off topic but please hug your children and tell them you love them today

[VACAMPER]

Don't give up Dan, my heart just aches for you.

 

[AuburnJen92]

Dan, I know you don't feel like an inspiration to others, but you are. Keep plugging on one day at a time. That is all anyone could ever ask for. Have a better day tomorrow than today man.

 

[LORNADUCK]

Dan, all you can do it take one day at a time. Your love for your family is amazing, they need you. You are still in my thoughts daily.

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

I will try and check in when I can. It is hard to see the posts of people being so happy to go to the fort. I know its not their fault and I am glad they are happy. Its just that I don't know if I can ever be happy again.

I know this feeling. When I lost someone, it felt like all the happy was permanently gone from my bones. After a (long) while, I realized I felt guilty if I felt the twinges of happiness coming on -- like I *shouldn't* be happy or something. And a while after that, I remember very vividly when I laughed for the first time -- the sound of my own laugh shocked me, because I hadn't heard it in so long.

Nothing new I can add...just hang in there, day by freaking day. Surround yourself with people who care and be gentle with them and yourself. You can do this, Dan.

 

[disney4dan]

Thanks, but I can assure you that I don't feel I am inspiring anyone at this time in my life.

I get inspiration in the fact that you have the strength to keep reminding us how important each day with our kids are. That you are still hanging in there for your family. I'm sure there are people locally who admire your strength as well and will rely on that example when they have their own complications in life.

At work today I walked past some flowers and they smelled just like a funeral home. Needless to say I had to head outside quickly.

Nothing wrong with that, always a good time for a walk. Had to do that a few times myself; turned around and gone home sometimes when almost in the parking lot.

Please everyone hug your kids and tell them how much you love them no matter what they do. Losing a child sucks and they can be gone in the blink of an eye. Jeff was less than 10 secs from home when he died.

I count my blessings every day, like right now when my 9 year old just wandered downstairs with his blanket to curl up on the couch with our cat.(Should be a dog, but I lost that argument 20 years ago).

Not doing well with this as I know there is something I should have done or said to him the last night I saw him alive. Just can't get that out of my head. As I have said before I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

I will try and check in when I can. It is hard to see the posts of people being so happy to go to the fort. I know its not their fault and I am glad they are happy. Its just that I don't know if I can ever be happy again.

You have gone through the most difficult and painful thing I can think of, but I know you will have more happy times. Jeff would want you to grieve, but to also enjoy each day when you can. Have you found any ways to help lessen the pain yet? I found that going for a walk to get some fresh air can help. I read more, including the disboards, but also some good old novels just to distract myself. In order to make the commute easier I have picked up an iPod to listen to podcasts and comedies that keep me from getting caught up in negative thoughts.

Today, I look forward to reading a fresh TCD post and then doing some more boring things. I will drink too much coffee. I will go watch my daughter at an afterschool function during open house and do the proud Dad thing knowing she was asked to represent her class at this; and I will probably embarrass her. Then I will come home and curse Toyota while I change the oil in the truck and drain hot oil down my forearm AGAIN, but look forward to the trip we are taking on Saturday. All these little things have more value now than they did 4 years ago.

 

[weswife]

 

[stacktester]

I get inspiration in the fact that you have the strength to keep reminding us how important each day with our kids are. That you are still hanging in there for your family. I'm sure there are people locally who admire your strength as well and will rely on that example when they have their own complications in life.

Nothing wrong with that, always a good time for a walk. Had to do that a few times myself; turned around and gone home sometimes when almost in the parking lot.

I count my blessings every day, like right now when my 9 year old just wandered downstairs with his blanket to curl up on the couch with our cat.(Should be a dog, but I lost that argument 20 years ago).


You have gone through the most difficult and painful thing I can think of, but I know you will have more happy times. Jeff would want you to grieve, but to also enjoy each day when you can. Have you found any ways to help lessen the pain yet? I found that going for a walk to get some fresh air can help. I read more, including the disboards, but also some good old novels just to distract myself. In order to make the commute easier I have picked up an iPod to listen to podcasts and comedies that keep me from getting caught up in negative thoughts.

Today, I look forward to reading a fresh TCD post and then doing some more boring things. I will drink too much coffee. I will go watch my daughter at an afterschool function during open house and do the proud Dad thing knowing she was asked to represent her class at this; and I will probably embarrass her. Then I will come home and curse Toyota while I change the oil in the truck and drain hot oil down my forearm AGAIN, but look forward to the trip we are taking on Saturday. All these little things have more value now than they did 4 years ago.

Dan when I was reading this I had to smile because you always offer a good reply. Reminds me in Forrest Gump when he says "momma always explained things so as I could understand them". It's good we have so many good friends on this board. I've got better friends on here than in my day to day life. We've met some of the most genuine people at the GG's and while at FW. Dan Bishop being one of them. It's funny how a little page on Dis has created the friendships it has.

 

[LORNADUCK]

Dan and Rog, I want to thank you both because you both always seem to put into words the things I might be thinking but can't put into words.
Donnie you are right, the fiends that I have come to know on these boards offer great friendship and comforting words all the time. I know we can always count on each other.
Dan Bishop how are you doing? I am thinking about you every day and hope that somehow you are getting thru, you are in my prayers.

