not aknowledging a gift-blame the parent/the "kid"?

[barkley]

first off i don't give gifts to receive aknowledgements. i give them because i wish to. i do however think it is the most basic courtesy to at least aknowledge to a sender that you have received the gift (moreso to thank them).

i don't make the kids write thank you notes if the giver is present when they receive/open the gift, i will let them call their grandparents and thank them over the phone...just teaching them that someone took the time to do this for you, you take the time to let them know you appreciated their efforts. for far flung relatives or friends we are not in regular communication with i do have the kids write a short note (or draw a picture depending on their age) to send off.

i have to assume that thank you notes are pretty much out of style-the bulk of the weddings, showers, graduations i've attended or sent gifts to over the past 5 or 10 years have yeilded few. i've often given the recipients the benefit of the doubt and figured that perhaps they were not taught by their parents this practice, but recent events have me questioning if that's the case or alot of "younger folks" just don't give a d***.

case in point-we have several neices and nephews (different parents) that while we seldom see them we do send off gifts for sporadic events and sometimes holidays. while they've thanked us if we've given these gifts in person, we have yet to ever have one that aknowledged or thanked us for a gift even in a phone conversation that happened to occur within days of their recept. it's gotton to the point that i no longer send cash-don't know if they got it, but i can tell from the back of a cancelled check that it's been received. these kid's parents were raised by the same parents as my dh, and he has always had a great practice of aknowledging/thanking people (as does his mom, but at least 2 of his sibs seem to have "blocked" the concept out of their minds for both personal practice and to teach their kids).

so i ask-at what age is a "kid" to be blamed for this shortcoming? i think once a young adult has found themselves capable of living on their own, attending college, entering into an engagement-they should have the ability to recognize appropriate social courtesies. what's your take on this?


i should add, this subject is of particular interest to me right now-one of the "kids" is in his mid 20's is getting married (and i would imagine expecting a gift) and has (despite seeing us in person, emailing, and talking to us on the phone) never uttered a word about the christmas gifts and recent graduation gifts he and his fiancee have received from us-we're not attending the wedding due to issues not related to him, but i question if i should even put out the effort to get a gift.

p.s. it gets wierd when my kids ask "did such and such like the x that we picked out for him" and i have to say "i assume so, but i realy don't know"

 

[AC7179]

I don't know.

It's a hard issue.

I like to think that it is not people being so rude but just that things get so busy. They're not intentionally snubbing you. Maybe.

As an adult, I write thank you notes. I have made my children write thank you notes to adult gift givers they don't thank in person.

I do have huge guilt issues over my hubby's aunt and uncle, though. They sent us a big bagg of goodies for Christmas and I ripped the return address unpacking it and none of us had their phone number. I'm sure the issue could have been rectified with a few phone calls to his Grandma and/or Mom----but I put it on him to do it and he forgot.

So, that is our only real transgression. Other than that we thank you in person or in a note.

 

[ceiligh1]

I think after about 18 give or take a couple of years you can blame the child. I did not grow up sending thank you notes, like you said I would either call or thank the gift giver in person for the thought they put into the gift. Now I send a card as well.

If you really want to make a point with this particular relative you could send him a copy of "The Art of THank you" by Connie Leas, I picked it up for about $6. at Barnes and Noble. I bought it for my DH who did not help with our wedding thank you even though I was working full time and going to school as well. His excuse was that he didnt write thank you's well. It has some great tips about getting away from the usual thank you note. While I still ended up sending to all of the people he was supposed to it helped me to write thank you's for those on his side that I have never met.

You could send it seperate from the gift.

 

[aunt kelly]

I think that by the age of 14 or so, a child should have enough sense to either write a thank you note or pick up the phone a call someone who has sent a gift. (Can you tell this is a pet peeve?)

If I take the time to write out a check, address an envelope, put the check inside the envelope, stamp the envelope and mail it, then I feel like it's not asking too much for the receipient to write a two line thank you. (Thanks for the check. I'm saving it to buy a new computer.)

If I didn't receive a thank you for a check and a reasonable time had passed, I wouldn't hesitate to pick up the phone and say "I was wondering if you got my check? I hadn't heard anything from you and I was worried it might have gotten lost in the mail.

If the receipient doesn't get the hint and start acknowledging future gifts, I'd stop giving. I don't think anyone gives gifts because they want a thank you, but I do think everyone likes to feel their efforts are appreciated.

 

[goofy4tink]

Sore subject with me. I've sent my nephew, now 12, a Barnes and Noble gift card for the past two years on his birthday. His parents have not acknowledged my dd's birthday once since we stopped having 'family parties' about 4 years ago. But, I choose to 'remember' my nephews birthday...my choice. So, I have not gotten a thank-you for the past two gift cards. When the whole family was visiting 'Grammie' last month, she gave my nephew the third degree as to whether or not he had received the check she had sent 2 months prior, in his birthday card. Evidently, I am not alone in not getting any acknowledgment.
I have always told my now grown children, as well as my almost 13 y/o dd, that if someone takes the time to send you any kind of gift, the least you can do is send out a thank-you note. If you thank that person, in person when you receive the gift, that is fine...no written note is needed.
Who do I blame? The parents, of course. At least until the kids are grown up, around 18 or so. My step-mother complained that my grown kids hadn't sent her a thank-you note, so I told her to stop sending them checks!!!
I do not sent out a gift looking for grateful fawning, but it would be nice to know that the gift did reach the intended person. Oh, and my 12 y/o nephew? He won't be getting a third gift card. Perhaps a card but nothing in it next year.