new teacher made my dd cry(update pg 3 spoke to teacher)

[bubbleprincessmom]

DD goes to a small private school and has a brand new to the school teacher this year. At the start of the week I took teacher aside and told him that DH has just been deployed and that DD is very sensitive to any talk of war and that she is not to watch the news etc in class (She is only third grade) he said no problem they don't do current events anyway. Well today she comes home crying because teacher told them that to sit around watching tv is a waste of time and a waste of your freedoms and that there are men and women fighting and dying for our freedom. HELLO!!! Now she has been at home all night crying that her daddy is gone because she watched TV and if she hadn't done that he would be home!!!!!!!!
Now you and I as grownups know that this is not the case but she's barely nine years old for crying out loud. The world is a confusing scary enough place without being told something like this. I know that I too am very sensitive to these things and thats why this probably bothers me more than it should, but darn it all I hate to see her cry and confused. Okay...I love this place, I can come here and let my frustration out in a safe place. Thanks all

 

[Lachesis00]

Oh how terrible.

That is just too much for third graders IMO

 

[Dan Murphy]

 

[LisaSt]

Sorry to hear that her teacher lead her to believe that this was the case hope she feels better soon it sucks when our kids hurt because someone has done or said somethign to lead them to believe it was their fault when it is something they have no controll over is.

 

[Deafmedic]

Need to have a talk with that teacher.

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

That is horrible. I also let my kids teachers know about DH's deployment and they have bent over backward to help mine. DD's teacher lets her take pictures in class and e-mail them to her daddy. DS's and DD's teachers send DH copies of newsletters and such.
I do think you need to let the teacher know what he did. My dd is 9 also and very sensitive. Do you have a guidance counselor at the school? DS's and DD's know the situation (as reservist, we are the only ones at the school in this situation) and DD's talked to her one day. She told her to come see her anytime. They can be a great help for problems like this and can even talk to the teacher for you. Good luck.

 

[Disney Doll]

I am not sure what the teacher did that was wrong. Trying to get the message across that there are people in the world who would love to have the freedoms that we do, so don't watse them?

I agree that war is a terrible thing, and it's scary for the military families, and I certainly appreciate their sacrifice....both the men and women fighting and their families back home. But it seems to me like the teacher was making a good point. I think you should just explain to your daughter that he probably meant kids who waste hours in front of TVs and computers, and not good kids like her who watch a little TV and go to school and do their best, and leave it at that. I wouldn't turn it into a huge issue.

 

[AirForceRocks]

You're on a roll this morning, Disney Doll - another great post, and I totally agree!

 

[Disney Ella]

Sorry to hear about your DDs bad day. The teacher should have definitely avoided talk about war, particularly since you specifically asked him to. And why in the world would you tell nine-year-olds that they're "wasting freedom" by watching TV. Exactly what does he think nine-year-olds should do but be kids?

 

[AirForceRocks]

The teacher should have definitely avoided talk about war, particularly since you specifically asked him to.

First, I don't see where the OP asked the teacher not to discuss the war. Second, I can't say that I'm in favor of parents telling teachers that they can't discuss such things in the classroom.

 

[goofy4tink]

While I'm certainly no expert in this, my brother has been deployed while in the Navy to the Middle EAst. He has two sons. These kids were raised, constantly hearing about the dangers of war. I don't think you were out of line asking the teacher not to have your dd watch the news on tv while in school. I don't think the kids need to be watching tv in school period, unless there is something huge going on. But, and this is a big but, I don't think the teacher did anything really wrong. Your dd needs to know exactly what is going on. If we try to keep things from our kids, they just let their imaginations go wild. I think that maybe the teachers words were taken in the wrong way. It would have been better if he hadn't mentioned the 'dying' part. I'm sure your dd felt really awful hearing that, knowing her dad was over there!! Don't overreact. Give the teacher the benefit of the doubt. And keep talking to your dd. She needs all the info she can get. The truth has never hurt.

