offering your seat up on the bus???

[maddhatir]

A person who wants a seat has the option of waiting for the next bus. A guest boarding a full bus should understand they'll be standing. One could argue it's rude for a female to board a full bus and expect someone to give up a seat just because that guest didn't want to wait for the next bus.

I agree with the previous posters, it's sexist to assume a male should always offer his seat to a woman. Now if there is one seat it might be rude for the husband to take it and leave his wife standing but that's a matter between the two of them.

Any able person, male or female, should offer a seat to a pregnant woman, a person holding an infant or someone with an obvious disability.

obviously there are also men who have the same feelings as some of us women becasue they do offer their seat- i dont think there was ever a time in my 10 times going to disney on almost every bus ride i have taken that a man did not offer his seat to a woman.

my husband is on his feet all day (mechanic) and he has very bad knees. his feet kill him after all day at the parks too- but he still offers on his own.

and- when everyone states we are all in the same boat being tired after a day at the parks.....what about in the morning-- on the way to the parks?

i understand we all have our own opinion on this subject and no matter how many more posts i write-- we all will never change our mind..... saying that...

truce and adios.

 

[keishashadow]

Many times when departing from parks we've purposely waited for the next bus in order to get a seat. Notice I indicate "a" seat (unless bus is uncrowded DH & DS will always give up their seat - called a random act of kindness )...and I usually follow if a less-able person is near me. Our family members were raised to know to give up their seat to elderly man/woman or anyone w/obvious disability.

My take on small children is to have them double up w/Mom or Dad...free up the kid's seats for an adult. Additionally, why don't people just sit their kids down on the bus floor between them - certainly better than them trying to hang on @ high speed turns.

The shoe was on the other foot for us last trip...DS had to use a transport chair due to a foot condition he devloped (and may have to use for the next year or two). The inconsiderate behaviour displayed toward us and our "folding chair" (no bigger than a stoller) was a real eye-opener. Trust me folks, no one chooses to lug a WC on the bus - whatever happened to "...there for the grace of God go I". More like "...so sad-too bad". Too bad - indeed, IMO.

 

[Hannathy]

I think Lewisc hit it right on the head If you want a seat for sure don't get on an over crowded bus. If you do accept you will stand. That said I will hold my child to free a seat, never put packages or strollers on a seat if it is needed, and do get up for elderly although I question in my mind why they got on.
I do not expect a man to get up for me I am perfectly able to stand if he is.
People just need to start waiting for the next bus or accept they are getting on a STANDING room only bus. I mean folks it is Florida you aren't going to get frostbite or something waiting on the next bus - which is why on a city bus I will give my seat to a person with child.

 

[wee-haggis]

A person with a young child (that has to be held or carried)....no problem,they should stay in their seats.

But for kids over 9 or 10 years old, they (and their parents) should show respect for their elders and offer their seats. Unfortunately many parents with kids in the older age group simply don't care or in some cases are completely oblivious to folk holding young kids or babies and older folk.
By the same token,if someone is sitting in aseat and their young child is sitting next to them....the parent should be taking the kid onto their lap and offering the seat to a standing adult.(this is all too common.....and annoying )

 

[ckdisfan]

Soemtimes I put my bag on a seat at the airport if my kids or husband gets up to use the restroom or get something to eat----to save their seat for them when they return. It may be the case for others at the airport too. But--on the bus--that is wrong when others need a seat!!

 

[mytwotinks]

I am a very healthy 36yom and I would never give up my seat just because someone is a female. Like a another poster said equal rights. You can't have you cake and eat it too. Now a lady with an infant, pregnant, disabled, elderly...yes in a heartbeat. But a healthy woman. no way.

Your mother must be so proud!

 

[mytwotinks]

I'd like to ask all of these men who are so proud of the fact that they would not give up a seat or open a door for a lady......... When you date or marry or raise your daughters, are you looking for ladylike qualities? I mean, do you want to date a girl who burps in public and picks her nose, or do you want a ladylike woman who isn't ashamed to be treated like a lady? In my experience most men do. AND in my experience, most of those women are looking for a guy that will hold her door and pull out her chair and even, dare I say it, give up their seat on a bus to another lady.

