No candles for teachers? Why? And does this count

[tlbwriter]

I have my flame suit on...

I have to say I am finding this thread rather DIStasteful at this point.
I mean goodness, isn't it "good enough" that a student/parent gifted rather than saying what a waste another Mug or candle or whatever. Talk about UNgrateful....Perhaps parents and students should just STOP giving...how about a handwritten letter to say thanks for being a great teacher, instead?
And how about More teachers sending home notes to Kids saying that they appreciate their hard work or creativity, something positive or whatever.... A Positive letter home...wonderful!
This thread has turned into that commercial where the UNgrateful girl starts singing about the gifts she does not want (like the needlepoint pillow from her aunt).
Sorry, but the "gift" is what it is.... something/anything to show appreciation rather than trying to give the "best" or most elaborate or most important needed item...seriously ...talk about distasteful....

And yeah, we have teachers in our family and not 1 that would be so DIStasteful as to say that they got a wasted pin or mousepad or mug or candle
....donate your unwanted items ...Im sure THAT person wont find it so offensive, perhaps even be grateful to have it .

I know many people's attitude about giving gifts is "you better appreciate whatever I give you or else you're an ungrateful wretch," but to me, that kind of defeats the purpose of gift giving. Why give people something they have no reason to appreciate and then make them the bad guy for not appreciating it? How many mugs does one person need? Can you imagine how many one teacher could accumulate in just a few years? As someone said upthread, if I give you a gift, it's really important to me that it be something you like. If it's the thought that counts, the thought needs to be that I wanted to give you something you'd enjoy. Not that I'm allowed to give you whatever I think you should want and that if you don't, there's something wrong with you.

I know teachers always appreciate the thought behind the gift. But it's pretty thoughtless - and yes, DIStasteful - to demand that they treasure Yet Another Mug as well.

 

[ohiotinkfan]

Hi, I am a second grade teacher and I absolutely LOVE every gift I am given! I don’t care if it is a candle, lotion, book, note or decorative item. I honestly love watching the joy my students have when they bring in a gift for me. I feel so blessed when parents and students are so kind too!
I have taught for 19 years, in a very rural district where we have a very high percentage of free lunches. Some years I get several gifts while other years I don't get many. I realize how hard it is for parents to find the time to make a special gift or use their limited money on a gift for me. So, any gift is very much appreciated and used! If you would like to give a gift, give the gift you want and don’t worry what others say, the gift is coming from your heart.
OP, I think your gift idea looks great!
Merry Christmas!

 

[Pigeon]

I know many people's attitude about giving gifts is "you better appreciate whatever I give you or else you're an ungrateful wretch," but to me, that kind of defeats the purpose of gift giving. Why give people something they have no reason to appreciate and then make them the bad guy for not appreciating it? How many mugs does one person need? Can you imagine how many one teacher could accumulate in just a few years? As someone said upthread, if I give you a gift, it's really important to me that it be something you like. If it's the thought that counts, the thought needs to be that I wanted to give you something you'd enjoy. Not that I'm allowed to give you whatever I think you should want and that if you don't, there's something wrong with you.

I know teachers always appreciate the thought behind the gift. But it's pretty thoughtless - and yes, DIStasteful - to demand that they treasure Yet Another Mug as well.

Seriously. One of my sisters tried to keep the mugs when she started teaching. She had cartons of them after a couple of years that took up space in her closet. Should she feel some sort of obligation to keep this stuff forever? If you really dislike candles, should you have to stuff your house with them anyway?

Saying that teachers should have an obligation to donate this stuff is equally ridiculous. It's an effort to find a place that will take stuff, to pack it up and to transport it. The gift becomes a chore. And not everyone regifts.

Again, this is not to say that teachers don't appreciate being remembered. They do. Everybody gets gifts that may not speak to them, and it's up to the recipient to dispose of unwanted items as they see fit.

All these threads are saying is if you really want the teacher to be able to get some use out of your gift, a small GC is a better bet than a trinket.

 

[Figment1990]

Hi, I am a second grade teacher and I absolutely LOVE every gift I am given! I don’t care if it is a candle, lotion, book, note or decorative item. I honestly love watching the joy my students have when they bring in a gift for me. I feel so blessed when parents and students are so kind too!
I have taught for 19 years, in a very rural district where we have a very high percentage of free lunches. Some years I get several gifts while other years I don't get many. I realize how hard it is for parents to find the time to make a special gift or use their limited money on a gift for me. So, any gift is very much appreciated and used! If you would like to give a gift, give the gift you want and don’t worry what others say, the gift is coming from your heart.
OP, I think your gift idea looks great!
Merry Christmas!

