Neighbor WWYD

[LuvsDragonflies]

. [BNot so. I will be happy to explain it to you.

I look at the dangers involved in allowing my kids to slowly develop skills through increasing responsibility and self-direction and then I weigh that against the very real danger of over-parenting and raising adults who will be living in my basement at age 46 - playing video games, still needing me to do their laundry, pay their bills and cook their nightly plate of chicken nuggets with corn because they are completely incapable of "being alone."

I don't see walking your six year old to and from the bus stop or actually supervising them at home rather than leaving them alone to their own devices as enabling them to be a 46 year old living at home.

I thought keeping an eye on your children, at home or out, was kind of one of the responsibilities of parenting.

 

[Nancyg56]

I do not understand why folks here are so heated. There is a vast difference between neglecting a child's safety and different parenting styles. Different is not wrong, it is different.


DH and I are much different with my DGD than we were with our own children. Kady is 10 and can walk home from the bus alone. DH is still over that decision and my poor DD is trying to ignore us when we were shocked that we did not need to meet and greet Kady's friends parents before they were allowed to go to a movie with us. DD is a wonderful mother but if we had our way Kady would be in a bubble We were not like that when Marisa was young, far from it!

Every parent knows their kids. They understand their neighborhood, their child's emotional development and their ability to handle certain situations. It is not fair to categorize parents whose decisions differ from our own as bad or neglectful. My area was always a farming community. Lately folks have been moving here from more populated areas and are sometimes a bit befuddled at what is pretty common behavior for kids raised on farms. My own daughter could drive at 8 years old. Her brother knew how to run loaders at 6. These kids were always with my DH on the farm and learned about vehicles and farm equipment and machinery the way other kids learn how to play midget football and baseball. My oldest son would not be allowed within running distance of anything that moved. We knew him and his ability

My DH nephew was flying crosscountry at 10. He was never left alone, the flight attendants never left him alone to fend for himself. I would not be able to do that with mine but Joey was fine. In fact he thought it was wonderful. His Mom knew him and knew he was okay.

I think that one thing that seems to be missing from some of the neighborhoods is the sense of community. I cannot imagine that one of my neighbors would not call me to keep an eye on her little guy if that child needed a ride home. I have no kids home and my neighbors do this now. I also would have no problem just talking to a neighbor under the OP's scenario just to find out if she needed a friend to help out. Again, offering to help is much different than telling a mother you are uncomfortable with her parenting.

There is real child neglect in this country and the parents on this thread who are sharing their decisions are not neglecting their kids. Leaving little kids alone in an apartment for the weekend while Mom goes to the beach, alone in a car while Daddy is in the casino..............neglect. Letting a 6 YO walk home from the school bus, different. Letting kids get into guns or drugs............neglect, taking them for firearms training...different.

 

[RitaE]

Well then we disagree.

I think children mature best in small steps and it begins at a young age by leaving them alone for small periods of time and allowing them to do things like walk a couple of blocks to the school.

When they master those, then they get more responsibility. I don't think anybody just ever magically reaches an age where they are "old enough." I think just like with everything else children have to be taught to be capable and responsible and part of that teaching is allowing them to handle things on their own - one small step at a time.

 

[teacherforhi]

There is real child neglect in this country and the parents on this thread who are sharing their decisions are neglecting their kids. Leaving little kids alone in an apartment for the weekend while Mom goes to the beach, alone in a car while Daddy is in the casino..............neglect. Letting a 6 YO walk home from the school bus, different. Letting kids get into guns or drugs............neglect, taking them for firearms training...different.

I hope you meant 'not' in that sentence, or I missed someone's post!

 

[Nancyg56]

I hope you meant 'not' in that sentence, or I missed someone's post!

OOPS! I cannot type! I'll go back and correct that!

 

[hereyago]

exact opposite for me......so many in out town, like their kids be totally independent. So much so, I often wonder why they had kids to begin with if they were in such a hurry for them to do so much on their own.

Nothing wrong with teaching your kids to be independent, but also nothing wrong with being around to pick them up from school. If that made me "mamby pamby" then so be it.

I was probably one of the most hands on parents in our town. Now my oldest is a freshmen in college, I talk to him once or twice a week and he is a very independent guy!

As I always say to each your own.......if you want an "independent" young kid, go for it......if you want to be more present, I dont see that as a bad thing and not "mamby pamby" (whatever that is!)

I was actually a kid who was independent at a young age and my mom really lacked at mothering,lol.

However, I never said don't volunteer at your kid's school or be hands on my DD is 13 in 8th grade and I was supposed to help chaperone a field trip but my mom came out of rehab(not Charlie Sheen type rehab).
But I am not escorting her to the bus stop each day thinking the Boogey Man is going to come get her.

As for mamby pamby: this is what I consider mamby pamby type thing:
if your kid is 9 or 10 years old enough to go to the bathroom by themselves at school, then they can do it at WDW or any place else.

If your 7th grader has to call you from the bus to and from school to let you know that they got on it all right, ( and the mom is at the house and can see the bus stop for both trips) that is mamby pamby.

