Non-custodial parent phone calls to children

[boomhauer]

Tool.

If I posted that, I wonder how many points I'd get.

 

[boomhauer]

When you don't like the fact that your wife's ex calls or your stepson talks to his father, just tell yourself, "I signed up for this j-o-b and now I have to do it and if I don't like it, that's just too damn bad, because I signed up for this j-o-b..." Repeat.

Let me say again, Dad calling and talking to his son - No problem at all.

Dad calling repeatedly, leaving voicemail after voicemail questioning where we are - Problem.

 

[Nancyg56]

Boomhauer I fear that you are slightly in over your head at this point. It seems like your ex is really getting on your nerves lately. Why would you want to limit contact with your step son and his dad? That won't help your relationship with him. As hard as it is I really think you have to get out of the middle of this. The relationship your wife has with her ex will always be there. She had a child with him. So until that child is 18 he will be in your life. Let HER deal with him. And by him I mean her ex.
Does your stepson like the phone calls? It can only make him feel loved I would think. Is that bad?

As I am NOT a step I am sure it is a lot easier for me to say it than have to do it. And I am a child of divorced parents. If my Mom's husband had tried to limit my contact or even spoke about him in a way that is not flattering- I would have checked him off my list. Don't do that to your step son. I am sure now that you see how great it is to be a Dad you can understand how your wife's ex must feel not being there all the time.
Good luck you have a long road of this ahead.

This is very good advice. You need to step away from this and let your wife address all of it. You and she are going to have this man in your lives for a very long time and you are going to have to find a way to all live together for the sake of this child.

Kids do not ask for the circumstances they have been given. He is an innocent child stuck in the middle of three adults who cannot even agree on phone time. He knows that you are annoyed every time the phone rings, no one can hide that from a kid and he is going to resent it ...that means you and that means trouble with your wife as he gets older. This boy is going to have a lot to deal with trying to make three people happy becasue he is not going to be able to win.

I know that you have heard this before but I really would encourage you to seek some family counseling with your wife and her son. You would benefit from an impartial professional who will help your family to find a way to coexist with your wife's ex in a manner that will not hurt her son.

 

[mickeyfan2]

And as I stated, he doesn't pay for anything extra. He pays child support.

Well then use some of that support money to buy the cell phone. The money is there for his well being and talking to his dad is for his well being.

 

[boomhauer]

Well then use some of that support money to buy the cell phone. The money is there for his well being and talking to his dad is for his well being.

Sorry - I don't agree with that at all.

Child support is for food, clothing, medicine, shelter. Not for cellular telephones.

I'm curious - What do you tihnk will change if he calls the son's cell phone, gets voicemail? There's just as much of a chance of that happening with that phone as there is with my wife's phone. The issue is, he seems to have a problem with not having his calls picked up right away. If we're out doing something as a family, that phone's not going to be answered either right away.

Yeah yeah, excuses excuses. You pose the question. It's a pretty valid response.

 

[cardaway]

As I said, I obviously don't get my point across veyr well. For that I apologize. You wanna rub it in my face - Do it. Don't know why that would make you feel better, but obviosuly, it does.

Your posts about your feelings for him were very clear. Looks like you're just upset that people notice when you can't keep your story straight.

 

[boomhauer]

Your posts about your feelings for him were very clear. Looks like you're just upset that people notice when you can't keep your story straight.

Whatever you say Cardaway. You da man.

 

[solferino]

Originally Posted by phorsenuf View Post
Just curious. Is there a particular reason why the dad has started calling so often and concerned where his child is? Was he not be able to talk to him for a while and was concerned. Seems a little odd that a father would start calling repeatably for no reason.



I have no idea.

Maybe his car got hit by a falling rock and wanted to let his son know he was ok?

 

[cardaway]

Maybe his car got hit by a falling rock and wanted to let his son know he was ok?

 

[Mono~rail]

Just wanted to say, as I see it's been brought up - We got rid of the land line about 3 years ago. He just started calling a month ago. One had nothing to do with the other.

