In honor of Jill's victory, here are a couple of lame jokes.
In order not to offend anyone I will edit the blonde joke.
A (insert your choice of hair color here) is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants, smiling at everyone, listening to her Ipod.
She decides that she really needs a haircut. She skates into the first salon she sees and goes up to the hairdresser and says, "I need a haircut." The hairdresser checks her out and says, "OK, sit down and take off your headphones." "No way!" shouts the hair color, "If I take off my headphones, I'll die!" "Then I can't give you a haircut," replies the hairdresser.
So the hair color gets up and leaves and skates further down the board-walk. She sees another salon, goes in, and says to the hairdresser, "I need a haircut... but you can't take off my headphones or I'll die!" The hairdresser looks at her a little weird, but says, "OK, no problem. Have a seat." So the hair color sits down and the hairdresser comes up behind her, and when she isn't looking, rips the headphones off her head.
Suddenly the hair color starts choking, and soon turns blue in the face, then keels over and dies right there in the salon chair. The hairdresser is a little freaked by this. The hairdresser leans over and cautiously listens into the blonde's headphones and hears...
"Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets Saint Peter himself. Saint Peter says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know." The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Peter, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." Saint Peter stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven. Again, Saint Peter is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from the cat, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?" Saint Peter says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates. About a week later, Saint Peter stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. Saint Peter gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?" The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"
Both are very poor, but they were the best I could find.