Need wedding advice please.

[BoardwalkBride]

Cross posted to the wedding boards...

When we started wedding planning everything we checked out was an exorbitant amount of money...around $23,000 with zero extras and a lot of basics cut down - no limousine, student photographer, and no videographer. We had flexible dates and still had a hard time getting one. We decided it wasn't worth the expense to try and have a fall wedding near our home and followd our hearts to a Disney wedding. We were planning an escape wedding and maxed out our guest list, but still had extra family coming who wanted to watch the wedding and would do it from the boardwalk overlooking SBP then join us for our reception dinner. A lot of our family members were disappointed that we were marrying in Florida because they wanted to be there for it (hence why some are still coming on top of our guest count)!

Well, my fiance was looking online for activities to do in Salem, MA on our day off. He came across the Hawthorne Hotel (something that I never found during my venue research). I looked into it and it's BEAUTIFUL. It's $53.95/pp before tax and gratuity, so we're looking at about $6,500 before appetizrs, gratuity, and tax...but it includes
wedding coordinator
four course meal
champagne toast
place cards
candlelight centerpieces
custom wedding cake
complimentary menu tasting
souvenier wedding knife
guestbook and pen (oh boy, I know, free pen)
prive photography room
coatroom attendate
deluxe wedding night accomodations in a one bedroom suite for bride and groom
selection of floor length linens

It's all included in the 53.95/per person price, and I think that's a very reasonable price. It would be amazing to get married in Salem near Halloween. The town is all lit up, the smell of firewood and autumn is in the air, and it's all around just a beautiful place.

I would still need a limo, dj, and photographer. My mom has a dj friend that can do it at a low cost as a wedding gift so that would be terrific. I would probably be looking at about $10,000 for everything not including my wedding dress, tux, and the extras that come along with it. I talked to my parents about it and they told me that it's completely up to me, that they will either come to Disney with us or give us the money they would be spending on the trip to help with a wedding near home. Even if we have a Disney wedding, the costs are going to be around $10,000 after including an at-home reception.

I'm really torn. My fiance REALLY wanted to marry in Disney, then he found this hotel and is somewhat excited about the idea of getting married in Salem. It's a long drive for my family though...about 1 1/2 hours from Worcester to Salem so they'd probably have to stay at the hotel. If I got married here I could have a bridal party, have my theme and colors, and have a traditional wedding. But the main drawback is that it's not Disney. We will Disneymoon no matter what though.

The main reason I'm so torn is because of my dad. He's undergoing chemotherapy right now and I know that this trip to Florida would probably be our only chance at a family trip. My parents were thrilled at the idea of going to Florida and having an oceanside wedding, going to parks and getting to see the magic that is Disney...plus the food and wine festival and MNSSHP that will going on.

I'm completely torn. Right in half. Half of me really wants a wedding with all our family and friends back home and the other half of me wants to do Disney with our family and friends. I'm afraid of disappointing people no matter what we choose. His family is not quite as thrilled as mine about going to Disney but they are happy we are getting married and willing to do whatever we want. I know my parents really just want us to do what will make us happy too. It's so much pressure because a wedding is (usually) a once-in-a-lifetime deal and I'm so scared I'll have regrets no matter what we do.

Any insight/advice you have would be much appreciated. We're at the point now where we have to start making decisions and I'm so nervous about making the right one that I'm losing sleep over it.

 

[Cup Cake]

Do both.

Have a small ceremony at WDW, and have a larger reception at a later date.

 

[BoardwalkBride]

Do both.

Have a small ceremony at WDW, and have a larger reception at a later date.

That would be the ideal solution, but it's not possible. That's why I'm so torn.

 

[Pooh67_68]

While Salem sounds lovely, the quote below is why I would choose Disney.

The main reason I'm so torn is because of my dad. He's undergoing chemotherapy right now and I know that this trip to Florida would probably be our only chance at a family trip. My parents were thrilled at the idea of going to Florida and having an oceanside wedding, going to parks and getting to see the magic that is Disney...plus the food and wine festival and MNSSHP that will going on.

 

[KT27]

I was married at SBP in 06 and I vote for Disney! The memories I have from our wedding were amazing.

 

[CraftyMouse]

This is your day and you need to do what will make you the happiest. If you want to have your wedding at WDW (either for your parents' sake or because it is your preference) then go with WDW. If it is more important to you to have a larger wedding so more of your friends/family can come then go with Salem. Anyone who disagrees with your choice will just have to deal with it as this is your special day and should be everything that you want it to be.

