Need some creative and funny excuses to get out of a family reunion!

[MushyMushy]

Please, just need some humor here!

We are going to DH's family reunion for the first time ever in the 16 years we've been married. We have all the stereotypical in-law problems and worse. Every visit to the in-laws has always sent my husband home with a broken heart until the point where we pretty much stopped visiting. This year, his class reunion has coincided with the family reunion so we are biting the bullet and going.

Just a few things we know to expect at the reunion based on previous family gatherings:

Some of the older aunts and uncles telling DH how fat he's gotten. They're real charmers, but also pretty chunky themselves.

Hearing way too intimate details about the cousins' sex lives.

The meal being like a shark tank feeding frenzy (honestly, we've missed out on meals because of this strange behavior).

My daughter and I being completely ignored and being blamed for not visiting often enough.

So, folks, how about some good funny excuses as to why we can't attend the reunion? It'll give me a chuckle or two and will help me get through this rainy morning.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sorry that I can't bring any humor here for you!!!!

I wouldn't make any 'excuses'.
We just wouldn't go...

 

[MushyMushy]

Sorry that I can't bring any humor here for you!!!!

I wouldn't make any 'excuses'.
We just wouldn't go...

I've very fortunately gotten out of 15 years of this annual reunion, but I see no way out this year. For one, DH wants to go (he's a masochist!). For another, as a reward for attending this one, we will be going on a small vacation to the beach the next couple of days.

 

[powellrj]

If this is the first time you have been in all those years, I would just bite the bullet and go. Paste a big ole smile on and try to make the best of it. My dads side of the family had their first one in over 30 years this year and to be honest, it was nice to see everyone after all these years. Sure some people are still jerks, but I just tell myself I only have to visit them for a few hours, can you imagine LIVING with them!

 

[MushyMushy]

If this is the first time you have been in all those years, I would just bite the bullet and go. Paste a big ole smile on and try to make the best of it. My dads side of the family had their first one in over 30 years this year and to be honest, it was nice to see everyone after all these years. Sure some people are still jerks, but I just tell myself I only have to visit them for a few hours, can you imagine LIVING with them!

Oh we ARE going.

I just wanted to think of stupid excuses not to go. Like, "I have to wash my hair that day" or "My dog has diarrhea."

 

[Magic Mom]

It would be very hard for you to find someone to care for your 27 foster possums. You would love to attend if you could bring them along. If not, you would completely understand despite your overwhelming disappointment at not being able to be there.

 

[Magic Mom]

You are having numerous contagious boils drained that day.

 

[Magic Mom]

That's your scheduled day for hanky panky with the cable guy.

 

[MushyMushy]

The possum one is so fitting! They live on the opposite side of the state from us (PA), and they think we are such rednecks out here.

 

[MerMom60_94]

Please, just need some humor here!

We are going to DH's family reunion for the first time ever in the 16 years we've been married. We have all the stereotypical in-law problems and worse. Every visit to the in-laws has always sent my husband home with a broken heart until the point where we pretty much stopped visiting. This year, his class reunion has coincided with the family reunion so we are biting the bullet and going.

Just a few things we know to expect at the reunion based on previous family gatherings:

Some of the older aunts and uncles telling DH how fat he's gotten. They're real charmers, but also pretty chunky themselves.

Hearing way too intimate details about the cousins' sex lives.

The meal being like a shark tank feeding frenzy (honestly, we've missed out on meals because of this strange behavior).

My daughter and I being completely ignored and being blamed for not visiting often enough.

So, folks, how about some good funny excuses as to why we can't attend the reunion? It'll give me a chuckle or two and will help me get through this rainy morning.

Marcie, I would go but then I would have answers for everyone while I'm there. To whoever tells your husband he is fat he should answer "yeah, I guess I just never realized how much I resemble you". For the cousins with the sex lives, bring along that friend you posted about a few months ago. You know, the one that comes on to all the husbands. She'll give them a run for their money! For the shark tank, I would bring along some nice sandwiches and tell them you just knew there were some "big eaters" in the crowd and so you brought your own food as a backup plan. As for you and your daughter not visiting enough, try to convince them they saw you just last year and they must be losing their memories.

They may be cads, but they are his family. So, go and just bring your sense of humor along and you and your little family can have some inside jokes going on.

 

[Jcricket Fan]

How about "we just learned we were adopted so thanks but our real family has a get together the same day"

 

[Acklander]

Oh we ARE going.

I just wanted to think of stupid excuses not to go. Like, "I have to wash my hair that day" or "My dog has diarrhea."

How about, You ran out on your Valium prescription

 

[DMass]

Just flip everything back to them before they do it to you.

Ask the aunts and uncles if it gets harder to lose the weight when you
reach their age.

Ask about the cousins' sex lives with really intimate questions like how many times a week are they hittin' it...stuff like that but not too vulgar.

You could be the nicest people in the world and you're not going to please these people no matter what you do. I've gone thru it with my father's parents. His younger brother and his family could do no wrong and we would get critisized on every little thing. Every Christmas we would get there on time but we couldn't do anything until her darling boy got there. He lived five minutes away and he was always an hour late.

They're gonna talk about you anyway,so really give 'em something to talk about.

 

[Lanshark]

My parole officer suggests that I not be put under stress. He would like me to avoid another "episode."

 

[Lanshark]

I see Dead People

 

[Lanshark]

The voices in my head are telling me I'm very busy that day

 

[Magic Mom]

Your psychic doesn't feel comfortable with you leaving the house that day.

 

[MushyMushy]

I won the Nigerian lottery and have to get to Western Union by noon that day to send them my prize fees.

 

[~disneydiva~]

Convince them the family renunion was already held this year...they must be losing their minds!

 

[pipersmom]

Sorry, but attending the family reunion would require that we actually acknowledge being related to you people.