No Alcohol at a Wedding?

[disneystacy]

Nope. We are not wealthy nor did we go into debt for our wedding. We just saved for it.

We saved as well. Our parents also helped us, but most of it was saved in a years time.

 

[luvsJack]

So, I guess if people aren't wealthy or they just don't want to go into debt, they elope? I'm trying to understand this.

I kind of wondered that too.

Like I said, some girls here (or their parents) save and save for the "big day"; if that is what is important to them. But even then there is not always enough for big, huge, formal events. What would they do, then?


Are they all catered?
Some of the big wedding receptions here will have huge amounts of food and look like an expensively catered event; but in actuality the brides/grooms aunts, cousins, grandma's, church members, etc. pitch in and cook and provide the food. I think most of us know someone that caterers on the side, or wanted to caterer or just enjoys having parties and is really good at it.

Same thing can happen with the music and the alcohol. Families pitch in and buy the alcohol; somebody knows somebody who plays in a band. That kind of stuff. And that would explain how someone could have a big, lavish affair but make it affordable for their family.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I kind of wondered that too.

Like I said, some girls here (or their parents) save and save for the "big day"; if that is what is important to them. But even then there is not always enough for big, huge, formal events. What would they do, then?


Are they all catered?
Some of the big wedding receptions here will have huge amounts of food and look like an expensively catered event; but in actuality the brides/grooms aunts, cousins, grandma's, church members, etc. pitch in and cook and provide the food. I think most of us know someone that caterers on the side, or wanted to caterer or just enjoys having parties and is really good at it.

Same thing can happen with the music and the alcohol. Families pitch in and buy the alcohol; somebody knows somebody who plays in a band. That kind of stuff. And that would explain how someone could have a big, lavish affair but make it affordable for their family.

No, we don't cook for anyone's wedding. We might cook for showers but not for weddings. Weddings are catered events.

 

[Inigo]

Somewhere back in the pages of this thread, someone mentioned their teenage son being invited to a lot of parties in the recent past and upcoming future, since so many peer would be turning 16-18. That poster said the son would be taking gifts of various amounts based on the venue since they want to "cover their plate."

Won't the gifts given by the son be given to the guest of honor at the event, and not to the parents who paid for the event? To me, that's basically saying you're going to reward a kid for having rich parents, and then giving less to a kid who has less "spendy" parents.

Thoughts?

 

[Planogirl]

Am I reading correctly that in some areas you are expected to bring gifts if you're invited to a party or dinner? I can see bringing maybe a bottle of wine or flowers to a few of these but that always been above and beyond what's expected as far as I know.

Wow, some areas really do get into the gift giving don't they?

 

[disneystacy]

Am I reading correctly that in some areas you are expected to bring gifts if you're invited to a party or dinner? I can see bringing maybe a bottle of wine or flowers to a few of these but that always been above and beyond what's expected as far as I know.

Wow, some areas really do get into the gift giving don't they?

Here is what I do: Disclaimer: Its only what I do and in no way implies if you do something different you are wrong.

Dinner at my best friends house : bottle of wine or cake for everyone to share. Price range : 10.00

Large dinner for a group of friends: maybe bottle of wine and a dessert. Price range- 20.00

Party(Christmas, New Years other than birthday) - hostess gift (could be box of good cholcolates, something for the house (scented candle etc) Price range - 20.00 - 25.00

Pot luck - sometimes just the dish to share, but most times I will bring a little something for the host.

 

[Uuaww]

Id rather give up the food then the booze. I went to a wedding where the bride and groom asked everyone if they would rather have it catered or open bar. open bar was selected. we all brought pot luck food, awesome.

 

[onelilspark]

So, I guess if people aren't wealthy or they just don't want to go into debt, they elope? I'm trying to understand this.

OR a destination wedding with a smaller guest list. (i.e. family.)

OR if that's not what people want, they just hold a smaller wedding. I've grown up in the NE, there are plenty of smaller weddings, but even the smaller ones are usually catered, etc. I went to school in the MidWest and the standard out there is much different than the standard out here. Just what people are used to, and as far as I'm concerned, as long as the bride and groom get what they want and are happy, then I as a guest am happy

 

[onelilspark]

Am I reading correctly that in some areas you are expected to bring gifts if you're invited to a party or dinner? I can see bringing maybe a bottle of wine or flowers to a few of these but that always been above and beyond what's expected as far as I know.

Wow, some areas really do get into the gift giving don't they?

