Now what do I do? (Work/Disability related - Update Pg 2)

[lapinluv]

According to my original due date, I would be 36 weeks pregnant right now. So, all along, I planned to go out on disability beginning this week. I went through the whole transfer of responsibilities, sent out e-mails, changed my voicemail, and said goodbye. Today, my doctor told me she can't put me out until November 17 due to the change in date.

What do I do now? If I call back work and said I made a mistake, my boss (who was fighting me on going on disability) will never let me live it down and may move to fire me.

I have vacation days, but I can't take more than five "unscheduled" days a year and I've already taken them with the difficulties of this pregnancy.

I have disability coverage (not state) through work because I've paid into it. I tried to explain to my doctor that I've been having contractions and the stress of working (bad boss/bad environment/being on my feet, etc) has made it difficult for me to eat, sleep or drink.

On top of that, I've been bordering on depressed from the stress of everything going on in my life -- moving, work stress, family problems, etc. I spend half my days in tears, the other lashing out. Now, I feel like I'm being pushed over the edge.

Now, I feel paralyzed again and don't know what do do. I have to do something re: work tommorrow, but it makes me sick having to call my boss and say "Sorry, my bad." She will NOT be understanding. Also, all my projects have been reasssigned, so I'll have no work.

Any advice for this sticky situation?

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Will you be out the full 12 weeks?

I would go out on disability now, and just wait it out. You may deliver early. You can use the time to get ready for the baby!

I am surprised your doctor won't put you out of work now. Especailly if you have said how stressful your work situation is.

Like I said, don't make yourself upset, it sounds like you really need to be out of there, and who is 100% sure yor first due date is wrong, maybe your new due date is not as far out as they expect. Childbirth is very unporedicable. Consider yourself OUTTA THERE and enjoy the time prepping for baby!

 

[lapinluv]

I'd be out for 14 weeks (6 weeks before, 8 weeks after due to a c-section). Again, I have coverage for this because of work and since I'm in NJ I get regular FMLA plus NJ leave for 12 weeks after the baby is born.

Unfortunately, my doctor has to sign paperwork to put me out and she won't. She won't even see me again until next Wednesday, so I'd have no medical excuse/note from today through then. I've tried to tell her how stressful things have been, but she said it's not a "medical reason". I need to have high blood pressure or something tangible.

 

[tw1nsmom]

If you can't afford to live without the paycheck, I would probably go to the boss and explain the situation. If they let you come back until the 17th, ignore all the garbage and focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. While I was out on disability I would actively seek out new employment. If the boss fires you, look into collecting unemployment and look for a new job.

Ultimately, the stress is not worth it. If your boss is being difficult now, what's going to happen when you have to stay home with a sick child or some other parent related emergency? I would so what you have to do to get through the current situation and then get out of there.

 

[lapinluv]

Oh, I already plan to look for another job. I've been slowly setting up a freelance business for the last few months (on weekends and at night). I can't handle any extra work now, but have made some contacts. I know my boss will never tolerate me working with an infant. I was lucky with my DD - had a different boss, but this one doesn't get it. So, we are moving somewhere less expensive so I can either work part time or do the freelance thing after the baby is born.

 

[lapinluv]

Bump -

Does anyone have any advice or thoughts? I'm spiralling downward tonight and need to hear something, even if it's a figurative slap in the face.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Did you say your goodbyes and change your e-mail address on the assumption you would get your Dr.s note today, and that did not happen?

My thinking is, if you said your good-byes ect, then your boss/co-workers don't expect you in tomorrow? When is your boss expecting the Dr. to sign off?

My thinking is, if they don't expect you in tomorrow, stay home, (because they are not expecting you in anyway) and then you have the weekend to think about what you will do. If they do expect you in, call in sick.

I think even though your boss won't be happy with the date change, I am guessing he/she may be happy to have you around a few more days? Nobody likes to lose a worker.

I really have no advice for you. I am in shock that your boss is not more understanding considering how far along you are! And your Dr.!!!! Don't even get me going on her, would it kill her to sign you out of work a few days early! GEESH.

