Need parenting advice- laundry mess

[CaptainAmerica]

Not the poster you quoted, but I only do laundry once every week to 10 days. Never had any problem with dirty underwear. And no one in my family has ever put a wet towel into a hamper-- they have known since they were toddlers that something wet will get moldy/mildewy.

It's a waste of her time to wash clothes that are already clean. It's also extremely rude for the kids to expect her to pick up after them and purposely creating more work for her to do than is necessary. It's also a waste of resources. Sure, their family's finances won't be affected by the cost of water/gas/electricity to do a few extra loads of laundry, but they are still wasting water/gas/electricity by washing clean things due to the kids' laziness. Perhaps the husband is also bothered by that. Or maybe they have a septic system that can't handle the extra water of more laundry. All plenty of reasons for him to be upset in my opinion.

Personally, I would be annoyed if my husband was NOT upset over the laundry. The OP is obviously bothered by the issue, both their bathrooms are a disaster, the kids are being completely disrespectful of the OP's time and expecting her to do way more than is necessary because they are being lazy. If my husband was not upset over the situation, I would think that he also does not respect me or my time.

Completely agreed with all of this, I just think it's two separate issues. Issue #1 is the kids' inability to land their clothes in an appropriate place, whether that's the bathroom hamper, bedroom hamper, laundry room, or wherever it's supposed to be. Issue #2 is the amount of laundry they're doing, but 8 loads in a week doesn't strike me as very much for a family of four, so I don't view it as much of an issue at all.

The bathtub part is the strangest to me... I wonder what series of events could have transpired for the kids to think that the bathtub of all places is ever an appropriate place to leave laundry, not matter how clean or dirty it is.

 

[Sinder]

That's not a lot. We're a family of 5 (kids are all little) and we do AT LEAST two loads of laundry every day.

Why is your husband throwing a fit? I agree that the kids' inability to use the hamper is a problem, but what's your husband's complaint about the quantity of laundry?

LOL I was thinking the same thing.
I have older kids, all capable of doing their own laundry but I am a SAHM so I do consider laundry part of my job and maybe I do it because there is a little bit of a control freak in me LOL. If all 5 of us were doing our own laundry I'd have to schedule washer and dryer time. I've got no problem washing their clothes with mine since I'm doing laundry anyway. They do their own from time to time- like if their clothes don't make it to the laundry room and I've done laundry for the day, but in general I tackle the household laundry.
Having said that- there is no way they would be allowed to leave their clothes around like that, which I think has to be taught early in age. Your kids are older and that seems to have become acceptable and it could be a hard habit for them to break without some tough love rules.
Figure out what they are and start with a family sit down and lay them out.
Put hampers in their room, tell then to use them.
If they leave their laundry lying around it goes in to a Gooodwill pile and you will not be buying them replacements.
Whatever you decide- stick to it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Personally, I would be annoyed if my husband was NOT upset over the laundry.

Interestingly I've just realized the husband, at least according to the OP, was only annoyed at the current amount of loads and we all focused on that. But there's not been any mention at how the husband feels towards his spouse being stressed out, the yelling the threatening, seeing clothes strewn all around the bathroom with a focus on the tub. There's not been any mention from the OP towards what the husband can do to help out their spouse in that stress or even if the husband is bothered by any of that stuff.

Oooh wonder if the OP would let the husband do all the laundry instead of them?

 

[tzolkin]

Completely agreed with all of this, I just think it's two separate issues. Issue #1 is the kids' inability to land their clothes in an appropriate place, whether that's the bathroom hamper, bedroom hamper, laundry room, or wherever it's supposed to be. Issue #2 is the amount of laundry they're doing, but 8 loads in a week doesn't strike me as very much for a family of four, so I don't view it as much of an issue at all.

The bathtub part is the strangest to me... I wonder what series of events could have transpired for the kids to think that the bathtub of all places is ever an appropriate place to leave laundry, not matter how clean or dirty it is.

Perhaps 8 loads is not "too much" laundry for a family of four. But it does seem in the OP's case that a good portion of that is clean clothes that the kids are just too lazy to pick up. I'm assuming maybe that's the issue with the quantity complaint.

I only do about two loads per week of clothing laundry (not sheets/towels). It that suddenly increased to 8 loads because my teens were too lazy to put clean things away, I would definitely be mad about the amount of laundry. That said, if we increased to 8 loads because they were playing sports or something legitimate where we actually were producing more dirty clothes, I wouldn't be bothered by the quantity because I would view it as necessary.

Maybe OP will address the bathtub part. Perhaps some of the "yelling and threatening" included telling them to not leave clothes on the floor so they decided that in the bathtub doesn't technically count as "on the floor"? Perhaps it's too much to fit in the hamper so that bathtub is the closest hamper substitute? Perhaps they have been taught to leave all their dirty towels in the bathtub at a hotel so they incorporated this at home?

