Oh boy, son in school bus fight...

[moet7]

what is "talking smack"?

 

[daughtersrus]

Great way to start the morning. Got a call from the school nurse on my way to work this morning. She told me my DS(13) was in a fight on the school bus and he came in all bloody from a bloody nose and cut on his elbow. She wanted me to speak to my son who was very upset, holding back tears.

He got on the phone and told me that some kid was talking "smack" and he talked "smack" back then the kid jumped him. (only side of the story I have, so far) My son has never been in a fight but has no problem running his mouth when feeling threatened (which I always told him would one day get him in trouble)

I am still waiting for the dreadful call from the principal...

Any heads-up on what I should expect and/or do?

I didn't read the entire thread so this may have been mentioned. Our buses have video cameras to record what's going on on the bus. Ours are not tapes but on a hard drive that records over after a certain amount of time. I would ask if your buses are equipped with something similar. It's unlikely that they will allow you to view it (protection of the right of the other students) but you could ask if they would take a look at it and see what actually happened.

 

[agnes!]

I will have to talk to him more about previous instances regarding the other child. I'm curious to what those were all about.

As far as his injuries, the principal said that he would likely have a swollen nose, and black eye(s) as well as a couple other scrapes and bruises. He welcomed me having him checked out, but (as a father) didn't think it would be necessary. I will have to wait to see him myself before I decide.

ETA: The nurse did clean him up when he came in, so that it would not be as noticable to other students that there was an incident with him.

The principal will not (or should not) tell you anything about the specifics of this other boy's disciplinary issues. As a matter of fact, I'm kind of surprised he said anything about the other boy at all. Heh, even though the adults/administration won't/can't tell you any repercussions with the other kid or what other incidents have happened?... I bet all the kids know.

what is "talking smack"?

AKA having a big mouth, insulting/kidding around, "Yo mama" (as in "Yo mama wears army boots", "Oh yeah?...yo' mama's so fat..." and so on), etc.

agnes!

 

[Poohgirl]

Sounds like they are using some common sense! Congrats on raising a good kid!! We got a similar phone call this year. My son got off the school bus and saw another boy call his (my son's girlfriend) a name and then push her to the ground. He ran over and got in the middle, the kid pushed my DS, then the fists started flying. My son got detention for several days, not suspension because he was protecting someone else. Although, it turns out the now ex-girlfriend started it by slapping the other kid. She was a troublemaker, I'm so glad they broke up! And I was relieved that they only gave my son detention (they gave them all detention, but it was the all day Saturday detention kind, aka Breakfast club )

He is a good kid at heart, though not an angel. Im very glad they were able to sort it out and use common sense as well. Though I was prepared for zero tolerance consequences.

what is "talking smack"?

I guess it was the back and forth name calling the principal refered to.


Sooo just when you think its calm, the school nurse just called me back. She has DS back complaining of a headache and blurry vision and they now want him seen by his Ped. So off to get him I go...

 

[catycatcat4]

OP you are lucky your sons principal is intelligent enough too look into what really happened here they would not have done that they would just kick you out.

That's not always true. In our district, if you raise your hands even to defend yourself, you are suspended as well. It was that way in WA too. Zero tolerance.

I absolutely HATE that policy.

Yeah, a kid should let herself be beaten to a bloody pulp because another minor decides to physically abuse her?!? Why is it that within the school purview a minor is not allowed to defend themselves from bodily-harm?

(grumblegrumble)

agnes!

I agree if someone was attacked at a school here they expect you to just let your self get beat up sometimes if the person does that they still get suspended.

 

[elgerber]

He is a good kid at heart, though not an angel. Im very glad they were able to sort it out and use common sense as well. Though I was prepared for zero tolerance consequences.



I guess it was the back and forth name calling the principal refered to.


Sooo just when you think its calm, the school nurse just called me back. She has DS back complaining of a headache and blurry vision and they now want him seen by his Ped. So off to get him I go...

Oh no, I hope he is ok!! The thought of children hurting like that makes me so sad. My son has been picked on a lot, but to my knowledge, no one has ever hit him.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

what is "talking smack"?

