Need information/advice about autism . . .

[MousekeMommy]

Hi everyone!
Sorry for the non-Disney post, but I have an immediate question . . .
Here's the story . . .
We were shopping for school supplies today at Walmart. My children were no more than 6 feet from me, but the aisle was a bit crowded.
Anyway, I was helping my 5 year old pick a new pair of scissors for school, when I hear my tiny 4 year old (yes, those who have read my other posts, this is the child with the pacemaker) scream and I turned my head and saw him FLY ACROSS THE AISLE LIKE A RAGDOLL!!! I stooped down to pick him up (he was only a few feet from me), and I said "OMG, what happened"!!! At the same moment a mom came running down the aisle and grabbed a boy in the same area (the boy was about 11 or 12 years old but big--my height and weight). She started yelling "Did you push? Did you push??? Push is bad!!! Push is bad!!!" She turned to me and said, "He's autistic . . ." I could see that something wasn't right (I had taught public school for 6 years before becoming a SAHM)--the boy was swaying violently and having facial ticks. I asked my son "did you touch him?" He, and everyone around him, said "no, he was just looking at the posters ..." So I guess he may have touched something that the boy with autism was focused on, or stepped into his "personal space" or something . . .
Anyway, my question for those with more experience with this is . . .
How do I explain what happened to my son??? He was very angry and upset. I tried to tell him that the boy's brain doesn't work the same as other people's . . . that the boy couldn't ask him to move out of the way or say excuse me--he only knows how to use his hands. My son asked "what is autistic?" (My 5 year old piped up "It means he's good at drawing pictures".) I said no, it means the boy's brain doesn't work the same as everyone else's . . .like your heart doesn't work the same (he has a pacemaker) . . . the boy didn't know he was hurting you and didn't know how to get you to move out of the way without using his hands . . . he couldn't help it. But my 4 yr old said "But I don't hurt people . . ." I told him "but it's your heart that doesn't work the same, not your brain . . .your brain is what tells you what to do. Your heart is what keeps you from running and playing the same as other people--his brain is what keeps him from talking and acting like other people"
My question is, did I answer my son properly??? I don't want him to be afraid of children with autism (chances are he'll be in class with many over the years, if statistics hold true . . .)
Any advice about what to tell my son is very welcome.
Please understand that I am not attacking or blaming the child or the parent! Things happen . . . I just want advice about how to educate my children about people with autism.
(Also, in the same sense, I have a new appreciation for some reasons why some people with autism may need a GAC to wait in an alternative area where people will "give them some space" at Disney . . . What if the boy had lashed out at an older child who would fight back, or if my child had suffered serious injuries--his head was inches from a metal display rack and he was bruised from the fall--or if I hadn't been understanding and had wanted to file assault charges? Several witnesses told me that they wouldn't have let the situation "go" if it was their child who was the "victim". . .)
Thanks for any advice you can give me about how to address my children's questions about what happened . . . or even how to handle these situations in the future?
Thank you!
MousekeMommy

 

[KirstenB]

I can remember trying to explain this to our older dd when she was 6. We have a neighbor who's a year younger with Asperger's, and our dd had a non-verbal autistic little boy who mainstreamed in with her class during art, PE, etc.

I had told her that making friends was tricky for these 2 boys. That they might say or do things that seemed odd. I reminded her that everyone has stuff that's tricky for them.

The non-verbal little boy took a shine to our daughter. She's a very gentle girl, and would try to engage this little boy in what she and her friends were doing. He pulled her hair one day, hard. Fortunately, I was volunteering at the school that day, so his aide told me what had happened. She came home very shaken. She took it very personally like she had done something to provoke it. I told her she hadn't and reminded her about our talk.

Fast forward 2 years later. I haven't been at the school much. I have a 22 mth old with developmental delays with a diagnosis of high functioning autism. (Little did I know our talks might come in handy!) I was at an awards ceremony at the end of the school year. Imagine my surprise when the non-verbal little guy walked up to receive an award. His aide didn't go up with him. If you knew him 2 years ago, you'd know this was a HUGE accomplishment for him!

Anyway, I don't really have a clear cut way to suggest. Since your children are still very young too, I'd keep it simple. I'm sorry for your son and hope he's feeling better. It must have been very frightening for him.

 

[Bugsmom73]

Be honest with your kids. THere is an awesome coloring book called my friend with Autism and it does a great job explaining things on a kids level. We have been talking with older cousins and friends kids about Teddy and his needs. They realize he is different. We try to accentuate the positives about his personality.

 

[BeckyScott]

(My 5 year old piped up "It means he's good at drawing pictures".)

