Neighbor WWYD

[pls5286]

We live on a small private road, where there are four families who live on our road; my family (me, DH, DS15, DSS12 and autistic, DD9) my parents, my aunt who has no kids, and the neighbor across the road who has two daughters, one is older than my DS15 and one is a first grader.

The oldest daughter does not usually ride the bus home in the afternoons, and my oldest DS has been staying after school for football, so we make sure someone is up at the end of our road to pick the two youngest up off the bus. Our road runs off of a very busy highway which is obviously not safe for young children to get off the bus alone. DSS rode the bus to his mom's today so it was just DD on the bus and the neighbor's YDD. A truck pulled up behind our van like the neighbors normally do when picking up their child. The child went back to the truck and talked to the driver and then with an upset look began walking back toward our van. I got out to talk to her and she said her dad was not home and the driver of the truck did not know where he was. She also said she did not know the driver of the truck. I told her to go get in my van, my DH was in the car. I spoke to the driver of the truck and told him I would take care of the child. He said he did not know where here dad was. He obviously knew the dad.

I called my neighbor and told him we had his daughter. He apologized and said he was on his way home and asked to speak with his daughter. She said the owner of the farm was at her barn and she needed to go there. That was fine with me, so we took her to the lady that actually owns the farm.

This is not the first time someone has not been able to pick this child up from the bus stop, and no one has been at home or the stables to get her. I cannot in good consciousness leave a first grader on the side of a busy highway alone to walk home. It was one thing to run her to dad when he was giving a riding lesson, but it is getting more frequent. It seems there has been a miscommunication and when the child is left without an adult, her mom is supposed to be the one picking her up and dad is actually working.

What would you do to keep from unexpectedly babysitting this child that you have in your car and no one to leave her with?

 

[Hannathy]

We live on a small private road, where there are four families who live on our road; my family (me, DH, DS15, DSS12 and autistic, DD9) my parents, my aunt who has no kids, and the neighbor across the road who has two daughters, one is older than my DS15 and one is a first grader.

The oldest daughter does not usually ride the bus home in the afternoons, and my oldest DS has been staying after school for football, so we make sure someone is up at the end of our road to pick the two youngest up off the bus. Our road runs off of a very busy highway which is obviously not safe for young children to get off the bus alone. DSS rode the bus to his mom's today so it was just DD on the bus and the neighbor's YDD. A truck pulled up behind our van like the neighbors normally do when picking up their child. The child went back to the truck and talked to the driver and then with an upset look began walking back toward our van. I got out to talk to her and she said her dad was not home and the driver of the truck did not know where he was. She also said she did not know the driver of the truck. I told her to go get in my van, my DH was in the car. I spoke to the driver of the truck and told him I would take care of the child. He said he did not know where here dad was. He obviously knew the dad.

I called my neighbor and told him we had his daughter. He apologized and said he was on his way home and asked to speak with his daughter. She said the owner of the farm was at her barn and she needed to go there. That was fine with me, so we took her to the lady that actually owns the farm.

This is not the first time someone has not been able to pick this child up from the bus stop, and no one has been at home or the stables to get her. I cannot in good consciousness leave a first grader on the side of a busy highway alone to walk home. It was one thing to run her to dad when he was giving a riding lesson, but it is getting more frequent. It seems there has been a miscommunication and when the child is left without an adult, her mom is supposed to be the one picking her up and dad is actually working.

What would you do to keep from unexpectedly babysitting this child that you have in your car and no one to leave her with?

I would leave them to work it out as they see fit. She isn't your child.

If they feel she is safe walking home then that is their right. I don't get how it wouldn't be if it is a small road with only 4 houses.Don't they get dropped off at the entrance to the smaller road? Why would they be on the highway.

Unless I saw her getting grabbed or it was pouring down rain I would just let her walk home if that is what they planned.

My kids walked home from school alone in first grade.

 

[Bluestars]

It's scary to think her parents would be so irresponsible.

I know that I would never leave a young child at the bus stop by herself though. You are very kind to help out, even though this shouldn't be your problem.

Can you get her mother's cell phone number and call her when this happens?

 

[pls5286]

The bus unloads at the main highway, which is very busy. We always meet the youngest if the oldest is not on the bus, and many days if he is because it is a pretty long walk to our house.

AFIK the mom does not have a cell phone. The only number I have is for the dad. I got it from the bus driver on a day they were not home. That is the only number she has for emergencies.

 

[JessicaR]

So we're talking about a 6 year old right? You need to speak with the parents and tell them you aren't comfortable with them not being there. However, there was someone there but the child didn't know that person? That's just weird.

They need to be responsible for their children. Maybe you may need to contact the school to make sure they are.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

I'd probably just figure on giving the kid a ride home most of the time. Who knows, your kindness might be something she remembers and spark some kindness in herself to pass along.

 

[Hannathy]

But why is this anyone but the parents business? That is what I don't get. It isn't your child, why would you call the school? They have decided she can get off the bus alone, their kid their choice.

I'm glad my kids are getting older I couldn't stand this group of busy bodies butting into everyone elses business.

but doesn't it unload right at the small road? they don't get off and walk right to the small road?

 

[Ceila]

but doesn't it unload right at the small road? they don't get off and walk right to the small road?

