Offended

[Gumbo4x4]

If I sent a card to "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe" this year & saw that on Facebook, I'd send a card next year to "Mr. John Doe".

 

[gottaluvPluto]

Wow! I would hate to see what she does when something really important annoys her.

 

[hallie]

Wow that's rude, they wouldn't be getting a card next year.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Wow! I would hate to see what she does when something really important annoys her.

10:1 odds that she routinely posts, "I just can't stand drama in my life!" at least once a month on Facebook

 

[Buckalew11]

I had no idea this was "wrong" and frowned upon by so many.

I'm wondering how I addressed Mare's Thanksgiving card now, lmbo.

I thought it was bad that my MIL thinks it is horrible when someone prints on an envelope instead of writing.

So many rules and preferences... ugh.

It does not bother me to receive a letter addressed to Mrs. Husband'sfirst Lastname.
I never thought about it having anything to do with losing my own identity, etc.

 

[Disney Doll]

I am truly amazed at the time people have on their hands to be able to be offended abot something so insignificant that it shouldn't even register on one's radar.

It must be nice...

 

[sayheyrenee]

I would send another addressed
Mr John Doe & his *itch wife

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I'm wondering how I addressed Mare's Thanksgiving card now, lmbo.

I'm not sure...I still have the card, but can't find the envelope. I don't recall being terribly horrified at how it was addressed, but that could be because I was so happy you sent one.

And sometimes it's not about how one addresses the envelope, but how one signs the card.

 

[bethbuchall]

I had no idea this was "wrong" and frowned upon by so many.

I'm wondering how I addressed Mare's Thanksgiving card now, lmbo.

I thought it was bad that my MIL thinks it is horrible when someone prints on an envelope instead of writing.

So many rules and preferences... ugh.

It does not bother me to receive a letter addressed to Mrs. Husband'sfirst Lastname.
I never thought about it having anything to do with losing my own identity, etc.

I agree. I didn't know that I was so old fashioned. Honestly, it doesn't even register how mail is addressed to me.

After reading some of the other Christmas card threads and this one, I really don't have much desire to send out cards. I never knew that there were so many judgmental people just waiting to pounce on whether you write too much or too little, that you send or don't send a photo of your kids, that you know the person too well or not well enough to be sending a card, that you address the card incorrectly, that it's too religious or not religious enough, etc. It's a little disheartening. I hope that my friends and relatives accept any greeting in the spirit it's intended and don't feel snubbed or offended or negative about it.

 

[dsneprincess]

I didn't realize (well, actually.....I probably could have just asked my tween) I was so out of touch. OP, I also addressed all my Christmas cards this way! I agree it was rude to post on FB!

 

[disney1990]

That was very rude of her. You did absolutely nothing wrong OP. That is a standard way to address something.

She was rude!!

 

[Aurora63]

If I sent a card to "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe" this year & saw that on Facebook, I'd send a card next year to "Mr. John Doe".

I love this response!!!

The woman who posted this on fb was incredibly rude!! How about being happy that someone thought enough of you to send you a card at all?? She sounds like a whack job. I'd have a hard time not replying, too, but I would likely unfriend her.

 

[2girls4me]

Rude.

We address to mr and mrs husbands first name too. Or the so-and-so family. People are idiots and will fer worked up over anything.

 

[Imzadi]

I'm not sure...I still have the card, but can't find the envelope. I don't recall being terribly horrified at how it was addressed, but that could be because I was so happy you sent one.

And sometimes it's not about how one addresses the envelope, but how one signs the card.

If you were offended, I'm sure you would have posted it on the DIS.

 

[Ember]

I kept my own name and by preference prefer the title "Ms."

While I do personally disagree with the tradition of a wife being addressed as "Mrs. His Name," I recognize that it is traditional. (I actually strongly agree that I have my own identity and I am not a subset of my husband.) That said, I don't think twice about mistakes that are made with either the last name or the title. Heck, half the time he gets called "Mr. MyLastName."

There was no intended offense and to be offended by what was meant as a kind gesture is ridiculous. To publish it on Facebook like that is tacky and rude.

 

[Buckalew11]

I'm not sure...I still have the card, but can't find the envelope. I don't recall being terribly horrified at how it was addressed, but that could be because I was so happy you sent one.

And sometimes it's not about how one addresses the envelope, but how one signs the card.

Oh too funny, Aunt Mare!!!! I forgot that one!

If you were offended, I'm sure you would have posted it on the DIS.

I did post a card from MY SISTER once on FB (on her page). SHe sent me a b-day card that, on the card itself said, "Happy Birthday to my brother!"

To this day I tell her I am her baby brother-sister!

 

[sasywtch]

She was rude for putting that on Facebook but I am in the camp of hating Mrs John Doe. I use to tell my (now ex) husband, you have mail.

I don't care what Emily Post says, that way of addressing was when men brought home the bacon, women didn't have credit cards in their name (I can remember Wards issuing us two John Doe credit cards and I was an authorized signer (woo hoo). He was considered the one responsible to pay the bills.

Well, those days are considered gone and honestly that way of addressing mail should be too. It just reminds me of the Lucy and Ricky days when he gave her her household budget and got in trouble if she went over. It just made women very weak/meek. I had a much older coworker and she enjoyed it though. All her banking info including checks were Mrs John Doe.

Anyway, the person was wrong in posting it on Facebook.

 

[NotUrsula]

Well, I've always maintained that FB is of the Devil, but anyway ...

Even if she was offended, it was rude to post a FB rant about it using the envelope.

That said, if you *do* know that a person prefers to be referred to by his or her legal name, it is a bit passive-aggressive not to honor that preference.

I did not change my name when I married. I really do not mind if I am sent things that refer to me as "Mrs. X" in a social context, but if you are sending me anything that is of a legal nature, such as a check or a contract, it will definitely be irritating to me if you use a name that is not mine. I don't have any ID that identifies me by my husband's last name, so in such a case I'll have to send it back to you and ask you to re-issue it with the correct name.

So, a greeting card? No sweat. A gift in the form of a check? Problem. I've been married for over 20 years, and my MIL still sends me "birthday gift" checks written out with my first name and my husband's last name. That creates a nasty little tradition where I have to take the check back to her and ask her to either not bother with a gift or to write a new check -- infuriating doesn't begin to describe this little game of hers.

 

[sookie]

10:1 odds that she routinely posts, "I just can't stand drama in my life!" at least once a month on Facebook

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Awesome.

OP, I would post something resembling an apology on her facebook - so she knows that you saw it. What a jerk! You have nothing to be sorry for though.

 

[cornflake]

I had no idea this many people used the Mr. & Mrs. Doe thing.

I have never in my life addressed an envelope that way, nor would I.

That said, agree it was passive agressive to start a fb thing about it instead of just telling you personally.