new teacher made my dd cry(update pg 3 spoke to teacher)

[AirForceRocks]

Uh...yeah...she did.

Uh...no...she didn't, at least she didn't say so in her post

From the OP:

At the start of the week I took teacher aside and told him that DH has just been deployed and that DD is very sensitive to any talk of war and that she is not to watch the news etc in class

She asked him not to let her watch the news, and she said that her DD is sensitive to any talk of war. That isn't the same as asking him not to talk about it.

I also think that parents have not only a right but a responsibility to know what is being said to their children in school.

I'm sorry, could you please point out to me where I said that parents didn't have the right or responsibility to know what is being said? I said that I don't favor parents TELLING teachers what they can and can't say in the classroom.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

Nicely put AFR! If every parent dictated to every teacher what they can and cannot teach how can they do their job?

 

[snoopy]

Awww, poor kid. I bet its hard for her having her Daddy gone.

I agree with the others though, while the teacher's delivery wasn't great and his message lost, I think its impotant that you DO discuss with your DD exactly what he meant when he said people are at war fighting for those freedoms. I really do think kids are so much more resiliant when given all the facts and an opportunity to discuss those facts, in an age appropriate manner, of course.

Best of luck to you, my heart goes out to you and all military families where one of the parents is deployed.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think the teachers comments we innapropriate! At least at this age level.... This was a judgement call, the teachers opinion about watching television... And, just why did the teacher have to bring War and Death into it!!!!!

It is my opinion that television and computers are a part of our country, our culture, our way of life in this day and age. They can be very beneficial when used appropriately! I am sure that many parents also feel this way. and for the teacher to voice her personal opinion in such an innapropriate way is just plain wrong.

If teachers would simply do their jobs and teach the 3 'R's, then this type of thing would not have happened.

PS: Elementary aged children are NOT able or equipped or strong enough to handle CNN coverage of disasters!!!!! PERIOD!!! Also, I would not consider this use of time in the classroom educational in any way. If my son were to be exposed to coverage of 9/11 or let's say the horrible tragedy that is going on in Russia... My son would NOT be going back into that classroom.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

There is a saying with Elementary teachers: "don't believe everything your kid tells you about what exactly was said in class and we won't believe everything your kid tells us about what exactly was said at home."

The point being, even when adults try REALLY hard to phrase things appropriately, young kids will mishear and misinterpret.

I'm sorry your DD was hurt and I'm sorry for this hurtful time. This is an incredibly important historical period in our nation,
of course there are going to be times during the school year where the teacher will need to mention the war and our troops. Do you really not want other kids to be told about these events that are happening?

I would mention to the teacher that your daughter was upset and why so the Teacher will get an even better idea of how she is handling the stress.

 

[Auggietina]

Originally posted by Wishing on a star
.

PS: Elementary aged children are NOT able or equipped or strong enough to handle CNN coverage of disasters!!!!! PERIOD!!!

You are correct. But when you are in a situation where the war or another disaster is a part of your family, us as parents need to make sure that our children know the facts of what their parent is doing. because lets face it, dd can be watching a cartoon on a local channel and a commerical for the local news will come on and talk about something that has happened in Iraq. She has to be able to handle hearing such things and understand that just because they are talking about Iraq that it doesn't mean that her Daddy is in trouble. You really need to find that fine line about sheltering your children and letting them know what is going on in a way that they understand and can accept what their parent is doing, so when it is talked about they don't feel left in the dark and afraid because they don't know what it is happening.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Agreed!!! These things could, and should, be handled within the family.

Note, my comments were regarding these issues in the classroom....

 

[Auggietina]

I understand that you were talking about what was happening in the classroom - but I guess my point is in needs to start at home, but the way to do it is not to keep your kids in the dark, so when a comment like that is made in the classroom, or over heard in a store, or over the radio, or where ever, they can have the confidence in being able to handle it because it is not a taboo subject because they have been educated with the facts.

 

[snoopy]

I agree, Auggietina.

While this is not exactly the same type of situation, I know after 9/11 my kids, particularly my older child, were petrified because their Dad works at the White House protecting the White House grounds as a Secret Service agent. My boy layed awake at night worried that the next plane to crash would be right into the White House. It required a lot of reassurance, at the same time trying to be as realistic as possible about the severity of the situation, from both my husband and I as well as the school -- teachers, counselors, principal. Its a fine line, we want our kids to stay innocent for as long as possible, but we also want to reassure them that its o.k. to talk about their fears.

 

[MICKEY88]

I think it was a bit insensitive of the teacher to say that people are fighting and dying when they knew a student had a parent in Iraq.


Apparently the teacher doesn't like television, that's fine but what right does a teacher have to push their values on a 9 year old.

to look at it from another perspective, yes our brave men and women in the military defend our freedom, doesn't that also include the freedom to watch as much television as you want...

