Offended

[MOREMICKEYFORME]

Hi all! Sorry I fell asleep last night while dis-boarding! This thread sure did take on a lot of pages while I slept. Just to be clear, this woman DID take her husbands last name when they got married, she was offended by the fact that I did not use her first name on the envelope. The funny thing is, I did not take my husband's last name, I kept mine, and I get mail addressed to Mrs Myhusbandslastname all the time. It really never occurred to me to be offended by that. I don't sweat the small stuff.

I did respond to her facebook post, this was my response:

I see you got my card! Glad to see you picked up on the fact that I was making a concerted effort to insult you. Mission accomplished! And now I know that you got the message I obviously intended, I assure you will not have to worry about how your card is addressed next year.


My comment has has 16 likes so far. She has not responded or commented.

LOVE this response!!!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

When Mary the Mother of Jesus got Christmas cards, I wonder if she was offended when they were address to "Mrs. Joseph of Nazareth". Somebody should check her Facepapayrus timeline to see.

 

[SaraJayne]

Hi all! Sorry I fell asleep last night while dis-boarding! This thread sure did take on a lot of pages while I slept. Just to be clear, this woman DID take her husbands last name when they got married, she was offended by the fact that I did not use her first name on the envelope. The funny thing is, I did not take my husband's last name, I kept mine, and I get mail addressed to Mrs Myhusbandslastname all the time. It really never occurred to me to be offended by that. I don't sweat the small stuff.

I did respond to her facebook post, this was my response:

I see you got my card! Glad to see you picked up on the fact that I was making a concerted effort to insult you. Mission accomplished! And now I know that you got the message I obviously intended, I assure you will not have to worry about how your card is addressed next year.


My comment has has 16 likes so far. She has not responded or commented.

Good for you.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I did respond to her facebook post, this was my response:

I see you got my card! Glad to see you picked up on the fact that I was making a concerted effort to insult you. Mission accomplished! And now I know that you got the message I obviously intended, I assure you will not have to worry about how your card is addressed next year.


My comment has has 16 likes so far. She has not responded or commented.

Even though I would have felt like doing that, and she most certainly deserved it, however I wouldn't have send a comment like that back to her publicly. First of all, it's sarcastic, second of all it turns things into a pissing match, and third, I prefer to take the high road, even when someone has been rude. I think it would have been better to have sent a message privately or to have sent a less sarcastic message publicly (IE, something along the lines of, "I addressed the envelope per the guidelines of proper etiquette, which you obviously have a right to disagree with. However, posting it here is rude, plain and simple. Personally, I would rather be old-fashioned than rude.") . Like I said, she deserved it and I would have certainly thought the thought you did, but rude is rude, even if she did out-rude you.

 

[cluvsdisney]

Hi all! Sorry I fell asleep last night while dis-boarding! This thread sure did take on a lot of pages while I slept. Just to be clear, this woman DID take her husbands last name when they got married, she was offended by the fact that I did not use her first name on the envelope. The funny thing is, I did not take my husband's last name, I kept mine, and I get mail addressed to Mrs Myhusbandslastname all the time. It really never occurred to me to be offended by that. I don't sweat the small stuff.

I did respond to her facebook post, this was my response:

I see you got my card! Glad to see you picked up on the fact that I was making a concerted effort to insult you. Mission accomplished! And now I know that you got the message I obviously intended, I assure you will not have to worry about how your card is addressed next year.


My comment has has 16 likes so far. She has not responded or commented.

LOVE your response!!!

 

[FlyingDumbo]

Even though I would have felt like doing that, and she most certainly deserved it, however I wouldn't have send a comment like that back to her publicly. First of all, it's sarcastic, second of all it turns things into a pissing match, and third, I prefer to take the high road, even when someone has been rude. I think it would have been better to have sent a message privately or to have sent a less sarcastic message publicly (IE, something along the lines of, "I addressed the envelope per the guidelines of proper etiquette, which you obviously have a right to disagree with. However, posting it here is rude, plain and simple. Personally, I would rather be old-fashioned than rude.") . Like I said, she deserved it and I would have certainly thought the thought you did, but rude is rude, even if she did out-rude you.

I don't actually mind being rude to those who deserve it. Sometimes you have to call people out on their crap. I don't go looking for it, but well, every now and then it you get what you ask for.

 

[Hardy]

Love your response OP! I really don't send out or receive Xmas cards anymore, except for a few elderly relatives. I just can't believe someone would be so rude as to take the time to take and post a picture to Facebook. Especially when you are Facebook friends!

I am happy to receive mail as mrs. Husband lastname. I am happy and proud to be his wife, and yes I have my own identity, job, friends, hobbies, life, and name. And, I would be happy a friend thought of me enough to take the time to send me a Christmas card. I just can't fathom someone being offended by a common and accepted way of addressing someone. Guess that's one stamp you will be saving next year!

 

[pyrxtc]

I sent a Christmas card to a family friend and her spouse, and today on facebook there is a picture of the envelope I addressed to them. I had addressed it to " Mr & Mrs (husbands name, last name). The status says something along the lines of it is 2012 and I have my own name and identity. Apparently I should have included both first names? I honestly was not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to fit it all in on the address line. But I can tell you who is OFF the card list from now on.

Anyone else get offended by having your mail addressed this way? I'll be honest, I don't put that much time into getting offended.

At least you didn't address it to "Asian Dave and Linda lastname" like my sister did as a joke. I wonder the the people at the post office took that ???