It is what you do when you play cards with my family. It is a psychological attempt to make the other person feel indequate, nervous, or make them confused.

 

[LuvOrlando]

WOW, you really have to get hit hard to get black eyes and a swollen nose. That does not sound like an ordinary kid fight to me AT ALL. Did your DS get hit while his head was braced against the seat or something, that sounds like either a whole lot of force was involved or his head was wedged and had no rebound.In fact, it sounds like your kid got a beating. Have you talked to him on the phone yet? I would demand to speak with him directly, the Nurse can call him down for you. With a description like that I'd be worried there could be internal injuries or something broken. Sounds to me like the Principal was on the defensive with you and trying to CYA.

Not good at all. I'd go from worried to extremely angry in a heartbeat.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I would tell my son that I am proud of his decision to stand up for himself, including his physical defense of himself in the fight. Then I would point out that there are consequences for this kind of thing, even when we are provoked - and those consequences only grow larger as we grow older. That is why it is important to try to avoid physical confrontations when we can.

If I discovered that my son threw the first punch, I would certainly weigh the "smack". There are some things that a kid that age should get hit for saying (IMO). Of course, that would also help me decide if my son deserved to get punched.

Boys fight. Hopefully he will learn from this...

FWIW, I'd take these fights over the stuff that girls do to each other any day...

 

[karibritt01]

I was also told to be expecting a call from our local police department so that they may speak with my son regarding charges against the other child. I'm told this is mandated by the school because there is a an in-school police officer.

My son had an issue with a bully in the gym locker room. He did not tell us about it... I found out from the parent of his friend in his gym class. We let the school handle it as they saw fit, and were pleased to hear the other child received a 10-day suspension for it. We did not press charges against the other child, but made sure the parents knew that we would go back and do so if their child approached, made comments to, or touched my son again in any way for the remainder of the year. Since our charges would have been assault and battery and wrongful imprisonment, the other kid's parents took us very seriously.

The principal will not (or should not) tell you anything about the specifics of this other boy's disciplinary issues. As a matter of fact, I'm kind of surprised he said anything about the other boy at all. Heh, even though the adults/administration won't/can't tell you any repercussions with the other kid or what other incidents have happened?... I bet all the kids know.

When punishments were handed out, we were not told what it would be. But my son was allowed to sit in the principal's office during the process, and he told us all about it after he got home.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'd like to see a Bullying thread around here (maybe this could be it?). It seems to be more of an issue now that my kids are in Middle School, even if in subtle ways. I'd like to hear ideas about how best to handle certain situations, especially from different perspectives like parents, school personnel and police. Seems we're not all on the same page, even when there are Zero Tolerance policies in place.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

We've had some serious bullying incidents here in MA recently.

A few weeks ago a young woman committed suicide over some "cyber bullying" that was taking place.

And this, this week: 11yo Charged with Bullying

The 11-year-old charged in three bullying incidents at a Waltham elementary school is suspected of other bullying attempts, say school officials, who added that they were stunned by the level of intimidation involved.

Peter Azar, Waltham schools superintendent, said an interview today that children felt threatened by the bully to the point that they wouldn’t talk until prodded by adults to open up.

“They were scared to talk,” he said. “They weren’t saying anything to anybody. They just did not go to an adult and tell them what was going on.”

The child, who is not being identified, was charged by police Jan. 25, with two counts of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, using a foot and a locker door, and one count of assault with a dangerous weapon using scissors.

http://www.boston.com/yourtown/news/waltham/2010/02/waltham_police_charge_11_year.html?comments=all

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

JMO, but I don't think that kids end their lives because of bullying. If anyone ends their life at that age, there was something else at play - probably mental illness. Again, JMO...

 

[luvsJack]

I would tell my son that I am proud of his decision to stand up for himself, including his physical defense of himself in the fight. Then I would point out that there are consequences for this kind of thing, even when we are provoked - and those consequences only grow larger as we grow older. That is why it is important to try to avoid physical confrontations when we can.

If I discovered that my son threw the first punch, I would certainly weigh the "smack". There are some things that a kid that age should get hit for saying (IMO). Of course, that would also help me decide if my son deserved to get punched.

