Need input..I have a bad attitude

[mikesmom]

OK, folks I need some advice. DH wants to buy more points and I think I don't want to!! Here's the deal:

DS and I have gone to WDW about every other year since he was 7 years old. When I was a single mom even it was our time to relax, not worry about money and have quality time. We'd save all year to go, stay offsite, keep it budget and have a great time. Ok, when DS was 11, I married current hubby. He and I went for honeymoon and he discovered how much fun it was and how relaxing. Now as a family, we continued to go about 2 out of 3 years and again, had a great time. When DS was 16 we bought into DVC after staying at Boardwalk and getting hooked. We now go every year, DS brings a buddy, we hook up for 3-4 family activities plus hanging out and otherwise we do our own thing. Still have great time.

Now the problem. Last May, DH decided it was time to bring his son, daughter, their spouses and the one grandchild . We paid for everything except park passes. We got a 2 bdrm and 2 studios for 5 days. It was the trip from H.... They are the most commando of commandos. Not only where will we be when, but how long it takes to walk between attractions and HOW LONG THE RIDE TAKES! ("You can only ride that if it takes less than 15 minutes, 'cause it will take 7 minutes to walk to Star Wars..") I'm not even begiinning to exaggerate. We also had company in the room every night for pizza, salad, drinks, etc. By the time the trip was over I needed a vacation. Now everyone says what a great time they had and the plan is to get points at OKW so we can get a GV every other year. His kids will help the cost in years we go, by paying us the equivalent of studio point rental for those nights. DH also figures we can rent points in the off year to help cover the costs. He of course is happy 'cause he keeps connected to his kids (relationships weren't perfect after he and their mom divorced) and the grandchild. Frankly, the more I think about it, the worse I feel. The separate accomadations were bad enough, a GV will have us together all the time. Also, we can't rent the points we buy as we will be banking them against the next year's GV. We'll have to rent some of our BW points and there goes part of those vacations.

Do i have a bad attitude? Am I being a selfish witch to not want these "family" vacations? Yes, the grandchild was great fun, everybody got along. DH had quality time with his kids. My DS isn't perturbed as he goes off with his buddy anyway, it's just me who sees my nice stress free time of year going right out the window!

 

[lodgelady]

Wow- you have a lot of people to consider in your family! I don't blame you for wanting your alone time.
I also can see where sharing time at WDW with the extended family could bring you all closer together.
Could you compromise and ask for some time alone before or after everyone comes? Extending your vacation at Vero beach afterward with just your DS and DH could be very refreshing! I wish you the best!

 

[vbfamily]

Remember, YOU bought DVC for your enjoyment not so you could make sure your family gets free or semi free vacations. Your contract is yours, not anyone elses.

If they want to go, they really should check into buying their own contracts. They should not look at your pts as theirs and that is what they will do if they pay you for them. If they are going to pay, pay DVC.

Compromise-if this is important to your husband figure out an arrangement that will work for you and your husband. Make sure they stay in a seperate room and are aware that you are not going to be waiting on them.

Don't let DVC cause friction in your family-you will never have fun when you go.

Don't buy extra pts for anyone except yourselves, because they may not want to do the Disney things after a few times and they you're stuck.

 

[PamOKW]

It sounds like your husband wants to use the WDW vacation to connect with family. I'm sure you're supportive of his building good relationships with his children and, more importantly, grandchildren.

I think you can reach a compromise somewhere here if you speak up. Talk to him about your concerns. Let him know you are uneasy with the GV idea. Maybe you could try it once but let him know you would prefer everyone splitting up a bit.

As for the commandos -- They may mellow if they know they are going to be at WDW more often. I would also go with the idea of splitting up here as well. Let those who want to stick together do so and the rest split up and do their own things. Talk to your DH and let him know it's okay to split sometime between the two groups....as long as he does spend time with you and your son.

 

[DisneyKidds]

Vacations with family have their high points - but they have a lot of lows as well...............

I understand where you are coming from, and a compromise is what will probably work best. As it stands now, you own points that you want to be able to use to have relaxing vacations with your immediate family. Keep it that way if you can and continue to take the relaxing trips that you originally used those points for. If you then decide to buy more points to cover added trips with the extended family look at it as a bonus. Take the relaxing trips you always did with the points you currently own, and suffer through the added trips with the new points. I can see where it would be problematic if the extended family trips took over the relaxing immediate family trips. I t is easy to say don't let that happen, but there are only so many vacation days to work with. Good luck figuring it out.

 

[vernon]

Work on some compromise is going to be a must. While you have a right to a vacation you find enjoyable it's going to cause stress if your husband thinks you're trying to exclude his family and thwart his plans to have a family get together. I would say that putting down some "ground rules" is going to be important. In your situation I would probably go with something like.

