Off Disney -Anyone ever have a child that skipped a grade?

[dijid]

I've been reading this thread with interest, and one of the questions that wasn't asked is "who is pushing the grade skip?" I think this is often overlooked. Does the child really want it? Does the administration feel that's the only way they can accomodate them? Have the parents pushed it? And I absolutely agree with the posts about how the grade skip isn't necessarily going to make the work harder. Anyone parenting a highly or profoundly gifted child understands that the needs of these kids are different.

My DH was bored to tears in school and thinks our DS (who was reading at a 4th grade level at age 4) would benefit from a grade skip. I think he's an awful candidate for a grade skip. Some of the stuff I read said it works best when the child's b-day was within 6 months of the cutoff. DS's birthday is close enough to the cutoff that there would be boys 14 months older than him already. A grade skip could mean kids over 2 years older! So I'm homeschooling him. I know it isn't an option for everyone, but it is working for us.

A friend of mine had her daughter do 1/2 yr of kindy, 1/2 year of 1st and then she started this year in 2nd. All through the experience, I got the impression that she was the one pushing. She kept complaining that the school was making them jump through hoops to get her DD where they (parents) thought she should be. I'm her Brownie troop leader and that poor girl is a fish out of water. She absolutely does NOT fit in and in fact seems overwhelmed at times. But other kids at the school have successfully skipped 1st grade.

This certainly isn't a yes/no one-size-fits-all question. It is up to the individual.

 

[MouseLover]

I am a first-grade teacher. When we have that situation at our school, we arrange for a high-achieving student to participate in reading class with an upper grade. We do "leveled reading" now, so it's not as much of an issue. But there have been students in K or 1st who stay in their assigned grade level, but go to a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th grade teacher for reading or math.

 

[FloridaTeacher]

As a teacher (middle school language arts/English), I'll say there is no right or wrong answer to this issue. It depends on the student and the situation.

My mother skipped a grade in middle school and said the first year was very difficult cause everyone in both grades "hated" her (typical middle school attitude). She was a rather mature child so by the next year everything was fine, but I have seen students skip a grade who could handle it fine academically but never could find a "good fit" socially.

My opinion is if the child can handle (and find the "right fit") both academically and socially then go for it! But if you don't think your child is socially ready (if you're not sure ask his or her teachers - they can probably provide some good input) then don't do it. It's not worth your child spending his/her school years being miserable.

One year is not going to make or break their academic achievements (they may also go from being at the top of the class to the bottom). I will say the lower the grade (in which you do the skip) the easier (socially) it is.

 

[traviesojmt]

I've been reading this thread with interest, and one of the questions that wasn't asked is "who is pushing the grade skip?" I think this is often overlooked. Does the child really want it? Does the administration feel that's the only way they can accomodate them? Have the parents pushed it? And I absolutely agree with the posts about how the grade skip isn't necessarily going to make the work harder. Anyone parenting a highly or profoundly gifted child understands that the needs of these kids are different.

My DH was bored to tears in school and thinks our DS (who was reading at a 4th grade level at age 4) would benefit from a grade skip. I think he's an awful candidate for a grade skip. Some of the stuff I read said it works best when the child's b-day was within 6 months of the cutoff. DS's birthday is close enough to the cutoff that there would be boys 14 months older than him already. A grade skip could mean kids over 2 years older! So I'm homeschooling him. I know it isn't an option for everyone, but it is working for us.

A friend of mine had her daughter do 1/2 yr of kindy, 1/2 year of 1st and then she started this year in 2nd. All through the experience, I got the impression that she was the one pushing. She kept complaining that the school was making them jump through hoops to get her DD where they (parents) thought she should be. I'm her Brownie troop leader and that poor girl is a fish out of water. She absolutely does NOT fit in and in fact seems overwhelmed at times. But other kids at the school have successfully skipped 1st grade.

This certainly isn't a yes/no one-size-fits-all question. It is up to the individual.

