Need parenting advice- laundry mess

[AndreaA]

Division of labor does not mean someone exclusively does one thing and another does another thing just by calling it division of labor It can if that's what a household wants but not just by the definition of it.

The poster you’re replying to never indicated that every household had to view “division of labor” the same way - and in fact they specified that each partner should contribute equally - so I’m not sure why you felt the need for a long and wordy reply which is basically agreeing with them.

Maybe I’m just tired of people acting as if their way of doing things is the only right way. I’m not surprised the OP hasn’t returned to this thread with the amount of passive-aggressive comments she’s gotten along with the advice.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The poster you’re replying to never indicated that every household had to view “division of labor” the same way - and in fact they specified that each partner should contribute equally - so I’m not sure why you felt the need for a long and wordy reply which is basically agreeing with them.

Maybe I’m just tired of people acting as if their way of doing things is the only right way. I’m not surprised the OP hasn’t returned to this thread with the amount of passive-aggressive comments she’s gotten along with the advice.

Okay

Reminds me of your earlier comment as I'm not sure why you felt the need to reply, concise or otherwise.

Lordy, people can argue about anything here...

You said it, but you engage.

 

[Wendy1985]

I don’t get the grip of washing something that has only been worn once unless I am on vacation and don’t have a choice I only wear something once before I wash it and unless completely inappropriate I will wear my gym outfit for the day I only own two pairs of jeans

 

[AndreaA]

Okay

Reminds me of your earlier comment as I'm not sure why you felt the need to reply, concise or otherwise.



You said it, but you engage.

Yes, but that was ONE LINE in my post, which also had advice for the OP along with yes, some stated frustration with people acting like their way was the “right” way. I wasn’t arguing and then AGREEING with someone all in the same post. LOL.

I just get the feeling that often you reply to people just to make them feel small. It may not be your intent, but it is how it comes across, especially when you then belabor a point. Online interactions can be tough - and I’m quite certain I come off as a beeyotch at times myself.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I just get the feeling that often you reply

You as well with all due respect may not be your intent but that's how it comes across. You and I rarely get along here just how it seems to be.

 

[tzolkin]

And how are showers being taken if the tubs are filled with clothes? Are they removing them, taking their shower and then dumping them back in the tub?

It looked to me like a tub with a separate shower, so I was assuming the tub is not used regularly so the kids figured it’s a good spot for laundry.

As a DD of a College Freshman, I can only say RELAX. It will all be over in a couple of years and you will miss the mess (no really, you will).

I don’t see anything wrong with the OP expecting her children to respect other people’s time and learning to pick up after themselves. These are things that will be beneficial to them throughout their lives.

I don’t get the grip of washing something that has only been worn once unless I am on vacation and don’t have a choice I only wear something once before I wash it

My husband and son typically wear a T-shirt with a sweater/flannel/button up over it. The tshirts get thrown into the laundry daily but they will wear the outer garment multiple times (unless it got dirty).

Jeans definitely don’t need to be washed every time you wear them
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.in...hould-never-wash-your-jeans-a6881031.html?amp

 

[DLgal]

What does that mean, in practice? Like... say you and he both wear dark jeans one day. At the end of the day, those two pairs of jeans end up in different places somehow? Not in a common pile of "dirty darks"?

Um, yeah. We have a large walk in closet. I have a hamper on my side, DH has a hamper on his side. When his hamper is full, it gets washed. When mine is full, it gets washed. We do mixed loads. I haven't sorted laundry in forever. We don't even HAVE "whites." My boys share a room and they have one hamper also. They throw a load in twice a week, each time the hamper is full. I do no one else's laundry but my own. Okay, I do wash our bedsheets and bathroom towels, but my boys wash their own of that stuff.

Maybe we are strange, but I cannot even imagine mixing everyone's laundry together and then having to sort it all out when it's time to put it all away. Talk about a time suck. As it is, we dump the clean laundry on our beds and walk it 5 steps over to either the drawer or the closet. Takes like 3 minutes to put a load of clean clothes away after taking it out of the dryer.

 

[MrsPete]

But back to the original post. I think the thing that bothers me most is kids just throwing multiple clean things on the floor. Dirty things on the floor bother me, too, but it just seems really obnoxious and unappreciative to throw clean things on the floor and expect someone else to deal with them. That is the thing I would react to most.