We just found that we weren't using it. It was a waste of $40 a month.

It wouldn't be a waste to get another landline installed now because then the dad could use it to call his son. Win-Win situation for everyone.

It is very true that cell phones are easily lost, but landline phones are much easier to keep track of. I know I've never lost a regular landline phone. ETA: A landline phone with an answering machine is what is needed.

Cell phone - bad idea

Landline phone - good idea

 

[mickeyfan2]

Sorry - I don't agree with that at all.

Child support is for food, clothing, medicine, shelter. Not for cellular telephones.

I'm curious - What do you tihnk will change if he calls the son's cell phone, gets voicemail? There's just as much of a chance of that happening with that phone as there is with my wife's phone. The issue is, he seems to have a problem with not having his calls picked up right away. If we're out doing something as a family, that phone's not going to be answered either right away.

Yeah yeah, excuses excuses. You pose the question. It's a pretty valid response.

Don't get voicemail on his phone. Just get him a prepaid cell phone.

 

[mickeyfan2]

It wouldn't be a waste to get another landline installed now because then the dad could use it to call his son. Win-Win situation for everyone.

It is very true that cell phones are easily lost, but landline phones are much easier to keep track of. I know I've never lost a regular landline phone. ETA: A landline phone with an answering machine is what is needed.

Cell phone - bad idea

Landline phone - good idea

And you can not get voicemail or an answering machine with the landline.

 

[Nancyg56]

Sorry - I don't agree with that at all.

Child support is for food, clothing, medicine, shelter. Not for cellular telephones.

I'm curious - What do you tihnk will change if he calls the son's cell phone, gets voicemail? There's just as much of a chance of that happening with that phone as there is with my wife's phone. The issue is, he seems to have a problem with not having his calls picked up right away. If we're out doing something as a family, that phone's not going to be answered either right away.

Yeah yeah, excuses excuses. You pose the question. It's a pretty valid response.

Support money is for necessities. If a cell phone is needed the money should go for a phone.

My SIL and her H divorced and those two kids were never treated the same after that. They were always in the middle of issue after issue and a lot of the "discussions" were about money and inconvenience. And I can tell you that those kids felt that they were the inconvenience and that they were the money problem.

If the Dad will not pay for a cell phone and you are not happy with Dad calling yours or your wifes, then your wife needs to provide a method in which the child can be reached.

You may not think that the boy is in the middle of a war and you may not think that he is taking this personally, but you have already discussed some behavior problems you have seen. Dad is now trying to talk with him every day and if you or you wife restricts access you can bet the farm that the behavior will escalate. He is a little boy who has had a lot of changes thrust upon him and everyone seems to think he can just adjust. Now support money is dissected. He lives in your home and you are responsible for what he needs if ad does not pay.

We took my DH nephew into our home for several years. We never got one penny from his mother and we made sure he got everything he needed and a lot of what he wanted. We never denied anything because his mother did not give us money.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think their relationship is more important than your inconvenience. Your step-son didn't divorce his dad.



I was thrilled to NOT have to talk to my dad so much. But had he taken the initiative, maybe we would have a better relationship today.

Sorry - I don't agree with that at all.

Child support is for food, clothing, medicine, shelter. Not for cellular telephones

Boloney!



Does your stepson WANT to talk to his dad. If so, then maybe he should also initiate calls that are at your family's convenience.

Otherwise--just live with it.

Haven't read the whole thread yet (not sure if I plan to) so not sure what other background on dear old dad their is. Plus there are three sides to every story--yours, theirs, and the truth.

 

[ilovejack02]

Let me say again, Dad calling and talking to his son - No problem at all.

Dad calling repeatedly, leaving voicemail after voicemail questioning where we are - Problem.

Sorry - I don't agree with that at all.

Child support is for food, clothing, medicine, shelter. Not for cellular telephones.

I'm curious - What do you tihnk will change if he calls the son's cell phone, gets voicemail? There's just as much of a chance of that happening with that phone as there is with my wife's phone. The issue is, he seems to have a problem with not having his calls picked up right away. If we're out doing something as a family, that phone's not going to be answered either right away.