 

[diznygirl]

I vote that whatever you decide will end up being the right decision. It will be your wedding - you will have wonderful memories regardless of where it is held.


A little unconventional, but could your parents visit Disney while you are there on your honeymoon? I'm guessing they would be there during that time if it was a Disney wedding. Then you can get married in Salem, and still have Disney memories with your family.


Of course, I lean towards a Disney wedding - this is the DISboards, right?

 

[Kimberly815]

IMHO . . . The way your post was written, it sounds like in your heart you want to do the Disney wedding.

You and your fiance should really do whatever you are going to enjoy the most- like you said- you only plan on doing this once!

(However, I will say that I was a bridesmaid in a wedding at the Hawthorne Hotel in Salem and they did an exceptional job. They also got some lovely photos at the park next door. So if your heart does lead you in that direction- you will not be disappointed!)

 

[BoardwalkBride]

IMHO . . . The way your post was written, it sounds like in your heart you want to do the Disney wedding.

You and your fiance should really do whatever you are going to enjoy the most- like you said- you only plan on doing this once!

(However, I will say that I was a bridesmaid in a wedding at the Hawthorne Hotel in Salem and they did an exceptional job. They also got some lovely photos at the park next door. So if your heart does lead you in that direction- you will not be disappointed!)

Thank you, Kim. Do you happen to have any pics from there?

 

[Illuminations_Rocks]

Have you checked availability at this hotel? I am asking because I think "around Halloween" in Salem is going to be pretty hard to come by availability wise. You also didn't include officiant cost in that wedding, nor are there beverages mentioned except champagne toast (not even soda is mentioned). Invitations, placecards, favors.. then you'd need app/grat/taxes so that is additional expense too. I think it is a really good price pp though! If you do want to get married there, you can do a VR at Disney later on.

However, I see you are very drawn to the Disney wedding. Your DF was allll for it, but so was mine. To me, a wedding where all of my family would be able to attend was the most important thing - so I'm marrying in PA. What is most important to you? It sounds like a "family trip" would be treasured by you. The people you love most would be there.

I think that a wedding is for the people around you, not you. The marriage is for you. DF wants to marry in Disney, but his family isn't crazy about it (though they are accepting). You'd seemingly rather have the big wedding but your family is quite drawn to the vacation aspect of Disney. I know you said it isn't possible to hold a reception at home, understandable, but could you hold an informal party? Just like, a potluck BBQ or something if you want others to come, or just an open house... you can also make clear no presents if you're not comfortable with that.

This is not just about what is important to you wedding-wise, but about what is important to those who matter most in your life. I think your case might warrant enough to hold onto the Disney wedding. The Salem wedding may cost more than you believe, and I definitely think that the cost you see is having sway in your decision.

If I was you, I'd go with the Disney wedding. It seems to be important to your DF and your family. In the end, the wedding is just one day in your life together.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

I would have my wedding in Salem and then do a family trip with dad to WDW right after.

Who says honeymoons have to be conventional and who can be included in them?

Besides, I think it would be cool to get married in Salem.

 

[BoardwalkBride]

Have you checked availability at this hotel? I am asking because I think "around Halloween" in Salem is going to be pretty hard to come by availability wise. You also didn't include officiant cost in that wedding, nor are there beverages mentioned except champagne toast (not even soda is mentioned). Invitations, placecards, favors.. then you'd need app/grat/taxes so that is additional expense too. I think it is a really good price pp though! If you do want to get married there, you can do a VR at Disney later on.

However, I see you are very drawn to the Disney wedding. Your DF was allll for it, but so was mine. To me, a wedding where all of my family would be able to attend was the most important thing - so I'm marrying in PA. What is most important to you? It sounds like a "family trip" would be treasured by you. The people you love most would be there.

I think that a wedding is for the people around you, not you. The marriage is for you. DF wants to marry in Disney, but his family isn't crazy about it (though they are accepting). You'd seemingly rather have the big wedding but your family is quite drawn to the vacation aspect of Disney. I know you said it isn't possible to hold a reception at home, understandable, but could you hold an informal party? Just like, a potluck BBQ or something if you want others to come, or just an open house... you can also make clear no presents if you're not comfortable with that.

This is not just about what is important to you wedding-wise, but about what is important to those who matter most in your life. I think your case might warrant enough to hold onto the Disney wedding. The Salem wedding may cost more than you believe, and I definitely think that the cost you see is having sway in your decision.

