Not All Treasure Is Silver And Gold, Mate - *Update 9-17* P60

TK-
It is hard to say that I loved your post because of what it is about.. losing someone so dear to you. It is sad and happy at the same time. It seems like you were so close to your mom and have no regrets- that made me happy. The emotions that you were expressing made me sad.

I hope I'm not rambling..... :confused3

I can't wait to see where you were able to change your ADR to! :goodvibes
 
TK-
It is hard to say that I loved your post because of what it is about.. losing someone so dear to you. It is sad and happy at the same time. It seems like you were so close to your mom and have no regrets- that made me happy. The emotions that you were expressing made me sad.

I hope I'm not rambling..... :confused3

You're not rambling, it makes perfect sense. We were very close. I've been reading a lot of books about grief, and one of them stated something to the effect that just because you experience a loss doesn't mean the relationship ends. It just means that it's narrowed down to your view of it, and more one sided. I take some small comfort in knowing that no one can take away my memories of my mother, that's actually something our priest hit upon during the funeral mass. No one can take away your relationship and no one can take away your memories. It's a small comfort, but it is a comfort.

I am having a rough couple of days, though. It hits me at odd times. Now I'm rambling!

I can't wait to see where you were able to change your ADR to! :goodvibes

:rolleyes1
 
Awww sweetie, I am so flattered to have been thought of during such difficult times. Please know that I wasn't always at such peace with everything.....there was a LOT of time spent afterwards dealing with the intense emotions that come with a near death experience, and the anger at times was toxic. BUT, some very wonderful were put in my life to help me mourn and grieve what really happened--because in the end, that is what I really needed to do to move on. I finally let myself grieve and mourn---and I hope you will too---because I know that through that process, I was ultimately relieved, comforted, and given my much more positive outlook on the situation and on my life. I am entirely grateful for the reality of life that I got to "learn" at such a young age. It colors everything I do now, and I know I am so much happier for it. There is nothing we can say to replace your Mom, and it IS so unfair that she was taken away from you at such an early age. BUT, I do know this, although she is physically no longer here, she is just like that poem you posted....with you ALWAYS. Now she is with you more completely and fully than ever before. You have her in your heart and soul forever, and those WONDERFUL memories will never leave you. Mourn the physical presence, and celebrate the indelible mark that she has left on you forever. Even though it seems so difficult to ever enjoy things that are SO completely your Mom---like Epcot---know that in those places and moments, you will find her again the most. Buy a perfume or lotion that she always used or smelled like, and keep some with you always. Dab a little on when you need a "Mom" fix, and close your eyes and know that she IS there with you!

Not to get too religious, but this verse has really helped me....
"Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted." It is so true TK.....so true. I could never imagine the comfort I would receive from mourning what I went through....never imagine at all. I hope and pray for you for the same comfort and peace! Jen
 
Not to get too religious, but this verse has really helped me....
"Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted." It is so true TK.....so true. I could never imagine the comfort I would receive from mourning what I went through....never imagine at all. I hope and pray for you for the same comfort and peace! Jen

Thank you very much. I don't know if you're familiar with it, but my mom frequently wore the scent they sell in Epcot in Norway, called Laila. But mostly, I remember this mixture of baby powder and...well, Mom. Hard to explain. I remember laying my head down near her arm when she was in the hospital and she still smelled like that. It was very bittersweet for me.

I don't want to go into to detail, but I'm having the hardest time getting those d*** hospital images out of my head. I do need to allow myself the time to mourn and grieve, and realize that it's really okay that I don't want to get out of bed, and that even though I have a little family to take care of, it's okay to just fall apart sometimes.

I think I've spent a lot of the past couple of weeks being extra strong because everyone is so worried about me. Because of how close Mom and I were, and because of my pregnancy. So when people ask if I'm okay, I don't tell them I'm dying inside and that there's a huge hole in my chest that I can't fill. I lie. I tell them one day at a time. One foot in front of the other. What else can I do?

It's like Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle. "Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out..." I know he says it reference to his wife, but it really describes how I feel right now. That I am reminding myself to do things. That I can barely remember anything unless I write it down.

I think going back to work tomorrow will be a small relief. At least it's pretend normal.
 

Thank you very much. I don't know if you're familiar with it, but my mom frequently wore the scent they sell in Epcot in Norway, called Laila. But mostly, I remember this mixture of baby powder and...well, Mom. Hard to explain. I remember laying my head down near her arm when she was in the hospital and she still smelled like that. It was very bittersweet for me.

I don't want to go into to detail, but I'm having the hardest time getting those d*** hospital images out of my head. I do need to allow myself the time to mourn and grieve, and realize that it's really okay that I don't want to get out of bed, and that even though I have a little family to take care of, it's okay to just fall apart sometimes.

I think I've spent a lot of the past couple of weeks being extra strong because everyone is so worried about me. Because of how close Mom and I were, and because of my pregnancy. So when people ask if I'm okay, I don't tell them I'm dying inside and that there's a huge hole in my chest that I can't fill. I lie. I tell them one day at a time. One foot in front of the other. What else can I do?

