New neighbors rant

[always quiet]

A couple weeks ago, a new family moved in several houses down. The mother came to the door, with her 2 girls, ages 7 and 3, passing out Avon books. As she and I are on the porch talking, the littlest one is running through the flower beds and picking flowers, pulling on the American flag we have on the porch, running over to the cars and trying to open the doors! My youngest, 8, was out there as well as she kept telling the little girl to stop it. She wasn't being nasty about it but was speaking loud enough that I KNEW the mother knew what was going on but never once told the little girl to stop. Now, the older girl comes to our door several times a day....she doesn't knock, mind you, you just look up and see her looking in the front door at you! She came up twice yesterday and wanted to go swimming. Since I don't let other kids in the pool if I'm not able to be out there watching them and I was too busy to go sit for an hour or so, I said no. Last evening, after dinner, my kids were in the pool and I was sitting on the yard swing watching them...who shows up....already wearing her bathing suit....and comes right out to the backyard!! I would hope my kids never had such bad manners and it makes me think the mother is just trying to give herself some freetime by sending her daughter to my house! I guess I should be grateful she's not sending the 3 yr old over!!

 

[jamsmom]

I think I would explain to the Mother that you are not able to watch the kids swimming and therefore do not let any other the neighborhood kids swim. Tell her that when you are available to watch them, you will be glad to invite her.

There are several kids in my parents neighborhood that seem to rearing themslves and are out all hours of the night, knocking on my son's window....and trying to peep over the fence if they think someone is in the pool.

 

[Harambe]

I have neighbors similar to this. Even as summer started, I was fretting over them. Totally intrusive. We don't have a pool, but have the yard that is in the middle of the neighborhood, so all the kids start to hang around.

I have spoken directly to the kids in one family - as they are always here, looking for snacks and drinks. They are picky and roll their eyes if I offer them water. Now I just tell them to go home.

My kids are not allowed to watch TV during the week and this kid always comes in my house telling me he has a headache and can he watch TV for a while! HELLO! You live next door - GO HOME!

I know I sound mean, but as others have said - I don't feel like raising others children. Probably because I work with kids all school year - and want some time off!

Good luck! For your situation I'd just tell the girl that she must phone before coming over, then just say no.

 

[CamColt]

We got a pool at the end of last summer, and I laid out the rules right away. I dont mind my neighbors kids coming over to swim, but they have to have an adult with them. Im nervous enough watching my 3 & 6 yo DSs swim and I feel I cant be responsible for anywhere from 1 to 5 more(there are 7 boys in the neighborhood), especially when they all get together and get wild.
Good luck...and BTW, I dont blame you for being ticked with their behavior so far.

 

[newmousecateer]

Well, the first thing I think I would have done when you were standing on the porch talking to the mom was say "Excuse me one moment please", and then proceeded to tell the daughter "we do not walk through the flower beds and pick the flowers, nor do we play with the cars, OK", and then gone back to talking to the mom.

As far as the pool goes, I would not hesitate one bit to tell the mom that it is on an "invitation" only basis, that you do not allow children to just "pop" over and expect to go swimming. And I agree with CamColt, tell the mom that when you do extend an invitation for the pool, that you expect her to be there to watch her own child, that you will not accept that responsibility.

I have a feeling that if you do not set the rules right up front, this could become a real problem.

Good luck.

 

[holycow]

I know your name is "always quiet" but you need to speak up!
During the course of the conversation you should have stopped the mom and asked the little girl not to do those thing to your home! But now since you ignored her...the mom may thing you don't really care and she can send her DD down to do what she wants....really tough situation!
next time the little girl comes down...just say.....Sweetie...we don't come ready to swim until we are invited...ok...this is our family time now...we'll see you later.

I have a neighbors granddaughter who would just walk right into our house with out so much as a warning! very disconcerting!
but she had to be taught..she didn't understand...so we taught her to ring the bell and wait at the door until we were ready for her to come in and play...that's all...

Good luck to you!