If I was you, I'd go with the Disney wedding. It seems to be important to your DF and your family. In the end, the wedding is just one day in your life together.

Thank you. Right now our wedding date is available (a Friday night) and we're somewhat flexible on dates. My family initially wasn't crazy about the thought of going down there because finances are a huge issue for them. I dropped the idea of a Disney wedding immediately after talking to them about it. Then my mom called me one day and asked about the wedding planning and I started telling her but I just broke down crying because we were planning to secretly elope since I knew we couldn't afford to have a wedding here at home (at the time, EVERYTHING we looked at was in the 15k range for just food/hall rental and a few small extras), even after changing dates times etc....my mom asked me to tell her about Disney and I did and then she started crying and told me to go for it...that she and my dad would be there happily even if it meant they couldn't contribute to our wedding (which I wouldn't want or expect anyway...we are paying for this 100% on our own). I was elated and immediately started planning. Our $23k cost went down to about $10k. But, now that we found this place I feel conflicted about going down there if we can afford to have all our family come locally. Then I feel conflicted about not going to Disney after getting my parents all excited. My parents love me a lot, I know this, and want me to be happy...but because of that I can't be sure if they are truly looking forward to Disney or just got themselves excited because they thought it's what I wanted to do. I know that they'll do whatever we want...I just wish I knew what the right thing to do was.

 

[akhenaten]

Thank you. Right now our wedding date is available (a Friday night) and we're somewhat flexible on dates. My family initially wasn't crazy about the thought of going down there because finances are a huge issue for them. I dropped the idea of a Disney wedding immediately after talking to them about it. Then my mom called me one day and asked about the wedding planning and I started telling her but I just broke down crying because we were planning to secretly elope since I knew we couldn't afford to have a wedding here at home (at the time, EVERYTHING we looked at was in the 15k range for just food/hall rental and a few small extras), even after changing dates times etc....my mom asked me to tell her about Disney and I did and then she started crying and told me to go for it...that she and my dad would be there happily even if it meant they couldn't contribute to our wedding (which I wouldn't want or expect anyway...we are paying for this 100% on our own). I was elated and immediately started planning. Our $23k cost went down to about $10k. But, now that we found this place I feel conflicted about going down there if we can afford to have all our family come locally. Then I feel conflicted about not going to Disney after getting my parents all excited. My parents love me a lot, I know this, and want me to be happy...but because of that I can't be sure if they are truly looking forward to Disney or just got themselves excited because they thought it's what I wanted to do. I know that they'll do whatever we want...I just wish I knew what the right thing to do was.

sounds like you need to have a heart to heart talk with your folks and find out how they feel about both options.....

 

[barkley]

i would do the salem wedding because i don't think it's realistic to choose your wedding destination on the basis of it being your only chance for a family trip. i hope it's not the case, but, if your dad is undergoing chemo and you feel that this is your only chance to vacation with him, while wdw is a great place it is physicaly demanding and the reality is he may not in october be up to it. i would hate to see you put aside some of the things salem would afford in a wedding venue (attendants, more family that could attend, more personalized) just to have it in a location you realy are looking to more as somewhere you/your family would like to do a vacation at. having the wedding only an hour and a half away would also be in my mind, maybe a better plan in case your dad's not feeling all that well (weddings in and of themselves can be emotionaly and physically taxing)-closer to home and doctors if needed.

have you thought about doing the salem wedding and then planning your honeymoon such that if your parents wish they can join you for all or a portion? it would afford you the vacation you desire with the wedding you want.

i have to disagree that weddings are not for you but the people you care about. while i strongly believe you should consider their feelings and means (i think it's appaling when brides take the attitude that they are entitled to go whereever they want and that people HAVE to go along despite the cost-but you seem the polar opposite of this) of those you hope will attend, the wedding is for the purpose of joining you and your fiancee and should reflect your beliefs, tastes and desires. idealy decades from now you will look back at your wedding photos and they should reflect a joyeous uniting of you two and your families-go for what you feel will best facilitate this. your parents love you, i suspect that they would'nt care if you got married at the local drive through restaurant, so long as they could be there to share it with you.


congratulations.

 

[Kimberle]

It's your wedding, you are paying for it. You need to do what makes you and your financee happy. Follow your heart, it will lead you in the right direction.