Yeah yeah, excuses excuses. You pose the question. It's a pretty valid response.

I think I asked this , but dont think i got a response. Have you all.. actually I mean your wife talked to the ex about this issue yet.. as i said before in a very nice manner and mention that he prob wouldnt like it if she did that to him while it was his time.

Whatever you say Cardaway. You da man.

Thats prob not helping lol.

 

[bookgirl]

My ex sister in law won't answer the phone if her id shows my brother , me or my mom. It's really annoying. Sometimes my brother has to actually drive over to talk to the kids or check to make sure that they are okay even. Her excuse is always "oh I didn't hear the phone" or "my cell was dead" Then when they are with us, and the boys want to call thier mom we always let them, and she still won't answer the phone. She will go days and not even care if she's talked to them. besides driving us crazy we then have to explaing to the boys why we haven't called them (without bad mouthing their mom as we don't want to hurt them like that) or why their mom won't talk to them (again without badmouthing mom and making them feel like they are not important).

Let his dad call him. Make up ground rules that both sided can live with. Sit down with him and explain that while you may not always be able to pick up right then, if he will limit it to one call ( with no third degree emails) you will have the son call him back as soon as possible. They make sure both sides follow the rules.

Good Luck.

 

[RitaZ.]

Sorry - I don't agree with that at all.

Child support is for food, clothing, medicine, shelter. Not for cellular telephones.

I'm curious - What do you tihnk will change if he calls the son's cell phone, gets voicemail? There's just as much of a chance of that happening with that phone as there is with my wife's phone. The issue is, he seems to have a problem with not having his calls picked up right away. If we're out doing something as a family, that phone's not going to be answered either right away.

Yeah yeah, excuses excuses. You pose the question. It's a pretty valid response.

OP, what exactly are you looking for from a bunch of strangers? You present a scenario, then posters offer their opinions, disagree with you, agree with you, etc. All of a sudden, you begin arguing with everyone that says something that strikes a nerve. Does it really matter what strangers think? I think you just want to converse with people, looking for attention.

When I read posts like this one, I often hope that the poster is making it up or stretching the truth. I mean, who wants to live like this? Always looking to be "wronged" by someone or something to gripe about. Again, I hope the whole post is exaggerated or fabricated. If not, I truly feel for that little boy. I hate to see children dragged through the mud by selfish adults.

 

[Mono~rail]

And you can not get voicemail or an answering machine with the landline.

OK, I missed the part where messages of any kind would be a problem for Boom. I saw where you quoted him.

Oh, well. I have no other advice to give.

Some situations just don't have a perfect fix. . . only a fix that can be tolerated. This seems like one of those situations.

Poor little boy. . .

 

[disneyjunkie]

Sorry - I don't agree with that at all.

Child support is for food, clothing, medicine, shelter. Not for cellular telephones.

Wait a minute.

Remember the thread about your wife owing your MIL money?
You said your wife didn't need to use child support money for food, clothing... because YOU took care of all of those things.

As a matter of fact I recall you saying the child support money was your wife's money to use as she pleases.

So if the support money is wife's mad money, why not use it for a cell phone?

 

[boomhauer]

OP, what exactly are you looking for from a bunch of strangers? You present a scenario, then posters offer their opinions, disagree with you, agree with you, etc. All of a sudden, you begin arguing with everyone that says something that strikes a nerve. Does it really matter what strangers think? I think you just want to converse with people, looking for attention.

When I read posts like this one, I often hope that the poster is making it up or stretching the truth. I mean, who wants to live like this? Always looking to be "wronged" by someone or something to gripe about. Again, I hope the whole post is exaggerated or fabricated. If not, I truly feel for that little boy. I hate to see children dragged through the mud by selfish adults.

You have 8,000 posts. What do you look for on these boards?

I'm new to the step-parent game. If you want answer, I'm looking for honest, non-judgemental opinions. When people offer their judgement or rudeness, I give it back to them.

I'm sorry if you don't agree with me.