No Alcohol at a Wedding?

[Mouse House Mama]

I completely and totally respect your culture and perspective on this. I think prioritizing exhuberant celebratons with friends and family must be a wonderful way to live! What's not to like? Plus I'm sure it is a great industry in terms of providing jobs and commerce for the area. And now I want to go to a wedding in the Northeast!

Come, I'll make you a plate!
Mange! Mange!

 

[Disney Doll]

I have a question and I swear it is not loaded. I am just truly in awe and am wondering how so many couples afford to get married if *everyone* does a full on party with all the trimmings for their reception? I just can't imagine that every family has a minimum 20-40k sitting around to pay for this. Do people in these regions just not get married at all if they can't afford to put on a party like this? Or do they do the same thing as the folks of earlier generations and just invite a few people to the reception (not that that is a bad thing.)? I do think we have a unique population here at the Dis of people who can afford to frequent Disney parks so that could be part of it . . .

I haven't read through the entire thread so I hope I'm not repeating things. I'm just truly curious.

You just kind of do it. All the wedding expenses don't come at once, they usually come over the course of about a year and it justs ort of happens.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think the expectation that you pay for your plate as a wedding gift, which is essentially buying your own dinner and drinks, to the tune of several hundred dollars is tacky and rediculous.

You know, everybody gets all bent out of shape over that concept every time it gets posted here on the DIS. It is not a RULE, for goodness sakes. It's a guideline.

If someone has a "normal" (for around here) wedding, it's going to cost $100-$150/plate. So if I am invited, I will give a $200-$300 gift to that person, depending on my level of closeness to them. My theory is that it helps the newlyweds if I "pay off" their cost for me. This is generally my "guideline" for younger couples, BTW...the classic young bride and groom wedding. If you're in your 40's and have had a life, or you're getting married for the 2nd or 3rd time, I assume that you have amassed some savings & have lived a bit of life, so my gift to you might be something different...more along the lines of meaningful or something the 2 of you could do together...a weekend away, theater tickets, something like that.

 

[Disney Doll]

I have been to 29 weddings over the past 3 yrs. I have been in 21 of those. The majority of them were in the tri state area (NY/NJ/CT w/ a spattering in PA. EVERY SINGLE one EXPECTED the guests to cover the plate.

Well of course everyone expects it to happen in the tri-state area because we all do it. It's sort of the normal "guideline" here for wedding gifts.

That being said, when I got married, I had people who did not cover their plate with their gift. I was still glad they came and still appreciated the gift they did give.

 

[Disney Doll]

I completely and totally respect your culture and perspective on this. I think prioritizing exhuberant celebratons with friends and family must be a wonderful way to live! What's not to like? Plus I'm sure it is a great industry in terms of providing jobs and commerce for the area. And now I want to go to a wedding in the Northeast!

My niece is getting married in December in a true "Northeast, Tri-state area" wedding. I'll see if I can get your name on the guest list.

 

[Feralpeg]

I have a question and I swear it is not loaded. I am just truly in awe and am wondering how so many couples afford to get married if *everyone* does a full on party with all the trimmings for their reception? I just can't imagine that every family has a minimum 20-40k sitting around to pay for this. Do people in these regions just not get married at all if they can't afford to put on a party like this? Or do they do the same thing as the folks of earlier generations and just invite a few people to the reception (not that that is a bad thing.)? I do think we have a unique population here at the Dis of people who can afford to frequent Disney parks so that could be part of it . . .

I haven't read through the entire thread so I hope I'm not repeating things. I'm just truly curious.

My niece was married about a month ago in Chicago. My brother spent $70k on the wedding. That included everything for the six bridesmaids and groomsmen. They rented a trolley two days in a row to take the wedding party about to have video and still photographs done at various locations about the city. After the wedding, there was a pre-reception party with an open bar and finger foods so the guest would have something to do while the bridal party had pictures taken at the church. Once the wedding party arrived, there was a seven course dinner followed by dancing with a live band, open bar and, of course, cake.