 

[crashbb]

Funny, a friend just posted this on FB (no envelope though):

Call me Jane, Mommy, or ‘hey you’. I answer to Ma’am, miss, Dr. Taylor or ‘Holly’s Mom’. On behalf of my mother, sisters and my daughters and neices, in support of the millions of little girls who do not have a right to education, who are sold into arranged marriages, who are willing to stand in front of bullets to battle oppression, please do not call me Mrs. Scott Taylor I am not she.

(All names have been changed).

 

[SaraJayne]

Funny, a friend just posted this on FB (no envelope though):



(All names have been changed).

Oh good lord.

 

[shortbun]

I sent a Christmas card to a family friend and her spouse, and today on facebook there is a picture of the envelope I addressed to them. I had addressed it to " Mr & Mrs (husbands name, last name). The status says something along the lines of it is 2012 and I have my own name and identity. Apparently I should have included both first names? I honestly was not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to fit it all in on the address line. But I can tell you who is OFF the card list from now on.

Anyone else get offended by having your mail addressed this way? I'll be honest, I don't put that much time into getting offended.

I never address anything Mr. and Mrs. XXX. I think it's disrespectful to the woman-since you asked. Jane and Sammy Wilson takes the same or possibly less space than Mr. and Mrs. Sammy Wilson. I also would NEVER posted the envelope like she did. Obviously, she was irritated to not be worthy of having her name written. It's so old fashioned(not in a charming way) and patriarchal to address things the way you do it. And to those of you saying it's 'proper ettiquette', that's just not so anymore. I helped a bride address her invitations last summer. Her ettiquette book said each person should have their first name on the envelope.

 

[SaraJayne]

I never address anything Mr. and Mrs. XXX. I think it's disrespectful to the woman-since you asked. Jane and Sammy Wilson takes the same or possibly less space than Mr. and Mrs. Sammy Wilson. I also would NEVER posted the envelope like she did. Obviously, she was irritated to not be worthy of having her name written. It's so old fashioned(not in a charming way) and patriarchal to address things the way you do it.

I *am* Mrs. Lastname. How in the world is that "disrespectful"?

If I am addressing something to both people that live in a household and they are married, it is addressed as Mr. and Mrs. Lastname.

This is another reason I don't send out cards anymore ~ people will find anything possible to ***** about.

 

[fairestoneofall]

i think people get so offended by the slightest things. really, you were thoughtful enough to send her a card. and really, being offended by THAT? just wow.

i don't even pay attention to how people address our cards. i'm just happy to receive them!

as it is, her posting on FB was incredibly rude and tactless. i don't know that i could resist the urge to post something snarky.

 

[kamik86]

Honestly I dont' mind Mr. and Mrs. <Last Name> but I really do hate Mr. and Mrs. <DH name> <last name>.

Why because he is the guy is he more important to be named then I am. I am not just DH's wife... I have my own identify.

That being said I have only been openly offended and said something once when I was referred to in the manner of <DH's> wife... but that was because it was my own mother who called me that because she could remember my husband's name and not mine at the moment (She has for years had a tendency to confuse us kids and ask for us by the names of the other sisters or nieces when she is either angry with us or flustered for some other reason)

 

[EMHDad]

wife and I are personally not fans of referring to the husband and wife with Mr. & Mrs. Husband's Full Name. I am not goingto make a spectacle of it. However, it rubs us the wrong way and is slightly offensive to us.

That said, I believe grace should be offered and we know that an action like this is unintentional.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I don't actually mind being rude to those who deserve it. Sometimes you have to call people out on their crap. I don't go looking for it, but well, every now and then it you get what you ask for.

The problem is, from her perspective you were being rude with how you addressed the envelope. No, I do not agree with her on that, but it seems that's how she took it. So she was then rude on facebook (really rude, IMO). To then turn around and be rude back, however much she deserved it, simply escalates the situation. Better to respond to her with how you really feel instead of by using sarcasm (and believe me, I can easily go the sarcasm route without pause.... ). It simply fueled a situation instead of defusing it. BTW, if we are rating rudeness, she does get the award.

 

[jodifla]

I don't actually mind being rude to those who deserve it. Sometimes you have to call people out on their crap. I don't go looking for it, but well, every now and then it you get what you ask for.

Me too, but in this case, I'm not sure what it gets you. You look as bad as she does on Facebook.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I much prefer "Mary and John Smith" over "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith," but I wouldn't get offended by the latter.

I would, however, get offended at your family member's passive aggressive rudeness.

 

[nathalee81]

Funny, a friend just posted this on FB (no envelope though):



(All names have been changed).

I'm sorry, but this is utterly ridiculous.

Because of all the above, the miniscule doesn't concern me.

However, it does concern me that employers want to pay women less than men for the same job or when a man decides he can tell me what to do with MY body.

Those are the issues, as women, we should be concerned about. Not, whether someone holds open a door for us (which is just courtesy, as far as I'm concerned) or if someone calls me Mrs. so and so.

What is that saying-we can't see the forest for the trees?

 

[ImDMous]

I am happy to receive mail as mrs. Husband lastname. I am happy and proud to be his wife, and yes I have my own identity, job, friends, hobbies, life, and name. And, I would be happy a friend thought of me enough to take the time to send me a Christmas card. I just can't fathom someone being offended by a common and accepted way of addressing someone. Guess that's one stamp you will be saving next year!

This!! I really don't have the energy to worry about every perceived slight that has no effect whatsoever on my life. Is it going to impact one second of my day to be called Mrs Hubby? Not in the least, move on. I'm just happy to get cards.