dd went to would flat out tell you not to send them in them) so i'de being having to argue with dd every morning over why dd could NOT wear them to school. how we were trying to teach dd to make sensible decisions and that if she picked one item over another she had to stick with it-and i knew that the tennies she liked this week would be "so out of style, it's embarrasing to wear them mom" and that would lead to more arguments in the morning over my forcing her to wear them/not being willing to go out and buy another pair of shoes (that would just embarrass her in a few weeks anyway
(. my mom was like "wow, i never thought of it that way". that was it-after that she always questioned the kids, and if they said "i don't know" she would say "well figure it out and get back to me on it"
Awful for the kids to be scolded for normal wear and tear of cheap clothes and shoes. And even worse to know they have cute clothes at Grandma's, but can't wear them when they want to. I would also have issues with Grandma buying your DD clothes because yours "weren't good enough." I think that would have sent me right over the edge!
she hasn't offered to buy them $80 shoes....
I didn't even mention THAT! She does have a HUGE shoe issue - she bought dd tennis shoes in April - she was keeping the kids @ the aunts house & all dd had were flip flops & that wasn't appropriate (thought dd would get too cold in 60degree weather) - so she bought her some & gave her a lecture on how to keep them clean - to take a babywipe to them everyday when she finishes wearing them...she comments all the time on shoes - if the shoelaces are dirty, etc...