If you are doing your high school/college aged kids laundry because you have not taught them how or how to cook or clean, that is mamby pamby.

I never said it was cool for no one to pick up the 6 year old ,but some schools, school transportation guidelines allow a kid to walk home without a parent being present. Do I think it's jacked up to tell I kid "i will be at the bus stop" and the parent not show up?Yes I do,

 

[Mkrop]

I look at the dangers involved in allowing my kids to slowly develop skills through increasing responsibility and self-direction and then I weigh that against the very real danger of over-parenting and raising adults who will be living in my basement at age 46 - playing video games, still needing me to do their laundry, pay their bills and cook their nightly plate of chicken nuggets with corn because they are completely incapable of "being alone."[/QUOTE]

Gee so all of us who were not left home alone at age 6 must be living in our parent's basement....interesting!

My mother was the most overprotective person on the planet. And yet here I am, indendpent, married, 2 kids, own my own house, etc, travel far and wide, alone and with my family....I turned out just fine.

My mother cracked me up the other day...she was freakin out that I was driving by myself at 42, two hours away, to my DH's hometown for a bridal shower. Despite her continuing to still hover (or caring in her words!) I managed just fine in my life...

How could that possibly be if she held my hand, didnt leave me home alone until I was 11ish, even took my brothers into the ladies room with her after my dad died...all of that and my brothers and I are successful, productive members of sociey...NOT living in mom's basement!!!

I dontknow maybe it doesnt matter and we should all do what we feel comfortable with, understand our children and their development and mind our own business!

 

[mhsjax]

I was actually a kid who was independent at a young age and my mom really lacked at mothering,lol.

However, I never said don't volunteer at your kid's school or be hands on my DD is 13 in 8th grade and I was supposed to help chaperone a field trip but my mom came out of rehab(not Charlie Sheen type rehab).
But I am not escorting her to the bus stop each day thinking the Boogey Man is going to come get her.

As for mamby pamby: this is what I consider mamby pamby type thing:
if your kid is 9 or 10 years old enough to go to the bathroom by themselves at school, then they can do it at WDW or any place else.

If your 7th grader has to call you from the bus to and from school to let you know that they got on it all right, ( and the mom is at the house and can see the bus stop for both trips) that is mamby pamby.

If you are doing your high school/college aged kids laundry because you have not taught them how or how to cook or clean, that is mamby pamby.

I never said it was cool for no one to pick up the 6 year old ,but some schools, school transportation guidelines allow a kid to walk home without a parent being present. Do I think it's jacked up to tell I kid "i will be at the bus stop" and the parent not show up?Yes I do,

WEll call me mamby pamby, because right now I am doing my HS kids laundry as well as mine DD and other DS. I am not willing to separate his laundry and do special loads just so he can be responsible. Too much the and water. He does do towels for me sometimes. My mom did mine and yet here I am, somehow fully functioning as a responsible adult. the wonders never cease.

 

[Mkrop]

WEll call me mamby pamby, because right now I am doing my HS kids laundry as well as mine DD and other DS. I am not willing to separate his laundry and do special loads just so he can be responsible. Too much the and water. He does do towels for me sometimes. My mom did mine and yet here I am, somehow fully functioning as a responsible adult. the wonders never cease.

Come to think of it I never did laundry until I moved out for good...even the year I lived at college, I lived close enough I brought it home....and yet my family is walking around with clean clothes....shocking I tell ya, shocking I survived!!!!!!!

 

[mhsjax]

I can't imagine letting my daughter do this at the age of 12 (and as I work with middle schoolers, I can't imagine letting any of them do it, either).Flying is old hat to my DD, she's been flying cross country since the age of 6 months, and there's still just no way I would have put her on a plane at 12 years old and assumed she'd be fine and arrive at her destination. Heck last year she missed a connection at DTW and had to make arrangements for overnight accommodations, getting to hotel and back to airport, notifying those who were meeting her in IND and making alternate pick-up plans, etc. She was stressed by this at age 18, but took it in stride and worked it all out. However, there's no way she would have handled this when she was 12. If YOU are comfortable with it, that's your choice... but not mine.

FWIW, I made the statement "You only get one chance." It wasn't in defensiveness of how I choose to parent, and I wasn't insisting that mine is the only way to parent. I really don't care how YOU choose to do it. I just don't understand the choices people make when considering what's at stake, regardless of the miniscule chance of it happening to you. I was hoping someone could explain the rationale, but apparently not. It's fine, they are your kids, raise them how you want... just like I do.

This isn't uncommon for airlines these days. My DH was flying a couple of years ago, they missed their connection. They had to wait 5 hours. They were all eating and just sitting around when they noticed a little girls by herself. She was flying alone and had no money and was hungry. They all fed her and took care of her. The airline sure didn't.

 

[hereyago]

WEll call me mamby pamby, because right now I am doing my HS kids laundry as well as mine DD and other DS. I am not willing to separate his laundry and do special loads just so he can be responsible. Too much the and water. He does do towels for me sometimes. My mom did mine and yet here I am, somehow fully functioning as a responsible adult. the wonders never cease.