 

[Adelle Dazeem]

Correction lol you and your husband should be doing only your own laundry.. ha ha He’s an adult he can take a turn too lol

My husband does his own laundry - he always has. I only do mine and sometimes DD's, but she is 14 now and starting to do her own so I really only have to worry about my own laundry.

 

[tzolkin]

Interestingly I've just realized the husband, at least according to the OP, was only annoyed at the current amount of loads and we all focused on that. But there's not been any mention at how the husband feels towards his spouse being stressed out, the yelling the threatening, seeing clothes strewn all around the bathroom with a focus on the tub. There's not been any mention from the OP towards what the husband can do to help out their spouse in that stress or even if the husband is bothered by any of that stuff.

Oooh wonder if the OP would let the husband do all the laundry instead of them?

This may actually be the easiest solution for the OP. Perhaps if the husband is responsible for all the laundry he will somehow figure out a way to get the kids to pitch in. Maybe he's not as motivated to help find a solution because he's not the one being affected by the increased laundry.

About a year ago my husband took on the cooking/meal prep/grocery shopping because I was stressed and overwhelmed with it. Our teens now cook a lot more for themselves and my middle daughter will even grocery shop herself and plan out a few meals without being asked. I think now that it's no longer viewed as "mom's job" everyone else has taken some responsibility.

 

[HashberryOTG]

I guess if they run out of laundry because they couldn't tote it to a bin or the laundry room, it's on them.

 

[CaptainAmerica]

Correction lol you and your husband should be doing only your own laundry.. ha ha He’s an adult he can take a turn too lol

Division of labor is generally much more efficient for everyone involved. My wife doing 100% of the laundry and me doing 100% of the yard work saves us a ton of time versus each of us doing 50% of each job. A husband and wife should contribute equally to the household but that doesn't mean they need to contribute equally to every particular task.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Division of labor is generally much more efficient for everyone involved. My wife doing 100% of the laundry and me doing 100% of the yard work saves us a ton of time versus each of us doing 50% of each job. A husband and wife should contribute equally to the household but that doesn't mean they need to contribute equally to every particular task.

My husband and I manage to do tasks and do our own laundry He does yard work partially because in some ways he enjoys it (you should have seen the way his eyes lit up figuring out the sprinkler system zones..engineer brain I suppose lol) although I have taken care of the yard when he's been out on assignment (and back then the watering was soooo labor intensive). My husband doesn't know a lick about the plants we have, he doesn't know when to trim the river birch tree nor does he really care to know, he kinda views our landscape (which isn't very extensive) as more of an annoyance than anything. But that's okay because while he does the planting of the seed and irrigation I'm the one who writes down when and what fertilizer was used, while he's taking care of the weeds that pop up I'm trimming the landscape season dependent.

TBH I wouldn't see it as contributing equally if I'm stuck doing his laundry because he says "well yeah but I do the yardwork" because I'll respond "yeah and I do this and this and this" and then it becomes a tally of who does what.

I think the largest difference is while I do take on the towels and the bedding to wash we don't view our own laundry under the umbrella of "household chores". We consider it our own singular responsibility. Sometimes I think that's what stresses partners out (most often women) because they take on this "everything is household, everything is yard, etc" Division of labor does not mean someone exclusively does one thing and another does another thing just by calling it division of labor It can if that's what a household wants but not just by the definition of it.

 

[NotUrsula]

Personally, I'd sort of hold the clothes for ransom. If you leave it anywhere other than where it is supposed to be, I will dump it in a locked bin in the laundry room, and you'll have to pay me to retrieve it-- in the condition in which it was found, so if it reeks, it still reeks. They might not have to pay in cash, barter will do, but clothing that is treated like garbage does not remain your clothing: it is mine to do with as I see fit, and you get to buy it back if you need it. (IME, this system works pretty well with teens, as they get attached to favorite items of clothing. Better than donating it for us, because as teens I paid for my kids' normal clothing needs. Having to pay $5 to get a pair of leggings back was about right for their income stream, vs. having to pay $30 to replace them, which would have ended up costing me in the long run.)

 

[wenrob]

Completely agreed with all of this, I just think it's two separate issues. Issue #1 is the kids' inability to land their clothes in an appropriate place, whether that's the bathroom hamper, bedroom hamper, laundry room, or wherever it's supposed to be. Issue #2 is the amount of laundry they're doing, but 8 loads in a week doesn't strike me as very much for a family of four, so I don't view it as much of an issue at all.