I completely agree. This is a very tough decison that everyone should be comfortable with. Our son did skip second grade. I was very hesitant at first. We were very lucky to have him enrolled in a wonderful gifted program in Alaska. In first grade, he completed third grade math and was reading on a 5th/6th grade level. Then, we moved. When we arrived at our new school district during the summer before 2nd grade, he was tested and interviewed by the second grade teachers, counselors and principals. They all agreed (including his former gifted teachers) that he would be better suited for third grade. The overriding factor in our decision was that he met the age cutoff requirements for our current state. If we had always lived here, he would have started third grade anyway. In Alaska, he had just missed starting school by a couple of weeks. While he is one the youngest in his class, it is not by much. This was a year ago. He has now started 4th grade and everything has been smooth. He was monitored very closely last year by his teachers and my husband and I. He handled the move perfectly. Since we had moved from a new state, no one in his class knew that he had skipped the previous grade. While he still isn't particularly challenged at school, I wouldn't skip him more than one grade. This worked for us because the age difference isn't large enough for the other kids to notice, our son desperately wanted to more ahead, and the school supported the decision.

 

[shelly3girls]

I am a first-grade teacher. When we have that situation at our school, we arrange for a high-achieving student to participate in reading class with an upper grade. We do "leveled reading" now, so it's not as much of an issue. But there have been students in K or 1st who stay in their assigned grade level, but go to a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th grade teacher for reading or math.

This is what my parents chose to do with me. I went up a grade for math and reading. I am thrilled that they did. I was mature for my age and realize that I would not have wanted to be younger in school particularly when it was time to leave for college. The one thing I found was that by fifth grade your reading level doesn't really matter. By then almost everyone is reading at a high level. For math I was given enrichment along with attending the talented and gifted program. I know it worked out better for me. I was able to graduate first in my class which opened up many college scholarships to me. I am sure I would have done well if I had skipped but unlikely that I would have graduated #1.

As a parent I would not want my DD entering HS at the age of 13. Imagine 13 in a school with 18 year olds No way! Being a teenager is hard enough, I would not want to make it even harder.

 

[OhhBother]

I actually skipped two grades -- 7th and 12th. It's the best thing I ever did. I started college at 16 and had my first full-time job by the time I was 20.

Today, I'm 34, and I continue to reap the benefits of being "ahead" of my peers. I have significantly more work experience than other people my age, and it's allowed me to advance in my career rapidly.

I don't feel like I missed anything by skipping. School was boring for me. I was more mature than kids my age. After I skipped 7th, I actually became friends with a group of kids who were two years older than I was. When they were all ready to graduate, it only made sense that I'd skip 12th and go on to college with them.

I did senior prom with them, band trips with them, senior beach trip with them, etc. So I didn't miss out. The only thing I never got was a senior class picture.

Anyway, put yourself in your child's shoes. There's nothing worse than being BORED all day in school. If he's ready to skip, I say let him skip!

 

[JMLBrats]

I'm so glad to know that there are those of you who've had such a positive experience too! I was talking to my mom about this today and remembered (when she reminded me ) that she had skipped 8th grade. She never really spoke positively or negatively about the experience, I think for her it was kind of a washout. My theory on that is that since that was a huge huge school in NYC maybe it didn't have as much as an impact socially as it would have in a small town due to such diversity within the school anyway. I don't know, I guess it's such an individual thing bottom line. And as another poster said, the more I think about it, I think that if we ever do it, it should be DS's decision to do so-not ours to do to him. In other words, he should be maybe at least a few years older so that he can decide whether it's right for him or not.
He saw something on TV (I think on Nick Gas-his favorite junk TV station ) about a child who had skipped a grade and asked me what exactly that meant. When I explained it to him at first he said, "oh, I definetly want to do that." and then I said "But you'll be a lot younger than everyone else in the class if you do that" and went on to explain it a little more. And when he realized the whole age thing he totally changed his tune and said, "Oh no way, forget it." So there you have it-case closed for now at least. DS is an over acheiver type so I can see why it would appeal to him, but because of that part of his personality I know that he'll do well no matter what and hopefully they will continue to have him in the excel program this year and in future years. I'll also try to keep him stimulated at home as much as possible and be involved w/sports a lot too, which DH and I feel is just as important as school. DS has been playing Hockey for 2+ years, is now trying football and wants to do Karate too! Talk about keeping us busy but we wouldn't want it any other way....

