Not invited to a communion, do we send a gift?

[mommykds]

Yeah the title sounds a bit stupid but here's the story.

We moved away from family & now live a days drive from them. My DH's brother's son (my nephew) will be making his communion in May. The only reason I found this out was from facebook. We were not sent an invitation because (according to my MIL) they knew we could not come. We used to have a nice relationship with them before we moved..no bad blood or anything so I am not sure why they just forgot about us.

So....do we send a card with a gift or not? I feel like we should but feel like they could have spent 45 cents to at least invite us. Wierd right?

Thanks!

 

[Mkrop]

We just had DS's Communion party and we did send a invite to my aunt and uncle in FL. I did not know whether to do this or not but my mom encouraged me to do it so I did. They were up the weekend before for a family wedding. I approached them and said that I did not expect them to come (and I was going to say send a gift) but before I could she stopped me and told me she was so happy to get the invite despite not being able to come bc they like to know what is going on with the family. They did send a gift to DS.

I would probably send a gift bc this is about the child and his special day not about the parents lack of sending an invite. Maybe they were on the fence just like I was.

They were almost not invited to this wedding bc my uncle thought it would be too far. My mom encouraged her brother to invite them. They were thrilled to have a good reason to come up north and visit. We all had a blast but we also knew they could not make both weekends.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

They probably read the Dis board and were afraid that if they invited you knowing that you couldn't come that you would assume they were just looking for a gift

To be honest, if I KNEW someone wouldn't be able to come to an event, I probably wouldn't invite them either. Just because I wouldn't want to make them feel bad they couldn't come... and because I wouldn't want them to feel bad that they made me feel bad for not coming. If that made any sense.

But yes... if you would like to send a gift, then I think you should send a gift. If you'd rather not, then that's okay too.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Eh, send a card with some cash.

 

[mtemm]

if my or my dh's nephew was making his first communion, absolutely I would send a gift and a card.

honestly my family is lax about invites for such things. I never did send any for my son's, just let everyone know when it was, and my sisters did the same.

 

[mommykds]

I love my nephew to peices so I am going to send him something but I still have a bee in my bonnet about not even being invited. We don't live on Mars & if we were invited we'd probably go as long as DH could get off work.

 

[mommykds]

They probably read the Dis board and were afraid that if they invited you knowing that you couldn't come that you would assume they were just looking for a gift

Believe it or not, they took their kids to Disney once & they all did not care for it..... Huh?

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Well, I was gonna defend them... but clearly there's something wrong wtih them!!!!

 

[disneyfreakk]

I would send a gift to your nephew. I see no reason why he should suffer because of something his parents have done.

 

[mommykds]

Well, I was gonna defend them... but clearly there's something wrong wtih them!!!!

I would send a gift to your nephew. I see no reason why he should suffer because of something his parents have done.

Agreed!

 

[plutotek]

When my nieces/nephews were going through that stage of their life, we lived across the country. We never got an invite, but we didn't need one because we knew - roughly - when those events would be occurring and we'd send a small gift to them after asking for the specific date. If the situation had presented itself and we were able to be there, we would have gone w/no invitation.

 

[kirstenb1]

This is just me, but I never send an invitation to my far away relatives. For instance, for both our girls' baptisms, I invited family within a couple hours drive, but didn't invite my brother and his wife and their 3 very young sons who are six hours away. I always thought it would look like a gift grab, and didn't want to be that person.

Now I'm hoping his feelings weren't hurt.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I would assume they didn't send invites to people too far away to attend because they thought that would look like asking for gifts.

And I'd send one.

 

[diznygirl]

My daughter is making her communion and I'm not sending out invitations to people. I know they aren't coming, so an invite is pointless. But I am telling people about it. They know it is happening. I don't expect gifts, but it sure would be nice for relatives who care about her to send a card of congratulations. It can be empty - she won't care. She will be glad to know Aunt So and So cared enough to send a card.

 

[Hannathy]

This is just me, but I never send an invitation to my far away relatives. For instance, for both our girls' baptisms, I invited family within a couple hours drive, but didn't invite my brother and his wife and their 3 very young sons who are six hours away. I always thought it would look like a gift grab, and didn't want to be that person.

Now I'm hoping his feelings weren't hurt.

My DH's family is like this. He is the only sibling living away and they never send us invitations. Once I said something about it to my MIL and she said well I knew you couldn't come so we don't send them to you, why would we?

ughhh maybe to let us feel like part of the family ya think? They are our nieces and nephews to. maybe we would like to know when things are and send gifts or maybe come.

To answer your question they could have been I know mine are and have been when we are excluded or forgotten.

 

[sparklynails23]

I don't think your BIL and his wife did anything wrong by not inviting you. They were probably just trying to keep you from feeling obligated to send a gift when you couldn't come. Now, you can choose to believe that they were trying to be courteous, or you can choose to feel slighted. It's up to you.

 

[tasha99]

I don't think your BIL and his wife did anything wrong by not inviting you. They were probably just trying to keep you from feeling obligated to send a gift when you couldn't come. Now, you can choose to believe that they were trying to be courteous, or you can choose to feel slighted. It's up to you.

Imo, it's beyond not worth worrying about. I would just send a gift and be happy.

 

[NotUrsula]

I don't come from a place where Communion is a big deal outside of the immediate family; nor Confirmation. We don't throw parties for these occasions, and we don't send invitations for anyone to come, either.
We might have a special dessert after dinner, or go out for ice cream, but that's about as fancy as we get. It would never in a million years occur to me to announce the occasion to out-of-town family in advance, though afterward we do usually send a photo around (at DS' confirmation we actually forgot to take any photos.)

 

[golfgal]

No one around here sends actual "invites" to First Communion. It is pretty much handled through email/phone calls. I know in some areas of the country they are a much bigger "party" deal but for the most part around here people invite Grandparents and Godparents and that is pretty much it.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My daughter is having her first communion. We really did not invite anyway. We moved very far away and we know that people won't come. In fact, my husband's family--we were 4 for 4 on rejections for my daughter's first birthday. My sister is having a baby, so I didn't invite her because--well she would be busy and my brother would not come and neither would my mother.

That being said--if I were inviting "everyone" except one person--that would have been rude of me. It is not up to me to presume that people could not make an event when I am inviting everyone else under the sun. And I'm talking about the formal invite stuff. Perhaps they handled everything by word of mouth and now that you live far away, you simply are not included.

I hope that makes sense.

Send the gift--the child was not in control of the situation here.