odd breastfeeding question

[madcam]

do they live in the south? what state are they from?

I am southern (born and raised) and I have never in my life seen kids this age breastfeeding. I'm pretty sure that this is NOT one of our cultural idiosyncrasies. In fact the oldest child I had ever heard of was around 5 and that was not even in America. My DH and DMother are both from Louisiana and we may eat some things that are strange to the rest of the country but breastmilk, past infancy, *FROM THE SOURCE* is not generally one of them!!

 

[cabanafrau]

So I'm understanding that no one is trying to prevent her from nursing, yet she has to be militant & bully everyone into accepting her views? No thank you. Give her a private comfortable space to nurse. Nothing says some of the women wouldn't even join her for some conversation, but it's only courteous to consider the comfort and needs of your other guests as well. To do otherwise is simply bullying, plain and simple. That's not a good lesson for the kiddies now, is it?

Your house, your rules. Very simple. Very straightforward.

I call shenanigans on children feeling sad other children aren't breastfeeding.

 

[rie'smom]

frankly, i'm embarrassed to be asking this question, but i'm in a real pickle. i'm having our entire family (from dh's side) over for a dinner party on thanksgiving weekend, and there is already a firestorm of controversy about my sil's breastfeeding practices. between us all, there are 14 kids ranging from 18 months to 18 in age, and there is concern because my sil still has her 2 youngest on the breast. the problem is, she also allows her 6 and 8 year old to also nurse whenever and wherever, if they want to. i'm not judging her, because i totally feel like this is her and her husband's decision, but some of us with teenagers, especially boys, aren't entirely comfortable with her allowing the older kids to do this in front of everyone.

my mil and fil, just want this to be a peaceful event and think the adult kids should just tell their teenagers to deal with it, but my dh and his brothers are not ok with that. i just want to get through the whole thing without it becoming a disaster! i've tried to talking to her, but was told myob.

since i know there is a strong breastfeeding community on dis, please give me helpful advice!!! and PLEASE do not let this become a pro/con thread.

Your house, your rules
If her BF makes lots of others uncomfortable and she refuses to take their feelings into consideration, she should stay home. If she does show up and plop out a breast, then I think everyone should leave the room. That should make it clear to her how everyone feels. If she won't be considerate, to heck with her.

Either this or have all of the kids 8 and younger line up for the open bar.

 

[Cinderella94]

do they live in the south? what state are they from?

Who cares?

 

[ccgirl]

First of all...thank you for the eraser. I really needed that after I pictured the mom trying to feed her 3rd grader thru the fence at recess. Anyway, if it's such a "normal" thing to her why the heck does she call them ninnies??? They are called breasts. Want a chuckle??? I googled ninnie as I have never heard that term and found this definition....

Shortened version of nincompoop, a silly, idiotic person. can be used affectionately.

Now that's funny!!!! The definition suits your SiL.

To the poster who said it is normal to BF an 8 year old, while I respect your opinion I just wanted to add it is also normal for me to show my husband how much I love him but I'm certainly not going to clear the table during dinner and make everyone watch that.

 

[lovin diz]

I am on the same line as the pp who mentioned abuse. THat imo is just gross. My house--my rules--and my kids would not be allowed to see that.

The thing i am curious about, is that if she already told op to myob, then i dont think if op set a room up for her to nurse in, she would go in there. She seems to be the type that would plop it out, no matter what any one else says. I would tell her how i felt before TG. If not, there will be a falling out on TG

 

[mom2boys77]

Wow. I have an 8 year old 3rd grader and I cannot even begin to imagine doing that. EWWWWWW OP-it's your house..you must stick up for yourself and your family. Give her a room if you want but I don't think you and the rest of the family should be made to feel uncomfortable. She's being very inconsiderate.

 

[TeresaBelle]

what is the movie that came out about a year ago and a kid came up to his mom and said im hungry than started breastfeeding?

Grownups!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypd2DzWY6Is

 

[ginna74]

Talk about abuse for one thing <for the older kids>....DO NOT LET IT IN YOUR HOUSE!!! If she makes a fit and threatens to leave, do NOT give in as you would be an accessory to the abuse. If she leaves then she leaves. I could see the whole house getting upset. Ask her gently to stop and go from there. I was gonna say like someone said below your house your rules, BUT it I would think of it as a... your house OF COURSE NO ABUSE IN YOUR HOUSE. And if having a 8 year old drink from a **** isn't abuse I dunno what is. Seems kinda perverse if ya ask me...

