Neighbors told my kids they can't play outside anymore

[ols386]

Just a little side note. Our street is not busy at all. It's actually a very small street that hardly has cars going through it.

And for the people who said that the adult daughter might be working nights, yes it's possible. My DH also works nights, but he does not expect total silence in the day.

I think the best thing I can do is just to go there and talk to them to see what exactly the problem was.

That's probably what I would do, in a polite fashion. There must have been something to prompt them saying that, especially if there's never been any problem before now.

 

[Scurvy]

So did they say your kids couldn't play "outside", or did they say the kids couldn't play "in the street"?

If they said that they couldn't/shouldn't play in the street, then I don't think that's unreasonable. Is it just a regular street, or a cul-de-sac?

That's what I was wondering as well. OP, obviously the neighbors have no right to tell your kids not to play outside at all, but if they are bothered by your kids being unusually loud or playing in the street, the polite thing would be for you to tell your kids to be a bit more quite outside and to stay in your yard/driveway while they are playing.

I get so tired of trying to avoid the kids who play in the street in my neighborhood. They don't move out of the way for cars and they don't even seem to notice the cars most of the time. Plus, they will suddenly and without warning run in front of the cars that try to drive around them, and they play out there in the evening when it's almost dark. I'm convinced that some of them are going to get hit at some point. I just hope they aren't hurt too badly when it happens. I am firmly in the "streets are for cars" camp so I don't blame the neighbors at all for telling the kids that, though it might have been better for them to come to the parents first.

 

[Stitchfans]

Unless it is a main road I don't know why kids wouldn't be able to play in the street. I played in the street all the time growing up. We would play street hockey, soccer, baseball, and stuff like that. If a car was coming we would move.

I have a lot of kids on my street now and they are always playing in the street. If a car comes they move. It beats sitting around in the house and playing video games all the time.

I agree with this person. We also played in the streets when we were little and both of my DDs did too. If it is a side street where there is not a lot of traffic there is no reason why they shouldn't be able to. As said if someone does come along the kids simply move to let the car pass.

 

[RachaelA]

So if children decide to play on a busy street, it's allowed?

I guess if it's a cal-de-sac or a neighborhood street that's not real busy, then probably no harm in that.

Unless there is a law that says they can't play in the street, then they can. Doesn't make it necessarily right, but there is nothing the neighbors can do about it.

 

[ols386]

I have been sorely tempted to tell some kids on our street the same thing.

Our street is not really all that safe to play on - it's curvy and barely wide enough for two cars to pass. There are times during the day (morning and evening commutes) when there is an awful lot of traffic. My DDs are 11 and 12 and I still get nervous when they play in the street.
A new family moved in at the end of the road and their boys are constantly playing in the street - riding bikes, running up and down, etc. I don't care that they are playing there, but they are not being supervised at all, they are not being respectful, and they are not watching for cars. It is just a matter of time before one of those children gets injured. Last week part of our yard had to be dug up to fix a problem with our neighbor's sewer pipe, and the freshly planted grass is now criss-crossed with bike tire tracks.

Just curious, if you think it's unsafe AND it makes you nervous, then why do you let them play in the street? Not trying to be snarky, just wondering.

 

[Coconut36]

I am gonna guess that the adult daughter works the night shift, but that's not your problem.

I would continue to let the kids play outside and if the neighbors say something, the kids should tell them to talk to you.

If they wanted to live where it's quiet, they should move to a senior housing area.

I agree. I feel if the daughter is a shift worker but the entire neighborhood and all the children in it do not have to make major changes for that. If they were banging on the windows, house..etc fine..say something. Playing outside..no sorry.

I would also advise them to state that they are allowed to play outside per their parents and if there is an issue point them towards you guys.

As for the street issue..I am going to presume the OP isn't allowing her kids to play in the middle of a highway and this is a very low traffic residential street and her children are old enough to handle it properly/get out of the way. Even if it was something else as a parent they OP gets to decide what is OK for her kids..not the neighbor. My neighbors don't get to decide what my kids can and can not do..that is my job.

OP..I would probably walk over and speak to them about it calmly and get their side of the story. If the kids were doing something (going into their yard, putting a vehicle at risk) best you know so you can address it with them but if they are just trying to be controlling I would probably politely say you will continue to allow them outside to play.

 

[Metsfan520]

Unless it is a main road I don't know why kids wouldn't be able to play in the street. I played in the street all the time growing up. We would play street hockey, soccer, baseball, and stuff like that. If a car was coming we would move.

I have a lot of kids on my street now and they are always playing in the street. If a car comes they move. It beats sitting around in the house and playing video games all the time.

