Need wedding advice please.

[BoardwalkBride]

Why can't you do both? Is it a cost thing, a not possible for dates thing?

Disney has the intimate ceremonies where I think you have a total of 10 people. Would it be possible to have your large wedding and reception in Salem, and have an intimate ceremony at Disney with both sets of your parents?

Hi Linzy, we are actually planning on doing the intimate and are at the max of 18 guests right now. It is a cost thing, we definitely can't afford to have two weddings. The intimate ceremony is $4,000 before tax, gratuity, etc and it only includes the limo, flowers, a violinist, and a champagne toast for six.

 

[CraftyMouse]

IR, you're right. I think that my heart is back home because I can't picture celebrating the happiest day of my life without all the people who matter to me. It bothers me that DF's grandmother will be able to go but my grandmother will not because of her advanced age and health condition. It bothers my that my cousin's face fell when I told her we were going to Disney because she has two children and can't leave them to come to Florida. It bothers me that DF's best friend won't be able to come because his wife doesn't want him to leave her alone with their two kids to fly down to our wedding. It bothers me that there will be no first dance, no dance with my dad, no entrance to the song I've pictured my bridal party walking into since I first heard it. It bothers me to make my parents spend so much money that I know they don't have but are saving so hard for.

But THEN, I think about the amazing time we'd all have in Disney...making everyone welcome bags and door hangers, taking them on a tour, watching Wishes from the Polynesian beach (my mom LOVES beaches), eating at O'Hana together, strolling the boardwalk, trying to finish the Kitchen Sink all together at Beaches 'N Cream, riding the Haunted Mansion, watching the parade, MNSSHP, the food and wine festival. So many things. Especially the opportunity to take a trip with my dad.

I'm just so torn.

Based on this my advice is to have the wedding in Salem. You will have everyone that you care about there, which is far more important than welcome bags and door hangers. The other WDW things you mention are doable anytime. Plan a trip with your parents if/when your dad is up to it and have the wedding you really want at home.

 

[BoardwalkBride]

I'm sorry... WHAT? $23,000 is NOT a "zero extras" wedding. You can have a nice wedding for well under $10,000. Perhaps it is time to consider rethinking what a wedding truly needs.

Mine, with 100 people, set my mother back well under $5,000 and was only that much because she kept adding things to it. I can give you details if you want them on how to get married and have a lovely time without financing someone else's mortgage.

Devil, no really, there were no extras. I chose a Friday night instead of Saturday because it's less expensive, was making the centerpieces myself, no limo, no videography, and a student photographer. It was the venue, the dinner (regular four course), a cheese platter appetizer, wedding cake, dress, tux, place cards, homemade favors, invitations, etc...just the wedding basics. Even our flowers were very basic (gerber daisy bouquets...can't get much cheaper!) I would love pointers. Everyone says it's easy to have a very budgeted wedding, but everywhere we looked near our home (Boston) was booked, wanted a higher minimum than we had, or just out of price range. Since we are paying for everything ourselves there is no one else's money or mortgage involved...it will all be cash.

 

[Linzybrooke]

Go where your heart leads you. It sounds like you really want to have your wedding in Salem, but are holding out for Disney based on wanting a vacation with your dad and to make goodie bags.

If you did do the intimate ceremony (I know you said this, but I'm looking for options!) what more do you need than what is included? Could you cut something out of the Salem wedding to make up that 4000 to do both? Is the 53PP price set? Or is it negotiable based on your needs?

Bottom line, follow your heart! This is about your wedding, not a vacation for your friends and family. Have the wedding you want, the way you want it to be.

Hugs!

 

[englishteacha]

My wedding 6 years ago was about $2000. True, it was in Maine, which has a lower cost of living than Boston, but it's still doable to spend under $10K, I'm sure. Can you get married in a local church and rent a hall, like an Elks, American Legion, or Knights of Columbus? We married in the church I grew up in, and our reception was at the American Legion, which actually had a ballroom that was lovely (this was not a skeevy hall). My mom catered for us, a friend made our cake. We made our invitations in DH's dorm room with some of our college pals. A friend took photos, as did all our guests, and they gave us all the pictures. We have over 600 wedding photos and they're terrific. We had 150 guests, and everyone ate well, danced for hours, and still talk about how great our wedding was.