 

[graygables]

As a parent I would not want my DD entering HS at the age of 13. Imagine 13 in a school with 18 year olds No way! Being a teenager is hard enough, I would not want to make it even harder.

I was in a junior high siuation, so I didn't hit the high school until 10th grade (14yo). My 2nd DD was a 15yo sophomore,too, and we did have some issues with R-rated movies in honors history classes, so there are some of those things.

I was very fortunate to be in an overseas DoD school until Jr High, where they weren't afraid to allow advanced students to step outside the box. Like I said, 1/2 my 6th grade year was spent doing no structured schoolwork, I usually missed a minimum of 30 days per year of school for family vacations (we travelled extesively throughout Europe), I read the complete works of Shakespeare at 12, and I took chemistry and computer science (back when it was still punch cards! ) in the 7th grade. It wasn't until we moved back to the States for the 8th grade that I had any sort of problems. It became glaringly apparent that the "system" was not designed to accomodate a 12yo who just took chemistry, computer science, and 2 foreign languages the year before. It really is a horrible feeling knowing that you do NOT belong among your "peers" and no amount of choir, cheerleading, band or football will make you feel better about it, deep down inside.

I'm glad my parents didn't let me make my own decisions about school when I was a kid, nor do I let my DDs make them. They have neither the foresight, hindsight, nor maturity to think through things like this and it is my job as the parent to make the right decision for THEM, not for the football team, not for the teachers, not for the administrators, not for anyone but the child. The one thing I do fault my parents for was not standing up to the idiot principal who wouldn't let me graduate early. She did let a 16yo graduate the following year...my ex-boyfriend!

 

[badblackpug]

I think most schools are against "skipping" because of maturity and socialization issues. Generally, although kids can function on an intellectual level with peers of a different age, they do not function well on a social level. This is also why there is a trend of not leaving children back in early education years, the social stigma causes a self fulfilling prophecy. Kids feel "dumb" so they just stop trying.
My daughter was in this situation in 1st grade and the solution was she took math and reading instruction in the 2nd and 3rd grade classrooms and remained in her age appropriate classroom for the remainder of the day. The 1st grade teacher also gave her extra things to do to keep her stimulated while other children were doing seat work that she already finished. TAG (talented and gifted) program starts in 2nd grade here, so it was a 1st grade only problem.
As other posters said, children do OK when "skipped" in elementary, but have difficulty when it comes to higher grades. Although they are intellectually capable, maturity differences really come to light during adolescence. ...and if you think about it, do you really want your 15 year old hanging out with 18 year olds? Because the kids they go to school with are their peers, not the kids their age.
Some things you could do to stimulate your sone intellectually: Music lessons, learning an instument is very intellectually stimulatin. Learing CDs on the computer at home, you can pick ones geared toward a higher grade level. Check out your local county colleges and sylvan learning centers, many of them have enrichment programs.

 

[JMLBrats]

I think most schools are against "skipping" because of maturity and socialization issues. Generally, although kids can function on an intellectual level with peers of a different age, they do not function well on a social level. This is also why there is a trend of not leaving children back in early education years, the social stigma causes a self fulfilling prophecy. Kids feel "dumb" so they just stop trying.
My daughter was in this situation in 1st grade and the solution was she took math and reading instruction in the 2nd and 3rd grade classrooms and remained in her age appropriate classroom for the remainder of the day. The 1st grade teacher also gave her extra things to do to keep her stimulated while other children were doing seat work that she already finished. TAG (talented and gifted) program starts in 2nd grade here, so it was a 1st grade only problem.
As other posters said, children do OK when "skipped" in elementary, but have difficulty when it comes to higher grades. Although they are intellectually capable, maturity differences really come to light during adolescence. ...and if you think about it, do you really want your 15 year old hanging out with 18 year olds? Because the kids they go to school with are their peers, not the kids their age.
Some things you could do to stimulate your sone intellectually: Music lessons, learning an instument is very intellectually stimulatin. Learing CDs on the computer at home, you can pick ones geared toward a higher grade level. Check out your local county colleges and sylvan learning centers, many of them have enrichment programs.