 

[Hannathy]

I hardly equate picking your nose in public with giving up a seat for a woman. I would not want my son dating a girl who didn't give up her seat for someone truly needy not just because of their sex. If healthy women are to be treated equally by the men on the athletic field then it is pretty antiquated for those same men to give up their seats to these so called equals. and No I wouldn't want my daughter to date some one who was so chauvinistic to think all women need protected to that extent. Everyone should be polite but not to old stereotypical standards.

 

[ducklite]

I hardly equate picking your nose in public with giving up a seat for a woman. I would not want my son dating a girl who didn't give up her seat for someone truly needy not just because of their sex. If healthy women are to be treated equally by the men on the athletic field then it is pretty antiquated for those same men to give up their seats to these so called equals. and No I wouldn't want my daughter to date some one who was so chauvinistic to think all women need protected to that extent. Everyone should be polite but not to old stereotypical standards.

Well said! Bravo!

Anne

 

[NancyT]

I hope it's okay for a newbie to pop in with an opinion

Though I don't expect a man to give up a seat for me (a healthy woman not holding an infant, etc) I do think people (men, women, children) should be more courteous to those standing. On our recent trip I had to stand (no biggie, lots were standing, it was a full bus in the morning) but the people in the nearby seats were so rude. I am short, and cannot reach those high holding rails, so was using those on the back of the seats -- an older woman had a real attitide and slid her hand over them so I couldn't use the one next to her dh and another older gentleman (and I use the term loosely, which may be rude of me, but he was obnoxious) on the other side of the aisle kept pushing back on me. I nicely told him I couldn't reach the ones up top and he snorted I should have waited for the next bus then -- it wasn't just me, he didn't want anyone standing near him. I think that was quite rude. I think there are some basic common courtesies people should extend -- giving up a seat is something up to each individual to decide, but being civil and respectful to others on the bus, I think should be standard.

 

[JodyTG]

Chivalry isn't dead. It's out there, you just don't see if very often. I'm happy to say that I married a "southern gentleman" from New York who DOES open my door, pull out my chair, and gives up his seat on buses to women and the elderly. Oh, some women give him attitude at his "neanderthal" ways, but usually they are thankful and (sadly) shocked that he would do that. It was the way that he was raised. Happily, the men in my family are the same way.

Our 2 y/o DS will be raised to do the same thing. We'll just tell him that if a woman gets upset with him being a gentleman, she wouldn't really be someone with whom he'd want to associate anyway.

 

[bicker]

i understand we all have our own opinion on this subject and no matter how many more posts i write-- we all will never change our mind.....

And I don't think anyone should expect anyone to change their mind on what they should and should not do in this regard. Rather, all that I'd hope would happen is that folks change their mind about being judgemental of other, reasonable people, who happen to believe something different.

 

[maddhatir]

Originally Posted by RDS912
I am a very healthy 36yom and I would never give up my seat just because someone is a female. Like a another poster said equal rights. You can't have you cake and eat it too. Now a lady with an infant, pregnant, disabled, elderly...yes in a heartbeat. But a healthy woman. no way.

Your mother must be so proud!

I 2ND THAT ONE.

i am trying to stay out of this, but is very hard.

i just have one (ok a few) more comments

i am assuming most of these posts are women. i just find it hard to believe that every day when all of you go out you do not encounter some form of "kindness" "chivalry"- whatever you may want to call it from a gentleman- just because you are a woman! there are PLENTY of men out there everyday who do nice things just becasue we are women and i appreciate that- not saying i expect it- but is a very nice gesture and YES i like it! as i said before opening a door- if there is a man in front of me- he usually opens the door and lets me in front of him with a wave of his hand to say "after you" (i am curious to know- if RDS912 has done this) - I, as i am sure most of us do, would hold the door for someone behind me, but i would not let them-in front- of me. its just that little extra that makes you think-- what a nice person.

if for some reason (god forbid) i was no longer with my husband and i started dating someone and we were sitting on a bus and he saw a woman standing and would not even offer her a seat- that, to me, would be so unattractive i would no longer want to be with that person.