 

[laurie31]

I don't think the OP was upset the the war was mentioned (she said her dd was sensitive to talk of war - not for the teacher not to mention it) but her dd interpreted what was said (or her dd believed she heard) that watching tv was causing our soldiers to die. That's a child's literal interpretaion of what the teacher probably meant - that watching too much tv is a waste of time. (which is true - most kids watch far too much tv) but why on earth would he say people are fighting and dying in reference to TV watching, whether there was anyone is the class affected personally by the war or not. I think if he was discussing the war itself, or other events in Iraq, that would be appropriate for school. Not using war as a threat to get kids off the couch...sheesh.

Laurie

 

[damo]

We have to remember that you are hearing what the teacher said from the child's perspective. She might not have said that at all but it was interpreted that way. The war in Iraq is a MAJOR issue that will be spoken about everywhere. I agree that you cannot shield your daughter from anyone speaking about it. If she is prepared by you, she will handle any misinformation much better.

It reminds me of sex education. It is better for the kids to be informed at home so they can better understand what they hear anywhere else.

 

[disykat]

Wow, some really insightful posts on this thread. I agree that the teacher was insensitive mentioning people dying in the war, but also agree that this is a great teaching tool with your daughter.

Nine year olds are pretty smart, and I bet as you debrief with her you will find that she really doesn't believe her tv watching has anything to do with her dad being at war. I think she just needs another opportunity to cry. If you think about it, we're like that too.

IMO, it's really not possible to totally keep current events out of the classroom (though I think it's fine to ask for some help from the teacher in doing so, and why). I taught first grade in 1991, and from the moment the war started that is what the kids wanted to talk about. Many of their dads were over there (I live near a military base). As the teacher, I tried to validate their feelings then steer the conversation elsewhere.

I would talk to the teacher and let him know how upset your daughter was - just so he'll know and hopefully do a better job watching his tongue. But more importantly, I would spend some more time talking with your daughter. Don't let being mad at your daughter's teacher be the problem - the real problem is dealing with the fact that daddy is over there.

 

[Saffron]

Oh my gosh, I can so relate to your dd. My brother was drafted into Vietnam when I was in third grade. I thought about him every single day, and I was scared for him every single day. I was extremely sensitive to anything relating to the war. I can imagine how sensitive your dd might be about the subject.

I do agree with others here though. Talking to your daughter and helping her sift through what is true, what is real and what is untrue and false, is probably the best thing you can do for her. In doing so she will gain some strength from you. The old adage, "Knowledge is a power." holds true to this day. Third grade can be such a tough time for kids, it's one of those transition periods were the kids move from concrete thinking to abstract thinking. I'm sure anything that is said about the war and the soldiers in Iraq, is going to raise all kinds of questions for her as she sorts through things. I hope if you open the door for her now, she will learn to come to you to help her sort things out.

Someone else on here said something I can relate to: "While I sort of get the teacher's point, I think it was an inappropriate way to phrase it to an age group who might make the literal connection instead of the figurative one. Watching tv is NOT a waste of freedom, it's an exercise of freedom ... "

Good luck to you and to her. for both of you.

 

[bubbleprincessmom]

This is why I love this place, I can sound off and get some great responses, things I hadn't thought about. I did talk to teacher today and asked what he said, he did tell the kids that watching tv was a waste of time and thus a waste of our freedoms because we should be using those freedoms to help other people. I than told him that what she HEARD was people watching tv (and wasting freedom) had caused her daddy and so many others to go off to war. We talked about the fact that he is new to the school (there are only three teachers at this school) and is also still getting to know the kids in his class but with only 11 in his class its not like DD is "lost in the crowd". I also let him know that DD has experienced alot of loss over the last few years...her beloved brother died and recently she lost her grandpa and now daddy is gone too...lord only knows whats really going on in her little head. I also let him know that none of us are sleeping well yet, I'm hoping that will "get use to" this new chapter in our family soon. I asked him if he could just check in with her now and than and find out how she's doing and also if he notices her getting quite (esp. if after a converstation or lesson on whats happening in the world) just giving her a bit of encourgement. We both agreed that what we as adults say and mean is often lost on children. (and he did say that in his home they don't even own a tv......okay but we do and her daddy would be the first one to tell her that its okay to cuddle on the couch and watch movies...) So I think it went well and nothing was confrontational....somewhat of a first for me. Its just so incredibly hard to not be able to take the hurt away that shes feeling now, esp. since I'm feeling it so strongly too.

 

[CookieGVB]

Poor kid!

I wonder if this teacher used to teach upper grades? Sounds like the kind of delivery meant for middle school children, instead of elementary school. Knowing that her father is in Iraq, it would have been more tactful to leave "dying" out of the analogy.

I agree that you cannot shelter her from all that is going on in the world, and that you should use this opportunity to really sit down with her and discuss why her daddy is there, in terms you feel appropriate for her age.

 

[Auggietina]

I'm glad everything worked out for you.

I know how hard it is for you right now. Just take one day at a time. You are stronger than you think you are right now! I know that!!!

 

[luvwinnie]

I am glad you were able to talk to him. I feel so bad for your DD.

They don't even OWN a tV??? wow