Thank you for posting this. I'm a "new" parent of a preschooler and while I understand that some people don't like certain scents or have allergies (like I do), I am just surprised that so many people think that everyone's just going to be able to give people gift cards. I know that $10 doesn't seem like much, but some people have many many teachers and that can add up for families.

I understand not wanting a particular gift, whether you get one or 10 of them. I have family members who give me things all the time for the holidays that I do not want or need. But somehow, sometimes, I end up liking many of the things I didn't think I'd want, or finding a place for one of the multiples. I have learned to enjoy gifts graciously, in the spirit that they are given, and it is interesting to see the thoughtfulness of others. (Now this is coming from the girl who gave gift cards as the prizes at her baby shower.... lol.)

But something about this thread just really irked me. When I was a religion teacher I did not get candles from every kid, and but I got a lot of ornaments and even if I don't still put them all up, I love looking at them and remembering the kids when I decorate the tree, and I put some of them up this year, others the next, etc. But that's MY taste. As someone said earlier, it's difficult to find something "perfect" when we don't now people too personally, but heck, it's difficult to know what to get even the closest of relatives sometimes.

I believe it's the thought that counts. I mean, every year I try buy gifts that I think suit the person and of course, even for those that I know very well, sometimes I get it wrong.

OH - I would also like to add that I get lots of corporate gifts - mostly candy, calendars, cookies, fruit baskets, office stuff, gift cards, coffee packets and mugs. And I love getting any of it! Like getting a letter in the mail - it's just fun to give and get, be in a festive mood, and feel like someone appreciates you and remembers you at the holidays. I guess I just thought teachers would feel the same.

I guess I'll just go buy some gift cards and have my son "write" a little holiday thank you note with it. At least I'm not getting them what he says he wants to get everyone - toy trains!

 

[sasywtch]

I am with the "Stop the Insanity". Where did all of this come from? I'm in my 50's and never took anything for my teacher and neither did my friends. No one I knew gave their mailman or trashman anything.
I'm making cookies for co-workers and neighbors.
To the posters who were making candle holders, hand santizers and the stress balls, go for it. Give from the heart, not what should be expected.

 

[NotUrsula]

...
While the thought is a nice gesture, people need to remember that teachers are people outside of their jobs, too. That's like giving your maid a mop for Christmas. The best thing you can do if you don't know the teacher's personal tastes enough is to get her a gift card to eat out, to Starbucks, or even a gift card to a movie theater. Something he/she can enjoy that is not work related.

My DH is also a teacher. One year his room mom called me and said she was taking up a collection to get him an end-of-year gift. She was going to get him a gift card to the mall. I said "No, he hates the mall. He's a guy! " She asked where she should purchase the gift card from and I told her Best Buy. He was beyond thrilled! Best Buy and Staples are his home away from home.

... And presuming that your DH doesn't teach preschool, he would have been happy as a clam with my usual Staples card. That's why I try to pick a place that lets you get something for yourself OR something for your classroom. (And FWIW, if your malls are like the ones around here, a GC for the mall itself can be used for any merchant there, which would include any one of several restaurants, Starbucks, or the movie theatre, not to mention stores like Dick's Sporting Goods.)

Seriously, I'm a librarian -- can you imagine how many people used to give me GC's for bookstores, back in the days when I worked in a place where patron gifts were the norm? I buy books for a living, so as a general rule I don't buy them for myself; the exception is cookbooks and things like illustrated home repair manuals that I'll use again and again. I tended to always use those GC's to buy gifts for the children in my extended family. I do get it, but IME with colleagues, particularly those in underfunded public schools, they liked the cards that COULD be used for classroom supplies the best, because while treating yourself to a goodie is lovely, I think that more teachers think that NOT having to dig into your bank account for bulletin board supplies at back to school time is even better.

 

[4shinystars]

When my DD's were younger I stressed about teacher gifts. I'd hear how much $$ people were spending on gifts and knew we just couldn't spare much. My oldest DD came up with a wonderful and selfless idea...What we did was each girl saved $$ starting in September and with whatever she had, made a donation in the teacher's honor to a (usually local and non-controversial) charity. We made a certificate that basically said "In the true spirit of the season, a donation has been made in your honor to such and such charity. Thank you for being such a great teacher. Happy Holidays." We did not put the donation amount. More than once, a DD would come home and tell us how thrilled the teacher was and one actually cried.

