Need some advice on Dating, please.......*BIG UPDATE ON PAGE 5*

[zen1]

Would he know she is there?

No, he would not know. I would not say anything to hear while she is there, she would just sit way off to the side( but where she would still be able to see us and hear us).

Any ideas of what I should say in the email back to him?

 

[TigerBear]

Maybe something as simple as "Going out again sounds like fun". If he is interested he will ask you out.

 

[ahutton]

My DH insists that men are just as insecure as women are, and you did great by emailing him. Your next response might be to suggest an activity and day to do it... His reply indicates to me (through DH's eyes) that he is fishing to see if you really want to go out again or not. I would say hey, are you interesting in seeing "insert movie name" on Sunday afternoon? I would not pick something too romantic yet, maybe something you think he would enjoy from your conversations. As for having someone else there, if you are driving yourself and meeting in public I don't see a problem with going alone. It could bother him later that someone went along to spy...

 

[cindrelly31]

I promised her I would not go out with him, until she could go with me this time. She would take her own car and just sit off to the side to listen and to check him out. Which I don't think is to bad of idea and I think someone on here already said that I should do something like this.

Thanks again everyone and I will keep you all posted!

Great idea. (I suggested) I think it would be a bit safer. And listen to what your friend says if she has any concerns. An outside opinion is usally biased towards your safety.

I went out on a date with a friend as a spy on their 3rd date. My friend (male) was really interested in this girl (he met on the internet). All she would talk about was money and the little she had. He *had* a little saved and took her to nice places (that's where I think she go the idea he had more). I told him she seemed nice, but I was concerned about all the money talk. They dated for a few more months, went on some trips, she quit talking so much about money, blah, blah, he later proposed. She immediatly wanted to set a date for 3m away, be put on the deed to his house, his bank accts, and any other investments he had. I told him to get rid of her ASAP. He did, but not without a lot of hassle.

Lesson: pls like the guy for who he is, not what he might have. And remember to be honest with yourself and him about who YOU are. Don't go changing just to become someone he would like more. If he likes you now, you don't need to change!!

Good Luck!!!

 

[TigerBear]

Men definitely can be insecure. But I also think that they rise to the challenge if they are really interested in someone. She has already told him that she wants to get to know him better...IMO that doesn't leave much room for interpretation. LOL!

And just curious, if she asks him out, who pays? If I did the asking, I would definitely offer to pay.

 

[MidgeD79]

I'm confused the general concensus that I'm understanding is that the OP should play it cool and not too eager, but when "the date" responded not too eager and people were upset. Are there hard and fast rules for dating or should one just be themselves and see what happens. I'm in the same situation but I'm 44 years old and haven't dated since 1978.

 

[jrydberg]

Maybe something as simple as "Going out again sounds like fun". If he is interested he will ask you out.

Best approach, as far as I'm concerned. Don't play games. Don't try to read into what he's writing. Just be straightforward, IMO. Men are usually very straightforward and mean exactly what they say -- no more, no less.

 

[cats7494]

Best approach, as far as I'm concerned. Don't play games. Don't try to read into what he's writing. Just be straightforward, IMO. Men are usually very straightforward and mean exactly what they say -- no more, no less.

I agree - no need for games. My dh is very straight forward and says exactly what he mean.
Good luck!

 

[pearlieq]

Maybe something as simple as "Going out again sounds like fun". If he is interested he will ask you out.

Sounds perfect to me. I think his email just sounded a bit shy like he wasn't sure you really wanted to go out with him again and wanted to feel out how interested you are. I can kind of picture him on whatever bulletin board strikes his fancy having this same conversation.

I'm not so crazy about the friend tagging along issue. I honestly think it's kind of creepy and a little inappropriate. Maybe if you have another good date (in a well-lit public place) and decide to go out again, you could get together with a bunch of friends for drinks/a picnic/bowling/a party whatever. That way your friends could check him out without it being like there's a chaperone on a date. Just my opinion.

I don't really think the chance of this guy being a wierdo is any higher than if you'd met him at a bar, especially after a sucessful first date. I met my DH online, btw!

Hope things work out well for you!

 

[Papa Deuce]

Martha7, thank you for all the great advice on what to do next. Those are some great ideas and I am going to use them. And I am 25.

Well I just got home from seeing one of my really good friends( she is my God mom also) and she wanted to beat me, becasue she was so upset that I went out with a guy from the internet. She said if I would have told her that before and she had talked to me, she would have not let me go and locked me up so I could not go. I know she was really worried about me and I did mean for her to be, I know how much she cares about me and loves me. I told her that it would make me feel better and I know she would feel better too, if she came along next time( if we go out again). I promised her I would not go out with him, until she could go with me this time. She would take her own car and just sit off to the side to listen and to check him out. Which I don't think is to bad of idea and I think someone on here already said that I should do something like this.

Thanks again everyone and I will keep you all posted!

My wife once dated a guy she met through the internet. He was a really great guy from all acoounts. His name was Papa Deuce!