ok- another example-- this weekend we had a huge snowstorm- i was talking to one of my friends -recently divorced- who said her ex would tell her to shovel the driveway becasue he works all day! (of course this kind of behavior is exactly WHY he is her EX!) but i said there is NO WAY my husband would even EXPECT that of me. sure i do help out sometimes and i dont EXPECT him to do it- but he would never expect me to do it. he just tells me to go ahead inside and he will take care of it. this is just the kind of person he is.

another example-- same friend- she had a flat tire in the rain outside of a restaurant a few weeks back. she called a male friend of hers on his cell and asked for help (he was just inside the restaurant) he said no way am i changing a tire in the rain!!! (what a wimp) she had to call another male friend who drove 20 minutes just to help her out-- when he arrived he noticed several men standing by their car clearly seeing my friend was in need of help- but they did not offer- HE WAS FURIOUS! i wont repeat what he called them.

but what most of you are saying is women are just as able as men-- sorry but i still think men should offer to do "gentlemenly" things all of the time.

i am sorry but why would someone (such as myself and a few others) need to keep defending men with good qualities- i am very surprised.

i am also surprised that women react the way they do (by reading some posts) almost as if they are insulted by men being nice.

its sad.

blast away!

 

[blitzkrieg048]

I'd like to ask all of these men who are so proud of the fact that they would not give up a seat or open a door for a lady......... When you date or marry or raise your daughters, are you looking for ladylike qualities? I mean, do you want to date a girl who burps in public and picks her nose, or do you want a ladylike woman who isn't ashamed to be treated like a lady? In my experience most men do. AND in my experience, most of those women are looking for a guy that will hold her door and pull out her chair and even, dare I say it, give up their seat on a bus to another lady.

That maybe one of the most idiotic, unthoughtful, irrelevent comments I've ever heard.
Being an able bodied 35 year old man I more often than naot offer my seat to anyone who needs it more than I do, man, woman or child. But there are days when a person just needs to sit. I don't judge anyone for that. I'm not a mind reader, and I don't expect anyone to act the way I do or believe in the things I do, except for my boys. As far as "ladylike qualities" that you mentioned, I'm sure "ladies" also liked to be loved, respected, and have a man be loyal to them. It's great to hold a door for your lady, but what good is it if he's cheating on her. Opinions are just that, opinions. Everyone has them. I think the expression goes "Don't judge a book by it's cover". Get over it and move on.

 

[crzy4dsny]

It must be that time of the month again

 

[blitzkrieg048]

It must be that time of the month again

Ooooooooh, that's just wrong, funny, but wrong.

 

[bicker]

I don't think that's it, crzy. Rather, I think, these days, some folks may hunger for refuge from the complexity of a multi-cultural society, and perhaps believing even in just one's self-crafted illusion of social superiority can provide a small measure of comfort. Many people do see the idea of archaic chivalry as inconsequential, but that inconsequentiality affords such advocacy the advantage of being insulated from connotations of intolerance -- it is a flag people can rally under without much concern about being accused of specific prejudice.

 

[goofy4tink]

Guys, can we discuss nicely here??! Let's not get insulting towards each other. I think most of us can agree that 'manners' are nice and while it's nice to have doors held open for us, as women, we can get it ourselves. I think that most of the men out there would be perfectly happy to offer their seat on a crowded bus to a an older woman, or even gentleman, or someone holding a baby. This is a transportation board, not a debate board!!! Let's agree to disagree and move on....we all have our own opinions on this and I really don't think anyone is going to change anyone else's mind.

 

[maddhatir]

I don't think that's it, crzy. Rather, I think, these days, some folks may hunger for refuge from the complexity of a multi-cultural society, and perhaps believing even in just one's self-crafted illusion of social superiority can provide a small measure of comfort. Many people do see the idea of archaic chivalry as inconsequential, but that inconsequentiality affords such advocacy the advantage of being insulated from connotations of intolerance -- it is a flag people can rally under without much concern about being accused of specific prejudice.

hmmmmm- well that explanation just shut us all up!

 

[maddhatir]

It must be that time of the month again

for which one of us!