A wedding in a hotel would be lovely, but there might be less expensive options in the Salem area. Personally, I'd choose a less expensive wedding, and take my parents on a Disney trip if that's what means most to you. It's the best of both worlds-big wedding with all you love, and a trip with your parents. I recently lost my father, and it means so much to me that he walked me down the aisle and we had a father-daughter dance. We always said we'd take my parents to Disney again-my father loved Epcot. We didn't get that chance. Do what your heart says. You don't need limos or fancy champagne for a nice wedding.

 

[BoardwalkBride]

Go where your heart leads you. It sounds like you really want to have your wedding in Salem, but are holding out for Disney based on wanting a vacation with your dad and to make goodie bags.

If you did do the intimate ceremony (I know you said this, but I'm looking for options!) what more do you need than what is included? Could you cut something out of the Salem wedding to make up that 4000 to do both? Is the 53PP price set? Or is it negotiable based on your needs?

Bottom line, follow your heart! This is about your wedding, not a vacation for your friends and family. Have the wedding you want, the way you want it to be.

Hugs!

Hi Linz, thanks so much for your suggestions. The prices are non-negotiable for both Salem and Disney. I'm trying to keep costs to a minimum so I'm doing all the extra stuff like favors myself. It's not really about making goodie bags and a trip with my dad, it's just about the memories to make from it. I want to see him smile and really enjoy himself, and take a break from all the hard work (my parents lost their house last year, my dad lost his job and now makes a very minimal amount of money...my mom works 7 days/week so they don't lose the house they're in now, they both drive 12-year-old cars, don't buy anything extra for themselves, never go anywhere and are both scared to death with my dad taking the chemo that he will get too sick to work).....I want them to take a breather from their reality and just have time to enjoy themselves...and I'm afraid they won't have this opportunity again or that my dad won't make it...he very well could and I pray so hard that he does, but I can't see the future....It goes so far beyond making goodie bags, I wish it was that superficial.


I'm going to talk to them this weekend but I know my parents and they will never in a million years tell me the truth. They want me to be happy and if they I really want to do Disney they are going to try to talk me out of the at-home wedding and give me a million reasons not to do it. I couldn't ask for better parents.

 

[Bren's Mom]

As hard as it might be to consider it I think you need to accept that your dad might not be up to traveling come the time of your wedding. I'd personally have the wedding in Salem.

As for budget...I've planned a number of really budget weddings for family and for myself and it's not as hard as you think. A couple of things to consider;

Limos are absolutely 'fluff'. They're a totally unnecessary expense.
Hot appetizers aren't a necessity; have a cheese platter (I think you mentioned this already)...most people fill up on the apps and then don't eat dinner.
Order a small tiered cake; and order sheet cakes to serve. MUCH less expensive than ordering a tiered, decorated cake to serve 150 people. No one will know or care.
Borrow things like jewelry, garter, Bible, etc. It's much more personal, to me anyway, to wear/use things at my wedding my loved ones have worn/used before.
It's ok not to have a full-on open bar. You can have soft drinks, wine and beer along with a champagne toast for alot less money.
Don't spend alot on the dress. It's only worn once...many people don't even clean and preserve the thing afterward so it's useless later. Find a lovely budget dress; they can be had for $100 or less if you shop carefully.

Anyway, those are a few suggestions. I always feel it's better to eliminate the 'fluff' stuff and be able to invite more loved ones/friends if the budget is an issue.

Hope whatever you decide that you have a great wedding and an even better life together!

 

[kidzmom3]

I'm surprised that the Hathorne isn't booked solid close to Halloween. Another thing to consider, sorry to make it any harder, is that traffic is horrendous during haunted happenings. We live one town over from Salem and we avoid it like the plague during the entire month of October.

