Need some advice....

[stressingagain]

Im posting under a different name as to not embarrass myself. I have a great boyfriend, and last June we made the decision to move in together. He moved in with me, and started looking for work. (He was from out of the area). That however, stopped. He does clean, cook, and treat me wonderfully, but honestly, I am tired of supporting us both, as well as my teen. I feel a little resentful. I brought up the job thing again today, and he said he couldnt find anything. Fast food here always hires, but he feels like that isnt "him". I work, go to school, etc. I am exhausted, and really feeling aggravated. I feel blessed that I dont have to clean house, etc, when I get home, but I do the laundry, cook on my nights off, pay bills, etc. Am I overreacting? I love him to death, but dont want to be the only provider here. I feel like if I have to do it all by myself, I should be by myself. Thoughts??

 

[iwrbnd]

Honestly, that would drive me crazy! I guess you don't want to give him an ultimatum? It's a tough one because you love him. Good luck! (Personally, I would show him the door!)

 

[JessicaR]

It's almost a year. What does he do all day? He should be doing the laundry too but thats beside the point. I think it's time you lay the cards on the table and tell him to get a job, any job. Enough is enough. Your resentment will only grow. I hope he sees the light.

 

[kirbsam]

get rid of the loser.

 

[stressingagain]

TY for the advice. I am resenting it a lot. I just am exhausted, and wanted to make sure it wasnt all that. I just talked to him again, and he said he will look tomorrow. If he doesnt show to be actively looking in the next 2 weeks, he is gone. I need more than this!

 

[lustergirl]

Love dont pay the rent!!

 

[minkydog]

I agree with you. Give him 2 weeks to find SOMETHING. It might not be "him" but who cares? At this point what he's showing you is that he is perfectly fine with living off you, having you pay his way, and he doens't have to do squat. Plus, he gets benefits! How great is that?!

You need to let him know what your bottom line is. But be prepared. He may not find a job and you have to be willing to put him out, or your word means nothing. You don't have to pull your weight and his too.

 

[stressingagain]

I know. I am getting ready to graduate college. I am in my 30's and have worked very hard to make it. I just need someone with drive and ambition, and I dont feel like he has it. Love is great, but it takes a lot to make it work, and I am not feeling it. He never tells me I am pretty, (and I am, but its nice to hear it occasionally), I try and plan romantic things for us, and he never does. ANY effort from him right now would be great, but I dont see any.

 

[lillygator]

I would get rid of him....let him know he has x amount of time to get a job or else.


Not sure why you would post under another name. It's his issue plus well, n/m.

 

[Brit17]

TY for the advice. I am resenting it a lot. I just am exhausted, and wanted to make sure it wasnt all that. I just talked to him again, and he said he will look tomorrow. If he doesnt show to be actively looking in the next 2 weeks, he is gone. I need more than this!

yes you do ... IMO, he is taking advantage of you and you deserve better ... stick to your guns and don't take any excuses ... otherwise, your resentment will continue to grow and that won't be good or healthy for any of you ... good luck and stay strong ...

 

[stressingagain]

yes you do ... Imo, he is taking advantage of you and you deserve better ... Stick to your guns and don't take any excuses ... Otherwise, your resentment will continue to grow and that won't be good or healthy for any of you ... Good luck and stay strong ...

ty!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

You are a successful go getter, he is a loser, time to kick him to the curb. Men don't allow women to support them, especially someone not their wife, unless they have become suddenly disabled or suddenly laid off. Plus it is TEMPORARY, while they find something they can do to earn a living. SEE YA, you can do better!!!

 

[Bluestars]

Unless you are willing to accept this type of behavior from him for the rest of your life, you need to think about moving on without him. You can keep carrying him as long as you want to, but it's going to be exhausting. Good luck. I don't think it's worth it.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I know. I am getting ready to graduate college. I am in my 30's and have worked very hard to make it. I just need someone with drive and ambition, and I dont feel like he has it. Love is great, but it takes a lot to make it work, and I am not feeling it. He never tells me I am pretty, (and I am, but its nice to hear it occasionally), I try and plan romantic things for us, and he never does. ANY effort from him right now would be great, but I dont see any.

It sounds like he might not be very happy, either. I think it's time to have a serious talk with him about what is working and what is not working...on both sides. Then you can go from there.

 

[stressingagain]

It sounds like he might not be very happy, either. I think it's time to have a serious talk with him about what is working and what is not working...on both sides. Then you can go from there.

I have asked repeatedly...and he looks in my eyes and says he loves me and nothings wrong. He has even brought up marriage (NOT happening!). He is just lazy I think. He has 2 weeks from today. If he isnt working or at least actively looking...hes gone.

 

[tommya60]

Like one of my cousins says, it doesn't matter what the job is, just have a job! At bare minimum you should not be lifting a finger around the house--no laundry, cooking,etc. He should be seeking ANY paid employment, fast food, Costco, sweeping the street, whatever.

Be very clear on what you see as actively seeking work: for me it would be leaving the house DAILY to put in applications, go on interviews, setting things up with state employment development, signing up with a couple of temp agencies....it would be very active.

 

[stressingagain]

Like one of my cousins says, it doesn't matter what the job is, just have a job! At bare minimum you should not be lifting a finger around the house--no laundry, cooking,etc. He should be seeking ANY paid employment, fast food, Costco, sweeping the street, whatever.

Be very clear on what you see as actively seeking work: for me it would be leaving the house DAILY to put in applications, go on interviews, setting things up with state employment development, signing up with a couple of temp agencies....it would be very active.

EXACTLY!!! I wouldnt care what he was doing, I would be proud of anything he does.

 

[disykat]

As a currently non-working adult I guess I should be sticking up for the guy, but I agree with everyone else.

If a couple decides to have only one income or is one of them is unemployed not by choice that is totally different, but one person simply deciding the other has to support them is not acceptable.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

Unless you are willing to accept this type of behavior from him for the rest of your life, you need to think about moving on without him. You can keep carrying him as long as you want to, but it's going to be exhausting. Good luck. I don't think it's worth it.

This is worth repeating.

 

[rie'smom]

Make sure he know that you've set a deadline and stick to it.