It's like Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle. "Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out..." I know he says it reference to his wife, but it really describes how I feel right now. That I am reminding myself to do things. That I can barely remember anything unless I write it down.

I think going back to work tomorrow will be a small relief. At least it's pretend normal.

Just remember....it is not weakness to show others our pain and grief and the difficulty of doing even the most minute thing. I finally let others surround me with their love, compassion, and support, and it was so comforting. There is no need to tell others you are "fine," when we know ourselves that you are dying inside just a little bit. Don't pound the grief down....it does not go away....it builds until you erupt with it...which is what I did. Turn to your loved ones, allow them to support and take care of you for once. You need it! You have lots of DISer love coming your way from all over the country...embrace it!!! :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
 
Glad to hear you didn't kiss the sign too LOL!!!

I really hope that you will find some joy as you finish writing this, remembering the special moments with your mom and with your family on this trip! As you were doing your PTR you stressed how important it was that this trip be about family and I know you succeeded!! I know while it will be sad at times reliving this trip, I hope you'll laugh and smile too!!!

You know I'm praying for you and thinking of you often!!!

I do have to say that once again I'm really really enjoying your tale!!!!
 
Just remember....it is not weakness to show others our pain and grief and the difficulty of doing even the most minute thing. I finally let others surround me with their love, compassion, and support, and it was so comforting. There is no need to tell others you are "fine," when we know ourselves that you are dying inside just a little bit. Don't pound the grief down....it does not go away....it builds until you erupt with it...which is what I did. Turn to your loved ones, allow them to support and take care of you for once. You need it! You have lots of DISer love coming your way from all over the country...embrace it!!! :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

Thank you. I do know that I am supported, and it is comforting.

It's possible I might just need a good wallow. I haven't really allowed myself to have one yet.
 
Thank you. I do know that I am supported, and it is comforting.

It's possible I might just need a good wallow. I haven't really allowed myself to have one yet.


I think so.....today sounds like a good day for a good wallow!!! ;) Cry it out..........and then go watch some Captain Jack. Definitely the best follow-up after a good cry! Love ya girlie!
 
I think so.....today sounds like a good day for a good wallow!!! ;) Cry it out..........and then go watch some Captain Jack. Definitely the best follow-up after a good cry! Love ya girlie!

Unfortunately, I don't want to have the wallow in front of my five year old, he's already had a lot happen that we're having to explain.

I do think, however, that a little Captain Jack could brighten the spirits. Perhaps I'll watch one of the Pirate films tonight. :goodvibes
 
Right now, we're in part two of Wednesday, September 30th. :goodvibes

I've got a few highlights from this day in Epcot that I'd like to share with you, the first probably being the most meaningful for me. We decided to hit up some rides before our lunch ressie, and one of the first ones we did was Finding Nemo.

Now let me say, one of the things that I love about going in September is that if you hit it right, there's absolutely no wait for rides. It's all about timing, and when you have good timing, it feels like such a success, doesn't it? I know you can all understand this, if you didn't, you wouldn't be on the DIS.

Heidi suggested to me during my pre trip report that I should pick three goals for each day. It would keep me from feeling overwhelmed and keep me from feeling like I had to plan everything, but would at least give us a direction to go in. Let me tell you, it was a great idea. Given that we've gone pretty much every year for the past several years, it can become routine. When you throw in all the family, it can become at best a juggling act. And my Libran personality wants to make everyone happy, and on this trip, I learned that it's really just impossible. You can't please all of the people all of the time. Whoever said that was right. But I digress.

This is about one of my three things, and the most important to me was to go on one ride just me and my Dad. So, when everyone started pairing up for Finding Nemo, I said I would go with Dad. And it's not that this is my favorite ride, or that it's particularly meaningful to me, unless you count the fact that my son watched it practically every day for a few years, mesmerized by all the colors. It's just that I got in one thing alone with my Dad. I've already explained how rare it is to get him to go to Disney World, so for me, this was a big deal. And it's really just one of those memories that I'll treasure...well, forever.

Making more memories was a key priority, since this was the last day I'd have all seven of us here (my dad was leaving the next day), and so off we headed to the Disney Visa Meet and Greet. We got some awesome photos there; our characters were Mickey, Minnie, and Goofy. My DS was super shy (keep in mind he's normally sleeping when we hit this meet and greet, so this was a change), but there were enough family members to put him at ease.

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- It's a TK and DS sandwich! Is there anything better than being loved on by your favorite Disney characters?

Another treasure trove of memories occurred at our lunch, which was in Chefs de France. It was one of the only restaurants available for our party size, and it was actually a place I had no desire to eat again after the debacle I'd experienced in December. It had nothing to do with the service or food, for those of you who haven't read that trip report, it was more the other guests, and my overall exhaustion at that point.