Holycow

 

[always quiet]

I think I was so floored the day on the porch that I didn't know what to say!! As I said, my daughter kept telling this girl "Don't walk in the flowers!" "Don't pick the flowers!" "Don't touch the cars!" (believe me, she was getting loud and very obviously frustrated! ) that I just couldn't believe the woman didn't say anything to her daughter! The closest thing I came to telling this woman to control her daughter was "I think you've got your hands full there". You would of thought she would of taken my hint!

I was thinking about the suggestion about telling the mother she needed to come along and watch....my biggest fear is that she'd bring the other one along!!

Last night, when we closed the pool for the evening (not because it was too cold for my kids to swim...the mosquitos here are so big they need to file a flight plan! ), we told her she needed to go home. Well, she got out of the pool and went over to the swing set to play some more! We put the cover on the pool....and she was still over!! I finally had to say "Come on, we'll walk you home" My daughter was going to walk her to her door when her father drove up in his truck...he then proceeded to scream at his daughter for something so there went that chance to give the mother my number and say "call first". I have met the father the first time I walked her home. Did you ever meet someone who just made your skin crawl for some reason?? Can't put my finger on it, but I wouldn't want to get on his bad side!

 

[Pete's Mom]

One of the many reasons I am glad I don't live in a subdivision. My nearest neighbor with kids is about a 1/2 mile away!

 

[S. C.]

Years ago when we had a pool and lived in a subdivision, our kids were early teens.
Three doors down was a mother & 3 daughters, the mother was always working or gone & the girls were pretty much on there own. 13, 10, 8yrs.
We had a fenced in yard and a lock on the gate. When we were not at home these girls would jump our fence & go swimming. And we use to let them swim with ours all the time. I told them over & over that no one was allowed to swim unless we were home and an adult was there. Mother was never home to know, she would tell them to quit jumping the fence & swim but the other neighbors said they were still doing it.

 

[dtuleya]

I still make my 14 yo check in every hour if he goes for a bike ride alone. I can't stand it when people let their kids roam the neighborhood and expect everyone else to take care of them. Don't these parents worry about their kids?

 

[The LK 4]

I agree - you need to set the rules now and be firm. We had a family that lived behind us for about 1 1/2 years. These kids would never walk up to our door and knock to see if my two wanted to play. They would stand in the middle of the street and scream out my kids' names! I refused to let my two answer them unless they came to the door. They were also good for showing up all the time when we were in the pool. Thankfully, they have now moved...

 

[Pugsley]

Kind of off topic, but this made me think of a sad incident we had locally yesterday. A three year old girl drowned in a public pool. He mother was there, but not in the water with her, and when the lifeguard saw her it was too late. HOW COULD A PERSON LET THEIR THREE OLD SWIM ALONE?!?!!?!?

Anyway, sorry about your problem – that would annoy the heck out of me. I agree that it’s perfectly reasonable that you tell the mother that you don’t allow children to swim in your pool when you’re not free to supervise, and that when you are you’ll invite them. Even if you were supervising them, I wouldn’t let someone I didn’t know VERY well swim in my pool. Way too dangerous and too much liability.

 

[Pembo]

Ok first I had to open this thread because I just moved and I wanted to make sure I wasn't the new neighbors! Whew, I'm not!

Next, SPEAK UP! You need to put this little girl and her mother in their place. We had a pool growing up and my mom NEVER let neighbor kids swim unless they were good friends. I can still remember the girl around the corner staring across the yards at us.......

As for meeting the dad and he gave you the creeps?! Yes I've had that happen before, just a feeling. Sounds like these new neighbors aren't going to be your best friends!

Good luck!

And Pugsley-I'm worried about my 7 yo swimming this week with the CYO Day Camp and he is a good swimmer. When my boys were 3 I was right there with them all the time. It only takes a second.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

As others have said. I would make any rules you want and keep them consistent for everyone. Let the family know up front that these are your rules. It is YOUR house.

 

[shamrock bunch]

We have a very annoying girl in the house behind us who just shows up at the back door. I've told her numerous times to call first. The other week I had my sister and her family over, and when I came up from the basement, there she was in my kitchen!! My brother-in-law opened the door and she just came right in w/o saying anything to him. He could have been a rapist or killer for all she knew - she had never seen him before. I yelled at her and told her to go home. I wish they would move!!!