odd breastfeeding question

[Aneille]

Does the 8 year old really ask to BF too in front of the cousins (younger and older?).

I would think the other cousins would think it was strange and that the 8 year old would be made fun of or shunned or something.

I can't imagine an 8 year old or 6 year old for that matter asking to BF in a room full of people. Especially a room of their peers.

 

[punkin]

She has a 6 and 8 yo who are not embarrassed to nurse in public?

 

[Aneille]

She has a 6 and 8 yo who are not embarrassed to nurse in public?

We were thinking the same thing at the same time!

 

[It'sWDW4me]

frankly, i'm embarrassed to be asking this question, but i'm in a real pickle. i'm having our entire family (from dh's side) over for a dinner party on thanksgiving weekend, and there is already a firestorm of controversy about my sil's breastfeeding practices. between us all, there are 14 kids ranging from 18 months to 18 in age, and there is concern because my sil still has her 2 youngest on the breast. the problem is, she also allows her 6 and 8 year old to also nurse whenever and wherever, if they want to. i'm not judging her, because i totally feel like this is her and her husband's decision, but some of us with teenagers, especially boys, aren't entirely comfortable with her allowing the older kids to do this in front of everyone.

my mil and fil, just want this to be a peaceful event and think the adult kids should just tell their teenagers to deal with it, but my dh and his brothers are not ok with that. i just want to get through the whole thing without it becoming a disaster! i've tried to talking to her, but was told myob.

since i know there is a strong breastfeeding community on dis, please give me helpful advice!!! and PLEASE do not let this become a pro/con thread.

Yeesh! Here I was all ready to tell you to tell your family that breastfeeding is a good thing - get off her case. I remember how my il's got all yuck'd out when I nursed DS even though I was discreet and used blankets. ...... and then I read your whole post.

While it definitely is sil's decision to let the 6 and 8 year olds take a nip, I know I (and I'm so not a teenager) for one would NOT be comfortable witnessing it. I think you're going to need to decide the lesser of two evils - have your entire family there but uncomfortable with the "show" or the possibility that sil will boycott the dinner and not come at all.

I would have one more chat with her. Yes, it's her (and her DH's) choice but the rest of the family has the right to a stress-free, comfortable family meal. If her 6 or 8 year old feels the need for some comfort time, they would need to go to a private room (maybe a spare bedroom or even your bedroom) where her kids can indulge to their hearts content. This is not negotiable. Of course you hope she can make it to dinner at your house but you will completely understand if she has somewhere else to go for Thanksgiving dinner.

 

[wvjules]

On the bright side, if you run out of creamer for the coffee.....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OK, that is just too bizzare to even think about. My youngest dd was in 2nd grade when she was 8.

 

[Dr.Girlfriend]

I'm trying to come up with something witty to say to all of this, and am at a total loss. I'm a total bewb.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

On the bright side, if you run out of creamer for the coffee.....

 

[punkin]

I hang around with a lot of really "crunchy granola" types who are militant about breastfeeding and I too believe in child-led weaning, but I know absolutely no one who still breastfeeds an 8 yo in public.

 

[MerMom60_94]

On the bright side, if you run out of creamer for the coffee.....

OP, the impression I am getting is that it is your husband and BILs that have a problem with this. I also am understanding this to be your DH's family. If it were me, I would have my husband doing the talking and dealing with it. He could talk to you his brother or he could talk to his SIL. Why is this on your shoulders if you aren't the one who has a problem with it? If they have a problem, let them address it!

 

[jt'smom]

OP here. no one objects to her nursing the little ones at all, and she's pretty discreet because she still "wears" them alot in a sling type thing, even though they are pretty big. i don't think anyone would bat an eye about the 18 month old or 3 year old, even at the dinner table. the problem is the older kids because they get all whiny and beg for "some milk from mommies ninnies", which even though i think that's weird, i worry more about my 14 year old son watching his 8 year old cousin doing that.

my biggest problem is that the majority of family is coming from out of town, including sil's family, and with ailing in-laws, we really wanted this to be a special get together. no one ever stands up to my sil, including my bil, because she is pretty out there with her beliefs and will practically beat you down verbally. i try to be accomodating, so i don't get all stressed out and affect my own health issues!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OP, the impression I am getting is that it is your husband and BILs that have a problem with this. I also am understanding this to be your DH's family. If it were me, I would have my husband doing the talking and dealing with it. He could talk to you his brother or he could talk to his SIL. Why is this on your shoulders if you aren't the one who has a problem with it? If they have a problem, let them address it!

