Not such a bad mom - needs hint help!! see post 40

[MyManGoofy!]

I do not know if any have been paying attention to what I have posted about my situation in the last few weeks - but to sum it up - it has not been good financially.

I have finally been offered a job that will start on Jan 7, but I still need to get from here to there on very little funds. My son and I decided to postpone both Christmas and his birthday (the 27th) for a month or two because the money is just not there.

Well, today I was cleaning out a closet and found $5. I thought that I could take that to the store and get the ingredients to make some Christmas cookies. Maybe, at the very least, we could also put up a few decorations around the house.

Well, my son got very upset and said no way, no how. He does not want to do ANYTHING for Christmas as it will just make it more obvious how bad this Christmas will be.

I feel like the worst parent ever. I have never been in this position where I cannot afford to do at least the bare minimum for my son and it is killing me. I know that I am planning on still doing both of these celebrations at a later date, but it just isn't the same.

Anyway - thanks for letting me vent. I do not have any family and what friends I have are super busy with their own lives, so I feel like this is the only place I can come to talk, ya know?

 

[John Smith1]

I do not know if any have been paying attention to what I have posted about my situation in the last few weeks - but to sum it up - it has not been good financially.

I have finally been offered a job that will start on Jan 7, but I still need to get from here to there on very little funds. My son and I decided to postpone both Christmas and his birthday (the 27th) for a month or two because the money is just not there.

Well, today I was cleaning out a closet and found $5. I thought that I could take that to the store and get the ingredients to make some Christmas cookies. Maybe, at the very least, we could also put up a few decorations around the house.

Well, my son got very upset and said no way, no how. He does not want to do ANYTHING for Christmas as it will just make it more obvious how bad this Christmas will be.

I feel like the worst parent ever. I have never been in this position where I cannot afford to do at least the bare minimum for my son and it is killing me. I know that I am planning on still doing both of these celebrations at a later date, but it just isn't the same.

Anyway - thanks for letting me vent. I do not have any family and what friends I have are super busy with their own lives, so I feel like this is the only place I can come to talk, ya know?

Man, that stinks. You are blessed to be getting the job, though, good luck with that.

I don't know how old or young your son is but you have to sit him down and talk to him. He's obviously hurting and maybe you two can vent together.



And HEY, no terrible mom cares this much about her child! You're an AWESOME mom! :

 

[Holly]

How old is your son?

I know Christmas isn't all about the gifts, but perhaps you could try calling your town's social service department and explaining your situation. My town collects toys and other items all year. They even give Christmas trees to families who need them.


I hope things get better. You aren't a terrible mom.

 

[ChrizJen]

Hang in there. Things will get better. Congratulations on the job!
Even though they'll be late, I'm sure that Christmas and your DS's birthday will be wonderful!!
And you're not a bad mom. Sounds like you're a good mom in a really bad situation.
And I agree with the others. Check your local community organizations. I know times are tough for a WHOLE lot of people this year, but there are organizations that will donate gifts and things for the holidays. Good Luck!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think this is the poster with the 18yo son. OP go to a food pantry, church, etc.....get some extra help.

 

[NMAmy]

How old is your son, OP? I know it's hard--I went through a bad year right after I first got divorced. DD was about 8 years old at the time and oddly enough, she remembers that as one of the happiest times of her life. Financially it was a nightmare but you can still have lots of holiday fun without spending a lot of money.

I hope things get better for you soon.

 

[MyManGoofy!]

He is old enough - this will be his 18th birthday. And I do not want to make him out like some ungrateful brat asking for outrageously expensive gifts because he hasn't asked for anything. Not one single thing. It is the trappings of the holidays that he is missing, the traditions.

Usually, a week or so before Christmas, I do our baking. I make about 18 different kinds of cookies 4 or 5 kinds of cakes/cupcakes and assorted candies/fudge. This gets handed out to our friends and neighbors (no we don't eat it all ourselves!). But it makes the house feel warm and smell so good.

We have a 7 1/2 ft, 4 ft and 2 table top trees that we decorate along with the garland and wreaths and such. We blare the ipod with all kinds of Christmas music which MUST include Elvis. It is not officially Christmas at our home until we hear Elvis singing "Blue Christmas".

And even though he is old enough to understand, 18 is a milestone birthday. Last year, I took him to New York. This year he will get a card. After this year, he will be off to college and it will never quite be the same again.

 

[MyManGoofy!]

I think this is the poster with the 18yo son. OP go to a food pantry, church, etc.....get some extra help.

You know, I finally did start asking around to see where I could get some assistance. Things are so bad and most of these place are super low on funds - so they are only helping those that in extreme situations. ie: have already been evicted, already homeless etc... I really can't see taking such funds from those that truly are worse off than I.

I guess I was just looking for some sympathy and a shoulder. So thanks for giving just that everyone.

 

[mefordis]

Maybe have him watch the latest episode of Jon and Kate Plus Eight - where they go to deliver the gifts to the kids with cancer at St Judes Hospital. That will hopefully make him grateful to have what he does have - his health and yours. You have each other and you, plus a tree and cookies (and a new job!) = Christmas to me!

Merry Christmas!

I do not know if any have been paying attention to what I have posted about my situation in the last few weeks - but to sum it up - it has not been good financially.

I have finally been offered a job that will start on Jan 7, but I still need to get from here to there on very little funds. My son and I decided to postpone both Christmas and his birthday (the 27th) for a month or two because the money is just not there.