My nephew, son of the same brother was married four years ago. My brother spent almost 40k on the rehearsal dinner. He rented a restaurant in St. Louis and provided a sit down dinner and open bar to all family and out of town wedding guests. He then paid for the couple to cruise the Mediterranean. Four years later, the couple is divorced.

Crazy!

 

[Planogirl]

The only weddings I dislike are the showy weddings where everything is overly formal. I don't care if there's alcohol or not, or if the bar is open or cash - as long as the atmosphere is fun and relaxed.

 

[disneystacy]

The only weddings I dislike are the showy weddings where everything is overly formal. I don't care if there's alcohol or not, or if the bar is open or cash - as long as the atmosphere is fun and relaxed.

I love formal weddings. IMO how often do you really get to dress up and have a night out and get to see everyone else dressed up? It is fun to me. Relaxed is every other kind of party (birthday,communion, etc).

 

[disneystacy]

My niece was married about a month ago in Chicago. My brother spent $70k on the wedding. That included everything for the six bridesmaids and groomsmen. They rented a trolley two days in a row to take the wedding party about to have video and still photographs done at various locations about the city. After the wedding, there was a pre-reception party with an open bar and finger foods so the guest would have something to do while the bridal party had pictures taken at the church. Once the wedding party arrived, there was a seven course dinner followed by dancing with a live band, open bar and, of course, cake.

My nephew, son of the same brother was married four years ago. My brother spent almost 40k on the rehearsal dinner. He rented a restaurant in St. Louis and provided a sit down dinner and open bar to all family and out of town wedding guests. He then paid for the couple to cruise the Mediterranean. Four years later, the couple is divorced.

Crazy!

One of my ex friends parents paid for her entire wedding (approx 50,000, 14 years ago) 6 weeks later her and her new hubby won a trip to a Carribean Island. She met another dude on the beach(who worked at the resort) and decided to stay with this guy. She sent the hubby home to file for a annulment. Crazy people.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I love formal weddings. IMO how often do you really get to dress up and have a night out and get to see everyone else dressed up? It is fun to me. Relaxed is every other kind of party (birthday,communion, etc).

Me too! I don't even know what an informal wedding is? I love getting a new dress, doing my hair special, the makeup, the shoes etc. I love getting dressed up! Then we eat and dance with friends and family! What is better than that?

 

[dolcezena]

NorthEast weddings boggle me...they really do. But then I get most of my info on them from TLC's "Say Yes to the Dress."

Part of my job involves helping couple's plan for the alcohol for their wedding reception (if it's in a publically accessible place & not running under the restaurant's liquor license.)

I guess we're pretty much the same as Minnesota, since it's not out of the norm to have a cash bar. Especially if it's a young couple paying for everything themselves! However, a few things are assumed: 1) The price for drinks will basically only cover the cost of the liquor, mix, etc; 2) It will say so on the invitation; 3) The amount of "Presentation" given will be correspondingly less. (Here, Presentation is $$$ given to the couple, in addition to an actual gift.)

Personally, I've never been to a dry wedding, but I see nothing wrong with doing it, nor would I make fun of the couple for choosing it.

I have been to several weddings where having a bartender say, "I'm sorry Sir/Ma'am, I think you've had enough, I can't serve you!" would have been a VERY good thing!

 

[DisneyKT]

Any bride who gets married reads bridal magazines, etiquette books etc.

Any bride who had a cash bar at their wedding screwed up from a formal etiquette standpoint. You NEVER ask a guest to pay for anything.

Maybe people in your area are not insulted - but I would find a cash bar to be in extremely poor taste.

:

 

[Mouse House Mama]

:

 

[C.Ann]

I don't care if there's alcohol or not, or if the bar is open or cash - as long as the atmosphere is fun and relaxed.

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I agree.. I also don't see anything wrong with a cash bar - nor do I think it's rude or tacky.. Every wedding I have attended that had a cash bar also had free wine, beer, soda, and a champagne fountain for the entire evening.. If that isn't enough, I'd have to wonder if perhaps the complaining guests have "drinking" problems..