 

[Scurvy]

Is anyone else just now thinking about how much of an understatement the title of this thread is ?

Yep. This thread is definitely not what I was expecting when I clicked on it! Now I feel ill.

I'm blind! I'm blind! I'm blind! Did you HAVE to actually type those words so I'd have to READ them? I am dead certain to have nightmares tonight.

Since SIL told you to MYOB and you all want to hold down your Thanksgiving meal instead of tossing your cookies, I'd tell her it was my own business because it is my own house. And in my own house, kids that are old enough to order from a menu, read a book, do math homework, and prepare simple meals for themselves are NOT allowed to ask to suckle on mommy's hoo-hahs right in front of God and everybody because it's just not done....at least in my house. Period.

For the record, I don't care about what is done in other societies. This is America we're talking about (the OP was an American, wasn't she? ) and in our society, breastfeeding a 6 and 8 y.o. is not acceptable. Forcing others to watch it is even less acceptable. If you want to question why others find it uncomfortable, it's because they have a clue as to social conventions and have picked up on "it's not NORMAL in our society." SIL is the odd one out, not them. She's not brave....she's weird.

I'll come out and say it. I'd draw a line in the sand on this one. Someone needs to stand up to that nutcase. And as I often tell DH, "Obviously no one else is going to do it, so I guess it will have to be me." Fine. If she calls your bluff, tell her in front of everyone that you won't allow it. If she insists, tell those kids you think they are too old to nurse and it's not going to happen in your house and let the fallout begin. Since I'd be tempted to call CPS anyway, what does it matter?

Why should teenagers (or adults) have to watch something that freaking weird? Why should they be held hostage by a bully breastfeeder? I'd be tempted to have the 18 y.o. have a bunch of his buddies come over for a viewing with their camcorders/call phones and post it on youtube.

Seriously, this would NOT happen in my house. I'll bet everyone is praying someone else will stop her......It's just that no one else has the nerve to do it. So do the world a favor and stop her in her tracks. If for no other reason, for the sake of her children.

I agree with every word of this amazingly perfect post, especially the bolded.

There is no chance that I would ever allow this sort of behavior in my home. None whatsoever. I'm with those who think it's a form of abuse. It is completely unnatural and I would absolutely not tolerate it. If it meant severing ties with that part of the family, well then - I think I'd be glad to be rid of them if they found that behavior to be acceptable.

 

[Cinderella94]

Yep. This thread is definitely not what I was expecting when I clicked on it! Now I feel ill.



I agree with every word of this amazingly perfect post, especially the bolded.

There is no chance that I would ever allow this sort of behavior in my home. None whatsoever. I'm with those who think it's a form of abuse. It is completely unnatural and I would absolutely not tolerate it. If it meant severing ties with that part of the family, well then - I think I'd be glad to be rid of them if they found that behavior to be acceptable.

They're clearly whackos. (I wonder who will be the one to flame me for that...)

 

[Mouse House Mama]

First of all...thank you for the eraser. I really needed that after I pictured the mom trying to feed her 3rd grader thru the fence at recess. Anyway, if it's such a "normal" thing to her why the heck does she call them ninnies??? They are called breasts. Want a chuckle??? I googled ninnie as I have never heard that term and found this definition....

Shortened version of nincompoop, a silly, idiotic person. can be used affectionately.

Now that's funny!!!! The definition suits your SiL.

To the poster who said it is normal to BF an 8 year old, while I respect your opinion I just wanted to add it is also normal for me to show my husband how much I love him but I'm certainly not going to clear the table during dinner and make everyone watch that.

You said this much better than I could as I was thinking the same thing. Maybe the OP needs to create a little dinner theater this year?

 

[hambirg]

Well, extended nursing is common in my family (all sides), but I think DS wins the family prize for going right up to before his 6th b'day. And we haven't nursed in public for years. When at my brother's, I would go to another room, even when DS was tiny (though I'll admit to nursing DS right next to my brother on POTC).

My half-brothers were 10 and 12 when their sister was born, and she nursed until she was 5, and my stepmom never hid it from her sons. But I don't think they nursed at family functions (beyond the immediate family). The brothers never thought it was ANY sort of big deal at all. It's their sister and their mom, and the two of them were doing what nature allows for; Cady was just being fed.