Here is what I do: Disclaimer: Its only what I do and in no way implies if you do something different you are wrong.

Dinner at my best friends house : bottle of wine or cake for everyone to share. Price range : 10.00

Large dinner for a group of friends: maybe bottle of wine and a dessert. Price range- 20.00

Party(Christmas, New Years other than birthday) - hostess gift (could be box of good cholcolates, something for the house (scented candle etc) Price range - 20.00 - 25.00

Pot luck - sometimes just the dish to share, but most times I will bring a little something for the host.

I have to say, that gives a pretty good idea to follow. And if I'm a guest at someone's house... If it's someone older than me, say I'm staying with a friend who still lives with parents, or my boyfriend's parents, I'll bring a houseplant. If I'm staying with a friend that's my age, I'll bring a bottle of wine usually. I was always taught, "You don't show up empty handed."

 

[onelilspark]

Somewhere back in the pages of this thread, someone mentioned their teenage son being invited to a lot of parties in the recent past and upcoming future, since so many peer would be turning 16-18. That poster said the son would be taking gifts of various amounts based on the venue since they want to "cover their plate."

Won't the gifts given by the son be given to the guest of honor at the event, and not to the parents who paid for the event? To me, that's basically saying you're going to reward a kid for having rich parents, and then giving less to a kid who has less "spendy" parents.

Thoughts?

Honestly, I've never put much stock in the "cover your plate" rule of thumb. I usually spend based on how close I am to that person and how much I currently feel comfortable spending based on my finances. Not to mention, you can always use coupons and sales to get the couple a gift that would otherwise be outside your price range. How does that fit into the "cover your plate?" Besides, if you're very close to the couple and they don't have an expensive wedding, do you just get them a cheap gift or do you get them something that you feel is appropriate? I go with what I feel is appropriate. I went to a friend's wedding that I had to travel a decent amount for. She was so happy I was there and unfortunately because of how much I spent on travel, I couldn't spend as much as I would have liked on her gift. I never got the impression that she felt slighted by me, only that she was grateful that I would travel that much for her...that's a gracious host.

And growing up, I spent the same amount on everyone who held a party. No one got special treatment with better presents just because they had a flashier party.

 

[kimmar067]

Inspired by the No Children...thread. Have you ever been to a wedding that did not serve alcohol? Was it a disappointment? Did you secretly ridicule the bride & groom for their choice?

...yes! It wasn't so much that alcohol OF ANY KIND (not even a champagne toast!) wasn't served, but that we were not informed of this ahead of time...we didn't 'ridicule' the bride and groom, but just thought it was in poor taste - there wasn't even a paying bar....and no explanation whatsoever why alcohol wasn't present....no 'recovering alcoholics', no 'religious reason', nothing, nada, ZIP! Now, neither I nor my DH get totally blitzed at a wedding, but it would have been nice to have a glass of wine to accompany the dinner...SHEESH!

 

[kimmar067]

This is such a great post. My parents and inlaws both got married almost 40 years ago. They both had a catering hall reception with cocktail hour, sit down dinner, full open bar, band etc. That was the norm and it still is the norm here. In fact, my parents had rolling bars with bartenders to serve the guests at their tables that were around the room in addition to the regular bar so guests would not have to get up to serve themselves. Not sure if the inlaws did but I am sure they probably did.
When we got married we had the same thing. Fancy reception with all the trimmings. That is simply what a wedding reception is here. I can tell you that if our parents had a cash bar at their wedding or we had one at ours our families would be beyond insulted. They'd still be talking about our wedding and not in a good way. Inviting a guest to an event and then expecting them to pay for food and drink is simply not done here. If you do it in your region and you are fine with it then more power to you. It is not what we are accustomed to here. There are no punch and mint receptions in our area. I didn't even know people still did that until I read it on the DIS. I had only seen it in old movies! If I went to an event out of state for people that were from out of state then I might expect things to be different. If I went to an event locally, I would never ever expect a cash anything.

...well said - this is the norm in my part of the country too....

 

[TiggerTails57]

That really isn't very uncommon around here. Many receptions are punch, cake and ham biscuits in the church social hall.

Yes, I've been to two............and, we didn't even get any ham biscuits But we had a fun time

 

[Kath2003]

OK- the "hen night" is a bacholerette party here and you bring a gift of wedding night type things to that one.

The gift for the "bride" is really not that- it is crystal, flatwear, bedding etc for the COUPLE, not just for the bride.