When I was a kid (150 years ago), we played in the street too. But we always had 1 kid be a kind of 'lookout', so when a car was coming, we had time to get the equipment & ourselves out of the way. If the OP's kids & their friends are doing that too, then you're right, playing outside is much better than staying inside. But I see a lot of kids in my neighborhood almost challenging the cars--they don't move until the last minute. Maybe the kids were so involved in their play they didn't notice the car, and it scared the driver because he/she was afraid that someday one of them would get hit.

I'd investigate it--if the kids were not paying attention, I'd try to keep them out of the street. I'd certainly allow them to continue playing outside.

 

[Allison]

Of course kids should be playing outside. Nothing the neighbors can do about that. However, they shouldn't be playing in the street.

 

[Metsfan520]

I can't speak for the OP, but where we live, there is no reason for kids to be playing in the street.

Our yards are all half an acre, and the entire subdivision is unfenced. So the neighborhood kids have literally acres and acres to run around on. All the driveways are paved and most of them have basketball hoops, so they don't need to play in the street.

Even though we live on a relatively quiet street, the kids are not allowed to play in the street.

Can I come to your neighborhood to play? I would have loved that as a kid!

 

[golfgal]

We played in the street growing up, somewhat busy streets too. We knew to watch for cars and when they came, we moved over. There is a lot of stuff you can play in the street you can't play in a yard-bike tag, bike races, roller skating, etc. Kids here just like to toss footballs in the street too because there is just more uninterrupted space that way. TOTAL non-issue around here-cars watch out, kids watch out.

Naps-I LOVE a good 20 minute afternoon nap. If the neighbor kids wake me up-silly me for not closing my window. I would NEVER expect the neighbors to be quiet in the middle of the day for my nap. If I worked nights and needed to sleep during the day, I would set my house up so outside noises didn't bother me. It's MY responsibility, not the neighbor kids', to make sure I have a good sleeping environment.

If my neighbors sent my kids home telling them they couldn't play outside any more I would first get the whole story and if it was accurate, I would be outside WITH the kids making noise .

 

[FireDancer]

When I was a kid (150 years ago), we played in the street too. But we always had 1 kid be a kind of 'lookout', so when a car was coming, we had time to get the equipment & ourselves out of the way. If the OP's kids & their friends are doing that too, then you're right, playing outside is much better than staying inside. But I see a lot of kids in my neighborhood almost challenging the cars--they don't move until the last minute. Maybe the kids were so involved in their play they didn't notice the car, and it scared the driver because he/she was afraid that someday one of them would get hit.

I'd investigate it--if the kids were not paying attention, I'd try to keep them out of the street. I'd certainly allow them to continue playing outside.

That is how we would do it. The street was pretty long and straight so it was easy to see a car. Someone would just call car coming and we would move out of the street and move anything out of the way. On my street now there are probably around 15 kids right around me that play different games. Sometimes they play in the street, sometimes they don't. I have not once had anyone not move out of the way in plenty of time for me to pass.

Now, both streets (the one I grew up on and the one I live on now) are not high traffic, have 25 mph speed limits, are not cut through routes so pretty much the only cars on the street are residents or people visiting them, and no one really speeds. I don't think I've seen a single car in the 4.5 years I've been there go speeding down the street. They don't all do 25 but they don't go down doing 40 either. It might happen but I've never seen it.

I think we are so over-protective as a society now that kids just can't be kids and there is no reason for it. Contrary to popular belief the world really isn't that much more dangerous than it was when I was a kid yet we would be out playing around the neighborhood or in the woods around our house. We would ride our bikes to our grandparents house a mile away and we would even ride out bikes or walk to school every once in a while. I'm very thankful we had the freedom to go out and explore the world instead of having over-protective parents that wouldn't let us stray more than 100 yards from the front door.

 

[jen0610]

We played in the street growing up, somewhat busy streets too. We knew to watch for cars and when they came, we moved over. There is a lot of stuff you can play in the street you can't play in a yard-bike tag, bike races, roller skating, etc. Kids here just like to toss footballs in the street too because there is just more uninterrupted space that way. TOTAL non-issue around here-cars watch out, kids watch out.

Naps-I LOVE a good 20 minute afternoon nap. If the neighbor kids wake me up-silly me for not closing my window. I would NEVER expect the neighbors to be quiet in the middle of the day for my nap. If I worked nights and needed to sleep during the day, I would set my house up so outside noises didn't bother me. It's MY responsibility, not the neighbor kids', to make sure I have a good sleeping environment.

If my neighbors sent my kids home telling them they couldn't play outside any more I would first get the whole story and if it was accurate, I would be outside WITH the kids making noise .

If they were just being 'ol cranky pants about noise or if the DD was taking a nap because Saturday night she enjoyed her fun just a bit to much was "sleeping it off", I think it would be a good time for me - and any other parents who wanted to - to spend some quality goofing off time outside with my kids.