Boys fight. Hopefully he will learn from this...

FWIW, I'd take these fights over the stuff that girls do to each other any day... :scared1:

Ain't it the truth!!! When my son's were growing up they got into fights with each other and a few with classmates. It happens. But when the fight was over, it was over. Girls on the other hand can be mean and vicious for days--even months!!!


OP, hope your son is ok. Younger ds ended up with a swollen nose and two black eyes once--he ran into the corner of the table. (he was four). But, he didn't have the blurry vision or a headache, that would really worry me.

 

[KAMLEM]

It is what you do when you play cards with my family.

JMO, but I don't think that kids end their lives because of bullying. If anyone ends their life at that age, there was something else at play - probably mental illness. Again, JMO...

Have you ever been bullied? It can be pretty devastating. I had to wear leg braces for a while when I was a kid and there was an older girl on my bus that teased me. I was sick to my stomach every morning worrying about riding the bus with her. I had trouble sleeping at night thinking about it. I was afraid to tell anyone because I thought she'd beat me up if she found out that I told. I can definitely understand how a kid could commit suicide if it's bad enough.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Have you ever been bullied? It can be pretty devastating. I had to wear leg braces for a while when I was a kid and there was an older girl on my bus that teased me. I was sick to my stomach every morning worrying about riding the bus with her. I had trouble sleeping at night thinking about it. I was afraid to tell anyone because I thought she'd beat me up if she found out that I told. I can definitely understand how a kid could commit suicide if it's bad enough.

I was answering the definition of "talking smack". I don't know why you are quoting me.

 

[Poohgirl]

Well DS seems to be doing ok. The Dr. wants us to watch him for signs of concussion, and if anything worsens to call. But I think he is just a bit battered and bruised.

He looks ok. May end up with a black eye, nose is slightly swollen but he says it feels ok. His cheek and forehead hurt the worst right now and are already bruising.

I was able to get more details. They were not actually on the bus. It started on the bus, with the "smack" talk and was done. Then as they were getting off the bus at school the other child ran up to him from behind and started punching him in the face a few times then tackled him to the ground and started kneeing his head. He got all the scrapes from the asphalt. DS was a able to push him off and jump away.

So at this point i'm not even sure if there will be bus consequences for the other child. DS is not thrilled with the fact he may have to deal with him on the bus tomorrow or Monday.

I'm sad to hear all of the common stories. Kids can be so mean sometimes.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well DS seems to be doing ok. The Dr. wants us to watch him for signs of concussion, and if anything worsens to call. But I think he is just a bit battered and bruised.

He looks ok. May end up with a black eye, nose is slightly swollen but he says it feels ok. His cheek and forehead hurt the worst right now and are already bruising.

I was able to get more details. They were not actually on the bus. It started on the bus, with the "smack" talk and was done. Then as they were getting off the bus at school the other child ran up to him from behind and started punching him in the face a few times then tackled him to the ground and started kneeing his head. He got all the scrapes from the asphalt. DS was a able to push him off and jump away.

So at this point i'm not even sure if there will be bus consequences for the other child. DS is not thrilled with the fact he may have to deal with him on the bus tomorrow or Monday.

I'm sad to hear all of the common stories. Kids can be so mean sometimes.

Wow, that is horsecrap.

 

[dzorn]

JMO, but I don't think that kids end their lives because of bullying. If anyone ends their life at that age, there was something else at play - probably mental illness. Again, JMO...

Yes they do. And unfortuatly when people don't take it seriously it can end up with a child losing his life.

I hope your son is OK.

Denise in MI

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Have you ever been bullied? It can be pretty devastating. I had to wear leg braces for a while when I was a kid and there was an older girl on my bus that teased me. I was sick to my stomach every morning worrying about riding the bus with her. I had trouble sleeping at night thinking about it. I was afraid to tell anyone because I thought she'd beat me up if she found out that I told. I can definitely understand how a kid could commit suicide if it's bad enough.

Yes - and I fought back. I lost (badly, on a few occasions ), but the bullying stopped every time after I showed that I wasn't going to just take it. We moved a lot when I was growing up (military family), so I went through this several times...