Yes, that's exactly how I reacted -- it's unappreciative and rude to add to someone else's work by throwing dirty things around or throwing tried-on-and-rejected items into the hamper because it's easier than hanging them up again. And, as I said earlier, I did this myself -- I did it out of laziness and because I didn't want to take literally 1-2 minutes to put away the clothes my mom had cleaned for me.

When my mom had me start doing my own laundry, I stopped doing those things because I saw clearly that those behaviors created more work. When I was the one who had to do the work, I changed my habits.

Perhaps 8 loads is not "too much" laundry for a family of four.

Agree.

Division of labor is generally much more efficient for everyone involved. My wife doing 100% of the laundry and me doing 100% of the yard work saves us a ton of time versus each of us doing 50% of each job. A husband and wife should contribute equally to the household but that doesn't mean they need to contribute equally to every particular task.

Agree that division of labor is a good idea between husband and wife -- but when it comes to kids, efficiency isn't always the #1 goal.

It appears that we all have a lot of feelings about laundry.

I don't think this conversation is about laundry.

 

[mousefan73]

OP here, still trying to sort some things out. Update on the general kids should do their own laundy.. - my DS has on his own been doing a few loads the past few weeks on his. I am just too slow for his needs.. He also has this wierd thing ( thanks internet) where he washes his nice- expensive Levis by hand in the tub) and drip drys them. He also read that Levis should be worn tons before being washed.. fine with me.

The challenge is that for ALL of us, the bathrooms is the place we all undress and dress. the downstairs bath that for some reason everyone prefers ( maybe the heated floors plays a role lol) is a bit off from the upstairs bedrooms. So undressing and going back upstairs to put clothes in a hamper is simply not gonna happen. Heck even I wouldnt do that. MY DD is a bit of an exception and she does dress in her room a bit. This this is the result of another issue with her, she seems to change her clothes x amount withini a day.. on a positive she went from a pile on her floor of clothes to using one of our laundry baskets. We ordered a nicer hamper still thing for her room. Issue here though is I can guarentee what goes in with be a mix of dirty and clean...


so baby steps.

 

[mousefan73]

Not OP. But as some of us have mentioned, it can be an issue of time and money. I don’t have time to be washing others’ clothes that don’t need to be washed because they were too lazy to hang them back up when they’d tried them on but didn’t even wear them, or wore them for a short time, etc.

Money comes into play because it costs a lot to do laundry! There is use of electricity and water (which are both very expensive where we live), detergent (whose price is rising), and wear and tear on the machines, as others have mentioned.

I think those are fair issues to be concerned about and to try to conserve.

This is why he threw a little fit. Especially as we just got our quarterly bills and basics costs are really going up. I think also our lifestyles have changed where we simple take things for granted and don't realize the excess. I mean washing towels after one use for example. if my family of 4 did that.. OMG the costs, and environmental impact. Even when I see our family the amount of clothes we have. If everyone wore something once and washed it. that IMO is crazy. If one washes every day, wears Deo and doesnt stain , you can wear that sweater more than once. MY DH is a bit old school. He remembers times where people didnt consume and toss. So growing up he had maybe a couple of nice winter sweaters that lasted a year or two. He would wear a T shirt underneath which would get changed daily. Sweater would be worn multiple times,, maybe hung out to dry. but it didnt smell, nor was dirty.

he also helps with laundy and it was just getting to him on how for him it seems like a never endiing process ( both him and I grew up laundy was done Sat. morning and this was it) wasting time.

and part of the issue is the kids tossing everything together not knowing what really needs to be washed.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

OP here, still trying to sort some things out. Update on the general kids should do their own laundy.. - my DS has on his own been doing a few loads the past few weeks on his. I am just too slow for his needs.. He also has this wierd thing ( thanks internet) where he washes his nice- expensive Levis by hand in the tub) and drip drys them. He also read that Levis should be worn tons before being washed.. fine with me.

The challenge is that for ALL of us, the bathrooms is the place we all undress and dress. the downstairs bath that for some reason everyone prefers ( maybe the heated floors plays a role lol) is a bit off from the upstairs bedrooms. So undressing and going back upstairs to put clothes in a hamper is simply not gonna happen. Heck even I wouldnt do that. MY DD is a bit of an exception and she does dress in her room a bit. This this is the result of another issue with her, she seems to change her clothes x amount withini a day.. on a positive she went from a pile on her floor of clothes to using one of our laundry baskets. We ordered a nicer hamper still thing for her room. Issue here though is I can guarentee what goes in with be a mix of dirty and clean...


so baby steps.