Have you already booked airfare for Florida? Would it be refundable? If not what will that cost? prices from Logan just keep going up!

The hotel rooms at the Hathorne are small, since it is a historical building and some are nicer than others. The walls are on the thin side for light sleepers.

 

[Linzybrooke]

Speaking of wedding dresses....

There was a story on the news the other day about Dry Cleaners and people not picking up their wedding dresses post-wedding despite numerous calls to the owners from the dry cleaners. After a year they sell them for dirt cheap! They showed some of the gowns and there were designer gowns there, we are talking biiiiiig bucks gowns going for a couple hundred bucks!

Boardwalk Bride, we are hear for you at any time. If you need to vent, chat, just have some support you know where to find us!

 

[diznygirl]

Hi Linz, thanks so much for your suggestions. The prices are non-negotiable for both Salem and Disney. I'm trying to keep costs to a minimum so I'm doing all the extra stuff like favors myself. It's not really about making goodie bags and a trip with my dad, it's just about the memories to make from it. I want to see him smile and really enjoy himself, and take a break from all the hard work (my parents lost their house last year, my dad lost his job and now makes a very minimal amount of money...my mom works 7 days/week so they don't lose the house they're in now, they both drive 12-year-old cars, don't buy anything extra for themselves, never go anywhere and are both scared to death with my dad taking the chemo that he will get too sick to work).....I want them to take a breather from their reality and just have time to enjoy themselves...and I'm afraid they won't have this opportunity again or that my dad won't make it...he very well could and I pray so hard that he does, but I can't see the future....It goes so far beyond making goodie bags, I wish it was that superficial.

.

It sounds like you are describing a vacation and not a wedding. I really think that the memories you make at a wedding are going to be beautiful no matter where (and I agree the Hawthorne is gorgeous!) And nothing beats having the people you love - ALL of them - around on your big day.

 

[Disney Doll]

In Salem, more of the people you love would be able to attend. They could book rooms at the hotel, so you could still do the little "welcome" gift bags. You are right that you do not know what the future holds for your Dad, but getting him to Salem in October may be a bit easier than getting him to Florida in October, depending on the state of his health.

As far as a family trip...you can make memories anywhere...even in Salem.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

I live in central MA (I’m in Auburn!) and it is possible to have a “budget” wedding but it depends on what your “ideal” wedding is. You need to write down what MUST you have at your wedding. Then see which venue fits the bill more. Not what do your parents want or his sister or your cousin but what do YOU see as YOUR wedding.
Now for some tough questions.,,
Would your parents pay a bill here or there or give you a check for X to spend as you want toward the wedding?
Does your fiancé have parents that would be offended by you giving something to your parents and not them?

IF your parents are giving you a check here is what I would do…..
Cut corners where you can and have the Salem wedding – decrease the wedding list if you have to. Ask a family member to video tape the wedding, look into less expensive favors – it’s Halloween time, your looking at a place in Salem do something fall themed – small glass pumpkin jars from Christmas tree shop/the Dollar Store with some kind of candies in them – M&M’s with you & fiance’s name or the date on them – or go cheaper and get normal M&M’s on sale. When buying in large lots CTS or $1 Stores – sometimes they will lower the price per item. Then I would book the honeymoon and book a trip for your parents with the money they gave you for the wedding. Present them with the trip however you feel comfortable with – telling them that the best present for you was having the wedding of your dreams AND spending some quality time in WDW with each other and you and your new husband. Maybe them for 4 nights while you guys are there for 7 If you don’t want to spend the whole time together. You may not have a Disney wedding but you would be able to accomplish 2 things – having the family wedding AND creating some wonderful family memories in WDW.

Salem estimates
$55PP = 130 guests – reception taken care of – is this the MINIMUM amount of guests required to book the room? I know that by having the wedding closer to home you can have more guests but can you cut the list to maybe 75 ($4200) even 100 ($5500) that would be a big savings. This would give you a little more $$$ for appetizers but I wouldn’t go overboard here if your having a four course meal.
Photographer IMO is non-negotiable

DJ reduced rate

Limo – Is THIS a deal breaker for you? Do you NEED it? Where is the actual ceremony being performed & by whom? If you can have the ceremony on the grounds you could eliminate this cost.