 

[MushyMushy]

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I agree.. I also don't see anything wrong with a cash bar - nor do I think it's rude or tacky.. Every wedding I have attended that had a cash bar also had free wine, beer, soda, and a champagne fountain for the entire evening.. If that isn't enough, I'd have to wonder if perhaps the complaining guests have "drinking" problems..

I don't know about that, but I'm a little boggled that anyone would be disappointed at the lack of alcohol at a wedding. Maybe it's because I've been to more dry ones than drinking ones.

I'm saying this AS someone who has spent more than my fair share of time drinking, but I don't understand why there are situations like that where people expect alcohol.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I have a question. I keep reading about the norms in different areas, but because I was raised in the midwest in pretty conservative christian areas, having no alcohol at a wedding isn't unusual for me.

My question is what do conservative christian who live in areas where the big blow out weddings are the norm do about serving alcohol or are conservative Christians who don't drink pretty much limited to the midwest and south?

Many of my family members married catholic spouses, so alcohol was served, but all of the ones who married conservative Christians (like Baptist and Church of God or Church of Christ) all had alcohol free receptions. I can't imagine a hard line baptist serving any kind of alcohol so in the areas where that is the norm. what would you do if you are planning a wedding.

I mentioned before that our wedding was in the church fellowship hall (and we had a tent outside). We had no alcohol, and only heavy hors d'oevres and a substantial sweet table. This was in Central New Jersey -- my mother's boss (one of the Johnson & Johnson heirs) and the mayor and township administrator were also there. Everyone had a great time and stayed a long time. You do what you decide to do. It's your day and they're there to celebrate YOUR happiness.

 

[C.Ann]

I'm saying this AS someone who has spent more than my fair share of time drinking, but I don't understand why there are situations like that where people expect alcohol.

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Well personally, my preference is dry weddings.. I've seen such horrible things happen at weddings with free-flowing alcohol.. Everything from fist fights - to brides making absolute fools out of themselves - to children getting trampled by tipsy guests..

I just don't understand the whole concept of anyone needing alcohol (at any type of event) in order to have a "good" time..

 

[Mouse House Mama]

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Well personally, my preference is dry weddings.. I've seen such horrible things happen at weddings with free-flowing alcohol.. Everything from fist fights - to brides making absolute fools out of themselves - to children getting trampled by tipsy guests..

I just don't understand the whole concept of anyone needing alcohol (at any type of event) in order to have a "good" time..

Well I can understand if you have only seen such things at alcohol events. I really haven't seen anything so terrible at any weddings that I have been to and they all had alcohol served. Including my own. We don't NEED alcohol to have a good time. We just like it!

 

[fey_spirit]

Of course they tell you how great the wedding was - they can actually remember it!

Yes, mine. It never occurred to me to have alcohol at our wedding. I wasn't 21 and my parents don't drink, so it just never came up when planning our wedding.

It was over 30 years ago and people are still telling us what a great time they had at our wedding, so I guess our little church basement buffet wasn't the disaster people on the DIS would like to make it out to be.

 

[ZachnElli]

My niece was married about a month ago in Chicago. My brother spent $70k on the wedding. That included everything for the six bridesmaids and groomsmen. They rented a trolley two days in a row to take the wedding party about to have video and still photographs done at various locations about the city. After the wedding, there was a pre-reception party with an open bar and finger foods so the guest would have something to do while the bridal party had pictures taken at the church. Once the wedding party arrived, there was a seven course dinner followed by dancing with a live band, open bar and, of course, cake.

My nephew, son of the same brother was married four years ago. My brother spent almost 40k on the rehearsal dinner. He rented a restaurant in St. Louis and provided a sit down dinner and open bar to all family and out of town wedding guests. He then paid for the couple to cruise the Mediterranean. Four years later, the couple is divorced.

Crazy!

My former coworker just got married last September, she had a $60k wedding and for a Nebraskan farmer's daughter that is ALOT! Full sit down dinner, alcohol provided, fancy cake, expensive dress, comedian "warming up" the reception "crowd", the whole big show! She's getting divorced, remember she got married last September! It didn't last even 6 months! The reason she is my former coworker is so she can start her life over in a new state without her soon to be ex!