Oh boy...what should we do????

[phorsenuf]

I'll try not to make this too long, but I would really appreciate your thoughts on this!
Last July my FIL was diagnosed with lung cancer. Its in the end stage and theres really not much they can do for him at this point, although he continues to fight it. It has now moved into his back and they just found a mass in his brain. The mass in his brain is affecting his left side virtually making it paralysed. He's in alot of pain and is doped up max. They say 6 months.
Here's the dilemma. We are supposed to leave in 2 weeks for 10 days in Disney. I asked my DH if he wants to postpone the trip and he said no, he's not going to worry about it. We will go and if anything happens he'll just fly home. My thoughts were to try to leave NOW and go since his sister is up from TN and that way his mom has help while we were gone. One of the reasons he said he didn't want to go now was because of our anniversary. Since it meant so much to me to be there to celebrate he doesn't want that to change. Very sweet I thought, but I'll get over it! We have very different family views because of how we were raised and boy is it coming out! I won't even speak to his sister, but that's a whole 'nother story!!!! .
Yesterday he had a really bad day and ended up in the hospital for pain relief. Today he is doing great. Up and about.
So, what would you all do? Postpone? Go now? Stay with the original plan? The hard part is we just don't know how long he has. If we wait we may be waiting for months and then it would be too late to go (school) If we go now and something should happen......
Please don't think we are being selfish about OUR needs, because we are not we just don't know what to do.......

 

[browneyes]

Talk to your FIL, ask him how he would feel about you leaving on a trip now.

 

[phorsenuf]

Originally posted by browneyes
Talk to your FIL, ask him how he would feel about you leaving on a trip now.

I suggested that to my DH, but I doubt he will. He's going ver there today so maybe he'll bring it up. I just pray he leaves out the anniversary part and how I was looking forward to it because that would be very bad......
They have a hard enough time with me as it is, I could just imagine what they would think then.......

I'm thinking of calling his mother and talking with her about it all
maybe I'll give hubby a ring and see if I should.
But still......what would you do???

 

[kejoda]

I was going to say the same thing.


After reading your second post you should talk to your MIL. She will be the one needing the support if something happens.

 

[clutter]

Cancer is impossible to plan around. My bil was fighting laryngeal cancer. Well, while we were at disney, we got a call that my bil's tumor grew to such that it caused a massive trauma and he passed on. He'd been fishing the day before. Officially, he was not terminal, but I had planned the trip in May just because he was doing so well. You just never know.

Depending on what you decide, I can give you the costs of dealing with an interrupted trip. Basically, by cutting our 8 day trip to 3, I saved $90. Disney did not charge for the unused hotel room. They also graciously waived the cancellation fee for a friend that was to join us the day we left. We did not have UPH, so I don't know what they might have done, but if you go, you might want to use hoppers or APs. The airline charged us $100 each ticket for changing the flights. We were supposed to be grateful that they allowed us to use our discounted fare. Because we returned the rental car before a week passed (4 days, I think) on a weekly contract, it reverted to daily market rates. It cost $10 more than 8 days would have.

Anyway, if you buy trip insurance, these are the costs I would check into being covered.


Good luck with your decision. I would also get your mil's input. Don't mention the anniversary thing (we were going to do mother's day there), really, there's another year for that. (And get to your dh before he opens his mouth!) But families, especially with younger children, still need their vacation time.

 

[phorsenuf]

We are driving down so we don't have to worry about airfare so much. We have AP's so that's not an issue either. I don't have to pay the balance of the room until check-in so at most I would lose our deposit of $165. If we cancel within 5 days we would get it back.
The anniversary thing I can live without. It's important to my DH because he wants this to be special for me. We never had a honeymoon and I am forever doing all kinds of neat things for him so he wants this to be special. I keep telling him it's OK, but he reallt doesn't want to dissapoint me. It's very sweet, but I don't want this to be a stumbling block for him.
At this point my DH wants to take it day by day, but that sure does make it hard to get things ready!
I'm hesitant to talk with my MIL about it because...well...they are a different breed so to speak. I don't know how she will react to it. I know it will be looked apon as me being selfish and only caring about going on vacation. It's a very touchy thing with them which is why we are trying to figure this out without bringing them into the mix.
I'm sooooo confused!!!

 

[Betsyt82]

I would go with what ever your DH wants to do. It is really his decission as it is his father. He also may need a break to take his mind off of this. Having been there with both parents who died of cancer......My feelings were and are that I was greatfull some distractions while waiting for them to die. So if Hubby wants to go to WDW do it. If you have to come home sooner oh well but it is for your hubby to decide. That is just my take on your delema. I am truly sorry you all have to go thru the living hell of watching a loved one die. It is very painful for all involved. The choice you all make will be the right one.

 

[Mishetta]

Oh boy....I'm living your life right now! My DM was diagnosed with Bone Marrow Cancer in July. The doctors didn't think she had much time but with the grace of God, she is still with us. We had a trip planned for Dec 19th (my Mom was coming with us) & on the 18th she landed in the hospital with Meningitis. She almost died during that episode. We cancelled & did re-book for this coming December. She kept telling us to go but there was no way I was leaving. This is my mother & I am an only child. If she makes it thru this December (altho I doubt she'll make it thru the month she's so bad now), we will also postpone.

I think as other people posted, you should leave it up to your DH but I look at it this way (for me that is), I'll have (hopefully) plenty of time to go to WDW. What's most important in life is FAMILY. Would I feel good about going on vacation when a family member is dying ~ no way. I'd be thinking of them the whole time. There would be no distraction for me.

Now if it were "my" FIL ~ I would probably go to Disney!

 

[Carole]

I had a trip scheduled for early December that was cancelled mainly due to work related issues. My Dad had been in and out of the hospital so I also had been worried about leaving him. Well, he died unexpectedly on the Saturday we would have been in Disney if I had not cancelled our trip. I am so very thankful that we were home and able to be with my Mom (my siblings live in other states and there are not other relatives closeby). If, you are the only family that is local, then I would go when the sister is visiting. This will give you peace of mind that someone is there for your MIL.

Best wishes on making a decision - I know how difficult it can be.

 

[phorsenuf]

Originally posted by Carole
I had a trip scheduled for early December that was cancelled mainly due to work related issues. My Dad had been in and out of the hospital so I also had been worried about leaving him. Well, he died unexpectedly on the Saturday we would have been in Disney if I had not cancelled our trip. I am so very thankful that we were home and able to be with my Mom (my siblings live in other states and there are not other relatives closeby). If, you are the only family that is local, then I would go when the sister is visiting. This will give you peace of mind that someone is there for your MIL.

Best wishes on making a decision - I know how difficult it can be.

Sorry to hear about your Dad.
We are the only family there is here. His sister lives in TN and if we were to go we would have to leave now since she is already here. I wonder what are chances would be of even getting any ressies on such short notice.
What to do....what to do.....