I have always said when you cannot make a decision write it out - 2 pieces of paper with a header on each - Disney Wedding/Trip - Salem wedding - you may find the decision easier than you thought once you see it in black & white.

 

[BoardwalkBride]

I'm surprised that the Hathorne isn't booked solid close to Halloween. Another thing to consider, sorry to make it any harder, is that traffic is horrendous during haunted happenings. We live one town over from Salem and we avoid it like the plague during the entire month of October.

Have you already booked airfare for Florida? Would it be refundable? If not what will that cost? prices from Logan just keep going up!

The hotel rooms at the Hathorne are small, since it is a historical building and some are nicer than others. The walls are on the thin side for light sleepers.

Hi Kidz! I'm guessing you must be in Beverly, Swampscott, or Marblehead then so you're familiar with 1A. Is it difficult to navigate if you just stick to that route? We're booking for October of 2009, and we need to book soon if we're going with the Hawthorne. You're right about the traffic. I went to school at Salem State and we visited Salem at night during Halloween week. It was slightly trafficky and the roadblocks stunk. I was thinking about doing it the week before Halloween to avoid the HH rush. We haven't booked anything for Disney yet. It's going to cost our guests about $1500/couple for five days.

 

[BoardwalkBride]

I live in central MA (I’m in Auburn!) and it is possible to have a “budget” wedding but it depends on what your “ideal” wedding is. You need to write down what MUST you have at your wedding. Then see which venue fits the bill more. Not what do your parents want or his sister or your cousin but what do YOU see as YOUR wedding.
Now for some tough questions.,,
Would your parents pay a bill here or there or give you a check for X to spend as you want toward the wedding?
Does your fiancé have parents that would be offended by you giving something to your parents and not them?

IF your parents are giving you a check here is what I would do…..
Cut corners where you can and have the Salem wedding – decrease the wedding list if you have to. Ask a family member to video tape the wedding, look into less expensive favors – it’s Halloween time, your looking at a place in Salem do something fall themed – small glass pumpkin jars from Christmas tree shop/the Dollar Store with some kind of candies in them – M&M’s with you & fiance’s name or the date on them – or go cheaper and get normal M&M’s on sale. When buying in large lots CTS or $1 Stores – sometimes they will lower the price per item. Then I would book the honeymoon and book a trip for your parents with the money they gave you for the wedding. Present them with the trip however you feel comfortable with – telling them that the best present for you was having the wedding of your dreams AND spending some quality time in WDW with each other and you and your new husband. Maybe them for 4 nights while you guys are there for 7 If you don’t want to spend the whole time together. You may not have a Disney wedding but you would be able to accomplish 2 things – having the family wedding AND creating some wonderful family memories in WDW.

Salem estimates
$55PP = 130 guests – reception taken care of – is this the MINIMUM amount of guests required to book the room? I know that by having the wedding closer to home you can have more guests but can you cut the list to maybe 75 ($4200) even 100 ($5500) that would be a big savings. This would give you a little more $$$ for appetizers but I wouldn’t go overboard here if your having a four course meal.
Photographer IMO is non-negotiable

DJ reduced rate

Limo – Is THIS a deal breaker for you? Do you NEED it? Where is the actual ceremony being performed & by whom? If you can have the ceremony on the grounds you could eliminate this cost.

I have always said when you cannot make a decision write it out - 2 pieces of paper with a header on each - Disney Wedding/Trip - Salem wedding - you may find the decision easier than you thought once you see it in black & white.