 

[auntie]

Please everyone hug your kids and tell them how much you love them no matter what they do. Losing a child sucks and they can be gone in the blink of an eye. Jeff was less than 10 secs from home when he died.

Not doing well with this as I know there is something I should have done or said to him the last night I saw him alive. Just can't get that out of my head. As I have said before I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Thanks for checking in Dan.

This is an incredibly painful time. As a parent..it's only natural to go over in your mind a million times a day, what you could have... or..should have done differently. I pray that someday, you are able to focus more on Jeff's life...rather than what led up to his death. He was truly a gift from God. I believe God chose YOU to be his father, knowing..full well that Jeff would be here for only a brief time.
While, I've not always been a fan of the "God has a plan"..thing..and admitidly, I've got a few questions for him myself... I do know though, that I would not have changed the time I had with my daughter, even if I were to have known how it would end. I think you feel the same.
Focus on his life Dan.

 

[DisneyBishops]

I know I am crazy but I call jeffs phone just to listen to his voice message. He never answers. I also text him e everyday but he never answers those either. Guess I am just crazy for thinking he would.

 

[BRDof3]

I know I am crazy but I call jeffs phone just to listen to his voice message. He never answers. I also text him e everyday but he never answers those either. Guess I am just crazy for thinking he would.

Nope, very healthy in fact. Keep calling annd texting. DW and I have 2 babies in heaven that we never even got to see or hold. Believe me, I have talked to both of them many, many times.

 

[auntie]

I know I am crazy but I call jeffs phone just to listen to his voice message. He never answers. I also text him e everyday but he never answers those either. Guess I am just crazy for thinking he would.

You're not crazy. You're drowning in overwhelming grief, and you want your life back. You want his life back.
I think you know he won't answer, but you need to hear his voice. You want things to be the way they were. If this comforts you, then by all means, call as often as you need to. It's wonderful that you have his voice message.
Only, and please..don't take this the wrong way..because everyone is different. If hearing his voice is like a punch in the gut that takes your breath away...then give yourself the gift of just a little time. Keep his message..know that it's there for you when you need to hear it. Just allow yourself to take a breath now and then. Again..if I'm out of line...I apologize profusly.

 

[BigDaddyRog]

Youre not nuts, Dan...writing(texting) is the only therapy that MAY riaval beating the crap out of stuff. In fact...when Im hitting the lows that my life finds(nowhere NEAR as hard as your current lows) and I need to release it all....after I beat the crap out of something CHEAP that wont cost me a fortune to replace(Ive been down THAT expensive road!!)...I usually end up on the web....pecking my brains out on the keyboard to anyone who will listen.....or WONT listen. In your case...Jeff's definately listening, and cares.....text the hell out of him, Dan!!! Keep calling his voicemail...the sound of his voice HAS to comfort you.....it was there before the accident, its still there now...THATS NORMALCY.....perhaps the ONLY normalcy you are within reach of.

Dan...you bravely remind us to love our kids and never let them forget. Thank you for that...but, YOU have to remember that as well! Grab your wifes face with both hands and kiss her hard, give your daughters a "noogie" just for a smile......so much pain NEEDS a counter-action, and you may have to FORCE that counter action a few times before its back to being NORMAL for you. Pick on the kids some...tease the wife again, slap her on the *** and let her know your still there and havent forgotten, even though its just not time yet....it will be eventually.

 

[PolynesianPixie]

I know I am crazy but I call jeffs phone just to listen to his voice message. He never answers. I also text him e everyday but he never answers those either. Guess I am just crazy for thinking he would.

I think you'll find he answers in very different ways....

Not sure about your faith....but this just may speak to you. I know it speaks to me. Listen until the end. In my opinion anyway...it is truly beautiful.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjXYlwvS5LY

 

[3gr8kids]

Hi Dan. Was just thinking about you and wanted to stop in to say "hey"

 

[BigDaddyRog]

I think you'll find he answers in very different ways....

Not sure about your faith....but this just may speak to you. I know it speaks to me. Listen until the end. In my opinion anyway...it is truly beautiful.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjXYlwvS5LY

Ami...I REALLY liked that!!!!! Whoa......that guys.........like a rock star!!!!

 

[DisneyBishops]

well another first today. The first month without Jeff. Just wish I could hug him and tell him I love him.

 

[Just Beachy]

I'm sure the "first's" are and will be impossibly difficult. But you can definitely still tell Jeff how much you love him. Talk to him. He's listening. And we're always here to listen to you.

 

[auntie]

well another first today. The first month without Jeff. Just wish I could hug him and tell him I love him.

Praying for you Dan.

 

[kampfirekim]

I think you'll find he answers in very different ways....

Not sure about your faith....but this just may speak to you. I know it speaks to me. Listen until the end. In my opinion anyway...it is truly beautiful.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjXYlwvS5LY

Thanks Poly Pixie! Stayed home from church today, but now I feel I've been just the same. I felt my spirit leaping inside me. Almost cheered out loud! AWESOME!

DisneyBishops, I've been reading this thread for a while, but since I don't know your family, I didn't want to intrude with a post...not to mention my eyes stay blurred with tears. My heart breaks for you. Thanks for the reminder to appreciate and cherish every moment with your children. You may not feel like an inspiration but you are. You've been an inspiration to me and I'm sure countless others that you never knew were out there reading your thread. Much love to you and your family....