 

[Illuminations_Rocks]

Thank you. Right now our wedding date is available (a Friday night) and we're somewhat flexible on dates. My family initially wasn't crazy about the thought of going down there because finances are a huge issue for them. I dropped the idea of a Disney wedding immediately after talking to them about it. Then my mom called me one day and asked about the wedding planning and I started telling her but I just broke down crying because we were planning to secretly elope since I knew we couldn't afford to have a wedding here at home (at the time, EVERYTHING we looked at was in the 15k range for just food/hall rental and a few small extras), even after changing dates times etc....my mom asked me to tell her about Disney and I did and then she started crying and told me to go for it...that she and my dad would be there happily even if it meant they couldn't contribute to our wedding (which I wouldn't want or expect anyway...we are paying for this 100% on our own). I was elated and immediately started planning. Our $23k cost went down to about $10k. But, now that we found this place I feel conflicted about going down there if we can afford to have all our family come locally. Then I feel conflicted about not going to Disney after getting my parents all excited. My parents love me a lot, I know this, and want me to be happy...but because of that I can't be sure if they are truly looking forward to Disney or just got themselves excited because they thought it's what I wanted to do. I know that they'll do whatever we want...I just wish I knew what the right thing to do was.

Ask them. Really. Tell them you've seen this other place that is closer to home and you yourself are torn. My guess, though, is that they really are excited because it's what you want to do. Could you do the wedding in Salem (which I definitely think will be beautiful and interesting at Halloween!!) and a simpler vacation with your family (not your honeymoon). I am sure your parents would love to be together as a family on a vacation, but that they don't need a Disney vacation. They will love to see you happy and be married no matter where it is. You can be together as a family anywhere. Plan a trip somewhere relaxing that isn't as costly as Disney - can be driving distance - maybe to a beach or a national park or something (whatever interests your family).

The right thing to do is whatever you choose. You cannot regret going with one choice for other people's feelings. Someone will always be unhappy. If you are comfortable with your decision, other people will be too.

The more you say, the more I think your heart is in the wedding in Salem. Family obviously means a lot to you, and it would be wonderful to be able to share your day with everyone nearby. You could still plan tours, etc, with your family if you hang out in Salem for a few days prior or after the wedding. The Halloween time is especially interesting there.

Weddings shouldn't be hard, but somehow they never fail to be!

 

[BoardwalkBride]

IR, you're right. I think that my heart is back home because I can't picture celebrating the happiest day of my life without all the people who matter to me. It bothers me that DF's grandmother will be able to go but my grandmother will not because of her advanced age and health condition. It bothers my that my cousin's face fell when I told her we were going to Disney because she has two children and can't leave them to come to Florida. It bothers me that DF's best friend won't be able to come because his wife doesn't want him to leave her alone with their two kids to fly down to our wedding. It bothers me that there will be no first dance, no dance with my dad, no entrance to the song I've pictured my bridal party walking into since I first heard it. It bothers me to make my parents spend so much money that I know they don't have but are saving so hard for.

But THEN, I think about the amazing time we'd all have in Disney...making everyone welcome bags and door hangers, taking them on a tour, watching Wishes from the Polynesian beach (my mom LOVES beaches), eating at O'Hana together, strolling the boardwalk, trying to finish the Kitchen Sink all together at Beaches 'N Cream, riding the Haunted Mansion, watching the parade, MNSSHP, the food and wine festival. So many things. Especially the opportunity to take a trip with my dad.

I'm just so torn.

 

[doxdogy]

I like the idea of a previous poster. Do the wedding in Salem and then take mom and dad with you to disney as a honeymoon/family trip.

 

[Linzybrooke]

Why can't you do both? Is it a cost thing, a not possible for dates thing?

Disney has the intimate ceremonies where I think you have a total of 10 people. Would it be possible to have your large wedding and reception in Salem, and have an intimate ceremony at Disney with both sets of your parents?

 

[DevilDuckie]

Cross posted to the wedding boards...

When we started wedding planning everything we checked out was an exorbitant amount of money...around $23,000 with zero extras and a lot of basics cut down - no limousine, student photographer, and no videographer.

I'm sorry... WHAT? $23,000 is NOT a "zero extras" wedding. You can have a nice wedding for well under $10,000. Perhaps it is time to consider rethinking what a wedding truly needs.

Mine, with 100 people, set my mother back well under $5,000 and was only that much because she kept adding things to it. I can give you details if you want them on how to get married and have a lovely time without financing someone else's mortgage.