No sex please - we're daddy's little girls

[auntpolly]

Will you forgive me if I ask a question that has probably been asked and answered?

Are the boys making similar vows with their moms?

 

[Ilovefozzie]

I would NEVER suggest showing my children a porno! Geesh. The disgusting part is how it is being done in this kind of a situation.

I chose to keep my virginity until marriage. I knew, though all about the birds and the bees and how NOT to get pregnant. IF I chose to do so. As I mentioned I HOPE and PRAY that my children will also choose to wait. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to let them out into the world when that time comes without the needed information on HOW to be SAFE. We have already had *that* talk with our son. Being involved should mean something. And there are consequences, emotional and physical. For him and for the girl. That talk is going to continue until he is tired of hearing it. And then some. And the same to the daughter when that time comes.

My DH, their father, is VERY involved in their lives. They know this beyond a doubt and a ceremony to prove something is a silly and disturbing practice.

 

[Planogirl]

I'm trying to imagine my Dad and I going through such a ceremony and I alternate between laughing and feeling totally grossed out. He would not do it and I would have hated it! That didn't mean that he didn't believe that abstinence wasn't the best thing but the thought of he and I making vows to each other and the whole bit is just too weird.

 

[poohandwendy]

"The father makes a pledge that he is going to keep his mind pure and be faithful to her mother and there is also a time when there is a conversation about putting the right kinds of things in your mind, such as the father not using pornography," Leslee Unruh, founder of Abstinence Clearinghouse, a leader in the so-called purity movement, told AFP in describing the balls.

Why would a father need to pledge to be faithful, didn't he already make that pledge to the mother when they married?

As a Christian, I can't say I agree with this idea. I think it is extremely unrealistic. I think fathers can have an impact on their daughters without ceremony. As a matter of fact, the biggest and most important impact fathers have on their DDs comes from every day life...how he treats his wife, how he treats his children. The example he sets, the relationships he has with his loved ones.

I am reminded of the idea that the real gauge of character is not what you do when the spotlight is cast on you, but what you do when no one is looking.

 

[Laura]

I would NEVER suggest showing my children a porno! Geesh. The disgusting part is how it is being done in this kind of a situation.

I chose to keep my virginity until marriage. I knew, though all about the birds and the bees and how NOT to get pregnant. IF I chose to do so. As I mentioned I HOPE and PRAY that my children will also choose to wait. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to let them out into the world when that time comes without the needed information on HOW to be SAFE. We have already had *that* talk with our son. Being involved should mean something. And there are consequences, emotional and physical. For him and for the girl. That talk is going to continue until he is tired of hearing it. And then some. And the same to the daughter when that time comes.

My DH, their father, is VERY involved in their lives. They know this beyond a doubt and a ceremony to prove something is a silly and disturbing practice.

Excellent post. It's absolutely not the waiting until marriage that people find creepy, but the ceremony itself. It is definitely silly and disturbing.

 

[Allison]

So those of you who would prefer we show our high school freshmen porno films at assemblies so that they can "learn the basics" and then send them out to have sex with anyone and everyone can hold to your belief - it is your right as an American.

Please point out someone who has this belief. Is it a group of your friends or family or other people you are aquainted with? Because none of the people I know have this as a belief and noone on this thread implied anything close.

 

[blue_eyes5212]

At 9 years old (I'm 26 now), I was not even thinking about having sex! I probably didn't know what it was! And I most certainly was not talking about it with my father! EEEEWWWWW!! Gross,Gross, Gross!!

Does a 9 year old have the capacity to understand what they are pledging?? NO! So it seems like this is about the dads exerting control.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

(have not read all the posts)

I saw this recently on a TV program - it is creepy!!!!

nothing wrong with teaching your kids to wait....but the whole pledging to the father thing ....I don't know???? First, why aren't the boys pledging - and why aren't the mothers there at the ball too? If pledging at all - it should be to their parents, not the dads alone....whole thing smacks of the old fashioned "girls are their dad's property" and boys can do whatever but girls have to remain chaste.....creepy and wrong. as someone already said "ick,ick,ick"!

 

[Saffron]

Golf4food ... not only have you missed the point completely, you seem to have made some up along the way.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

whole thing smacks of the old fashioned "girls are their dad's property" and boys can do whatever but girls have to remain chaste.....creepy and wrong. as someone already said "ick,ick,ick"!

Yea...pretty much that is what it is. I am telling you we are moving backwards, not forward.

 

[disneyfreakk]

These girls should be making their vow of chastity to THEMSELVES and GOD if that is what they choose to do. Not their father!

 

[Mugg Mann]

Please point out someone who has this belief. Is it a group of your friends or family or other people you are aquainted with? Because none of the people I know have this as a belief and noone on this thread implied anything close.

Allison-

Golf4food is the same person who made an argument on a thread a few months back that "scientific studies show Fox News to be less biased than other networks".

Having never heard such a claim made by anyone on the planet prior to that post, I have repeatedly asked Golf4Food for the link to back up that rather preposterous claim. There has never been a response, so my advice would be to not hold your breath awaiting a response to the latest claim of partisan hyperbole put forth by Golf4food.

 

[Aisling]

These girls should be making their vow of chastity to THEMSELVES and GOD if that is what they choose to do. Not their father!

This is what I was going to say. I'm a Christian, and I believe in teaching children/teens abstinence, but to have them VOW to their fathers? I'm sorry to offend anyone, but the whole purity ball disgusts me. Teach your daughers AND sons what your beliefs are, what you hope for them, and then butt out. I can't imagine a 20 year old virgin telling her boyfriend, "I can't have sex with you because I made a vow to my dad not to." That's just not healthy.