 

[chadfromdallas]

Sarah,

Doesn't sound from the email that he's too interested. If he's trying to play it cool, do you really want to be playing games? Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

Zen, if I were you I would not ask him out after that email. I'm curious if the men on this thread feel differently? I would email him back and just put the ball back in his court.

Wow, y'all really read into that email Personally, I don't send emails to someone if I want to go out again, but I don't see anything negative about it. Its simple and to the point. Now, lets have a guys point of view on it:

I'm glad to hear that you had a good time. We could go out again sometime if you're interested.

and let the decoding begin!

I'm glad to hear that you had a good time

Translation: Thank god she contacted me first!

We could go out again sometime if you're interested.

Translation: Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, go out with me again!

From that tiny message, I personally see someone who wants a second date for sure. Call him back and have a nice convo about dumb things like birds and plants. Tell him that you really enjoyed going out. Then think back on the best moments of the first meeting and talking about those suckers Boom, bam, bang, future decent relationship in the making

 

[chadfromdallas]

Best approach, as far as I'm concerned. Don't play games. Don't try to read into what he's writing. Just be straightforward, IMO. Men are usually very straightforward and mean exactly what they say -- no more, no less.

Not all the time

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

OK, I'm an old fart according to Chad's standards (38), but I have to tell you that I basically agree with him.

Be honest with him. You're 25, not 15....that's too old for games. And if you have something you want to take him out to do, call or e-mail. You aren't going to make a guy any less interested by suggesting you want to get together again. The big thing is to break the ice and develop a friendship that maybe something bigger could develop from.

I know from experience. My husband was trying to play it cool when he first met me, and it made me nervous. I completely believed he wasn't interested when he was just as nervous as I was. It took him 4 days to call me. All the while, I was playing over our meeting in my head, trying to figure out what I did or said that made him not call. When he finally did, I was honest with him about the things I liked about him...and we went out the following night.

I've been married to him 10 years now and our time together only gets better as the years go on.

 

[TigerBear]

How is her saying "I really enjoyed meeting you and getting to know you this evening. And I hope we are able to go out together again and get to know each other even more" not being honest and direct?? She has completely given him the green light - I stand by my statement that if he is interested in her he will ask her out.

Of course, if what she really wants is to ask him out, then she should!!

 

[zen1]

Maybe something as simple as "Going out again sounds like fun". If he is interested he will ask you out.

TigerBear, I took your advice and sent him an email say~ Going out again sounds like fun! And also asked him what is schedule looks like?

I figure if I did it that way it opens up the door and it does not make me seam like I am in a big hurry to see him.

I was thinking I would see if he would like to see a movie with me, are there any good movies out there right now that might be good for us to see? Or I was thinking we could go out for lunch or dinner.

 

[Martha7]

I agree that you should wait a while before taking him to "Must Love Dogs", (which I recommended earlier in the thread), since it's a romantic comedy about meeting someone through an online dating service, and that might get a bit uncomfortable! Let's see, current movies, I'd stay away from anything too scary. When he gets back to you with his schedule, see if he makes a suggestion. Have in mind what movies might be OK to see. Find out what he has already seen. What about "The Island"? It's a sci-fi adventure with Ewan McGregor and Scarlet Johannson. It didn't get great reviews, but it'd probably be fine for a date. I agree that you don't need anyone tagging along with you. I don't think you'll be relaxed in that scenario. Don't forget on the date to do a lot of listening! Everyone loves to be listened to! (I'm sure you know that, but it's always good to be reminded, since some of us love to talk!) It sounds like you're handling yourself just fine, and most likely don't even need our advice, but this is fun!

 

[Deep-Thots]

TigerBear, I took your advice and sent him an email say~ Going out again sounds like fun! And also asked him what is schedule looks like?

I figure if I did it that way it opens up the door and it does not make me seam like I am in a big hurry to see him.

I was thinking I would see if he would like to see a movie with me, are there any good movies out there right now that might be good for us to see? Or I was thinking we could go out for lunch or dinner.

Well, that definitely puts the ball back in his court. Seems to me that you'll find out pretty quickly whether he's really interested or not. Good luck!

(On a side note, re: your godmother's concers. DH and I are a Match.com success story, so I'm pretty much in favor of internet dating sites. Sure, there's a risk. I think you were smart to meet him in a public place for coffee. I don't know how secluded the lake area was. There are common-sense ways to minimize the risks associated with online dating to make it worthwhile, imo.)

 

[chadfromdallas]

Find out what he has already seen. What about "The Island"? It's a sci-fi adventure with Ewan McGregor and Scarlet Johannson. It didn't get great reviews, but it'd probably be fine for a date.

Nothing makes for better conversation than a really bad movie or a really good one

 

[TigerBear]

Sounds good Zen!! I hope things work out for a fun second date!

 

[TigerBear]

DH and I are a Match.com success story

Same here! The internet really can be a great way to meet people. You just have to be careful.

Edited to add: We are not married yet it won't be too much longer.