Okay, I know this is a serious post, but I did laugh when I read that! Cause our son is really good at drawing pictures.

I think you did fine explaining it, because you related it to something he could understand. You're right, he'll probably have classmates at some point w/ autism, and he'll see that everyone is different. What I *think* I would say, is that our son has problems "using his words", and that sometimes he will be thinking something but not be able to use his words to tell us what he's thinking, and it's even worse if he's upset or mad. So he communicates it a different way, and sometimes that different way isn't the most appropriate way. It would be like if your son, for example, got really mad about something, but he had tape over his mouth (wierd, but he would understand the concept), he would find a different way to show he was mad.

It's still going to be difficult, since it came "out of the blue".

 

[pcparamedics01]

Hi everyone!
Sorry for the non-Disney post, but I have an immediate question . . .
Here's the story . . .
We were shopping for school supplies today at Walmart. My children were no more than 6 feet from me, but the aisle was a bit crowded.
Anyway, I was helping my 5 year old pick a new pair of scissors for school, when I hear my tiny 4 year old (yes, those who have read my other posts, this is the child with the pacemaker) scream and I turned my head and saw him FLY ACROSS THE AISLE LIKE A RAGDOLL!!! I stooped down to pick him up (he was only a few feet from me), and I said "OMG, what happened"!!! At the same moment a mom came running down the aisle and grabbed a boy in the same area (the boy was about 11 or 12 years old but big--my height and weight). She started yelling "Did you push? Did you push??? Push is bad!!! Push is bad!!!" She turned to me and said, "He's autistic . . ." I could see that something wasn't right (I had taught public school for 6 years before becoming a SAHM)--the boy was swaying violently and having facial ticks. I asked my son "did you touch him?" He, and everyone around him, said "no, he was just looking at the posters ..." So I guess he may have touched something that the boy with autism was focused on, or stepped into his "personal space" or something . . .
Anyway, my question for those with more experience with this is . . .
How do I explain what happened to my son??? He was very angry and upset. I tried to tell him that the boy's brain doesn't work the same as other people's . . . that the boy couldn't ask him to move out of the way or say excuse me--he only knows how to use his hands. My son asked "what is autistic?" (My 5 year old piped up "It means he's good at drawing pictures".) I said no, it means the boy's brain doesn't work the same as everyone else's . . .like your heart doesn't work the same (he has a pacemaker) . . . the boy didn't know he was hurting you and didn't know how to get you to move out of the way without using his hands . . . he couldn't help it. But my 4 yr old said "But I don't hurt people . . ." I told him "but it's your heart that doesn't work the same, not your brain . . .your brain is what tells you what to do. Your heart is what keeps you from running and playing the same as other people--his brain is what keeps him from talking and acting like other people"
My question is, did I answer my son properly??? I don't want him to be afraid of children with autism (chances are he'll be in class with many over the years, if statistics hold true . . .)
Any advice about what to tell my son is very welcome.
Please understand that I am not attacking or blaming the child or the parent! Things happen . . . I just want advice about how to educate my children about people with autism.

I think you did great explaining it too. I have a son 9 with ASD he is in a Regular Ed classroom with a full time assistant. The children in his class know he is different but they are always there to help him and love him dearly. The thing is not all Autistic children are the same. That is why they call it ASD. My son would never sway violently and does not have any facial ticks.

I have already started talking with my daughter who is 4 about Autism. I said exactly what you said. I also explained to her about how easily fustrated he gets at times and for her to try not to antagonize him. They fight sometimes. Especially when she takes things on him and runs. But, all typical kids do that too.

 

[freckles and boo]

I am sorry your child was pushed. My now 5yo daughter with HFA/pdd once tapped a crying baby on the top of her head and screamed "stop it!". Thank goodness the child wasn't hurt and the mother was as forgiving as you. I don't know that I would have been as compassionate as you were before I had my daughter.

We are also in the process of explaining to our older daughter (7) why her sister is the way she is. I tell my older child that her sister learns differently. That it doesn't mean she isn't smart or doesn't have feelings. It does mean that her brain works differently. Sometimes things smell or feel or sound funny to her sister. Sometimes she has a hard time finding words. Sometimes she does things that seem weird, but she does them to make herself feel safe. The biggest thing to emphasize is that kids with autism aren't bad and they aren't being weird on purpose. In my daughter's case, she very much wants to be with other children and to be like them. She wants to have friends and she wants to be a friend. She just needs a lot of extra help doing this. The more "buddies" she has out there modelling typical kid behavior, the better.