Did you read my post? I said if you still do their laundry because you haven't TAUGHT them how to do it themselves. IF they know how to do it, then fine. but the key words were because you didn't teach them. lol

 

[mhsjax]

Did you read my post? I said if you still do their laundry because you haven't TAUGHT them how to do it themselves. IF they know how to do it, then fine. but the key words were because you didn't teach them. lol

Gotcha. I do have a bad sinus infection, so I am not reading very well today.

 

[hereyago]

Gotcha. I do have a bad sinus infection, so I am not reading very well today.

Dang, those suck. Feel better soon!

 

[Hannathy]

This isn't uncommon for airlines these days. My DH was flying a couple of years ago, they missed their connection. They had to wait 5 hours. They were all eating and just sitting around when they noticed a little girls by herself. She was flying alone and had no money and was hungry. They all fed her and took care of her. The airline sure didn't.

Then that was a poorly prepared 12 yr old! and her parents fault that she was travelling without any money and for not knowing what to do.

If she was not an unaccompanied minor then the airline wouldn't do anything.

Mine always flew with money and then in later years with a cell phone.

But I can tell you my 12 yr old wouldn't have sat there hungry for 5 hours without buying something to eat.


And if they sat there and didn't buy food then they deserved to be hungry and would learn for the next time. Experience is the best teacher.

 

[mhsjax]

Dang, those suck. Feel better soon!

thanks.

 

[mhsjax]

Then that was a poorly prepared 12 yr old! and her parents fault that she was travelling without any money and for not knowing what to do.

If she was not an unaccompanied minor then the airline wouldn't do anything.

Mine always flew with money and then in later years with a cell phone.

But I can tell you my 12 yr old wouldn't have sat there hungry for 5 hours without buying something to eat.


And if they sat there and didn't buy food then they deserved to be hungry and would learn for the next time. Experience is the best teacher.

She wasn't 12. she was younger. I believe she was around 6 or 7. now you have a 6 or 7 year old in a big airport with a bunch of strangers. And she was an unaccompanied minor. The airline did nothing. I don't know why the kid didn't have money. But at least some grown ups did take care of her. I guess it is still ok for a child to sit there scared an hungry. She will grow up faster and be more independent because of this. YOu can drill all you want into a young child. That doesn't mean the child will remember or do what they need to do at that young age. On a side note, can you please tell me where I said anywhere that this child was 12?

 

[Hannathy]

She wasn't 12. she was younger. I believe she was around 6 or 7. now you have a 6 or 7 year old in a big airport with a bunch of strangers. And she was an unaccompanied minor. The airline did nothing. I don't know why the kid didn't have money. But at least some grown ups did take care of her. I guess it is still ok for a child to sit there scared an hungry. She will grow up faster and be more independent because of this. YOu can drill all you want into a young child. That doesn't mean the child will remember or do what they need to do at that young age. On a side note, can you please tell me where I said anywhere that this child was 12?

you made it sound like she was flying on her own.

Then they should have told the airlines, who took money to take care of her.

 

[mjkacmom]

She wasn't 12. she was younger. I believe she was around 6 or 7. now you have a 6 or 7 year old in a big airport with a bunch of strangers. And she was an unaccompanied minor. The airline did nothing. I don't know why the kid didn't have money. But at least some grown ups did take care of her. I guess it is still ok for a child to sit there scared an hungry. She will grow up faster and be more independent because of this. YOu can drill all you want into a young child. That doesn't mean the child will remember or do what they need to do at that young age. On a side note, can you please tell me where I said anywhere that this child was 12?

Airlines have rules as to what ages kids can travel alone - I doubt a 6 or 7 year old is going to be allowed to fly unattended (and skip paying the fee to the airline). Maybe she was just short? My 11 year old wears a size 7 (and I'd give her money for food). ETA - why didn't she just call home? When SIL was late picking up dd15 (11 at the time) from the airport, she just called me, and I told her where to wait - no big deal.

 

[mhsjax]

you made it sound like she was flying on her own.

Then they should have told the airlines, who took money to take care of her.

She was flying on her own. Unaccompanied minor. She was around 6 or 7. Her parents put her on a plane to go see grandma and for what ever reason, missing connection, they had to wait about 5 hours for the next flight. EVen if the child had money, you a a little kid, probably scared and in an airport alone with total strangers. You probably wouldn't wander off to find food. And the airline employees did nothing to help the child so the other passengers did.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

She was flying on her own. Unaccompanied minor. She was around 6 or 7. Her parents put her on a plane to go see grandma and for what ever reason, missing connection, they had to wait about 5 hours for the next flight. EVen if the child had money, you a a little kid, probably scared and in an airport alone with total strangers. You probably wouldn't wander off to find food. And the airline employees did nothing to help the child so the other passengers did.

Kudos to the passengers taking time out of their day to help the child. I know that if I saw a child, alone, looking frightened at an airport (or anywhere else), I'd either talk to them or find an airline employee and point her out.

I certainly wouldn't just walk away and let the kid have a nice, frightening learning experience. Again, that's just me. I don't think something has to be negative to be a learning experience. You can learn what to do by having someone help you as well as having to claw it out for yourself.