While I enjoy spending SOME TIME with your family, it is our only chance to get quality time as a SMALL FAMILY UNIT as well. In order to make sure a balance is struck have a rule that at least every other trip is without the "crew". When the crew is on board then have it that you're not all tied together, if things work out that you all want to do the same thing then that's great, but build in time where you do things separately. I'd be fairly firm that I was going to have things that I would do without EVERYONE else along. It's better to avoid an argument if possible, but IMHO a small but frank exchange of views is preferable to a miserable holiday.

If you've still got everyone organising you, book a day at the Disney Institute Spa on your own and get your relaxation on your own LOL.

 

[mikesmom]

Pam... I really do support him building good relationships with his family, that's why I feel so guilty about this. Part of the problem is that we both work very hard at fairly high stress jobs and it's pretty difficult to get him away from work for even a few days. He loves our DVC but even there, it's lots of "why are we going for a week, surely 5 days is plenty..." Once he's there, he 's always glad we went and tells me so, 'cause he gets unwound. Anyway, getting a 2nd, more restful vacation will be like pulling teeth and taking a vacation by myself will definitely cause hurt feelings. And that vacation we just took was really the worst of my entire life.

I already made a policy statement once. He thought it would be a REALLY good idea to sell 100 BWV points (we have 300 total) and buy 150 OKW points. I thought that would be a disaster. We'd definitely be banking and saving the OKW points for the GV. We'd be renting some of the BWV points to help pay for the extra OKW points. I couldn't see how we'd ever get a quiet vacation with that system.

Hopefully you're right about the commandos calming down. That would help.

 

[TheRustyScupper]

Almost deja vu all over again . . .

1) We take 16-19 extended family members to WDW every year.
2) We pay for tickets and a daily food allowance for each.
3) We supply the 2-bedroom units.
4) We subsidize, not fully pay, for transportation.
5) HOWEVER, the kids/grnadkids know that we do "tough love".
6) We don't mind minor scuffles or inconveniences - it's inevitable.
7) Major problems would result in them not being invited again.
8) Every one knows the ground rules, and it works well.

PERSONAL OPINION:
As with ANY outing that has several or many people, it is YOUR money so YOU have the ability to make the ground rules. The guests have the option of complying or not attending. This isn't being nasty, just forward thinking. We find that people DO rise to expectations - as long as they know the expectations in advance. I know it even sounds anal, but we actually typed a "rules" sheet. NOT ONE PERSON HAS OBJECTED, and some even commented that they were happy to know the rules, instead of just a word-of-mouth opinion.

 

[JimC]

Why not suggest that the married children buy there own contract, then coordinate trips?

Extended family gatherings are a good thing. But set some ground rules. There is time for all, time for smaller groups and time for one to be alone. Make time for each during the vacation.

And remember that Disney has so much to offer that everyone is going to find something to enjoy.

Good luck.

 

[SleepyatDVC]

Originally posted by TheRustyScupper

1) We take 16-19 extended family members to WDW every year.
2) We pay for tickets and a daily food allowance for each.
3) We supply the 2-bedroom units.
4) We subsidize, not fully pay, for transportation.

Wow! You have lucky family members!

Hmmm... how can we become "extended" family? Our DDs won't be of marriageable age for at least 20+ years! Let me think.... JK


Mikesmom,


As Lodgelady suggested, I think adding at least 2 days to the trip AFTER everyone else leaves will help relieve the stress and help relax you before heading home. It is essentially the vacation for your vacation!

As Pam mentioned, DVC definitely has a way of mellowing out the commando types!

Most importantly, you need to discuss this with your DH. Hope he unstands how you feel and is willing to work out a compromise that will make you both feel better.

Good luck with your problem. And no, you're not selfish... just venting a little with other DVCers who might have a sympathetic ear!!!

 

[Gillian]

One of the rules should be no cooking for you!

I don't think you'll be able to get out of this one, but it's a good idea to keep talking about it. Figure out exactly what bothered you about this last trip and write it all down. Decide which things will change on their own (touring style, hopefully), which you'll get used to, and which can be easily fixed with "rules." The rest is what you'll have to deal with if your DH goes ahead with his plans.

And speaking of plans, 150 points for a trip every other year in a GV honestly doesn't sound like enough, unless you only do weekdays, and not during busy times.

The kids can't afford their own contracts, right? If you are buying the new points with cash, maybe you can somehow finance them for the kids, so that they will eventually own them? I have a feeling they too will want to take separate vacations eventually, even if it is nice to have Dad to help pay for stuff.

It's never easy travelling with a large family. Trust me, I know! I am an only child who married a guy with 3 brothers & sisters. I like my space. I like my own bathroom! But with some comprimies, it can be done & everyone has a good time.

 

[mikesmom]

The married children don't want the "commitment", although they do want to go again. They will help pay on the years they go which I guess is fair. But that's also part of my annoyance. DH pays for the points but I pay for the maintenance fees. (A system I've always been fine with). But essentially if we do this I've got a "commitment" every year to be paying either in cash or in time (keeping track, renting out points not used) for a vacation I'm dreading.