Personally, I feel it shouldn't matter how much you spend, or that you "have" to give a certain item or not. Most teachers I know are thrilled just to be told "Thank you" or "You're doing a great job", and truly appreciate the thought behind all gifts. I know a teacher who ended up with a huge collection of frog-related items. She got some early on in her teaching career, and it snowballed. Her room was one huge frog-pond. When she retired after 30 years, current and former students were invited to come and take one of the mementos to remember her by. DD in college has one statue.
Whatever you choose to gift, if it is chosen from the heart it is a treasure.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

When I receive a gift, I am happy that someone thought of me and if I can't use the gift, I share it with a family member who can or I donate it. Even so, I still appreciate the gift and am truly thankful for it. If people have lots of candles, it doesn't matter. They will appreciate the one from you just as much. Honestly, as a teacher, nothing beats a sincere, handwritten note of appreciation - unless someone wants to help out with my mortgage!

 

[HsvTeacher]

Our state legislators recently made it illegal for us to receive gifts, other than those with "de minimis" value, from parents and students:

Alabama's Ethic Laws Unusual for Limiting Teacher Gifts

As a rule of thumb, according to the October opinion, students and parents can still bake cookies for their teacher or bring in something small like hand lotion or a candle, a potted plant or a coffee cup. But cash or anything that a teacher could turn around and sell is out of the question, as are holiday turkeys or hams.

The law is vague, stating that an item must be of “de minimis” value, which, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, means “lacking significance or importance; so minor as to merit disregard.”

Those who break the law could be charged with a misdemeanor, and sentenced to up to a year in jail and be fined up to $6,000.

 

[Southernmiss]

We did a few of the simple gifts mentioned here when my oldest son was in his early school years--homemade treats (After reading the Dis, Now I know they probably went in the garbage) and homemade drawer sachets and handwritten from the heart notes to the teachers.

But honestly, as the kids have gotten older and there are more teachers to buy for, it occured to me that the teachers are paid to do their jobs--albeit a difficult and unappreciated and often under compensated job. But they are paid and paid from the same pockets that pay my husband and in the political/economic climate we are in, the teachers make more with more frequent raises than my husband who has a tenured, managerial, multidegreed job.

Don't get me wrong, I truly appreciate the teachers and all of the school staff who make school a good learning environment for my children, but I think a heartfelt note is as important if not more so than small gifts.

In my profession, I receive gifts similar to the ones mentioned here and while I am grateful for the thought and appreciate the gifts and appropriately send thank you cards, after the initial "Aww someone thought about me" then I am on to "Now what do I do with this 1000th mug or candle or bottle of lotion".

If one must give a gift, cash or gift cards to stores with something for everyone are the way to go IMHO. But be careful, there are limits in some workplaces to the $ amount a person can receive in individual gifts. (as someone posted at the same time I was posting !)

 

[QVCshopper]

It's interesting about the gift cards, because I was recently volunteering at my DD's school with a lady who teaches CCD. Anyway, the woman showed me her stack of gift cards that she had gotten at XMas and yearend. She didn't feel comfortable spending them on herself, didn't know what to get, etc. and had been carrying them around for months. I told her to buy her XMas gifts this year with them. I mean, she had hundreds of dollars on those cards... and yet everyone seems to want them?

I think hand santizer and Wet Ones could be a nice gift, especially in early elementary school. Can you say germy?

 

[Mrs.Malone]

Well, here's my opinion: I don't think giving cash gifts (which is what gift cards really are) to a teacher in the middle of the school year is really appropriate at all. Last year some parents I know gave $100+ restaurant or spa gift cards to their kids' teachers. Surely no teacher would ever be bribed by expensive gifts, or swayed by comparing one child's $100 GC to another's $5 GC, but the appearance of bribery is certainly there and I don't want to be part of it anymore. It's just gotten silly. I'll just have the kids write a thank you note and enclose a small gift card on the last day of school, AFTER grades and behavior marks are finalized.

I think this is why small, personal gifts were once the norm. With homemade cookies or a handmade craft or a bottle of lotion, there's no real "value." It truly just a nice gesture. When I was going to be traveling in another country for business, I was advised to take small gifts for officials I would be meeting. But I was told these were strictly to be things like candles, candy, postcard books. Nice little "thank you" gifts, but pretty worthless so that there would be no possible appearance of bribery.
I'm sure these people would have MUCH preferred cash/GCs but that wouldn't have been appropriate. Why is this any different for teachers mid-school year?

 

[Cindy B]

I'm glad I ran across this thread and especially glad to see some answers from teachers about your likes and dislikes. I always struggle with this knowing that teachers get lots of the same things like candles, ornaments, etc. I have been doing Barnes and Noble gift cards lately. Even if the teacher don't read much themselves, I know that they can get a book for their classroom or get a movie, music, paper, etc.

This year is no different than any other year for debating what to get. I was kinda thinking of Walmart gift cards so they can get stuff for their classrooms. What do you teachers think about that? I'm not a huge Walmart fan, so I was debating if Target may be a better gc choice?