And to the posters who agree with the vow idea, forgive me if I missed it, but I have yet to hear that their son's sexuality and purity should be vowed to his mom/dad too. Why not? It's as if sexual activity is the girl's "fault". I assume they feel if they vow their girls, then they'll say NO to the boys, and that keeps the boys in check. So the pressure is on the girls.

Very very unhealthy if you ask me.

 

[freckles and boo]

Yea...pretty much that is what it is. I am telling you we are moving backwards, not forward.

There are a lot of people who would love to see us move backwards as a society. They think that we have moved to far from good old-fashioned values. That is how the Taliban feels, too. And Adolf Hitler felt that way as well. Of course there are social issues out there that need to be addressed. Putting white dresses on little girls and asking them to make promises they can't understand is a misguided solution.

 

[PrincessTiff]

Of course, purity and faithfulness are good for everyone.

What a sweet article.

Please tell me that was a sarcastic post.

 

[JadenLayne]

It's as if sexual activity is the girl's "fault".

I totally agree! As I said my son did True Love Waits which is an awesome program. It does teach abstenance but then they also discuss that God is a forgiving God and if a mistake is made it is forgiven. We actually had a teen girl become pregnant a few months ago and the entire youth group (adults and children) have been so supportive or her and are right there for her. EVERYONE makes mistakes.

Like someone else said, I agree with the concept of abstenance........was I? No! My son was conceived out of wedlock even though DH and I did get married and have been married happily for 17 years BUT everyone is human, people make mistakes, everyone does and when mistakes are made support needs to come from the church and parents.

I kind of got off the point there, my point is while the idea is great, taking vows to your FATHER AT 9 YEARS OLD and ONLY GIRLS is just crazy!

 

[eclectics]

Wanting to show your daughter that you support them and care about them and want to help them follow in the beliefs of your religion - and a belief that is not in the least bit harmful in any way - is a bad thing? Abstinance only education might not work for most people - especially in today's society where the belief that "everyone is bad and is going to do bad things so we might as well help them do it as soon as possible" reigns supreme. But abstinance in and of itself is not harmful to anyone. If anything, it is a good thing because most of those early relationships are going to end quickly anyway and it is a lot less painful if there was no sex involved - you can't feel "used" if you never got used... The kids should be taught both sides so they understand the consequences and know where and how to get protection if they decide to have sex, but that doesn't mean we need to encourage them to do it or discourage them from waiting.

I don't support doing these at such a young age, but if I had a teenage daughter who was entering high school and knew about sex, I wouldn't see a problem with something along those lines. Being in a crowd of people with similar values shows support, and making an event out of it makes it easier to remember. What would you remember most? A short talk in the car on the way home from McDonald's or an event where you dress up, have a nice meal, etc? Doesn't have to be a big public banquet, but making a special occasion out of anything generally has more impact and is better remembered.

So those of you who would prefer we show our high school freshmen porno films at assemblies so that they can "learn the basics" and then send them out to have sex with anyone and everyone can hold to your belief - it is your right as an American. But you also have no basis to assume that any attempt to protect our kids from the negative consequences of sex are always a bad thing and are carried out with evil intentions. And the majority of churches and families these days would not ostracize a young girl for getting pregenant before marriage - just because they don't support the idea doesn't mean they won't support their loved one and help them in any way possible. Love isn't vengeful. It isn't the babies fault. And the parents should be forgiven and helped. Just because a Christian doesn't encourage pre-marital sex and having children out of wedlock doesn't mean that they would be hostile if it happened. That is just a typical liberal lie. It happens, yes, but rarely and generally only in extremely old-fashioned churches. The majority of your mainstream "Evangelical Christians" are much more "friendly" than the liberal agenda would lead you to believe. But how would they know? Contact with holy things like churches tends to make their skin sizzle...

I'll just repeat what just about everyone else has said, at the risk of being redundant, but you did respond to my post so here goes; Abstinence not a bad thing - icky "Purity Ball" a bad thing...... and yes, you did miss the point of why we are all creeped out.

 

[JoeEpcotRocks]

There are a lot of people who would love to see us move backwards as a society. They think that we have moved to far from good old-fashioned values. That is how the Taliban feels, too. And Adolf Hitler felt that way as well. Of course there are social issues out there that need to be addressed. Putting white dresses on little girls and asking them to make promises they can't understand is a misguided solution.

To discuss good old-fashioned values, you need to bring in the Taliban and Adolf Hitler?? Now that is creepy.

 

[Planogirl]

And to the posters who agree with the vow idea, forgive me if I missed it, but I have yet to hear that their son's sexuality and purity should be vowed to his mom/dad too. Why not? It's as if sexual activity is the girl's "fault". I assume they feel if they vow their girls, then they'll say NO to the boys, and that keeps the boys in check. So the pressure is on the girls.

Very very unhealthy if you ask me.

It's the ridiculous "boys will be boys" nonsense that I keep hoping will go away but never does. If teens engage in sexual activities, I hold both the girls AND the boys responsible. I don't buy the boys can't help themselves foolishness.

 

[Alyssa88]

This is gross, I think I would have hated my father if he spoke to me about that. It just seems so wrong. My father and I were and are very close, but I think if I had gottne to me teenage years and thought back on that moment (most likely with anger) I would have rebelled against that promise. That is not a father/ daughter concern.

It seems to me that this discussion should be had between a father and his son. Sex should not rest on the female's shoulder, it is his burden too, and I dont think enough guys understand this.