NY area Dis'ers who pays for bridal shower? Update 12/10/15 original post

[wishesuponastar]

DD might be getting married in a couple years and I was wondering if the mom pays or the bridal party?

12/10/15 UPDATE- DD is engaged to be married next December and I wanted to update you on who is paying for the shower. The bridal party is paying ( thank goodness because I could never afford it) but I am contributing $300. Shower will be held at a venue. I don't hear of any showers held in homes but mine was back in 1996.

 

[TinkPirateMom]

Around here (Jersey) the bridal party and the bride's Mom pay for the shower costs.

 

[wishesuponastar]

Thank you for your quick reply. That will help my budget.

 

[Stan's MaggieMouse]

Lifelong New Yorker here and the bridal shower is usually thrown by the bridal party. Sometimes mother of the bride or even mother of the groom will pitch in.

 

[funhouse8]

Around here (Jersey) the bridal party and the bride's Mom pay for the shower costs.

that's what i thought till my dd just had hers last July. I paid for everything. I was told oh no the bridal party doesn't pay for the shower the mom does now. It was a surprise also to my daughter which i was told is not the norm any more either. Times have changed.

 

[nsmith]

The mother of the bride should be a guest at her daughters bridal shower. The shower should be thrown by her bridal party. I have also seen a special aunt throw or help the bridal party with the shower.

 

[MSSANDRA]

We are not from NY but rather the south, but it is considered poor etiquette for a mother, mother -in law or sibling to host a shower here. Friends, the wedding party or other relatives often host these events here.

 

[TinkPirateMom]

Here is what I have based my response on:

My sister was married less than a year ago. We (the bridal party) paid for the actual per person food costs and the mothers paid for the extras (centerpieces, favors, bar bill).

I was married 4 years ago and my bridal party and my mother paid for the shower.

I have been a bridesmaid 7 times in the past 5 years all in the NJ area and the bridal party has paid for the shower with help from the mother of the bride in all instances except for one in which case the mother of the bride insisted on paying for the whole thing.

Going back further than 5 years and it seemed that things were more on the bridal party and less on the mother of the bride. Perhaps as things have gotten more and more expensive mothers of brides who are in a position to assist with this expense have offered to do so.

 

[crazyme5kids]

I think it depends on where the shower is held. If it is in a restaurant, the mother of the bride usually pays. The mother of the groom usually helps to, but it isn't expected. Bridesmaids usually get the favors and stuff like that.

If the shower is at someones house, then the bridesmaids pay more of the cost, unless it is an expensive catered affair.

The last two showers I went to were at restaurants, and I know for a fact the cost of one was almost $5000.00. How could anyone expect bridesmaids to pay that amount. I think showers around here have gotten way out of control.

 

[js]

I'm a native New Yorkerr. I got married in 1990 and when I got married really no one in my bridal party was in any position to host a bridal shower, I'm not sure any of them even were living on their own at the time, since we were the first in our group to get married.

My mother paid for my bridal and baby shower and I had them both at halls/restaurant. I don't think my mother either asked or expected them to pay. My sister was my maid of honor and she was about 16-17 at the time and that would have been a stretch for her LOL

I will have my dd's showers at a restaurant or hall and I expect to pay.

My bff's son just got married last year and the mother of the bride and my bff split the cost of the shower, which was held at a restaurant.
My friend, the mother of the groom, hosted the rehersal dinner at a restaurant.

I guess it depends on the circumstances.

 

[jujube]

We are not from NY but rather the south, but it is considered poor etiquette for a mother, mother -in law or sibling to host a shower here. Friends, the wedding party or other relatives often host these events here.

That's how we see it too.
OP, I would think that whoever hosts the bridal shower pays for it. No one invites someone to a party and then expects them to pay for it. The mother and dad if they're together host the wedding which is a HUGE expense so the mom is not expected to pay for any parties.

 

[quirty30]

We are not from NY but rather the south, but it is considered poor etiquette for a mother, mother -in law or sibling to host a shower here. Friends, the wedding party or other relatives often host these events here.

Midwesterner here, and that's my understanding as well. My mom was a stickler for proper etiquette, and she was horrified when some of my friend's mothers threw their showers. She explained to me that it was like the immediate family asking for gifts and not appropriate.

That being said, I don't think there's anything wrong with immediate family helping with the cost, but the invitations should really come from the bridesmaids.

 

[Desnik]

I'm a NY'er & the way we do it in my area is the maid of honor throws the bridal shower. Sometimes the bridal party can chip in if necessary. The parents of the bride never pay for it.

 

[Swan4Me]

I am attending a sit down luncheon Bridal Shower in the New York Hudson Valley in July
Mother of the Bride is the Hostess-its much grander than simple cake and punch showers where I live

 

[DisneyFansInLINY]

I am in Long Island, NY. The mother of the bride throws the bridal shower. My mom hosted my sister's shower. My mother and my mother in law hosted mine. And my favorite Aunt and cousin bought the decorations for my party. The bridal party is responsible for the bachelorette party.

 

[funhouse8]

I am in Long Island, NY. The mother of the bride throws the bridal shower. My mom hosted my sister's shower. My mother and my mother in law hosted mine. And my favorite Aunt and cousin bought the decorations for my party. The bridal party is responsible for the bachelorette party.

I agree. My bridal party throw my wedding and baby shower (I lived in Queens) and I thought the girls would help me out. They came to me and asked so when are you throwing DD a shower? I asked my neice who was in the bridal party to find out if I was surposed to pay for the whole thing. She came back and told me yes they never heard (all 7 girls) of helping pay. (Half the bridal party make good money so cost wasn't a problem.) So I'm not sure if it is poor etiquette or not but if I didn't host it she wouldn't have gotten one here on Long Island.

 

[marymac123]

The Bridal party is suppose to throw the bridal shower. But, if the mother or mother-in-law want any say in it, they usually help out with at least the venue(use of their home, etc.) I will tell you that I have been seeing alot of bridal parties slacking off & ignoring the subject till the moms get frustrated & host themselves. I am a local party planner & have been helping more mothers plan last minute showers because of this. I think it's the economy & lack of tradition.

 

[DisneyHumbug]

The majority of my DDs bridal party is from out of town. They will need a hotel for the wedding and shower. The matron of honor/bridal party will be the "official hostesses" for the shower, but I will be paying the majority of the bill. They will also be taking care of the favors and centerpieces.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

The bridal party should be throwing the shower and often mom will kick in some money to help defray the cost. I have gotten lucky as a bridesmaid once and an aunt insisted on paying the restaurant bill, we just paid for flowers, balloons and our gift of course.

If mom is being told to pay it may be because the expectations for a shower keep going higher and higher and the cost for a sit down meal in a restaurant along with a bar tab are higher than bridesmaids want to pay for a friend's party.

Most brides would no longer be happy with a home shower in this area.

 

[pyrxtc]

It could be the bridal party or another family member or friend but not the bride or groom's parents. bad etiquette for either of them to pay. You can have it at one of their house if they don't mind and it will save you some costs but they should not be the main planner.