Need Some Advice....

[Pomlover2586]

Ok so my wedding day isn't for a really long time...June 24, 2009 to be exact. I've only been looking at wedding options for a week and i'm already so stressed out that i've cried at least once the last 3 days! I'm sure you all are asking why........well two reasons.....we went and looked at a possible venue sight yesterday and when we did the topic of wedding budget came up. I know I can't get married in Disneyland and i'm OK with that. However my DF mother made a comment that makes me think she intends for my father to pay for most of the wedding because "thats tradition". Now i'm not trying to ruffle feathers here but I don't believe the whole "grooms family pays for rehearsal dinner and brides family pays for the rest" crap! Especially since this is their only child! That whole theory just seems like "here we'll pay for your son to mary our daughter and have the privelage of taking your name!" Seems a bit old fashioned to me....especially since Sean and I already intend to have a very modest wedding...65-75 guests.....
Ok then the next thing is my mom has had at least 3 arguments with me in the last week about Sean's and I's choice of only inviting the family friends whom we have relationships with and see on a fairly regular basis. My mother and grandmother feel like they should be allowed to invite a few close friends of theirs who Sean and I don't even know! Now just so you all know i've alrready put my moms 3 best friends, Seans mom's 3 best friends and my fathers 2 best friends.....I want them to have some of their friends there but I want their friends to be my friends too [which all of the people on our current list are.]
I'm feeling all of this stress and i've only grazed the surface of the planning.....I can't imagine what i'll feel 6 months or sooner to the big day. I want to enjoy my wedding....not have a mental breakdown over it. Sean and I talked about possibly moving up our wedding date to next June and having a small family only wedding in Reno, Tahoe, or Vegas and then having a bigger reception with everyone invited once we get back.............problem is I don't know how I feel about this. The idea of it being a quick stress free thing sounds good to me, but I only intend to get married once and like every girl i've thought about my wedding day a lot and am worried that a small "semi-eloping" type ceremony would leave me feeling regret after for having not experienced the whole thing..................What do you all think? So many of you are farther along in your planning.....how do you deal with the stress and anxiety? Family causing drama and budgeting issues? I'm hoping this mini-meltdown i'm having is due to hormones because otherwise im in trouble.................thanks for letting me vent

 

[ShiraLee]

As someone who did kinda elope at 20 (I got married in my parents living room and my uncle, who is a minister, married us) 4 years later all of a sudden I feel like I missed out and am regretting not having a "real" wedding and now planning a VR. And if I have learned anything in my old age it is life is too short to fight everything your mom or MIL sends your way-pick your battles, and if you don't think you will be happy "eloping" DON'T. Things will get better, people will learn to respect your opinion and just gently remind them that it's YOUR day not theirs. IMHO.

 

[Tabetha]

I know what you're going through, to an extent.

We're planning an intimate wedding at Disney, originally to avoid the stress and expense of an at home wedding where we'd "have" to invite people we don't even know.

So the plan became to have a party at home for our friends who couldn't come to the wedding. Now it's just assumed that it's open season, and will be a huge event. This is starting to stress me out. What, now I'm planning TWO weddings. And the at home reception is going to be bigger and way more expensive than the actual wedding? What? Help!

We're paying for this ourselves, there's really only so much we can do. I'm sorry if your family went to all six of their son's weddings, but I can't afford to feed them!

Yargh.

 

[cleverclovers]

As the mother of an engaged daughter, I can only give you this advice:
Set a budget and stick to it..

This is YOUR wedding - not you mother's, MIL, or anyone elses. So plan the wedding YOU want!

No matter what you do SOMENONE will have their nose out of joint about it. They will get over it. If they don't - it's their loss.

Be prepared to pay for everything yourself. That way things YOU order and arrange will be to YOUR specifications - not others.

Be prepared for griping. Just plug your ears ans sing to yourself until they go away.

Good luck!

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

MAN YOU POOR THING.

I AGREE with the above poster...its your wedding!!! Do what you want!!

To avoid all the family drama, DH & I did an intimate wedding with only my mom & her ex present....sure there werent hundreds of friends & family there but I cannot even tell you how smoothly & relaxing & wonderful it was!!!
We had the BEST time ever!!!
We were going to do our 10yr this decemeber, but some things changed & we will do it down the road...but thats to let you knw just how much we LOVED it.


Stay strong, positive & focused & things will work out!

I hope it gets better....dont get to discouraged...your dreams will come true!

GL

 

[lurkyloo]

I know EXACTLY how you feel! We had no illusions about either of our families paying for our wedding, but both said they'd give us something to put toward it. My dad, who can barely pay his bills, surprised us with $3,000. DF has two parents and they both work at good jobs. Last night, DF's mother said they would give us $150. For a wedding in Los Angeles, about the only thing that amount would cover is the bride's hairstyle. Oh, and they suggested we use it to pay for the rehearsal dinner (where, Taco Bell? )

DF said it's basically like they've told us off, and now he's suddenly warmed up to the idea of an Escape wedding at WDW! So I guess I really don't have anything to complain about!

Up until this happened, I too had been stressing about all the people in DF's huge family we had to invite and what kind of huge wedding we were going to have to throw to have all of them there. I almost didn't even want to have a wedding, or to just go to city hall or something, but like you, I want to do something special so I don't regret it. I'll tell ya, now that we have almost ZERO financial obligation to his family, I feel as if all that pressure has been lifted.

I say, if you will be paying for the bulk of the wedding, do it EXACTLY how you want and don't spend another minute worrying about what either family thinks!

 

[linzwylie]

I want to enjoy my wedding....not have a mental breakdown over it.

Hi

Poor you, I know how you feel and this is the reason we are getting married in Disney and not at home in Scotland.

I hated the idea of getting stressed over inviting people we hardly knew or hadn't seen for years (and buying their food/drink !) out of obligation.

We are getting married in florida with close family and friends and then after we return home we are hiring a large hall, DJ, organising a buffet and inviting absolutely everyone who wants to be there !

That way everyone is happy, we are stress free, nobody can complain and I get to wear my dress twice

My advice is to follow your heart and if your paying then your deciding and if they don't understand they can just lump it

LINZ XXX

 

[cryssi]

Last night, DF's mother said they would give us $150. For a wedding in Los Angeles, about the only thing that amount would cover is the bride's hairstyle.

OMG, not even HALF!

 

[JackieSparrow]

Weddings are probably one of the biggest sources of drama and stress!!!!

When people start telling you what to do say: "Thanks for your opinion. I will take that into consideration." It shuts them up! and then..just do what YOU want to do! It is your wedding, not anybody else's. You don't want to have any regrets because you were getting badgered by family members that were telling you what to do!