The bathtub part is the strangest to me... I wonder what series of events could have transpired for the kids to think that the bathtub of all places is ever an appropriate place to leave laundry, not matter how clean or dirty it is.

And how are showers being taken if the tubs are filled with clothes? Are they removing them, taking their shower and then dumping them back in the tub?

Kids in their quest to be lazy don’t realize how much more work they’re making for themselves. Years ago I watched the kid across the street use a broom and sweep all of the leaves from his yard (we had huge mulberry trees, TONS of leaves) across the street into the gutter in front of my house. Took him twice as much time and even more when he then had to clean it up. Same with my kids arguing with me and giving me 10 billion excuses on why they can’t do as requested. In the time they spent debating with me they could have had it done and over with and STILL have to do the original task. Step one for the OP in my opinion is to deliver consequences for not cleaning up after themselves and step two is to keep on them until they do.

 

[Lumpy1106]

As a DD of a College Freshman, I can only say RELAX. It will all be over in a couple of years and you will miss the mess (no really, you will).

 

[CaptainAmerica]

...we don't view our own laundry under the umbrella of "household chores". We consider it our own singular responsibility.

What does that mean, in practice? Like... say you and he both wear dark jeans one day. At the end of the day, those two pairs of jeans end up in different places somehow? Not in a common pile of "dirty darks"?

 

[CaptainAmerica]

Mild digression... if anyone really wants to up their laundry game, I HIGHLY recommend the 6 bushel laundry cart from Steele Canvas with two dividers. Be forewarned, they are astronomically expensive.

 

[tcufrog]

My rule is if it's in the laundry basket or laundry room when I decide to do laundry, it gets done. Otherwise, suck it up and wear it again.

I do all the laundry because I don't want to waste water on each person having a "whites" load, a "darks" load, etc. Yes, I sometimes have multiple loads of "darks" or "sports wear" or "work/school uniform", but it's better than everyone fighting for the machines and doing a lot of small loads.

If you want your kids to be sharing the laundry, you could spread the duty around from week to week. Maybe you keep doing the "special items" like delicates and underwear. No boy wants to have to wash his sister's bras. No girl wants her brother touching her underwear, either.

A friend of mine solves that problem with color coded lingerie bags. Daughter doesn’t have to touch her brother’s underwear and vice versa. They empty their own lingerie bags.
Yesterday, DS14 put his laundry in the washer and didn’t have a full load. He told me so I threw in some of the laundry I needed to wash. Problem solved.

As for a teen being too busy, I call hogwash. DS14 was super busy during marching season with practice every weekday, competition all day every Saturday, and Friday night games. Some Fridays he didn’t get home until after midnight and had competition the next morning. In addition, he had a lead role in the school play and is in all AP and honors classes. He still got his laundry done. If he was too busy/overwhelmed he asked for help. I was happy to help as long as he didn’t take advantage of me.

He would rather play video games that do laundry. I’ve told both my sons that by the time they graduate from high school they need to learn everything it takes to live alone in an apartment that they’d be proud to bring a date to.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

What does that mean, in practice? Like... say you and he both wear dark jeans one day. At the end of the day, those two pairs of jeans end up in different places somehow? Not in a common pile of "dirty darks"?

Correct.

This is our laundry room. The empty basket is for towels (I just started a load about an hour ago, it's now in the dryer).



He has a laundry sorter (the one underneath the folding table), I do too (always been that way since we've met back when he was 18 and I 19). I've had the same laundry sorter I think since I was in middle school I'm too cheap to buy a new one if the one I have is still working lol, my husband bought a new one as his old one crapped out about 10 or so years ago. His is open but if you had to you could lift up each one, mine you cannot but it has a flap for the top. When it comes to sorting my husband tends to just shove his stuff in there and then sort when he's about to do laundry, I on the other hand stick with sorting as I'm going. I have socks and underwear in one, colors in another and whites in the other (white socks and underwear do go in the white slot). The sorting I do when I'm about to do laundry is which items need to go in a delicate bag and those items will either be in the color slot or if I'm doing whites in the white slot.

I think I always grew up (well at a certain age) with a sorter even at both houses (dad's and mom's) come to think of it. With exception to our current home where a laundry room was actually built the sorters were located in the bedroom usually in the closet.

 

[VandVsmama]

It appears that we all have a lot of feelings about laundry.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It appears that we all have a lot of feelings about laundry.

There's only so many fun lively discussions happening on the DIS these days

 

[Skippy918]

I like to consolidate the clothes so I do the laundry. The kids are responsible for putting away their clothes. I’ve been working remotely so it’s easy for me to throw a load in.

 

[mom2rtk]

We each do our own. Hardly any sorting. We wash almost everything in cold except the occasional piece of dark clothing I think might run. I do the towels.