Well, today I was cleaning out a closet and found $5. I thought that I could take that to the store and get the ingredients to make some Christmas cookies. Maybe, at the very least, we could also put up a few decorations around the house.

Well, my son got very upset and said no way, no how. He does not want to do ANYTHING for Christmas as it will just make it more obvious how bad this Christmas will be.

I feel like the worst parent ever. I have never been in this position where I cannot afford to do at least the bare minimum for my son and it is killing me. I know that I am planning on still doing both of these celebrations at a later date, but it just isn't the same.

Anyway - thanks for letting me vent. I do not have any family and what friends I have are super busy with their own lives, so I feel like this is the only place I can come to talk, ya know?

 

[Magic Mom]

I think you should decorate anyway, and then take the 5.00 and buy a tin of cookies from the dollar store, play your Christmas music, break out the board games, and exchange IOU's with DS. He may not show it, but I think he will appreciate the effort. even though he is angry and says he doesn't want any Christmas, I have a hunch he really does. Angry teens don't always make sense.

 

[karynnix]

Spend the day volunteering at your local soup kitchen or nursing home. It doesn't cost a thing, and you will be spending the day together realizing how fortunate you really are.

 

[MyManGoofy!]

Let me say that in no way are either of us ungrateful or not thankful for what we do have. I am sorry if I gave that impression. I will stop posting about this because you are all absolutely correct in that I could be worse off.

 

[breezy1077]

I think you should decorate anyway, and then take the 5.00 and buy a tin of cookies from the dollar store, play your Christmas music, break out the board games, and exchange IOU's with DS. He may not show it, but I think he will appreciate the effort. even though he is angry and says he doesn't want any Christmas, I have a hunch he really does. Angry teens don't always make sense.

I agree! The presents are symbolism anyway. The other stuff can be "recreated" but with a different twist. I like Magic Mom's idea. I'd decorate the tree, blare the Christmas music, maybe read some passages from the bible, play games and make memories. You might be surprised and have one of the best Christmas's ever.

Congrats on the job!

 

[karynnix]

Let me say that in no way are either of us ungrateful or not thankful for what we do have. I am sorry if I gave that impression. I will stop posting about this because you are all absolutely correct in that I could be worse off.

I was just suggesting that you spend the day together giving back and make the holiday great. That's all. I didn't read that you are ungrateful. I thought you might want an idea of how to spend the day without focusing on your situation. I apologize if I offended you in any way.

 

[breezy1077]

Let me say that in no way are either of us ungrateful or not thankful for what we do have. I am sorry if I gave that impression. I will stop posting about this because you are all absolutely correct in that I could be worse off.

No! Feel free to vent, that's what we're here for!

 

[binny]

Please dont take this the wrong way but have you considered donating your Christmas at a homeless shelter? Serving meals to those who are less fortunate?

Or perhaps going to hospital to donate your time? Or a nursing home? There are a lot of people who have no one to spend the holidays with and they are always so grateful to have someone there with them.

It could be a really rewarding way to spend it together. It might help you focus on what you have (each other) and it would certainly help the people you are with!



I am not saying you sound ungrateful at ALL. You sound like a great mum who is in a tough spot. I am just trying to give you a couple of ideas of ways that might help. Best to you!

 

[MyManGoofy!]

I was just suggesting that you spend the day together giving back and make the holiday great. That's all. I didn't read that you are ungrateful. I thought you might want an idea of how to spend the day without focusing on your situation. I apologize if I offended you in any way.

Oh no way! I just re-read what I had written and it felt whiney to me.

 

[tinker&belle]

I think you should decorate anyway, and then take the 5.00 and buy a tin of cookies from the dollar store, play your Christmas music, break out the board games, and exchange IOU's with DS. He may not show it, but I think he will appreciate the effort. even though he is angry and says he doesn't want any Christmas, I have a hunch he really does. Angry teens don't always make sense.

I agree. You could play games, and enjoy the things you have already, listen to Christmas music, watch the movies on TV. Those are are the real memory makers. Drink some hot chocolate. If you have the money, you could go to a movie in the evening.

 

[tinker&belle]

Hit Post Too Soon:

You could also drive around on a scavenger hunt for the best christmas lights.

My family was very poor growing up, and this was the type of thing I remember.

 

[MyManGoofy!]

Please dont take this the wrong way but have you considered donating your Christmas at a homeless shelter? Serving meals to those who are less fortunate?

Or perhaps going to hospital to donate your time? Or a nursing home? There are a lot of people who have no one to spend the holidays with and they are always so grateful to have someone there with them.

It could be a really rewarding way to spend it together. It might help you focus on what you have (each other) and it would certainly help the people you are with!



I am not saying you sound ungrateful at ALL. You sound like a great mum who is in a tough spot. I am just trying to give you a couple of ideas of ways that might help. Best to you!

I have been able to pick up seasonal employment with Sea World and I am hoping to pick up some hours between now and the end of the year or I will not be able to pay January's rent. My son has already asked his bosses to put him on the schedule at his job - so I know he at least will not be home on that day. Like I said - it is not so much the actual day or the presents - it is all the ritual and tradition that normally lead up to it.

But after reading some other things - I realize that I DO need to be grateful. I have a roof over my head right now. And as boring as beans and rice are, it is still wholesome food. My neighbor is letting me share his internet connection so I can still DIS . And I have something better coming up in the real close future. So even though it is not what I would want it to be - it is better than what many currently have.