In our younger days - ie before kids - I know we had a few of "those" naps, but we never told the kids to pipe down and go inside, just so we could nap.

 

[mjaclyn]

My family lives in a neighborhood similar to yours. There are lots of kids (I have two young children) and every day there is a large group playing in the street. I do have to admit that this can sometimes be very irritating. When I'm trying to get in or out they act like I'm not even there and take their sweet time moving their things and don't even get out of the street all the way. I have to inch along the entire street practically hanging out my window to make sure I don't run over someone's ball, skateboard or bicycle. While I have fond memories of playing outside myself and would never tell the kids they couldn't, there should be some kind of 'street etiquette'. Parents need to make sure their children know to get out of the street along with all of their things immediately when a car is coming, not to bother neighbors dogs, stay out of other people's yards and not touch anyone's car.

If I were you, I would just make sure your boys know what is acceptable and what is not when they're playing in the street. Also, if the neighbor says something else I would ask if there was something specific they were upset with and if not, nicely let them know that as long as your kids are not harming someone else's property you have no problem letting them continue to play outside. You never know, there might be some kind of circumstance surrounding their not liking a lot of noise at a certain time or day. Perhaps their daughter works nights and can only sleep during the day... In any case, I would talk to the neighbor first before assuming that they just don't like your kids being outside.

 

[duffy]

Telling your kids that they can't play outside any more, well, that's not just crazy, it's mean.

 

[anniemae]

I would guess their dd works nights. I can understand wanting the neighborhood quiet, but it's kind of silly to think you can control that at 2:00 in the afternoon. I could see if it was 2 A.M. When my dd was little and trying to nap, it seemed like the neighbor would decide to mow the lawn, the kids outside would be loud, a motorcycle would zoom by, the ice cream truck would blare the music and stop in front of the house etc. It was almost comical. Sure I would get irritated, but NEVER would I ask someone to stop playing, stop mowing etc.

I have to giggle at mjaclyns post. The kids in my neighborhood are like that too, they take FOREVER to move out of the way and look at you like, "how dare you try to drive down the street while we are playing in the middle of the road!" Then they barely leave enough room for the car to get by.

 

[tlbwriter]

Okay, telling your kids they can't play OUTSIDE is just plain wrong. But are you sure that's what the neighbor actually said, or is that just how your kids interpreted it?

If they were, in fact, only told not to play in the street and that they are too loud, then either your neighbors are unreasonable, or your children are unreasonably disruptive. I mean, there's normal playing, and then there's screeching and screaming and refusing to move for traffic and hitting cars. You need to talk to the neighbor and find out what's really going on.

 

[luvmy3]

Actually not my neighbours, but the people that live across the street from me.

My kids play outside on the weekends. Yesterday, my kids came home and told me the people across the street told them they can't play outside anymore. They said the street is for cars and is not a playground. Their adult daughter is trying to sleep and they are making too much noise (2pm Sunday afternoon)

Because it was starting to rain anyway, I told the kids just to come inside for the day. Between my kids and neighbours, we have 9 boys. I will admit that 9 boys can get loud at times.

I don't know if there is more to this story. I would like to get both sides, maybe their car got hit or something but I am not sure. I don't really want to talk to them because I don't like confrontation but I guess I have to. We have had a "hi, how are you" relationship until now.

I guess I'm asking do you think it is reasonable to live in a neighbourhood and expect that kids won't play outside at some point?

BTW, I will be sending my kids outside again

Um, no that is not a reasonable expectation. Maybe they should tell their precious dd to get her lazy butt out of bed instead of telling your kids they can't play outside.

 

[badblackpug]

Um, no that is not a reasonable expectation. Maybe they should tell their precious dd to get her lazy butt out of bed instead of telling your kids they can't play outside.

My precious butt is very frequently in bed at 2pm. As was discussed previously, she may work nights.

I agree with the PPs who say that the OP needs to clarify what was said, and why it was said.

 

[luvmy3]

My precious butt is very frequently in bed at 2pm. As was discussed previously, she may work nights.

I agree with the PPs who say that the OP needs to clarify what was said, and why it was said.

Well that may be true, but she could just be nursing a hangover or just plain lazy. Regardless, if she and her parents are the ones with a problem with the noise, its their responsibilty to deal with it. Move to the middle of nowhere or the dd can get a day job, or quit drinking or get her lazy butt out of bed before the crack of 2PM

My neighbor works nights and that is his 2nd job, never once has he told any of the neighborhood kids they couldn't play outside. He's a pretty reasonable guy, though.

 

[Pigeon]

I'll bet the real issue was the daughter's afternoon sleep. I've done shift work, and lived upstairs from a family with loud kids. I didn't expect that the world was going to tip toe around my weird schedule. I bought a set of earplugs and a white noise machine and all was good.

I'd tell the kids to stay out of the neighbor's yard and call it a day.