But karma wanted us at Chefs de France, and that's where karma put us. And am I ever so glad for that! I have the best photos of my family, laughing and having a good time. I don't know if I've ever mentioned that my FIL was born in Italy. My husband is the first generation in his family to be born here, his parents, his uncles and aunts, they were all born there. Well, as coincidence would have it, our waiter, who was obviously French, happened to hear my FIL and husband speaking Italian, and asked if they were from Italy. My FIL said that he was, and they talked a bit, only to discover our waiter's father was French and his mother was Italian. Was he tailor made for our table or what?

We had an excellent meal. I had escargot for my appetizer, and I think it's probably my favorite thing to eat in France. I love escargot! I have ever since I was little when my mom used to make it for me. I chose to get the macaroni and cheese for lunch, and it was made with a wonderful gruyere and had just a hint of cinnamon or nutmeg that pushed it over the edge to divine. My son did really well here, not only did he enjoy the food, but he had so many family members to keep him entertained.

And speaking of entertainment, we were in for quite a treat! I'd thought that our dear friend from Ratatouille was no longer making appearances, but indeed, he was! Now my son was just enrapt with this whole experience, and I had the pleasure of having Happy Birthday song to me be a delightful...well...rat.

Now it's a toss up as to whether or not I enjoyed that or my Happy Birthday serenade that came later with dessert. My family insisted I wear my birthday button at all times since we were celebrating my thirtieth, so restaurants would know as soon as you walked in, even if you didn't include it in your ressie that you had a birthday going on.

As we were waiting for dessert, we noticed a group of quite divine looking French waiters heading towards us, and my mother leaned over to me, and said, "that's what you want, all those gorgeous men to sing Happy Birthday to you..."

She had no idea she was right.

All the gorgeous men were for me. So she starts laughing, and I'm totally shocked, because I wasn't expecting it at all. Now, normally, I would just revel in it, but because she had just said that to me, I actually started blushing. So not like me. Woman who will plot to kidnap Jack Sparrow, but embarrassed by gorgeous French men singing Happy Birthday.

Well, it was quite heavenly. And a perfect way to end this chapter, I think. ;)



Next Chapter
 
What a lovely day!

I love the TK/DS character sandwich, such a cute picture. :goodvibes

I bet your DS loved Remy, isn't he the cutest? I love the little squeaking sounds he makes.

I'm glad that Les Chefs was a much better experience this time around.
 
What a lovely day!

I love the TK/DS character sandwich, such a cute picture. :goodvibes

Imagine how excited I was not to have to crop or cover anything. Mickey and Goofy did that for us. :lmao:

I bet your DS loved Remy, isn't he the cutest? I love the little squeaking sounds he makes.

He did! And the squeaking is even cuter when it's happy birthday! :goodvibes

I'm glad that Les Chefs was a much better experience this time around.

Me, too. That's such a Mom place to me, I can't even fathom walking in there right now. We had a great dinner there in January, just the two of us. I know eventually I'll get there, but I'm glad I have some good memories to wash over those December ones.
 
Love the pictures, love that you got to ride with your dad, loved that you had a fabulous lunch, and who wouldn't love gorgeous Frenchmen singing to you.......DIVINE I SAY!!!!!!

Hope all is well for you all....still thinking and praying for your gang including Dad and Nana!!!! :)
 
Great updates TK! From tear-inducing to drool-worthy French waiters, such variety! :thumbsup2 I hope writing this TR helps with your healing process. :hug:
 
Sounds like you had a perfect morning and lunc at Epcot.
Don't you just wish gorgeous French waiters brought you lunch everyday? :cloud9:
 
What a great chapter! I love that you got to ride alone with your Dad, and now you're enjoying a delicious lunch all together!:goodvibes
 
Love the pictures, love that you got to ride with your dad, loved that you had a fabulous lunch, and who wouldn't love gorgeous Frenchmen singing to you.......DIVINE I SAY!!!!!!

It was divine!

Hope all is well for you all....still thinking and praying for your gang including Dad and Nana!!!! :)

Thank you. It hits me at odd moments still, but I know that's just part of the process.

Great updates TK! From tear-inducing to drool-worthy French waiters, such variety! :thumbsup2 I hope writing this TR helps with your healing process. :hug:

Actually, writing this is very theraputic for me. It is literally forcing me to remember our happy times, and that is soooo helpful right now. I don't want to go into detail but there are some images from the hospital and mom's last days that are just tormenting me. Right now, I can't live with those every day, I need to get to the place where I'm thinking of Disney and remembering the last time I ate lunch with her, and her smile and her laugh, and not what happened in the past couple of weeks.

Sorry, long answer. Yes, it's helpful. And I'm glad for it.

Don't you just wish gorgeous French waiters brought you lunch everyday? :cloud9:

Well, yeah, but I wonder what my co-workers would think? :lmao:

What a great chapter! I love that you got to ride alone with your Dad, and now you're enjoying a delicious lunch all together!:goodvibes

This was really a great day.
 












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