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[AnnieBelle]

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[DVC~OKW~96]

Is she paying? If that is the case, then she will feel like she has some (or a major) say in the decision making process.

If she is inflexible, and you are willing to stand by your words, let her know that you'll forego the big wedding on her tab. You and your husband to be will have a quiet wedding scaled down to what you can afford. If what you can afford it to stand before a justice of the peace in your best dress, then so be it. (Of course you'll ONLY say that if you mean it).

Perhaps that will give her a bit of a shake and help her realize that you should have some ability to choose how your wedding will be.

Seriously though, you need to think about it. DO you want an elaborate day of her design? One that may be nothing like you really wanted? Will your wedding day memories be tainted by that?

Can you see yourselves being married very quietly and privately?

Many decisions for you to make.

 

[jmmastra]

Are you the first or only daughter? I am the first daughter and my mother is trying her hardest to let me make all the decisions but I know she is finding it difficult. I have envisioned (just like every other female) my wedding since I was young. But I also think my mother has envisioned it as well. I have been planning this wedding for 10 months now and I have decided that what is really important to me I will stand my ground...but will also let her have a few things. My suggestion is to ask her to do things with you before you mention your ideas. Such as get the information from the DJ first and then ask her to go listen to them with you. Or pick flowers you are interested in and then have her help you decide. I plan it and design it and then ask if she likes it. Plus you have 13 months...she might calm down in a few months and I am sure you will have a beautiful wedding...not at a courthouse. However, I am sure you will think about eloping a few times during the course of planning...I have

 

[Sirron]

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[AnnieBelle]

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[Disney-For-Life]

Threaten to elope and watch her come around. lol
That being said, she is your mom so you have to be very tactful as she is emotionally and financially vested in these decisions. You will need to bend a little here and there, but on most choices, does she really have to have it her way? Wouldn't she rather you be happy, than she "be right" all the time? Is this how she normally is?

You need to talk to her about this before this goes on any further. Tell her you value her help and suggestions, and above all, "need" her to be involved (parents need to hear this) but you need to make the final choices because it is your day, and you too have pictured things a certain way. If she has a budget for you, tell her that you will adhere to it. You will also need to address the idea of "traditions" and talk about which ones you will or will not do. Like it or not, you will have to bend in some areas. As much as it is your day, she too has been dreaming about and picturing this day for as long as you have been alive. There are some things you should be sensitive, but pick and chose them.

It is complicated, not at all as easy as they make it out in the magazines and movies. People will get offended, just try and politely listen to people's ideas, and then do the right thing. Good luck!