MOST kids I know of that age who nurse in Western society know that other kids their age aren't nursing (and they get sad about it), and don't WANT to single themselves out like that. So your SIL has some STRONG kids, to nurse around peers who are disapproving! They might very well be strong adults who can handle anything! Especially since their mom is still meeting their needs without letting society dictate what they do. It's pretty awesome, if you think about it that way.


Why are the teenagers bothered by the olders nursing, but not for the youngers? Where are they getting their social dictates from? Is this truly coming from the adults? Because from my family's experiences, teens who are raised in a nursing household know very well that chests are *for nursing*, and they know how to avert their eyes. The child is being fed and comforted, no big deal whatsoever. And if their parents are reminding them that this is ALL that is happening, and that they don't have to watch, then it should be done.

You could ask the SIL to nurse everyone away from family, but that's pretty sad. I personally moved from people b/c I'm modest and my son disliked my shirt so I was in constant danger of showing my whole upper body with him, but that's ME. It's not others. A family is a place where we should be safe. And if she's asked to move, she's not safe anymore.

I think the adults need to look into their own hearts and try to figure out what skewed senses of right and wrong and child feeding and even why they think it's so very weird for an older child to want sweet sweet milk (containing antibodies and ALL sorts of good stuff) every so often. Tell the teens to avert their eyes. And leave SIL alone.

Yeah. . .but sex is perfectly natural too. I still wouldn't have sex on the Thanksgiving table in front of all my relatives!!! And if I was a guest in somebody else's home I certainly wouldn't insist that I could do the nasty with the partner of my choosing at the table "because it's natural." That's absurd!

I think you simply tell her it won't be allowed in your home. I think setting up a nice room for her to nurse in would be a nice gesture. I nursed all 3 of my kiddos. I got good at being discreet about it, but would have appreciated a nice quiet, private place to do it.

Worse case scenario. . .have all the men, teenagers included, get in line and ask for some numnums from Mommies ninnies! I bet most of the men would like to get in on a lil of the snuggling the breast action.

ETA-It looks like the PP beat me to the sexy time analogy.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

You know, even if someone is in the same room as you, you are not being forced to watch her. Turn your head away. Look at something else. There are all kinds of people who do things that I don't find appealing to watch and I just look somewhere else.

I don't have a problem with older kids nursing. To be honest, it bothers me more to watch kids being fed hot dogs, chicken nuggets and french fries. So I don't look. Problem solved.

Teresa

 

[The Mystery Machine]

To the poster who said it is normal to BF an 8 year old, while I respect your opinion I just wanted to add it is also normal for me to show my husband how much I love him but I'm certainly not going to clear the table during dinner and make everyone watch that.

I know everyone is quoting but I had to join in too and say that pretty much sums up the whole thing doesn't it?

 

[hambirg]

You know, even if someone is in the same room as you, you are not being forced to watch her. Turn your head away. Look at something else. There are all kinds of people who do things that I don't find appealing to watch and I just look somewhere else.

I don't have a problem with older kids nursing. To be honest, it bothers me more to watch kids being fed hot dogs, chicken nuggets and french fries. So I don't look. Problem solved.

Teresa

So if I come to your house and want to have sex with my man on your kitchen table, your fine with that? You'll just look the other way?

 

[ginna74]

So if I come to your house and want to have sex with my man on your kitchen table, your fine with that? You'll just look the other way?

well having sex with one person on a table doesn't compare to a what 3rd grader??? sucking on and playing with moms.....


trying to remember what they do in school..... math... words cursive... play outside on the play ground.. GO TRICK OUR TREATING.... hmmmm...

 

[lovin diz]

You know, even if someone is in the same room as you, you are not being forced to watch her. Turn your head away. Look at something else. There are all kinds of people who do things that I don't find appealing to watch and I just look somewhere else.

I don't have a problem with older kids nursing. To be honest, it bothers me more to watch kids being fed hot dogs, chicken nuggets and french fries. So I don't look. Problem solved.

Teresa

Are you the SIL?? YUCK!!! If someone came to my house and did that, i would not turn my head...they would be kicked out on their butt!!!

 

[Teresa Pitman]

Well, it would rather make a mess of the meal, and I wouldn't much appreciate that. I've certainly been at bars and parties where people were getting pretty - affectionate/intimate - and yes, I just moved away or looked somewhere else.

But the big difference here is that having sex in public is not legal. Breastfeeding is. There's no upper age limit on the legality of it (at least where I live).

TP

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

reminds me of this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIAyxmlk5rg