I think, then, the racks that @PollyannaMom posted (in post #71) might work well if you hang them in the downstairs bathroom so family can hang up their clean clothes on them (and hampers for the dirty ones) with the expectation that there is an end point for them to be hanging there and brought back up to their rooms. (Maybe a day or two, or the end of the week, or the end of the weekend, etc.) Maybe everyone gets a small rack. Same with your daughter’s room. The compromise is that she has to separate the clean from the dirty, or all bets are off! Good luck!

 

[mom2rtk]

OP here, still trying to sort some things out. Update on the general kids should do their own laundy.. - my DS has on his own been doing a few loads the past few weeks on his. I am just too slow for his needs.. He also has this wierd thing ( thanks internet) where he washes his nice- expensive Levis by hand in the tub) and drip drys them. He also read that Levis should be worn tons before being washed.. fine with me.

The challenge is that for ALL of us, the bathrooms is the place we all undress and dress. the downstairs bath that for some reason everyone prefers ( maybe the heated floors plays a role lol) is a bit off from the upstairs bedrooms. So undressing and going back upstairs to put clothes in a hamper is simply not gonna happen. Heck even I wouldnt do that. MY DD is a bit of an exception and she does dress in her room a bit. This this is the result of another issue with her, she seems to change her clothes x amount withini a day.. on a positive she went from a pile on her floor of clothes to using one of our laundry baskets. We ordered a nicer hamper still thing for her room. Issue here though is I can guarentee what goes in with be a mix of dirty and clean...


so baby steps.

Maybe I'm missing something but I'm curious. Why aren't people changing in their own rooms? Keep clothes in the room, then change in the room?

 

[mousefan73]

Maybe I'm missing something but I'm curious. Why aren't people changing in their own rooms? Keep clothes in the room, then change in the room?

I guess people are different I prefer getting dressed, un dressed in the bath.. It's part of my showering or washing up for bed routine. My pjs hang on the back of the bath door. For day-to day we use the baths to get dressed. but it's not like we never use our rooms to get dressed. My DD uses her room more, but she is probably trying 5 things on before she makes a choice,

Our house is wierd. It's huge but the floor plan is off. We have two family baths- huge rooms, with separate shower, tub and double sinks. In Europe most homes, even nicer ones do not have en-suite. I have an actual large dressing area with builit ins, a seating area in my bedroom but no private bath- and the bath is a good hallway trip off. My husband and I prefer to use the downstairs bath and when we shower we get dressed in the bath. this way towels stay in the bathroom. there has been the occsasion that one of us runs up fast butt naked. But usually when nobody is around. We have hampers in our baths.. The kids have an issue using the hampers.

For some odd reason the upstairs bath doesnt get used as the downstairs. Though its just as nice. I think historically the kids feel upstairs is too isolated when they were little. and at night when the shower prefer to be downstairs where the action is.

 

[mom2rtk]

I guess people are different I prefer getting dressed, un dressed in the bath.. It's part of my showering or washing up for bed routine. My pjs hang on the back of the bath door. For day-to day we use the baths to get dressed. but it's not like we never use our rooms to get dressed. My DD uses her room more, but she is probably trying 5 things on before she makes a choice,

Our house is wierd. It's huge but the floor plan is off. We have two family baths- huge rooms, with separate shower, tub and double sinks. In Europe most homes, even nicer ones do not have en-suite. I have an actual large dressing area with builit ins, a seating area in my bedroom but no private bath- and the bath is a good hallway trip off. My husband and I prefer to use the downstairs bath and when we shower we get dressed in the bath. this way towels stay in the bathroom. there has been the occsasion that one of us runs up fast butt naked. But usually when nobody is around. We have hampers in our baths.. The kids have an issue using the hampers.

For some odd reason the upstairs bath doesnt get used as the downstairs. Though its just as nice. I think historically the kids feel upstairs is too isolated when they were little. and at night when the shower prefer to be downstairs where the action is.

Honestly, your laundry problem makes a lot more sense now. I can't even imagine using the same space as my teenage kids to dress and store used clothing. It would drive me batty on a daily basis. Piles of unwashed clothing is never great, but it's a lot more palatable when it's in their room and you can close the door on it. And they're the ones dealing with the consequences of not staying on top of it instead of you.