It's funny that you mention music because I was just talking to someone the other day who gives children both guitar and piano lessons. she used to teach in the jr. high but is now home with her young children. She was saying that piano especially is so intellectually stimulating that it can improve memory and overall brain function. DS wanted to take guitar lessons about a year ago and it never happened and I'm thinking now that we should go for it because he's really at the perfect age to start.

 

[crisi]

Music is a great way for kids to gain intellectual stimulation and its endlessly challenging. No one ever masters an instrument.

The other thing that is great is letting them read. Its going to take some work, because they really don't have the context in seventh grade to understand Anna Karinina, but exposing them to literature at a young age is great. Once again - endlessly challeging. People have spent years unraveling Joyce.

If his tastes run more towards Science and Engineering, let him build and experiment. Find broken stuff and garage sales and let him pull it apart. Give him access to a computer and Visual Basic Express (free from the Microsoft website) for him to learn to program.

 

[maxtomsmom]

I was the youngest kid in my class and we didn't advance our two "gifted and late summer kids." In my experience, bouncing up doesn't make the intellectual stuff more challeging - he'll pick up algebra just as fast when he is exposed to it. Move him up a grade and next year he'll be just as bored. But it does make the social stuff more challenging - being the shortest, last to hit puberty, last to drive, in college - last to be able to go dancing or to a bar - that was tough.

I'd look to extracurricular enrichment. Make sure he has a lot to read. Give him access to Science, Math and Literature above his grade level. Let him study History or Music. Give him something to excel in that isn't in his classroom. And don't expect too much from his teachers, who need to teach down the middle. They'll support you, but keeping him challenged will be your job.

I totally agree with this. Unless your child is super advance where high school work would bore him, then I would wait to skip a grade. Boys have it harder if they cannot do all the things there friends can like drive a car. I know that seems small and way into the future, but what you decide now will effect his future. As a teacher, I have seen kids who skipped and there have been many positive and negative consequences. Even if your son skips a grade, chances are he would still be bored. Would he be the only one in his grade who has skipped? Did you try to meet with the teacher to provide alternate activities? Some should come from him. Young children, especially bright ones, know ways to occupy themselves. In fact that is a true test of genius. They have an incredible ability to come up with ideas to entertain themselves. Perhaps the teacher, the Excel teacher, you and your son could meet once a month and come up with a game plan. We've done this and with the internet, he can do a lot of amazing things, like posing questions to scientists, writing letters to authors, researching answers to questions. Like I said before, some of this could be self-guided with little support from the teachers. You would be teaching your child that learning is something that comes from within him. A lesson most of us should learn while we're young. Socrates was all about that, learning should be self-guided and that true learning only comes from what we most want to know. What a wonderful gift you would be giving your son if you could find a way to enrich him through his quest for knowledge. Ultimately it is your decision and you wouldn't be the only one to skip him if you decide to go ahead with it. Just be prepared if it doesn't meet yours and more importantly his expectations. By the way, have you asked him about school?

 

[solgent]

When I was a kid, the cutoff was Dec 31. As long as you turned 6 that calendar year, you started 1st grade.

My birthday is late Dec. After a few weeks of 1st grade I was moved to 2nd grade. The way my mother tells it, it was entirely the (public) school's decision and she tried to reverse it for several years!! So I was in 2nd grade when I was 5 years and 9 months old. I started HS at 12, went to college at age 16 and graduated at age 20.

I think it worked out well for me. Who knows what would have happened if things had been different, but I always enjoyed school and had friends including boyfriends when the time came. I believe I was pretty immature for my age, let alone compared to my classmates! Getting along with others is just not my strong point. I don't think this was a consequence of my skipping a grade. So, I probably insulted and offended people along the way, not knowing what one should and shouldn't say, but I think my social skills have improved over the years, and I always did have some good friends and felt good about myself.

