Not invited to a communion, do we send a gift?

[Rora]

I'd be a little hurt too but I'd still send the card.

Pick and choose battles, pick and choose.

 

[englishteacha]

My nephew and his wife and daughter live in Iowa. We're in Maine. They always send invitations to special events to my mom. They know she can't come, but my mom is always thrilled to know that they thought to include her in the special day. I would send a card, maybe a gift, to your nephew. It's a special event for him.

 

[ols386]

Yeah the title sounds a bit stupid but here's the story.

We moved away from family & now live a days drive from them. My DH's brother's son (my nephew) will be making his communion in May. The only reason I found this out was from facebook. We were not sent an invitation because (according to my MIL) they knew we could not come. We used to have a nice relationship with them before we moved..no bad blood or anything so I am not sure why they just forgot about us.

So....do we send a card with a gift or not? I feel like we should but feel like they could have spent 45 cents to at least invite us. Wierd right?

Thanks!

You answered your own question. They didn't send an invitation because they knew you couldn't come.

I don't think it's about them spending 45 cents to send you an invitation. They didn't think you could come, so they didn't send an invitation.

They may have thought that if they sent an invitation, then you might feel obligated to send a gift, and they didn't want you to feel that way.

No, I don't think it's weird at all.

 

[RadioNate]

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Don't invite far away family & you've slighted them, do invite them and it's a gift grab.

Op - do what you WANT to do. If you'd like to send your nephew a card, do it. If not, don't.

 

[bellarella]

I don't know why people go out of their way to be offended. Life is much happier when you assume people have good motivations.

1. They might not have sent out formal invitations at all.
2. They knew you couldn't come.
3. They probably didn't want to make you feel like they expected you to come.
4. They probably didn't want you to feel like they were asking for a gift.

Any one of these explanations would have come to my mind before I jumped to a conclusion that I was being either excluded or that they were too cheap to spend $0.45.

I also don't understand why people wonder if they should send a gift. Gifts should never be quid pro quo for an invitation. (and thinking that they are is what has led to concerns about #4 above)

 

[Disney Doll]

I love my nephew to peices so I am going to send him something but I still have a bee in my bonnet about not even being invited. We don't live on Mars & if we were invited we'd probably go as long as DH could get off work.

Well, maybe they figured that since you live "away" that you wouldn't be able to make it and sending an invite would look like a gift grab.

I know that when I invite people who live "away" to events, I am always worried about that. On the one hand, I want to invite them because I want them to know they are loved and wanted and so forth, but there's a part of me that always thinks "I hope they don't think we are just looking for a gift".

Mainly because my elderly mother always says, when she gets an invite, "oh they know I won't come but they want me to send money". No matter how many times I tell her that maybe the family just wants her to know they'd like her there even if they know she wouldn't come, it's a way to keep her abreast of the family goings on and so forth...nope, to her it's a gift grab. Even when I tell her that she doesn't have to send something other than a lovely card if she's not attending, she always says "oh they're looking for money".

So I can understand your family's dilemma with regard to inviting vs. not inviting. Perhaps you could let everyone know that even if you might not be able to come to every event, that you want to be invited so they'll know...

 

[dngnb8]

Yeah the title sounds a bit stupid but here's the story.

We moved away from family & now live a days drive from them. My DH's brother's son (my nephew) will be making his communion in May. The only reason I found this out was from facebook. We were not sent an invitation because (according to my MIL) they knew we could not come. We used to have a nice relationship with them before we moved..no bad blood or anything so I am not sure why they just forgot about us.

So....do we send a card with a gift or not? I feel like we should but feel like they could have spent 45 cents to at least invite us. Wierd right?

Thanks!

Why punish the nephew for his parents oversight?

1st Holy Communion is a big deal in the Catholic Faith.

Maybe a note to his parents saying, just because you cant make it, doesnt mean you dont want to know or get an invite.

 

[Patty3]

I would not feel obligated to send anything. If you want to send something do it, but not out of obligation. We moved away from family due to DH's job twenty years ago. We are invited to weddings and showers, but not birthday parties, Communions or Baptisms. The way I feel is that we are still family and should be invited. It is up to us if we can make it, this is not for the party giver to decide. We are not invited for Christmas, Thanksgiving or Easter since they do not think we will come. What is the harm in extending an invite? This is really a pet peeve of mine and it makes you feel like you are not a part of the family. Through the years, I have changed my tune and now it is, no invite no gift.

 

[WDSearcher]

I love my nephew to peices so I am going to send him something but I still have a bee in my bonnet about not even being invited. We don't live on Mars & if we were invited we'd probably go as long as DH could get off work.

How about ... you or your DH call his brother and find out from the BROTHER why you didn't get invited? All you know is what MIL told you and she could be wrong, or guessing, or have no idea and just making something up. I don't know that I'd get a whole "bee in my bonnet" about an excuse someone else gave me. If I'm going to be even just slightly miffed at someone for a while, I'd want to be sure I was miffed at the right person for the right reason.