You're probably all correct, I need to type out rules. The anal types will probably respond pretty well to that (I hope).

Also the idea of the vacation after the vacation is good. We did that this time (although it was at the very last minute - I just said I wasn't ready to go home, and there was room available at OKW). Probably if we plan it in, it won't seem like such an unexpected hit on the points and DH won't be upset about the extra time.

 

[vbfamily]

Your husband should be applauded for trying to have that family time. It is definately important.

I am sure you can come to an agreement on this. DVC is supposed to make you happy-not make you dread vacations.

You mentioned selling your BW pts? Can't you just book a GV at OKW with your BW pts? Can you even sell part of your contract or do you have smaller contracts that add up to 300.

Are his children open to the idea of buying contracts on their own?
If not, just make sure you get in enough vacations for yourself and your husband. Also make sure you make some rules and that they follow them, whatever they may be-they pay for some, you pay for some, they get their own food, whatever.

I love my family and we are very close, I just don't know if I would feel comfortable buying additional pts to vacation with them. They can change their minds and not be out anything-you will still have dues and a monthly payment if you finance.

Like I said in my previous post, if they are going to pay you anyway why not just have them buy their own OKW contract.

Keep us posted. This is an interesting thread.

 

[anniet]

I love my family, but I love my Disney Vacations with just me and the BF just as much!!! It's a very DIFFERENT vacation with extended family along.

We invite my family every FIFTH year.-----well it started in 2000 and everyone wanted to come back "sometime" so we agreed on 2005, and will probably continue the fifth year tradition.

As your DH's grandchild gets older it will be harder for them to get away with school and all, unless you plan on going on school vacations. See if you can get DH to agree to a more spread out timeframe instead of every other year. That way you'll have a few trips in between to yourselves and you might not mind having them so much.

Whatever you decide I wish you the best!

And No, I don't think you have a bad attitude at all!

 

[mikesmom]

Yes, we have 2 BW contracts. One with 200 points, and then a 100 point add on.

I would just book with the BW points, but as anyone here will tell you, getting a GV at the 7 month window (which is how it would have to be done with BW points) is the next thing to impossible. Really need that 11 month window for a GV.

We have to go on school vacations now - daughter in law is a grade school teacher, so even though grandson is not on school schedules, she IS. And that's fine, we are in the south and late May hasn't been a hassle. Though I suspect a GV not at the home resort would be.

Maybe I should just send them on the trip without me. Staying at home in peace and quiet would probably be a vacation....

 

[CarolMN]

My suggestion is to rent OKW points for the GV trip - at least at first. That way there is no long term commitment for maintenance fees, you keep your BWV points for yourself and you all can get a better idea how often you will be vacationing together in this manner. Also, everyone can help with the cost. There seem to be many members with points to rent - you could even arrange to have the points transferred to your account so you have control over the reservations.

Can't offer much in the way of suggestions for handling the time together except to just plan to "go with the flow" and make sure everyone understands that there is no need to do the parks (or eat every meal) together.

Good luck!

 

[Dean]

Your situation is much too complicated for any of us to truly respond with any intelligence, that said, I'll go on, LOL. This is obviously going to cause you and your family some misery regardless of your choices. Why would you (as a family) buy more points just so you can have other family go with you that you personally don't want to go. If it's important to them to go, they should buy the contract and you could help them for the points when you go together. It doesn't seem that getting a GV and having someone pay for the price of a studio is really going to help you that much. Besides, I can see your post in 2 years about how all of this happened, and how miserable it was, and they didn't even pay what they were supposed to anyway. I wish you luck as it's really a no win situation. Just hopefully you can chose the path that will have the least consequences in the long run.

 

[Granny]

Dean...I'm with you on this one. This is a situation where someone is trying to minimize pain instead of maximizing pleasure.

mikesmom....all I can say, is good luck....and I'm just assuming you've clearly made your feelings known to your DH?

Like so many others, I can't see spending thousands of dollars on precious vacation time that will only make you miserable. There has to be a compromise in there somewhere!

 

[jcodespoti]

I'd go...and drink a lot of BEER!!!! . Ask DR. Phil not me cause my answer is..well never mind. Could one solution be 1 year w/ hubbies itern. and 1 year on your terms..tough call. Thats the one thing I don't like about DVC...get DVC and all the sudden everybody is your best friend.


Joe in CT

 

[PamOKW]

The more I think about this, the tougher it is. I can see where you don't want to totally lose your own WDW vacation to be replaced by this group trip. It sounds like the grown kids are leaving themselves an "out" for not making a permanent commitment. But then, they could get used to this darn nice free vacation. I know it's probably expensive coming from Oklahoma and there is also the vacation time problem...a twice a year trip might be a solution but it might not be possible either. You also need to consider that your son may not be going for that many more years....until he may return with his own family on a group trip. I guess an honest discussion is what's in order here. It isn't fair to you to make your DVC trips something to dread or just put up with. I agree with you that you should think this through before making an additional financial commitment for something you don't want.