odd breastfeeding question

[jt'smom]

frankly, i'm embarrassed to be asking this question, but i'm in a real pickle. i'm having our entire family (from dh's side) over for a dinner party on thanksgiving weekend, and there is already a firestorm of controversy about my sil's breastfeeding practices. between us all, there are 14 kids ranging from 18 months to 18 in age, and there is concern because my sil still has her 2 youngest on the breast. the problem is, she also allows her 6 and 8 year old to also nurse whenever and wherever, if they want to. i'm not judging her, because i totally feel like this is her and her husband's decision, but some of us with teenagers, especially boys, aren't entirely comfortable with her allowing the older kids to do this in front of everyone.

my mil and fil, just want this to be a peaceful event and think the adult kids should just tell their teenagers to deal with it, but my dh and his brothers are not ok with that. i just want to get through the whole thing without it becoming a disaster! i've tried to talking to her, but was told myob.

since i know there is a strong breastfeeding community on dis, please give me helpful advice!!! and PLEASE do not let this become a pro/con thread.

 

[okeydokey]

I don't think you really want me to comment on an 8 year old breastfeeding, really.

 

[MnMomtoboys]

Have you talked to her?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

frankly, i'm embarrassed to be asking this question, but i'm in a real pickle. i'm having our entire family (from dh's side) over for a dinner party on thanksgiving weekend, and there is already a firestorm of controversy about my sil's breastfeeding practices. between us all, there are 14 kids ranging from 18 months to 18 in age, and there is concern because my sil still has her 2 youngest on the breast. the problem is, she also allows her 6 and 8 year old to also nurse whenever and wherever, if they want to. i'm not judging her, because i totally feel like this is her and her husband's decision, but some of us with teenagers, especially boys, aren't entirely comfortable with her allowing the older kids to do this in front of everyone.

my mil and fil, just want this to be a peaceful event and think the adult kids should just tell their teenagers to deal with it, but my dh and his brothers are not ok with that. i just want to get through the whole thing without it becoming a disaster! i've tried to talking to her, but was told myob.

since i know there is a strong breastfeeding community on dis, please give me helpful advice!!! and PLEASE do not let this become a pro/con thread.

Whose house is this at?

Frankly you are going to have to burn some bridges here. I would. I would tell SIL that this is unacceptable and if she cannot breastfeed in private then she is unwelcome at my home. If MIL/FIL don't want to come then fine because it sounds like that they will be siding with breastfeeding family.

I would draw the line there, frankly. This is a complete lack of respect for people period.

 

[Magpie]

You could do what some of my friends did when I was nursing...

Set up a comfy room for your SIL and her kids so she can nurse in private. When she arrives, show her the room with pillows and drinks and books and a CD player with music, and tell her that you want to do whatever will make her most comfortable. You can also comment that this way she'll be able to nurse without distractions.

If there's a place for her to put a sleepy child with a full belly down to sleep in the room, that's even better.

It might be hard for her to say no, if she's got such a nice place to hang out!

Also, make another attempt to state clearly to her that your other sibs would prefer if she tried not nurse right in front of their teenagers. You can even laugh a little and roll your eyes while you tell her this, to give her the impression that you'd totally be okay with her topless nursing her eight year old while swinging from the chandelier over the dinner table, but some people are just SO silly. Still we must try to accommodate everyone, so that this visit goes as smoothly as possible... And then ask her for her help! People have a hard time refusing a request when you ask them for help.

 

[Hoodie]

I think the 18 year old should ask if he could get a shot.

<----instigator

 

[maraki527]

Just tell her before she comes to let you know if there is anything that would make her more comfortable when she breastfeeds so you can put the stuff in another room. Make it seem like you are making it about her not shoving her out of the way. kwim. or tell her you already have stuff in a room ready for her.

 

[golfgal]

I think the 18 year old should ask if he could get a shot.

<----instigator

 

[Aneille]

Just tell her before she comes to let you know if there is anything that would make her more comfortable when she breastfeeds so you can put the stuff in another room. Make it seem like you are making it about her not shoving her out of the way. kwim. or tell her you already have stuff in a room ready for her.

That is a great idea!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just tell her before she comes to let you know if there is anything that would make her more comfortable when she breastfeeds so you can put the stuff in another room. Make it seem like you are making it about her not shoving her out of the way. kwim. or tell her you already have stuff in a room ready for her.

I guess none of you are reading where she tried to talk to her and SIL told her to MYOB.

It sounds like this is a power struggle in which SIL is used to winning.

 

[Hoodie]

Whose house is this at?

Frankly you are going to have to burn some bridges here. I would. I would tell SIL that this is unacceptable and if she cannot breastfeed in private then she is unwelcome at my home. If MIL/FIL don't want to come then fine because it sounds like that they will be siding with breastfeeding family.

I would draw the line there, frankly. This is a complete lack of respect for people period.