 

[pcparamedics01]

[ In my daughter's case, she very much wants to be with other children and to be like them. She wants to have friends and she wants to be a friend. She just needs a lot of extra help doing this. The more "buddies" she has out there modelling typical kid behavior, the better.[/QUOTE]


Well said! You are so right about modeling typical behavior!!! I also feel so bad that happened too....

 

[pcparamedics01]

I am sorry your child was pushed. My now 5yo daughter with HFA/pdd once tapped a crying baby on the top of her head and screamed "stop it!".

What is HFA?

 

[pcparamedics01]

Okay, I know this is a serious post, but I did laugh when I read that! Cause our son is really good at drawing pictures.




I thought that was cute too!!!

 

[freckles and boo]

What is HFA?

Sorry. We do use a lot of abbreviations without thinking, don't we?
HFA = High functioning autism. She doesn't have Aspergers, but she is completely connected to the world around her. She just has communication, social and sensory issues.

 

[pcparamedics01]

Sorry. We do use a lot of abbreviations without thinking, don't we?
HFA = High functioning autism. She doesn't have Aspergers, but she is completely connected to the world around her. She just has communication, social and sensory issues.

Thanks! My son is HFA too!!! He is not Aspies ether.

 

[MousekeMommy]

Thanks for all of the replies--I feel better about it all today (and the kids seem to have "let it go" for now). I'm glad you all got a kick out of the "autistic/artistic" misunderstanding by my 5 year old--I just had to quote that because it gave me a quick smile in the midst of this chaotic and really quite serious situation. Thank God no one was hurt, and it is just a "learning situation". I loved the "tape over the mouth" illustration--that may better explain it to the kids. They really couldn't quite grasp why it wasn't a big/bad/punishable offense to hurt someone when they used their hands instead of their words (since that is one thing that we have worked on since my boys were 18 months . . .)
Anyway, I really appreciate your thoughts and comments! Other "takes" on the situation are welcomed . . . I just want to learn how to help my children deal with others in social situations . . .
MousekeMommy

 

[pcparamedics01]

Sorry. We do use a lot of abbreviations without thinking, don't we?
HFA = High functioning autism. She doesn't have Aspergers, but she is completely connected to the world around her. She just has communication, social and sensory issues.

Thank you!!!!

 

[freckles and boo]

Thank you!!!!

No problem!

 

[pcparamedics01]

[QUOTE=They really couldn't quite grasp why it wasn't a big/bad/punishable offense to hurt someone when they used their hands instead of their words (since that is one thing that we have worked on since my boys were 18 months . .

I am soo happy it turned out the way it did. No injures, TG..... However, I do not think you quite understand ASD/HFA. Most ASD parents are on th fly.... We are trying to make sure our kids are in line all the time. I cannot speak for all. I am sure the ASD child you are talking about just wandered off. The Mom was right behiind him but obviously too late. Unfortunatelly he had issues. Believe me I am all for you!!!I myself would never let my child go off in fear we we will never find him again. My son is sooo compassionate and caring I would never worry about this issue. However I would never ever let him off my watch or my husbands watch even for a minute!!! Why because you never know!!!! As far as big/bad/punishabe they do not understand what they do. So the offense is not comprehensible to many. My son HFA does know what big/bad/punishable is...... Some or most do not!!!!!!! I hope this helps for you on your unpleasant experience

 

[pcparamedics01]

I am sorry your child was pushed. My now 5yo daughter with HFA/pdd once tapped a crying baby on the top of her head and screamed "stop it!". Thank goodness the child wasn't hurt and the mother was as forgiving as you. I don't know that I would have been as compassionate as you were before I had my daughter.

We are also in the process of explaining to our older daughter (7) why her sister is the way she is. I tell my older child that her sister learns differently. That it doesn't mean she isn't smart or doesn't have feelings. It does mean that her brain works differently. Sometimes things smell or feel or sound funny to her sister. Sometimes she has a hard time finding words. Sometimes she does things that seem weird, but she does them to make herself feel safe. The biggest thing to emphasize is that kids with autism aren't bad and they aren't being weird on purpose. In my daughter's case, she very much wants to be with other children and to be like them. She wants to have friends and she wants to be a friend. She just needs a lot of extra help doing this. The more "buddies" she has out there modelling typical kid behavior, the better.

Great!!! I need to use some of this for my daughter. (Typical 4 yr old) Thanks again!!!

 

[Earstou]

Glad your ds is okay. Also loved the drawing comment!

As someone else mentioned, these kids are all so different. Just like some NT kids can be aggressive, so can some ASD kids, but not all of them are.

I think you explained it very well, but I think you could add that not all ASD kids will hurt your ds, so that he won't be afraid of them.