 

[Auggietina]

We are going our second school year with my dh deployed, and I tend to agree with Disney Doll.
DD's teacher and school have been very supportive and dd is VERY proud of what her daddy is doing and feels important when the teacher talks about Iraq. They don't talk about war, but as far as dd is concerned (she's in the second grade this year) Her Dad is driving a truck and helping the Iraqi people build new things. So yes her teacher speaks openly about where her father is and what he is doing. Her teacher last year did a little geographic lesson on Iraq, where it is and what it is like and involved dd very much in it and it made dd feel good that other's were taking an interest in where her daddy was. For share she always brings something that her Dad has sent, such as currency, or postcards etc. She has the same teacher as last year also this year.

 

[SC Minnie]

I also agree that you should discuss your husband depolyment with the school counselor-- let your daughter know that she can go to talk to the counselor anytime she gets upset at school so that she doesn't bottle it up until she gets home. My DD's school's counselor is very good and her door is always open to the kids.

There will be things about the war discussed in school as well as the reason behind it -- to protect our freedoms-- one of them being in general to watch tv not controlled by the govt (freesom of speech). Your daughter will probably start studying US history this year so such topics will come up. Maybe not specifics of what is actually happening in Iraq but it will be discussed. Make sure she has an outlet- like the counselor- to go to at the moment.

My heart goes out to you.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

 

[Pin Wizard]

I agree with Disney Doll on this one.

I would try to talk to DD about it as opposed to making it an issue with the teacher. Explain to her what he meant...in your opinion. Not that she's done something wrong by watching TV. Some day she'll be out in public and hear a comment. You can't shelter them all the time. And maybe a classroom is a great place to hear about things first.

When 9/11 happened, my son was in 3rd grade. When I arrived in his classroom to pick him up, I could not believe that all the classrooms had the TVs on watching!! But I took it to his level for him to understand. Sure, he had some scary days after that, but he worked through it and understood it.

 

[Lisa F]

While I sort of get the teacher's point, I think it was an inappropriate way to phrase it to an age group who might make the literal connection instead of the figurative one. Watching tv is NOT a waste of freedom, it's an exercise of freedom. Waste of time? Yes. Waste of freedom? No. Committing a crime and going to jail is a waste of the freedom that the military has fought for.

On the other hand, learning how to decipher the "point" of something from the "spin" put on it is a valuable lesson to be learned and maybe you could use this opportunity to talk to her about that. People are going to say things that have the potential to upset her all of her life... in many ways, how she deals with that is way more important than what people actually say. You can't control what others say but you can control your reaction to it.

It also really sounds like you might be keeping her TOO much in the dark about why daddy is over there fighting. I can understand not wanting to give her more info than she can handle but if she latched onto a reason like "watching tv" as the reason daddy had to go then she clearly has no clue why he is there. It sounds like time for a long talk about it.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

I know how hard it is not to be overwhelmed by your child's tears, but DD and Lisa have made some really good points. I hope you will consider them before you talk with the school. Esp. in a situation where you like the school and teacher in general.

It is so hard not to try to protect our children too much. I sometimes have to think about how my grandparents were raised in the war and the depression to remember that kids are tough cookies.

Be well.

 

[Lora]

Originally posted by AirForceRocks
First, I don't see where the OP asked the teacher not to discuss the war. Second, I can't say that I'm in favor of parents telling teachers that they can't discuss such things in the classroom.

Uh...yeah...she did. I also think that parents have not only a right but a responsibility to know what is being said to their children in school. Yikes! I'm glad I homeschool.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

Originally posted by Lora
Uh...yeah...she did. I also think that parents have not only a right but a responsibility to know what is being said to their children in school. Yikes! I'm glad I homeschool.

Yeah, I bet those teachers are glad too!

 

[Ellester]

If it was me, I would probably talk to the teacher. Not in a accusatory way, but to find out what was actually said and to let her know how it came across to your daughter. Third graders are probably not the most accurate in recounting exactly what the teacher said. My dd (who is in first grade, so younger than yours, I admit) will come home and tell me something the teacher said in her own words and I know it is no where near what the teacher actually meant. I am sorry your dd is upset though. I really feel for you and your family, I don't know what I would do if my dh was over there.