I wish my mom had gone to nursing care much sooner but she refused and we couldn't force her until after many falls at assisted living landed her in the hospital and her doctor forced the issue b/c she needed at minimum physical therapy. she insisted on returning to assisted living as soon as she was deemed as rehabilitated as pt could do (and her insurance would have covered her continued stay)-and within 48 hours fell again, broke her hip and ended up back in the hospital then back in nursing care where she passed away 2 months later.
assisted living was fine when my mom could care for herself for the most part, but even the best does not provide round the clock monitoring (the one she was at when she had her final fall was excellent, but she was still on the floor unconscious for over 3 hours because it was in-between the times they would check on her). assisted living was fine for my mil when she was able to care for herself too-but the last year or 2 when she refused to go into nursing care she was spending more out of pocket for a private round the clock aide than she would have ever paid for nursing care (and while there are some EXCELLENT private companies that provide aides-some are horrendous and create nightmarish situations of neglect and financial/mental/physical abuse so family members have to be VERY careful researching and overseeing care). a few years after mom and mil passed I watched a pbs frontline documentary on assisted living that frightened me to the core, and confirmed to me that neither my mother nor my mil should have been permitted by the assisted living places to live there (my mother EVER, my mil within 6 months of moving in), both had needs that required trained nursing staff to monitor them continuously -not non nursing staff to just check in on them, remind them to take meds and come in twice a week to change their linens (the residents who had help bathing, getting to and from the dining room, handing them meds...those were all private contractors to the residents).
the nursing home my mom was in had residents who still went out. there was a van they could arrange with for travel to church and the senior center. there were weekly outings for those able to take advantage of them-sometimes it was the farmer's market, sometimes a meal at a local restaurant, maybe a local concert-or at Christmas, cruising around looking at the lights. lots of activities including a swimming pool. it was not the kind of nursing homes I remember visiting family members at in my youth.
I would say if your mom feels the need for nursing care then you should support her in her decision. if she finds that it's just too much care that's unnecessary she can always look at other options, but I think if it brings her the security she feels she needs that can go a long way.
assisted living was fine when my mom could care for herself for the most part, but even the best does not provide round the clock monitoring (the one she was at when she had her final fall was excellent, but she was still on the floor unconscious for over 3 hours because it was in-between the times they would check on her). assisted living was fine for my mil when she was able to care for herself too-but the last year or 2 when she refused to go into nursing care she was spending more out of pocket for a private round the clock aide than she would have ever paid for nursing care (and while there are some EXCELLENT private companies that provide aides-some are horrendous and create nightmarish situations of neglect and financial/mental/physical abuse so family members have to be VERY careful researching and overseeing care). a few years after mom and mil passed I watched a pbs frontline documentary on assisted living that frightened me to the core, and confirmed to me that neither my mother nor my mil should have been permitted by the assisted living places to live there (my mother EVER, my mil within 6 months of moving in), both had needs that required trained nursing staff to monitor them continuously -not non nursing staff to just check in on them, remind them to take meds and come in twice a week to change their linens (the residents who had help bathing, getting to and from the dining room, handing them meds...those were all private contractors to the residents).
the nursing home my mom was in had residents who still went out. there was a van they could arrange with for travel to church and the senior center. there were weekly outings for those able to take advantage of them-sometimes it was the farmer's market, sometimes a meal at a local restaurant, maybe a local concert-or at Christmas, cruising around looking at the lights. lots of activities including a swimming pool. it was not the kind of nursing homes I remember visiting family members at in my youth.
I would say if your mom feels the need for nursing care then you should support her in her decision. if she finds that it's just too much care that's unnecessary she can always look at other options, but I think if it brings her the security she feels she needs that can go a long way.