 

[Nancy]

I can't believe the doctor would want you to work when you are obviously stressed...can't eat or sleep...how is that good for you or the baby! As far as work gopes, go and talk to the boss, it might not be as bad as you think it will be. I'm on disability now for foot surgery..when I left they were all.."oh we'll be fine without you"...now when I go in to do my shopping the managers are asking how soon I'll be back...they are going crazy!

Not sure if this is a first baby or not, but if you are planning to have more I would seriously consider another doctor.

 

[lapinluv]

Originally posted by Disney1fan2002
Did you say your goodbyes and change your e-mail address on the assumption you would get your Dr.s note today, and that did not happen?

Yes, exactly. I confirmed with the nurse yesterday and she said everything looked fine and the doctor would call me today for the final interview. That's when the doctor said, "No." I was on the phone with her crying and she kept saying stress wasn't a medical reason.

Her reasoning is that she has to put something down to prove I really can't work and that she can't just make it up. She said the state could punish her if she put me out.

She said I'd have to be dilated or have high blood pressue to go out early. I haven't been checked for dilation and my blood pressure is a little high, but that's my "normal" pressure.

My back pain, leg pain, private area pain, contractions, lack of sleep and tears (emotional state) mean nothing. Evidently they are all "normal" pregnancy symptoms.

This is my second, but my first pregnancy was a breeze. Never had any complications and worked until the day DD was born.

I guess I'm upset because I though a long time about going out at 36 weeks and now I feel like the doctor is making me out to be a baby or a slacker.

Just to give perspective about my boss, she knew yesterday was the last day and still she gave me a project at 3:30 that had to be completed before the end of the day. I worked until 7:30 getting it done.

 

[1stNoel]

First, you haven't done anything wrong and your boss has no cause to fire you.

What you should do is call her in the morning (or leave her a voicemail tonight) and tell her that your doctor changed your due date today and you are available to come back to work, if needed, until the 15th. It may be that your boss will not want you back for a week since you've already cleaned up and have no work to do. Throw the ball into her court though and let her make the decision. If she doesn't want you to return the time will probably be unpaid, but that may be an acceptable trade off given your stress level. Good luck.

 

[lapinluv]

Thanks for replying. I do appreciate it. I think I'll call my boss, explain the situation, but take tomorrow off, since I've already arranged for DD to be home with me. Then, I'll see what happens. I guess I know I won't be fired, but I feel like I'll lose all credibility. She's been giving me a hard time for MONTHS about leaving at 36 weeks (which is perfectly normal for my state and company), saying that no one she knows goes out this early. So, now if I come back and say I'm only 34 weeks, it's going to be nightmarish. She's someone that thinks the worst first...I don't know why I'm dwelling. It's only two weeks. I was just feeling better knowing I wouldn't have to go back for three months. Now, the depression/despair has come back full force.

 

[DebbieB]

I've seen cases where I work where the disability managed care company pressures doctors on the reason for early pregnancy leave. I know a girl who had a long drive to work, had 2 weeks to go and they were giving her a hard time. They expect you to work up to your due date unless there is a medical reason not to (usually there is in the last couple weeks). This is why your doctor will not give in, she doesn't have a tangible reason for early leave (high blood pressure, etc). She can't just "sign off on it", especially at 34 weeks. The days of "a doctor's note" are past, they want hard evidence.

I agree with 1stNoel, I would be straight up with your boss. It's not your fault they changed your due date. You didn't find out about the date change until today?

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

It was the Drs. mistake in establishing due date. Both Dr. and Boss sound jealous and jerkish. Put on verbal bully deflecting armor before talking to either.

I had to quit work at 7 months when i couldn't fit behind the wheel of the car with a 160 mile RT commute.

Respond to Boss with stories of women on bedrest since second month. Ask isn't she glad you've been able to work so long?

Is there another Dr. in the practice?

Minimize stress on yourself to minimize stress on your baby.

And Congratulations!

 

[aprilgail2]

You should just call your boss and explain everything...if she doesn't like it thats her problem!