Now the cutoff (in the states where we've lived) is Sept 1. My twins were born in mid-Sept. The year they turned 5, they were not able to attend public K because they didn't make the cutoff. They were going to private preschool which went through kindergarten. Preschool director said policy is that if parents want to, children can be evaluated by psychologist of his choice. If psych says child is ready for K, child can do K at the preschool. We said, sure, let's find out where they stand. Psych said they were ready for K, and they did K that year.

We moved to a new state and the school said the girls would be in K, because they were very firm about the cutoff date, but not to worry, all children are challenged at their own level. We said fine. Two weeks after school started, school called us for a meeting and said they wanted to promote the girls to 1st grade, and we agreed.

That was 6 years ago and it's working out just fine so far. The girls are well able to do the work and they have friends and get along fine with classmates. Their birthday is so close to the cutoff that I feel it's a non-issue. And the cutoff has been moved up. They are where I would have been if I hadn't skipped first grade. If they'd been premature (as many twins are) they'd be in their current grade, no questions asked.

"Taking away a year of childhood"-- I really disagree with this viewpoint. Your child will have the same number of years in his/her life regardless of what grade s/he is in at the time. If you don't feel comfortable advancing your child, then don't, but it's really judgmental and inappropriate (since you don't know any details of individual situations) to declare that it is bad parenting for others to choose differently for their children.

I haven't let my children watch PG-13 movies like Spiderman and Pirates of the Caribbean! I think that is more damaging to their "innocence" and age-appropriate mindset than being a grade above where they were initially assigned. Then again, that is my children, and I'm sure that kids who go to those movies are able to handle it, whereas my kids would be frightened and disturbed. All I'm saying is, that you have to do what's best for your child & your own family and no single answer is right for all children.

 

[MermaidMommy]

I did 1/2 a year of Kindergarten before I was moved to 1st grade. Because of my birthday, I was 18 months younger than some of my classmates, and even though I was fairly mature for my age, I was still branded as "different" becuse of my age, and I didn't feel like I fit in. Plus, all of the extracurricular activities -- Girl Scouts, soccer -- were based on age, not grade, so I didn't get a chance to participate with kids in my grade, and had to do them with kids a grade younger who I didn't know. And it was tough not driving until 3 months before I graduated -- it was just another way I was different. Boy, kids really can be mean!

I agree with all of the other posters who have said that gifted kids will probably be bored anyway even if they do skip -- I know I was. I definitely wouldn't leave it up to the child, either, for the same reasons as eloquently argued above. And as for the "take away a year of childhood" comment, I think what that poster meant was that a child who skips a year will have one less year at home before they go off to college, so in that aspect, yes, they will have one less year of "childhood" than kids who don't skip.

 

[laceemouse]

Wow, that is an early cut off date! I was so glad DS made the cut off here which is approx. 10/15. His birthday is 9/27. I can't even imagine if he was only going into Kindergarden this year.

The cut off age is Sept 1st pretty much everywhere in the US nowadays. When I was a kid it was Dec 31st but not anymore. Where do you live? Also, most schools will not skip grades, they try to have gifted classes instead. We have moved alot, and always been in very good districts, and that is always the policy. I think skipping was just causing too much social trouble. I have a great suggestion, homeschool! We are doing it now and many, many of the parents do it because the schools were not meeting the needs of their kids, either gifted or struggling. Plus, many kids do each subject on a different level, and you can do that at home!

 

[ellyn2000]

DD skipped 4th grade and has done very well. She's now a sophmore in college and just turned 18. She was a very mature child and is still more mature than many who are several years older, so that was the big deciding factor. She graduated from highschool @16 and was 3rd in her class. (Sorry for the bragging) There are several factors that were used to make the decision, but physical size and social maturity were the first considered after standardized testing and her abilities at that time. You'll have to make that decision based on your child and your family. It's been a good decision for us.

