NORTH KOREA URGES FARMERS TO GROW MISSILES
More Weapons Needed to Feed Hungry Nation, Pyongyang Says
As part of a sweeping reform of its national agricultural policy, the government of North Korea today announced that it would offer farmers major new incentives to grow missiles and other deadly weapons.
Our nation is facing the dire possibility of starvation, an official government statement read. The only way to solve this problem is by producing more missiles.
Agricultural experts around the world were stunned by North Koreas decision to solve its hunger problem by urging farmers to grow missiles, shells, and rocket launchers, with many observers saying that they had expected other crops, such as rice or soy beans, to top the governments wish list.
But to the average North Korean, the decision to produce more missiles may be too little, too late, with winter approaching and most cupboards bare of missiles or even smaller weapons like hand grenades or pistols.
In downtown Pyongyang, a line snaked around the block as customers waited for hours for the chance to buy a missile or even a missile part for their families.
But even as they waited, the missile store soon closed its doors, putting up a sign familiar to the downcast North Koreans: No Missiles For Sale Today.
Dr. Kenneth Beller, an expert in North Korea who has been studying the workings of its government and society for the last twenty years, says that the governments decision to urge farmers to grow missiles to solve its hunger problem is not as surprising as it might first appear.
The more we learn about North Korea, the more we realize just how creepy a place it is, Dr. Beller says.
***Borowitz Reports****
More Weapons Needed to Feed Hungry Nation, Pyongyang Says
As part of a sweeping reform of its national agricultural policy, the government of North Korea today announced that it would offer farmers major new incentives to grow missiles and other deadly weapons.
Our nation is facing the dire possibility of starvation, an official government statement read. The only way to solve this problem is by producing more missiles.
Agricultural experts around the world were stunned by North Koreas decision to solve its hunger problem by urging farmers to grow missiles, shells, and rocket launchers, with many observers saying that they had expected other crops, such as rice or soy beans, to top the governments wish list.
But to the average North Korean, the decision to produce more missiles may be too little, too late, with winter approaching and most cupboards bare of missiles or even smaller weapons like hand grenades or pistols.
In downtown Pyongyang, a line snaked around the block as customers waited for hours for the chance to buy a missile or even a missile part for their families.
But even as they waited, the missile store soon closed its doors, putting up a sign familiar to the downcast North Koreans: No Missiles For Sale Today.
Dr. Kenneth Beller, an expert in North Korea who has been studying the workings of its government and society for the last twenty years, says that the governments decision to urge farmers to grow missiles to solve its hunger problem is not as surprising as it might first appear.
The more we learn about North Korea, the more we realize just how creepy a place it is, Dr. Beller says.
***Borowitz Reports****