I can't stand Walmart. Many people I know don't shop at Walmart either. I personally would prefer Target. If I got a Walmart gift card, it would be used for stuff like socks, paper towels, cleaning supplies or batteries. I would even repurpose the gift card to my parents.

 

[kimsuenew]

I have seen many people say candles are no nos for teachers. I make these

http://img0.etsystatic.com/il_fullxfull.273878040.jpg

This isn't my photo but this is exactly what I make (I make jewelry too but silver rings are quite expensive now).

I had planned on giving dd's preschool teachers either one of these or a set of two (each cost me about 4$ but takes 3-5 hours to make depending. To purchase one is usually between 25-35 I personally don't sell them)

Are these ok as a gift to the teacher? It's either this or 10$ Starbucks gift cards. If it matters she has 2 teachers.

They are beautiful! Being a teacher myself, my advice is to give what you want. I appreciate everything I receive including the handmade cards, "Dollar Store" gifts, mugs, jewelry, candles, lotions, teacher themed items, and so on.

 

[kimsuenew]

The candle holder is beautiful!

My mom was a teacher for 35 years. We all loved the gifts she got! My mom and I have opposite fragrance preferences, so if she didn't like it I got it. While she may not have been able to use every mug or candle every year, she knew the kids and parents thoughtfully chose each and every gift so she loved them even if she didn't keep them all forever.

Give what you choose and if they don't appreciate it, you aren't the unthoughtful one.

 

[WantToGoNow]

After reading this post, I'm afraid my kids teachers are going to think I'm very cheap - I think I'll just have them each make a nice thank you card and call it that. There's no reason for me to go spend money on something that will be thrown away, re-gifted, never used or laughed at. And I really like my kids teachers this year...

 

[Lucky4me]

I just asked my sons gf, a 4th grade teacher for ten years in an upper middle class suburb, if she had a preference in what she gets.

She said- No, I am thrilled with anything!

So not all teachers are picky about what they get.

 

[torinsmom]

I appreciate every gift I get, even if it is something I don't need or want. I have gotten everything from handmade cards to one gift card bought with money collected from all the parents. One year, a child gave me a bright red lipstick---I have never worn ANY lipstick in my life, LOL. I figure it is either all she had or she just wanted to see Ms. Marsha in some lipstick

I think the idea of giving a small gift to your child's teacher is a great one. I don't agree that it is like a "tip". Many people give their hairdresser or mailman a gift at the holidays and those people don't spend 6-7 hours a day with their child; teachers do. Most teachers appreciate everything they get, whether it be a pack of markers, a promise of lunch brought in one day, a gift card or a homemade note. Yes, I love gift cards; NC teachers are very underpaid and I already have a second job. Gift cards to places that I can buy groceries(like Walmart) really help me stretch my paycheck. But that doesn't mean that the child who brings me a candle feels any more proud than the one who brings me a homemade card. And I am honestly appreciative for anything I get, knowing how hard times are right now. So give what you want and don't stress about it.

 

[scra]

Well, the OP wanted to hear opinions on what teachers can get the most use out of, so I gave them. For those who continue to call me and others who have given similar opinions greedy, ungrateful, or rude: I am simply trying to be honest.

Again, I APPRECIATE EVERY GIFT I RECEIVE. I have never said otherwise; in fact, I have reiterated this over and over. But even if I weren't a teacher and it weren't a gift from a student, if someone gave me a candle when I already had 20 in a stash to burn... I'd give a gracious and enthusiastic thank you, be excited that the person thought of me... and then wonder what I was going to do with this 21st candle.

I (and other school professionals) have also stated time and again that a very nice note is the BEST gift to give a teacher, which many of you have also stated. I am glad we are in agreement about that.

 

[Marshay]

If the gift is TRULY a gift from the heart, I think that will be appreciated ... but doesn't mean it will be enjoyed.

So are you looking to give a gift the teacher will use and enjoy? or are you just looking to give something?

I can appreciate a tube of lipstick from a child but if I don't wear makeup or don't like the shade, then it's useless to me. I can appreciate the act of giving a gift like a handmade candle holder or stress ball, but once again, that's useless to me. Well, it's actually not useless as I do Freecycle so someone else ends up with it.

Finding something and saying, "hey, that's 75% off so I'll buy that for my teachers" or "oh, let's see what extra stuff we have lying around the house and make that into some trinket" does not qualify as a gift from the heart. IMHO.

Yes, just my opinion, but that sounds more like you feel obligated to give something and frankly, once again IMO, it comes off as cheap.

Save your time and have your kid write a nice note to the teacher.
Save your money and purchase a small gift card.
Better yet -- do both!