I worked until Oct 29th and had my daughter on Nov 4th, I actually was going to work one more week since she wasn't due until Nov 28th but I had it and wanted some time off so I went out and luckily I did or my water would have broke at work (YUK!!) I saved 5 weeks of my vacation time to use before I was due to give myself some time to get her room painted and ready and things....I had a c-section so I took off 8 weeks and then 2 weeks family leave...

 

[lapinluv]

I knew about the due date change about 3 weeks ago, when I had an u/s to check on my placenta previa. That's when they realize the baby was much smaller than expected. I hadn't had and u/s since the first one to determine due date.

I just never correlated the due date change to disability change. Stupid and optimistic of me, I'm sure. So, I just went with things as I had planned, called the nurse yesterday and expected everything to be A-OK.

I am so stressed out and reluctant to deal with my boss and work again (and I know I'm going to get flamed for this) that I'm contemplating what I can do to raise my blood pressure. I won't do that (because there's more than me to consider), but I will admit that it's crossed my mind several times tonight.

I'm going to get some sleep and hope my perspective is better in the morning.

 

[lapinluv]

This is the kind of crap I just can't deal with right now....

I checked my voicemail before calling my boss this morning. On it was a message from my colleague who took over my biggest project. She was going on about *****, the overall project manager, and how he kept saying he was excited to be working with my colleague and it was a "best case scenario" for him because he had wanted her on the project from the beginning.

I know I shouldn't care and this was probably just an innocuous, "welcome aboard" comment, but in my current emotional state, I've been crying over it and my stomach is in knots.

I didn't fall asleep last night until about 2:30 (partially because DD woke up in a coughing fit) and everytime I moved, I had sharp pains in my lower abdomen. I want nothing more than to stay in bed, with the covers over my head, but I have things I need to do and DD is home with me. I just have no desire to do anything at all.

I'm hoping the nurse that gave me the okay to be out on Wednesday calls me back today. I'm also going to call my Healthy Babies plan and see if they have any advice or can advocate on my behalf.

Worse case scenario, I'll talk to my boss and ask if I can use my vacation days. That means I won't have them after the baby is born, but maybe by then I'll have found another job. I don't know. I'm not thinking clearly at all.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I think every women here can sympathize with how hard the last month of pregnancy can be -- but your dr. probably is right in that you aren't disabled. Just pregnant and emotional. I honestly don't see that you have much choice OTHER than to call your boss and explain.

Honestly, things usually do have a way of working out. Just stay calm and work through it.

 

[DawnCt1]

I work as an occupational health nurse and there are several protections that pregnant women have, the most obivous, FML. In Ct it is 16 weeks. Depending upon your disability insurance, it will not pay unless you are actually disabled. It sounds like your doctor is unwilling to do that and feels you can resume your full time work duties. Your situation is not unusual. It has happened to women in my workplace. What appears to be a particular situation abruptly changes, whether it is pregnancy related, a surgery gets postponed, etc. I would tell the boss that the situation has changed and that you will be able to continue working until your physician informs you otherwise. I would tell him what your estimated date of departure is; because its a pregnancy, you really can only provide an estimated date, and that should be acceptable. FML in Ct provides for 16 weeks of leave and preserves your job. Nationally it is 12 weeks of course. Most women chose to work as long as possible so that they can spend most of their time with their infants. However you chose to use that time, I would not be dishonest with my employer.

 

[lapinluv]

I went to see my doctor on Saturday morning. I had a long talk with her about my job, work, other responsibilities and stress. She's agreed to submit the paperwork to start me on disability tomorrow. I'm not sure what she is going to use as the reason - besides my emotional state, I'm doing pretty well.

I have been reading up on pre-natal depression and I believe I'm bordering on that. My OB recommended another doctor that specializes in that and post-partum depression, so I'm going to give her a call tomorrow.

I feel better knowing I won't have to face work, but since I'm not sure how she's going to write up the paperwork, I'm not sure it will get approved. We'll see.

If it doesn't get approved, I'm taking my vacation days. As I explained to my doctor, I can work - just not to the level my boss wants me to ("150 percent - nothing less is acceptable."). Also, my work doesn't allow part-time disability - they either want you in or out. So, saying I could only work 5 hours a day wouldn't work.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

 

[txSleepingBeauty]

good luck tomorrow morning, now go get some sleep!