I get that everyone is different. But to fix this problem, I'd require that the kids change and store all clothing in their own rooms.

 

[CaptainAmerica]

So undressing and going back upstairs to put clothes in a hamper is simply not gonna happen.

Is there not a hamper in the downstairs bathroom? What floor is the laundry on?

 

[CaptainAmerica]

On the "using items more than once before washing them," I agree with that approach for a lot of things, but you can cut down on the clutter by only doing it with one garment at a time. If your son wants to wear jeans a number of times before washing them, fine, but he should wear Pair 1 until they're dirty before moving on to Pair 2 rather than partially dirtying Pair 1, partially dirtying Pair 2, partially dirtying Pair 3, etc.

Somewhat related, my wife and I like to wash our towels every day, but we share one at a time. She uses it at night, then I use the same one the next morning, then it goes into the wash. We find it's much less disruptive to the flow of laundry to just do one towel every day rather than entire loads of towels that are dirty all at the same time.

 

[LovesTimone]

When my DD was little I taught her how to sort clothes, let her help me, set the wash and dryer temp, put in the detergent, or dry sheets... and press the buttons... and it expanded from there as she got older... how to treat stains, what color was washed in what water temp, and why you did it like this... she was like 8 or 9 and she could manage the wash and dryer with supervision...

They are way old enough to do their own laundry, and clean the bathroom that they use... as well this teaches them life skills, responsibility, time management...

I would show them once and after that they are on their own... make them wash the towels for their bathroom.. so that all this using a dozen towels for one shower stops...
I have a friend that color coded her teenagers towels, so they knew who towel was who's and if they did not wash them... then guess what no towels... and she made them clean and wipe down the bathroom after they were done... they all had to take turns cleaning the bathroom, as well as other chores around the house...

 

[Southernmiss]

So with the new info, it's like you all are dressing in the kid's bedrooms or closets.

Can you make the second bathroom more comfortable for the kids or you and dh so that you all don't have to share and see the kid's mess? Add a portable space heater, if heat is an issue.

 

[mousefan73]

Is there not a hamper in the downstairs bathroom? What floor is the laundry on?

In the bath is one. I wasn’t clear but referring to the kids putting clothes in their own hamper in their room if they had one. We have 2 hampers in the house - both in the bath and communal

 

[Disneyfan754321]

So I have a 15-year-old DD and DS 16. I am attaching a picture of what our typical bathroom/laundry situation is. DH is starting to throw a fit because he just can’t understand how a family of four has almost 8 loads of laundry a week. That is a lot. Especially, see below, how the kids treat their clothes. There’s no way to tell what his actual laundry and what can be worn again. There’s really no overview on what’s really dirty and what is not. Yes we are a family that does try to wear outside pieces of clothing more than once. Attached is our downstairs bathroom and the one upstairs is the same. The kids will take off a piece of clothing and just throw it in the bathtub or on the floor and as you can see the laundry basket is right there. Or when they actually do use the laundry basket they’ll throw in something that doesn’t need to be washed yet. So I’m trying to think of some strategy here. Get them to realize how much stress their mess is causing me. I’ve done enough yelling and threatening. So what would you do?

My one thought this morning is that I no longer do laundry for them. I will give them each two laundry tabs - that’s the contingent for how many loads they can do. I have a feeling if I don’t do that they’ll just make piles in their bedrooms and not sort them out and just throw everything in the machines and in the end have actually more loads of laundry per week. They just need to learn how much additional workload this is causing all of us with their disorganization, laziness and how they handle their clothes. My DD is a complete other challenge because she’s the type that likes to change her tops three times a day and just throws the ones she already had on before wherever she happens to be. I could also go the route of collecting whatever is lying about the house and charging money to get pieces back. I don’t know any ideas?

I know this thread has a lot of replies... I am a mom of 5 boys , step son and countless friends who lived with us .... just wanted you to know you are not alone.
I did all the wash as well.. the boys were picky about wanting to use clean towels every time because it could be someone else's.. it's a crazy life for sure. In a blink it will all be over and they will be reasonable for all the things you do now.
Most of my boys are grown now and my house is much quieter and cleaner.
Any time you need to vent .. we your Dis family is here, lots of love ❤