That is the truth right there, isn't it? Have the men deal with their side of the family.

I guess you could make comments when she whips them out if you want to go that direction.

In fact.....now that I put on my anti manipulation hat on....I would start breaking out the cameras on the older kids if they decide THEY want to breastfeed in front of everyone.

I would tell the kids that I want a picture so I can show your (BF, GF, Friends, etc) after you are all grown up.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OP here. no one objects to her nursing the little ones at all, and she's pretty discreet because she still "wears" them alot in a sling type thing, even though they are pretty big. i don't think anyone would bat an eye about the 18 month old or 3 year old, even at the dinner table. the problem is the older kids because they get all whiny and beg for "some milk from mommies ninnies", which even though i think that's weird, i worry more about my 14 year old son watching his 8 year old cousin doing that.

my biggest problem is that the majority of family is coming from out of town, including sil's family, and with ailing in-laws, we really wanted this to be a special get together. no one ever stands up to my sil, including my bil, because she is pretty out there with her beliefs and will practically beat you down verbally. i try to be accomodating, so i don't get all stressed out and affect my own health issues!

If you cannot handle this battle then just leave it be. It is gross and disrespectful...yes...but it is not the end of the world.

There is really nothing you can do with a person like this other than to cause a huge family uproar.

Since you are having a "special gathering" I would just tell your son to leave the room when she whips them out.

 

[wvjules]

If you cannot handle this battle then just leave it be. It is gross and disrespectful...yes...but it is not the end of the world.

There is really nothing you can do with a person like this other than to cause a huge family uproar.

Since you are having a "special gathering" I would just tell your son to leave the room when she whips them out.

Or have him gawk and stare when she breastfeeds the 8 year old.

 

[punkin]

That is the truth right there, isn't it? Have the men deal with their side of the family.

I guess you could make comments when she whips them out if you want to go that direction.

In fact.....now that I put on my anti manipulation hat on....I would start breaking out the cameras on the older kids if they decide THEY want to breastfeed in front of everyone.

I would tell the kids that I want a picture so I can show your (BF, GF, Friends, etc) after you are all grown up.

Actually not a bad a idea. It's Thanksgiving and we always take lot's of pictures of family. I would have disposable cameras available for everyone to take pictures.

 

[Geoff_M]

In our family, the policy is "When they can ask for it by name in a complete sentence, it's time to switch to cow."

 

[Nik's Mom]

It sounds like your sil is a piece of work! I would bring out my camera and tell sil that those pictures will be posted on the family facebook account by the next morning. After all, if she doesn't see anything wrong with it, then why not share it with the family who couldn't be there.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Well I can tell you this. If someone was sitting in my house bfing their 6 and 8 year old nobody would even be looking at them. That would be because they would all be staring at me vomitting my brains out. Sorry but that is gross. Topping it off with asking for "milk from Mommie's ninnies" is beyond the pale. I would be honest with the woman. I would say that we have no problem with you nursing your little ones but if you must nurse your college age kids then we do not want you doing it in front of our kids. We will provide a nice comfortable place for you to do it but we do not want our kids exposed to that. If she doesn't like it (and I doubt she will) then too bad for her.
FTR- I am a breastfeeder but that imo is over the line.

 

[okeydokey]

A little OT, but really at what age is extra extended breastfeeding a large enough detriment to the child that it should be pointed out to the authorities. Is a 12 year old boy nursing from his Mom actually a victim of abuse? There must be other documented cases of this.

 

[4nana]

Only on the Dis!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my Lord, are you for real?! Your SIL is nursing 4 children, including a baby, 3yo, 6yo & 8 yo?!

Honestly, I'm as pro nursing as the next, nursed our 4 children (but not at once ). I'll be very honest here ~ I have never heard of this in all my 63 years!?!?!

Ok, I get the baby and 3yo nursing in public, but honestly if it were my home I'd have no problem warning SIL that some of the family are very

uncomfortable with her nursing a 6yo and 8yo in public and you'll help her set up the milk factory in another room.

Have a wonderful TG dinner with all your family.... but you'd be wise to remember, your home, your rules!!