Real answer - this.

It's your house. You have the right to feel comfortable in your own house, even with guests.

It's about the holiday. She can pack 'em away for at least the older kids for a couple of hours.

 

[castleview]

I think the 18 year old should ask if he could get a shot.

<----instigator

I nursed all three kids, but nursing more than one who are not twins (identical, fraternal, or Irish) sounds crazy to me. You can only imagine how I feel about the six and eight year olds at the breast.

Is there your DH's sister or his brother's wife? Something tells me burning the bridge with her might not be a bad thing.

 

[ccgirl]

Whose house is this at?

Frankly you are going to have to burn some bridges here. I would. I would tell SIL that this is unacceptable and if she cannot breastfeed in private then she is unwelcome at my home. If MIL/FIL don't want to come then fine because it sounds like that they will be siding with breastfeeding family.

I would draw the line there, frankly. This is a complete lack of respect for people period.

You could do what some of my friends did when I was nursing...

Set up a comfy room for your SIL and her kids so she can nurse in private. When she arrives, show her the room with pillows and drinks and books and a CD player with music, and tell her that you want to do whatever will make her most comfortable. You can also comment that this way she'll be able to nurse without distractions.

If there's a place for her to put a sleepy child with a full belly down to sleep in the room, that's even better.

It might be hard for her to say no, if she's got such a nice place to hang out!

Also, make another attempt to state clearly to her that your other sibs would prefer if she tried not nurse right in front of their teenagers. You can even laugh a little and roll your eyes while you tell her this, to give her the impression that you'd totally be okay with her topless nursing her eight year old while swinging from the chandelier over the dinner table, but some people are just SO silly. Still we must try to accommodate everyone, so that this visit goes as smoothly as possible... And then ask her for her help! People have a hard time refusing a request when you ask them for help.

I agree with both of the above posts. I would tell her that what she does is her business. However, it is your house so you would like to make her comfortable when she nurses privately. From the sounds of it, it sounds like she won't go for it. Someone that nurses a 6 and 8 year old whenever is probably going to yell that there is no reason she should have to do it privately. Bottom line.....it is your house....it is your rules. Good luck. This is a tough one.

 

[MnMomtoboys]

I guess none of you are reading where she tried to talk to her and SIL told her to MYOB.

It sounds like this is a power struggle in which SIL is used to winning.

I didn't see that. All I saw was that they know she will breastfeed them anywhere. I didn't see where they tried talking to her before.

 

[Nik's Mom]

In my opinion, there is no reason why she needs to nurse an 8 year old. Op, I was a nursing mother and I preferred to nurse in privacy when I visited someone's home. But then again, I stopped nursing when my sone approached his first birthday. This is your home. If your sil isn't willing to abide by your rules, then tell her that she is not welcome in your home.

 

[golfgal]

Sure she has the right to nurse whom ever she wants, but you also have the right to not have to watch too. I would tell her that the rest of the family does not want to spend Thanksgiving watching her nurse her kids. If she wants to nurse them she is welcome to use whatever other room in the house and if she can't respect the wishes of the rest of the family she isn't welcome at your house.

 

[Nik's Mom]

I didn't see that. All I saw was that they know she will breastfeed them anywhere. I didn't see where they tried talking to her before.

The op mentioned toward the end that she was told to "myob". I didn't see it at first either, so you aren't alone. We must have still been in shock from the 8 year old still breastfeeding.

 

[BEloveDisney]

I think that I would make a room available for her and encourage her to use it. And also tell her that it makes you and the teenagers uncomfortable and that since it is your house that if she won't use the room that she isn't welcome there. I think no matter what you do someone is going to be unhappy. I agree that it is her choice to continue to breastfeed the older children, but, yikes! I wonder what will happen to those children...


Good luck!

 

[tlbwriter]

I didn't see that. All I saw was that they know she will breastfeed them anywhere. I didn't see where they tried talking to her before.

2nd paragraph: my mil and fil, just want this to be a peaceful event and think the adult kids should just tell their teenagers to deal with it, but my dh and his brothers are not ok with that. i just want to get through the whole thing without it becoming a disaster! i've tried to talking to her, but was told myob.

Personally, I think it's time for SIL to experience the natural consequences of her actions. If she can't manage to breastfeed discreetly, let her handle the looks and the questions and the jokes. And if she does manage to be discreet, no harm done. So I wouldn't tell the teens anything at all - let them handle it the way teens do.

 

[disney_mommy]

This is a toughie. Sure you can tell her you'd prefer her to do it in a quiet room that you've set aside for her, but are you physically going to put her there when she takes the girls out for a meal? You can't really force her if she isn't interested in making others feel comfortable.

I say you offer the room but if she doesn't want to use it, let those that don't like it speak up for themselves. If they can see she's about to open the milk store, they can move to another room.