As far as the "after baby party"----well here we give gifts for the baby shower and then once the baby is born and you go to visit for the first time either in the hospital or at home you do indeed bring another gift, even if you have given at the baby shower- so that is a two gift event too- then add the christening 2-3 months later...another gift. And the nthe 1st birthday party which is typically a large event- another gift. So a baby is a 4 gift in a year year period LOL. Many people (me included) give a gift as soon as the pregnancy is announce- I will usually buy a frame that says "I love my mommy" and crochet a blanket up really quick.

OK you guys must have WAY more spare cash hanging about than I do because I'm not about to buy a bride THREE gifts (plus the costs of going to a wedding - often staying overnight if it's a way away, transport, outfit etc.) for ONE event. Likewise, a new baby is a wonderful occasion but I would buy ONE gift (shortly before or when the baby was born). The only time I would bend those rules would be for immediate family (i.e. parents, siblings) and probably not even then.

It's also not common for friends/distant relatives to buy adults birthday gifts here. I would 'expect' (not demand but I would be likely to receive) birthday gifts from my partner, parents and possibly also my sisters. I spend maybe $25 on my parents' and sisters' birthday gifts, maybe more on my partner. I guess I'm just not a big 'gift-giver' but it seems to be the way it's done here. I would buy a card for friends or other relatives and leave it at that.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I would never have a party of any kind, or even a small get together, without ample amounts of food and alcohol. We're not always stocked with top shelf liquor, but at least beer!!! It's also important to have plenty of non-alcoholic drinks on hand. And I'm just talking about informal backyard bbq's, and yes, kids' birthday parties if there are going to be a lot of adults there.

I can't say I've never heard of weddings with cash bars, because I married dh and into his huge family where there is probably at least one wedding a year- full cash bar. That means you get nothing to drink at all without paying for it. And yes, I usually give less money at those weddings. Hey, you are practically paying admission when your kid can't even get a free sprite with his overcooked pasta dish. Dh is from upstate NY and all weddings we go to up there are like this. Here in MD, they are much more extravagant affairs.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

What is a ham biscuit?

 

[disneyjunkie]

What is a ham biscuit?

A southern biscuit with country ham inside of it. yum, yum, yum

The biscuits in the picture look like they are from a can. YUCK

 

[thelittlemermaid]

Yes, mine. It never occurred to me to have alcohol at our wedding. I wasn't 21 and my parents don't drink, so it just never came up when planning our wedding.

It was over 30 years ago and people are still telling us what a great time they had at our wedding, so I guess our little church basement buffet wasn't the disaster people on the DIS would like to make it out to be.

I also didn't have alcohol at my wedding. I was 21 and DH was 23, both of us didn't drink back then and still don't today. Plus the FIL has this thing about alcohol, he won't even go into a resturant to eat that serves it. Think something happened back in his childhood with his dad who I guess was a HUGE drinker. Anyways, our reception was in the basement of our church and it was just fine.

Forgot to add, I have been to weddings that had alcohol and ones that didn't. I enjoyed myself more at the ones that didn't have it. The weddings that did have alcohol it seemed everyone who had a drink got drunk and acted like fools. Just what I wouldn't want if I was a bride, having memories of my wedding reception with a bunch of drunken fools acting up.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I would never have a party of any kind, or even a small get together, without ample amounts of food and alcohol. We're not always stocked with top shelf liquor, but at least beer!!! It's also important to have plenty of non-alcoholic drinks on hand. And I'm just talking about informal backyard bbq's, and yes, kids' birthday parties if there are going to be a lot of adults there.

I can't say I've never heard of weddings with cash bars, because I married dh and into his huge family where there is probably at least one wedding a year- full cash bar. That means you get nothing to drink at all without paying for it. And yes, I usually give less money at those weddings. Hey, you are practically paying admission when your kid can't even get a free sprite with his overcooked pasta dish. Dh is from upstate NY and all weddings we go to up there are like this. Here in MD, they are much more extravagant affairs.

This is so funny. I never realized it was so different in the North East. I grew up in Michigan, but left when I was 12, so I can't say what it was like there as far as alcohol, but here in Kentucky, it's not the norm at all. I've never heard of anyone serving alcohol at a children's birthday party.

It's strange that alcohol is so much more important there than here.

 

[ntsammy5]

It's strange that alcohol is so much more important there than here.

That is perplexing. BUT I am drinking beer right now.

All kidding aside, we've been to weddings with and without alcohol and it makes no difference what so ever. It's a celebration of a new beginning for a couple and whatever they choose to do should be OK with every one in attendance. JMO