 

[JMLBrats]

I totally agree with this. Unless your child is super advance where high school work would bore him, then I would wait to skip a grade. Boys have it harder if they cannot do all the things there friends can like drive a car. I know that seems small and way into the future, but what you decide now will effect his future. As a teacher, I have seen kids who skipped and there have been many positive and negative consequences. Even if your son skips a grade, chances are he would still be bored. Would he be the only one in his grade who has skipped? Did you try to meet with the teacher to provide alternate activities? Some should come from him. Young children, especially bright ones, know ways to occupy themselves. In fact that is a true test of genius. They have an incredible ability to come up with ideas to entertain themselves. Perhaps the teacher, the Excel teacher, you and your son could meet once a month and come up with a game plan. We've done this and with the internet, he can do a lot of amazing things, like posing questions to scientists, writing letters to authors, researching answers to questions. Like I said before, some of this could be self-guided with little support from the teachers. You would be teaching your child that learning is something that comes from within him. A lesson most of us should learn while we're young. Socrates was all about that, learning should be self-guided and that true learning only comes from what we most want to know. What a wonderful gift you would be giving your son if you could find a way to enrich him through his quest for knowledge. Ultimately it is your decision and you wouldn't be the only one to skip him if you decide to go ahead with it. Just be prepared if it doesn't meet yours and more importantly his expectations. By the way, have you asked him about school?

I love some of these suggestions and I guess that true learning does come from within, doesn't it? If you see my later posts, you'll see that I did mention something about his feelings about skipping. I think he's very interested in the idea and ultimately knowing him, I really do believe he'd do fine with the whole thing, but he is uncomfortable with the idea of being the youngest in his class since he is already one of the youngest being a September baby. I have to respect the way he feels because although me & DH are the parents and we make the major decisions for all our kids, we also have a lot of respect for the way our kids feel about situations and will always take that into consideration.
to the other poster (after this one), I certainly didn't mean to imply that there is anything wrong w/skipping for some people-it might even be the right thing to do for my DS. I didn't say or agree w/the poster who said that kids' lose time from their childhood if they skip. I guess I just can't make the decision right now, but I must say that he's been coming home with the most rediculous preschool type homework and I'm really having a hard time with it. I will give it another week or so before I address the teacher and the excel teacher again and see what we can do. He's so much more advanced than what they're doing! In a way, it's almost insulting to him and the other advanced kids in the class. DH is concerned that he may get "dumbed down" as another poster said.
To the poster who suggested homeschooling: I like the concept of it, but DS is WAY to into socializing for it-he absolutely loves going to school and being around his friends. Plus, I have 2 younger children and quite frankly, I just couldn't do it appropriately right now. It's not an option for us. But I appreciate the suggestion. I try to do at least an hour of reading with him a night (he reads about 1/2 the time) and I try to teach math, time and money throughout the day-and just other interesting facts and stuff. He's got all kinds of books and mags and educational computer games. I wish I could do more crafts with him and now that the girls are getting older I do plan to do more of that. Overall he's a very well rounded kid. Just want to keep it that way and keep his interest and love of learning up.
By the way, we live in Maine.

 

[DiszyDeanette]

I love some of these suggestions and I guess that true learning does come from within, doesn't it? If you see my later posts, you'll see that I did mention something about his feelings about skipping. I think he's very interested in the idea and ultimately knowing him, I really do believe he'd do fine with the whole thing, but he is uncomfortable with the idea of being the youngest in his class since he is already one of the youngest being a September baby.

Think about it this way... In most of the country, September babies are the oldest in the class, August babies are the youngest. So in comparison, he's kind of already skipped a grade, being able to start K at an age that most places do not allow.

 

[crisi]

I love some of these suggestions and I guess that true learning does come from within, doesn't it?

That's pretty much it. There are things you can do to help - providing opportunity. Skipping a grade is one way to provide that opportunity. But the variables and complications - will his physical, intellectual, and emotional maturity hold for the next twelve years? Will his peers accept him or taunt him? Will he hit the "age of hormones" and decide its 'unfair' to be the youngest and do stupid things to prove he is 'grown up' - make it one of the less attractive choices for providing opportunity.

 

[solgent]

To the OP, I think you are really doing a great thing for your son by seeking out opinions and experiences, considering all possibilities with an open mind and clearly giving the matter a lot of thought. Definitely go to the school if your concerns about the schoolwork continue and give them a chance to make adjustments.