No limo, I don't know why I posted I still need one, I must have been thinking about something else. I wasn't planning on a limo...I feel like it's useless to pay for a 4 hour rental minimum when you need it for about 30 minutes! I don't have many must haves at all, I'm a big DIY girl and quite low maintenance. I'm just afraid of disappointing someone no matter what the decision is. My main must haves for a home wedding are a fall color scheme/theme, keeping the wedding around $10k or less, and being able have the songs we want for our entrance/first dance/mother and father dances. That's it. I'm going to make the centerpieces and favors myself. On Friday I'm going to ask if we can just rent the venue/table linen and use the catering and leave out everything else. I don't want to sleep there the night of our wedding, I don't need all the stuff that comes with it. I want to decorate myself. I think I want to do candy apple favors or the pumpkin idea you had. I think my mom was going to give me a check if we had an at-home wedding. I want to tell her to keep the check and come on vacation with us after the wedding. I wouldn't tell DF's family anything. I feel like finances are personal as is what we choose to do with it. They wouldn't expect us to disclose that info either. I'd love for everyone to still go with us. We can afford to pay for the wedding ourselves and that's what we were planning to do anyway. The minimum for a Friday is 100 people. I budgeted for about 120-130 after cutting out 30 guests. That's the max I can chop it down to. I have 25 aunts and uncles just on my mom's side so it's a huge family, and our guest list excludes children. Thank you so much for your help.

 

[BoardwalkBride]

Thank you so much for your advice everyone. When you state things objectively it makes it much easier to look at. I think I just needed affirmation that it would be okay to not get married in Disney. A big part of me still wants to get married there, but I don't think it's for the right reasons.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

Thank you so much for your advice everyone. When you state things objectively it makes it much easier to look at. I think I just needed affirmation that it would be okay to not get married in Disney. A big part of me still wants to get married there, but I don't think it's for the right reasons.

Have a 5 year vow renewal there small intimate and you can plan it over the next 5 years!!! Then you don't have to worry about leaving out anyone and plan it more as a family trip with a SURPRISE! thrown in!

Good luck and Congratulations!!! It is one of the happiest and yet most frustrating time in your life! Wait till you get to the seating plan Good luck and happy thoughts for your dad too!

 

[BoardwalkBride]

Have a 5 year vow renewal there small intimate and you can plan it over the next 5 years!!! Then you don't have to worry about leaving out anyone and plan it more as a family trip with a SURPRISE! thrown in!

Good luck and Congratulations!!! It is one of the happiest and yet most frustrating time in your life! Wait till you get to the seating plan Good luck and happy thoughts for your dad too!

Thank you so much. I hope my dad will be around for it in five years, but if not at least maybe he'll get to experience this grand gathering. I'm just going to have to be sneaky about it.

 

[Linzybrooke]

I loooooooove your candy/caramel apple idea for favors! So cute, and people won't just leave them behind...if they do I'm sure others will eat them up for them, I know I wouldn't be able to leave one....

 

[It's A Happy Day]

I don't know how "formal" you plan on making things but when we got married - October 8, 1999 - we were fairly informal. We used real pumpkins - the sugar pumpkins because they are a decent size - not too big/not too small and accented around the base with fall colored leaves - you can get them on a vine at any craft/dollar store. They weren't that expensive and fit into the fall theme we had going - and they were easy to put together at the place. We did have kids and we let them pick a pumpkin to bring home at the end but anyone could take them home too.

 

[BoardwalkBride]

I don't know how "formal" you plan on making things but when we got married - October 8, 1999 - we were fairly informal. We used real pumpkins - the sugar pumpkins because they are a decent size - not too big/not too small and accented around the base with fall colored leaves - you can get them on a vine at any craft/dollar store. They weren't that expensive and fit into the fall theme we had going - and they were easy to put together at the place. We did have kids and we let them pick a pumpkin to bring home at the end but anyone could take them home too.

What a cute idea! I'll google sugar pumpkins. No matter what I definitely want to use them as a decoration. Maybe one on each table or maybe I'll use them as a centerpiece. Originally I wanted to put together a hurricane vase with floating candles and cranberries at the bottom and then surround it with fake leaves that are the colors of fall...but maybe a pumpkin centerpiece would be lower maintenance. Worst case scenario I will use them to decorate the windows. At least now we can have the candlelight ceremony we wanted!