Not sure how to handle this re: my DS16....

[TimeforMe]

He was invited to a Sadie Hawkins dance a few weeks ago (the dance isn't until mid-March) by a girl in one of his classes. She actually held up a sign asking if he would go with her if front of the whole class so he felt obligated to say yes. He really doesn't like her (said she's "annoying") and says she's been stalking him ever since he agreed to go. Well, after giving it further thought, he decided he didn't want to be "stuck with her all night" since he really doesn't like her. So tonight at dinner he informs us he told her that he didn't want to go with her. He said he said it in as nice a way as possible citing that since they're "just friends", it's silly to go together and that he would see her at the dance anyway. He said she seemed Ok with it, but I feel so badly for her as I know how girls that age are so easily humiliated. When I started to admonish him, he said that he wanted to enjoy himself at the dance as well so why should it be all about making her happy. Good point. He assures me he said it nicely, but I still feel kind of bad about it.

I don't know.............what would you guys have done?

 

[Beth76]

Wow. I think he handled it very well. You know, the girl set herself up by publicly inviting him. I don't blame your son for accepting to spare her feelings. If he really doesn't want to go with her, he shouldn't have to. He gave her plenty of notice to find another date.

 

[LadyyRedd]

I think he handled it very maturely. He could've completely humiliated her in front of the whole class, but he choose to let her know privately. I think that shows a lot of class.

Kimya

 

[dixipixi]

I also have a 16 y/o. He recently had some "girlfriend" issues. She just got way too possessive with him. If she found out he talked to another girl at school, she would confront the girl (once b/cause he asked to borrow a pen ). After causing a couple of scenes, he decided he had enough and asked her to leave him alone.

I just think boys at that age want to have dates, but maybe not a serious involvement. Girls can move in too quickly and really "crowd" them. They also don't like public pressure and I've noticed a lot of girls use that weapon. They think, "well, if I have him in front of everybody, he'll look like a jerk if he says no".

When I was a teen, most of my friends were boys. I know how they talked about girls. I think your son did the right thing. It's better to let her down now instead of stringing her along.

 

[FreshTressa]

I think he handled it very maturely. He could've completely humiliated her in front of the whole class, but he choose to let her know privately. I think that shows a lot of class.

Kimya

ITA

(hehe, says ITA is too short)

 

[PrincessKitty1]

I think the girl put him in a very awkward position. Nobody should be publicly pressured into a date! It sounds like he turned her down in a nice way to help her save face.

 

[mamajoan]

I have a 16 y/o daughter. She has had several boyfriends this past year. She is not possessive. She likes ''dating''. She has been cursed out by several girls who have dated her ex's. Why.. because she says "Hi" to the ex, because she does not want to "hook up" with any of the ex's, nor anyone else right now.
just wanted to let you all know that it isn't all 16 y/o's.. but I will say girls are certainly much more aggressive and possessive these days.

I think your son handled the situation well. The girl really set him up..
I am glad that he did not humiliate her publicly. I hope he can keep it friendly with her. It might be nice if he did ask her to dance at least once during the evening... a very gallant thing to do.

btw.. my dd is at a dance at this very moment... she was asked by several fella's.. but chose to meet up with friends and dance with them all... Thatta girl!!!

 

[TimeforMe]

Thanks. Yeah, I *thought* he did as good a job as possible without being a jerk about it but I really wasn't sure as DD17 thought he was horrible. DS assures us that if we knew how annoying the girl was, we'd see his point.

This whole boy/girl thing with him is so intriguing to me because he doesn't talk much about girls whereas DD tells us everything (well, I'm sure not EVERYTHING) and clues us in every step of the way. I feel like he has this whole other life of which we're unaware. Whenever I question him, he's too embarrassed to talk about it or makes it seem trivial. My baby is growing up.

 

[JadenLayne]

If he had asked her and then decided to back out I would say NO WAY! But since this girl publicaly humiliated him then he did the right thing. Its better to let the girl know now then for her to crush on him more.

 

[True North]

Good for him! I had something similar happen to me when I was about that age. I was to scared to hurt her feelings and it kept getting worse. The nightly phone calls and "dates" were getting crazy for two people that were just friends. I wish I was brave and mature enough back then to handle it the way your son did.