I don't understand that, either. I also don't understand why the OP included the fact that her stepson has autism. It doesn't seem to have any relevance to the situation.

 

[kirstenb1]

The youngest children are allowed to get off the bus and walk home with no supervision is 3rd grade in our county. Based on our experience, if no one is there to meet this child, the bus would return her to the school, where they would attempt to contact the parents.

OP, the alternative depends on your willingness and availability to meet the bus, and help this child to her home. Is there no one at home? Does the mom work outside the home? If so, I don't know why this child isn't at aftercare.

This child is in first grade. Even if you carry her home each day, who is supervising her once she gets in the house? I freely admit, our 6 yr old would not be mature enough to understand what to do if someone knocked at the door, or if there were a fire. I understand your confusion at the whole situation.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

If the kid was in the loop and knew what to do, maybe I'd just let her wander her little 6 year old self home, but it doesn't seem like the kid knows what she's supposed to do. They way I'm reading it, someone is supposed to pick the kid up at the bus stop and they keep screwing that up.

So, yeah, I'm that person. I will take a 6 year old and make sure she gets home safe. If that's too busy buddy for you, make sure your butt is at the bus stop to pick her up like you are supposed to.

I'll go even further, knowing I will be there to pick up my own child, I'd offer to just drop her off for them every day. It might be a pain in the butt, but I'm not going to be the one wondering whatever happened to that cute little kid down the street. It's not just strangers, woods, ponds, lots of interesting things happen on the way home from school, not all of them need to have a psycho adult behind them, kwim? It would just make me feel better, and really, what does it cost? a little time?

 

[Hannathy]

It's not just strangers, woods, ponds, lots of interesting things happen on the way home from school,

You do know many, many first graders walk home on their own everyday from school.

 

[happygirl]

You do know many, many first graders walk home on their own everyday from school.

My little boy does every day and morning.

 

[HelenePA]

This child is in first grade. Even if you carry her home each day, who is supervising her once she gets in the house? I freely admit, our 6 yr old would not be mature enough to understand what to do if someone knocked at the door, or if there were a fire. I understand your confusion at the whole situation.

You might want to talk to your 6 yr old about these things "just in case".

There are times my 6 yr old (1st grader) is home alone. He knows the rules. They have been drilled into his head over and over again since he was in pre-k.

 

[mhsjax]

I agree that a 6 year old can walk home alone if the street isn't busy. But there is NO WAY I would let my 6 year old come home alone and stay alone.

 

[Nancyg56]

So, yeah, I'm that person. I will take a 6 year old and make sure she gets home safe. If that's too busy buddy for you, make sure your butt is at the bus stop to pick her up like you are supposed to.

I'll go even further, knowing I will be there to pick up my own child, I'd offer to just drop her off for them every day. It might be a pain in the butt, but I'm not going to be the one wondering whatever happened to that cute little kid down the street. It's not just strangers, woods, ponds, lots of interesting things happen on the way home from school, not all of them need to have a psycho adult behind them, kwim? It would just make me feel better, and really, what does it cost? a little time?

At this point I would talk to her parents and find out if they need help picking the little one up. I also could not sleep if something happened that I could have prevented. I have offered to keep an eye on kids who live on street before. It was inconvenient but I remember how it was when my kids were young.

 

[ceemys]

In our district the elementary school bus drive won't drop off a child if someone isnt picking them up. Unless otherwise noted by the parents. Tell the driver no one is there to get the child and they will have to go and pick her up from school.

 

[sms]

My 6 year old would not walk anywhere by himself or stay by himself anytime!!!

 

[disneychic2]

You might want to talk to your 6 yr old about these things "just in case".

There are times my 6 yr old (1st grader) is home alone. He knows the rules. They have been drilled into his head over and over again since he was in pre-k.

You can drill rules over and over again, but there is no guarantee they will remember when it comes time to make a choice. There was a segment on the Today show a couple of weeks ago where the child of Natalie (one of the hosts of the show) was secretly filmed with some friends when an ice cream truck pulled up and the guy driving it talked the boys into getting into his truck. Natalie was visibly shaken when her son did this b/c she has drilled it into him so much. There are usually laws prohibiting a child so young as six being alone. At least in my state. I think the youngest (legally) allowable is 11, but not sure any more.

As for the OP, I agree with lovesdragonflies. I know you would feel horrible if something happened to that little girl. Whether it's your problem or your business, you have to do what feels right to you. Good luck!

 

[Jennasis]

You do know many, many first graders walk home on their own everyday from school.

I'm sure there are, but according to the OP, THIS PARTICULAR 6 year old was clearly upset about there not being anyone there to get her and this stranger in the truck.

OP, If you are so inclined, perhaps you could offer to pick the kid up along with yours each day.

 

[Heidict]

So we're talking about a 6 year old right? You need to speak with the parents and tell them you aren't comfortable with them not being there. However, there was someone there but the child didn't know that person? That's just weird.

They need to be responsible for their children. Maybe you may need to contact the school to make sure they are.

What does her comfort level have to do with the parents decision. I know when I make decisions for my child I would not consider or even care about my neighbors comfort level. It's a non-issue and really none of her business.

I feel bad for the girl and it's not something I would do with my DD, who also happens to be 6, but it's there daughter and we have no right telling other parents how they should be parenting there child.